Category: The Work of Byron Katie

Posted on

Rockin’ In The Free World With Inquiry

with inquiry - free world
with inquiry – free world

I remember when I first got to The School for The Work ten years ago.

My thoughts so innocently at the time were basically I had no trouble with anyone….

….or if I did, that was in the past. Done. Fini.

Any remnant thoughts of those people were MY problem and I had done “a lot of work” on those problem people already, so I was kinda over it.

Code word for “a lot of work” is many hours in therapy, in workshops, or with close friends analyzing, discussing, rehashing and talking about the people who had been problems in my life.

And finding solutions for how not to feel bad about those people, or about myself.

All of it actually really important.

I don’t dismiss the profound support I received from mentors, people in dynamic roles offering different ways to approach my predicaments.

Awesome. Some invaluable.

But I really did talk about some of those problem people ad nauseam.

When I found The Work, it was soooooo fantastic for cutting through the BS, not explaining myself, not speaking in my own defense, not trying to sound pleasant and non-jugmental while still expressing terror or rage.

No, all that pretzel-twisting was over.

I didn’t have to try to communicate what I was feeling in any particular way.

It was on the paper. Unedited. Blunt. Real.

I could then begin to explore if these judgments and complaints were actually true.

It didn’t matter how I got the judgments in the first place, or if they were justified.

The focus was truth.

I brought up every single person I felt difficulty with in my life, one by one: grandpa, grandma, mom, dad, siblings, best friend, boyfriend, husband, dog.

I went for the relationships that had hurt the most, in my opinion.

The times that felt unbearable, devastating, or shameful.

Or when I felt like hitting someone I was so angry!

I noticed how I acted now, in my daily life, when I believed my thoughts about those people, even if they had been dead for years.

Mean. Impatient. Sad.

I then got to imagine who I’d be without my thoughts….

….Noticing the air, the chair I was sitting in, the open window latch, the hum of the distant street, the color of the plate on the table.

Present.

When I turned my thoughts around about those mean, nasty people from my past…..I got surprised!

She was controlling? I was controlling–of both her, but mostly of me! He was distant? I was distant from him, hiding my real thoughts–but mostly distant from myself! They were critical of me? I was critical of them inside my head–but mostly critical of myself inside my head.

Wow.

You mean this is no one’s fault? Nobody is to blame? Everyone was doing the best they could? They were just acting the same way I already was acting with me?

I could only really get this, though, by walking slowly through each concept on my worksheets–not by flipping to the turnarounds or being speedy about the process.

Going slowly was the speediest.

That’s why every week in the Relationships teleclass (or any teleclass), we look at one thought and walk it all the way from the top to the bottom of inquiry, investigating its flavor and meaning.

“Just understand that what you see is not what is. Appearances will dissolve on investigation and the underlying reality will come to the surface. You need not burn the house to get out of it. You just walk out. It is only when you cannot come and go freely that the house becomes a jail.”~ Nisargadatta

With inquiry, over and over again what I thought was true, I realize after inquiry…..wasn’t.

All those meanies and rejecters, weren’t, and didn’t.

This is not the natural way of my mind. My thoughts will still take off after someone who says something that stings. My heart will still feel broken about someone I miss. Adrenaline will still rush through my body with a jolt when I’m about to walk out on stage in front of a whole bunch of people or have an important confrontational talk with a friend.

But these reactions really are far, far, far less. I can’t tell you how much shorter, or how I’m already laughing even as the adrenaline is coming to the end of its wave.

It has made a difference.

Now, it feels most of the time like everything and anything can be worked with.

Bring it on, even. Bring it.

Wow, it’s a free world.

So free, I could dance!

Love, Grace

Posted on

Why Would Anyone Do The Work of Byron Katie?

question your thinking, change your entire life
question your thinking, change your entire life

The other day I was interviewed for a program in well-being and I got a great and simple question….why does The Work….work?

Why do The Work at all?

Why offer programs teaching others how to do The Work? Why find partners to talk about your beliefs who are willing and interested in questioning them? Why keep asking what’s true, and who you’d be without your thought?

Why question your stressful thoughts?

Because when I have done this, over time, without giving up or quitting….

….my view of the world has become bigger, shining, mysterious, joyful….

….and so has my life.

I’ve fel Limitless Joy. Unbounded success.

A sense of positivity and love for this world and what humanity is capable of that’s full of wonder, energy and creativity.

Realization. Waking up out of the trance and drama of living in fear about everything, and being so self-centered and stuck.

Woah.

That’s pretty seriously amazing reasons for doing The Work, right?

But I had no idea this is where it would lead when I first began.

Initially, the reason I came in to The Work when I read Loving What Is, by Byron Katie was because I longed to feel peaceful.

I wanted to feel deeply content. To understand my purpose.

Something inside of me knew that it might not be my life I was finding so stressful….but my own mind.

I knew I had a pretty remarkable life, actually. I had shelter, opportunities, support, a cute house, a great education.

But my own thinking was torturous. It felt addictive. I had been in terrible pain as a teenager, practically suicidal. I developed an eating disorder and had a part of me that was so frightened, bitter, cynical and critical, it was shocking.

When I read Byron Katie’s words that suggested my own mind was the creator of my suffering…..I was stunned.

I recognized the truth of that comment.

It wasn’t other people, difficult circumstances, or trauma that created suffering.

It was me telling sad and frightening stories to myself about a lot of really important things, people and events in my life.

No wonder I was such a wreck.

Questioning your thoughts is not just a tool, or a gimmick, or a punchy kind of way to apply force to negative thinking.

It’s really deep and powerful clarity around how you live your life on a daily basis.

And even more than clarity?

It’s how to have everything you ever wanted with integrity, joy and adventure.

Yes, it’s that big.

Why do I love doing The Work?

Because the longer I do it, the more I do it, the more expansive my world has become.

I’m no longer trying to get through life as best as possible, avoiding problems, managing as best I can.

I feel a deep ecstasy within that is beyond what I ever thought possible.

Why wouldn’t I want to share it? And see other humans also light up with awareness and freedom?

The other day when I was teaching my mini retreat that happens quarterly on a Saturday afternoons here in north Seattle in the USA, I said to all the people who came “there’s nothing I’d rather be doing on a Saturday afternoon than gathering with others to do The Work”. 

I really meant it.

My favorite experience is gathering with others to grow, learn, see what’s present.

“So work on what your mind will work on. And watch the mind disassemble itself where it’s able to. That would be living like a kind human being, to just work on what the mind CAN work on. And each time you do that, the mind begins to open up, until pretty soon the things that were like cement are like the ones you started with. Mind begins to trust that what it is without its story is not an unsafe thing to be–is not an unsafe experience.” ~ Byron Katie

Here’s the thing.

You. Can. Do. This.

The Work is available for free. It’s just four questions, and then finding the turnarounds, to your painful beliefs. All you need is a pen and paper.

If you need help, it appears this has become my job and I teach classes and workshops and retreats–I am the luckiest person ever.

Love, Grace

P.S. Two wonderful classes coming soon to help you dive with greater support into your inquiry process:

 

*Relationship Hell To Heaven – Tuesdays 5:15-6:45 March 23-May 12, 2015. $395. Start with one person you’re having the greatest trouble with and we’ll inquire. Can you imagine being without your repetitive stress on this person in your life?

 

*Desire and The Work – Thursdays 8:30-10 am Pacific Time April 2-May 14, 2015 (no class April 30). $325. In five important areas of life, we find our objections and then we find our deepest desires. We question what blocks us from clarity and success. What excitement!

 

To register or if you have questions, hit reply.

Posted on

Who Would You Be Without Your Story From 1939?

outerspace
who would you be without your story?

Last night, I was doing World War II homework with my 17 year old.

Now, this was not necessarily my plan.

I mean…did I say, in March 2015 what I really want to do is review the facts and story of World War II?

And yet, within 30 seconds of starting to help her with her homework, we were having a great discussion about the Cold War, John F. Kennedy, communism, terrible prejudice, why the word “God” was put in the pledge of allegiance.

I played her the song Harry Truman by Chicago, instantly found on youtube.

All stories.

Isn’t it strange how we love stories?

This happened, then that happened, then this other thing happened, then she did this, then he said that, then they were upset, then he got mad, then she was depressed, then someone died, and someone was born, then they left.

The story of humanity, living itself.

“We shouldn’t have so many stories”.

Especially the ones that get people all fired up and upset.

Is that really true?

What if it were OK to have stories, just not believe in them so radically?

Stories are profound, and beautiful, and agonizing. They can be so brilliant, and so inspiring.

But when they hurt and feel painful….awful.

Thank goodness for inquiry.

What if you could look at your own personal stories the same way you see a movie, or a story from history, playing itself out?

One day, when I was deeply pained by a story about heart-ache, sickness and death, it occurred to me (I didn’t invent this, it was an exercise offered to me) that this story about dying and tragedy was playing on a screen in my mind, and I could step to the side of the theater, and look at the thin width of the screen, hearing only the sound, seeing only shadows dancing on audience faces, no longer immersed in the story.

I could be free not to believe, not to know.

Not to repeat it over and over, not to try to smash it down or push it away, not to be so desperately moved by my opinion of what was happening in the story.

Wow.

What if what you’re thinking might pass? What if it changes next week, next year? What about a decade from now?

What about from WWII, and all the remarkable change that’s occurred?

“Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke.” ~ Joss Whedon

All I know is, questioning repetitive, serious, difficult stories by looking, investigating, exploring who the characters are, what you’re doing, what’s happening with thought, what’s being felt, seeing what’s true and what’s not….

….allows the humor to come forth, the acceptance.

Who would you be, right now today, without your difficult, tragic or victim story?

Noticing that difficulty and pain happen, then relief, then creativity, then ingenious magic.

All the world’s a stage, and how beautiful to not know how the story goes, why it goes, where it goes. Not really.

Kinda fun, right?

Love, Grace

 

Posted on

Living Your Turnarounds Feels……Fabulous. Here’s How.

joie_de_vivre
celebrate the wonder of desire

I have had so many questions about my little P.S. a couple of days ago in my Grace Note on Desire and The Work of Byron Katie (and yes, it’ll be a teleclass).

It seems to have struck a chord.

Desire is an amazing feeling when you feel alive, full of integrity, passionate, happy, full of zest and zip, committed, fascinated, following the breadcrumbs through the woods!

Joie de vivre!!

Desire can show up with a deep sincerity in spiritual practice, the spark you have for clarity and connection, the wonder to awaken.

But we really do get weird about desire….at least I sure did.

Stop it! Hold it back! It can get you into trouble!

You need to keep your head on straight!

Sometimes true.

There is the foolish human story of someone following their passion and rushing at a windmill, like Don Quixote.

Or the tragic human story of crimes of passion when someone murders their partner, and commits suicide.

What about desire for drugs, alcohol, food, cigarettes, something sexual, money.

Turning against desire, when following it led to hurt and pain, appears to be one strategy in this human dilemma.

I just won’t go there.

For me, this may offer some stability in a roller coaster of emotion, or relief when you stop hunting down and trying to grab….

….but it wasn’t really freedom.

How can we experience the joy of desire and moving towards what we love, celebrating whatever happens along the way?

Guest what my answer is.

Yah. That’s right.

Inquiry.

It’s all about the stress, ’bout the stress and trouble.

Here’s what I mean.

When you feel desire for something, for a change, for a situation, for an experience, for money, for a person….

….first, allow it to be there.

Why do you want that?

Instead of simply rushing towards it with your lance, riding your horse and wearing a helmet….pause.

What would you have, if you had that thing, person, situation?

I’d be secure! I’d be happy! I’d be free! Life would be easy! I’d be successful! I’d be proud! I’d be at peace! I’d be there!

Are you absolutely SURE you need that thing in order to have what you think you’d have?

As Byron Katie suggests….could you skip the middle man, and have that feeling RIGHT NOW?

Woah.

Have my desired feeling NOW?

You mean….feel peace, joy, happiness, freedom, ease, success, pride, or security….now? 

I noticed, this is what began to happen as I did The Work and entered the turnarounds.

I did not need that thing or person or experience or situation to be the way I thought it should be in order to be happy.

And have you noticed what can happen when you discover the feeling you wanted all along is possible right now, here, in this situation, in this moment (without your demands for it to be different)?

You want to get up and dance.

Or bawl your eyes out.

Or express, share, celebrate, jump, rest, care, hug, honor, be very quiet in amazement.

“Perhaps your hunger to belong is always active and intense because you belonged so totally before you came here. This hunger to belong is the echo and reverberation of your invisible heritage. You are from somewhere else, where you were known, embraced and sheltered. This is also the secret root from which all longing grows. Something in you knows, perhaps remembers, that eternal belonging liberates longing into its surest and most potent creativity. This is why your longing is often wiser than your conventional sense of appropriateness, safety and truth… Your longing desires to take you towards the absolute realization of all the possibilities that sleep in the clay of your heart; it knows your eternal potential, and it will not rest until it is awakened.” ~ John O’Donohue

Today, I love my hunger (most of the time) and bump up against too much intensity in desire, or out-of-integrity desire in far less degrees than I once experienced.

No more damage to myself, no more violence.

Without stress, I notice desire present in unfettered freedom. Ready to sing, or make a cup of tea, or fall into bed after a great day’s work.

“For the thirst to possess your love,
Is worth my blood a hundred times.” ~ Rumi 

If you’d love to learn to live your turnarounds, feel your core desired feelings, then join me on a six week journey into new territory combining The Work and Desire.

We’ll start with what we complain about.

And what isn’t working in our lives in our opinion.

We’ll look at when we don’t feel generous, or we feel fearful.

We’ll take these to inquiry.

We’ll sit with the turnarounds and use our imagination to spend time there, and ask ourselves….

….if I lived with my deepest desire without terror….

….if I lived my turnaround with abandon….

….what would that look like?

What would I do, say, think, feel, be?

Can’t wait to follow this adventure into dissolving painful beliefs, and celebrating desire.

We’ll meet Thursdays 8:30-10 am Pacific Time for 6 weeks starting April 2nd.

“The point of life is happiness.” ~ The Dalai Lama

Love, Grace

Posted on

You Talkin’ To Me? My First Reaction To The Work

the one you've been waiting for can answer the questions!
The one you’ve been waiting for can answer the questions!

It’s sooooo weird lately how complicated or tricky The Work appears, as I’ve been working with people brand new to it.

It seems simple.

And yet….

I remember what it was like when I first encountered it when I read Loving What Is.

The first time I heard the question in my mind “is it true?” and was trying to do The Work, I said “huh?”

I heard a New York east coast accent voice, also in my head, saying “you talkin’ to me?!! you talkin’ to me?!!”

(Like Robert Deniro in Taxi Driver).

How would I know if something is true or not? Jeez!!

I didn’t even have the sense of inner self that could actually answer the question, or even believe I could try.

And then, question 3?

It was so painful!

How do I react when I believe a stressful thought?

I’m trying to forget about it! Why’d you have to remind me!?

Then question 4….

….what in the ?

Who would I be without a thought?

I pictured a sort of vacant-headed strange animal. No thought?

That sounds horrifying!

And turnarounds seemed extremely tricky. I could find the opposite, but then I was sort of stumped, unless I had a super easy simple original concept I was taking through the process….

….like “I hate her.”

One verb. I don’t hate her, she hates me, I hate myself.

True, true, true.

Anything more complicated would get whacky and I’d skip one accidentally, and some of the wouldn’t even make sense.

But over time, it got easier, and easier, and easier.

It became fun to practice, to experiment, to try things on and be astonished at the alternatives to my thinking that had its typical ruts it would stay in over and over.

The thing is, the Work wasn’t exactly “fun” or “interesting” for about two years, not for me.

It was weird.

I didn’t see the use. Because I didn’t actually do it.

When I went to the school, THEN I did The Work, and THAT changed everything.

I suddenly saw that huge viewpoints I had carried with me since I was a kid could be completely dissolved.

Now that was pretty incredible. I was completely blown away.

I loved that I could use my very own mind to imagine other ways of seeing the world, like putting on a new pair of glasses. Everything in a different color entirely.

So even if The Work seems meh, or you haven’t had a huge lightbulb go off yet when doing it….give it a little more time.

Wonder about the questions themselves. Actually let you answer them, with the final answer, without being so full of self-doubt.

“You are the teacher and healer you’ve been waiting for.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

Posted on

Ten Ways To Fail Miserably Doing The Work of Byron Katie

The Work of Byron Katie is a way to question what hurts in your life, and relax.

It may not end difficult events and experiences….

….but it will end your suffering and misery….

….if you do it.

When I first encountered The Work, I made darn sure I failed miserably by NOT really doing it.

You can make sure it does nothing for you, either, and give up in disgust or despair.

Here’s how:

1) Never write anything down. Ever. Just do The Work in your head on the fly by asking yourself the questions, if you can remember them.

2) When someone irritates you, feel the rage or angst, or fear and then immediately start berating yourself for being such a dumb ass to get so upset and uptight about them. Do The Work to fix yourself, ASAP, from being the type of person who gets upset.

3) Do The Work on yourself only. Notice that you have zero judgments of anyone in your life, ever. You’re over that. Keep saying “but it’s all about me and how wrong, unworthy, insufficient or stupid I am!”

4) Think of one-liners only….don’t write out a whole worksheet. One-liners are simple beliefs that seem to cause conflict or pain, like “he’s being a jerk!” These just pop in your head in the heat of the moment. Then see #1 above.

5) Only ask the first question when doing The Work….Is it true? Flippantly say “no, nothing is ever true” and move on without spending more time exploring the question.

6) When you answer the second question in The Work: is it ABSOLUTELY true? Start explaining why it is or is not true, in your professional opinion. Say things like “well, it’s true because….” and tell a big long story with lots of footnotes.

7) When you get to the third question in The Work (which is “how do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?”) launch into a novel about how that person did you wrong not only in this recent upsetting situation, but also last year, the year before that, and basically the whole time you’ve known them. Give lots of examples of that person being a total freak or an asshole. Make sure you tell about how you’re the victim here.

8) If you get to question four doing The Work (wow, you made it this far?) then get super puzzled. Who would you be without that belief? Throw your hands in the air and say “I have no f*&$ing idea!” Say you have a terrible imagination and you really can’t think of what it would be like. Or better yet, say it would be dangerous not to have that thought.

9) When you think of a stressful belief, just go straight to the turnarounds. So if you think the thought “I’m afraid of my boss” just flip it right away and say “I’m NOT afraid of my boss” and then fist pump the sky. Yeah! That’s right!

10) Anything you ever think that’s mean or sad about someone, turn it around to yourself and use this as an excuse not to ever talk with that person, tell the truth, connect, or actually change anything. “He abandoned me” flip to “I abandoned myself”. Feel worse about yourself than ever, you judgmental loser.

OK….I hope you’re laughing now.

Really, The Work is not easy.

Simple perhaps, but NOT easy.

If you need help along the way….take a class, call the Help Line, come to a retreat, come to Breitenbush in late June, sign up for Summer Camp For The Mind for short bursts of practice next July, or if you really want to go for it, join Year of Inquiry the next time I open registration.

There are lots of ways to sink into The Work.

Once you get a true taste of how amazing it is to question the stressful mind, you won’t ever stop.

You’ll start to wake up.

What could be better than that?

Love, Grace

Posted on

What Is The Shape Of Love?

Can you catch love, the spirit of life, or joy in a jar?
Can you catch love, the spirit of life, or joy in a jar?

Today appears to be an ordinary day. Maybe a holiday Monday for people in the US.

Nothing super supreme special, though.

Not “Valentine’s Day” or a special love day…that’s over now.

But what if it could be?

What if it was a wildly beautiful love celebration day?

For yourself.

What happens when you don’t really love yourself though?

What’s up with that?

Often, I found different moments that created lack of love in the moment….and they looked like this:

You think you made a mistake. You remember a painful situation.

You compare yourself with others.

The thought runs through your mind that this day isn’t exciting enough, fun enough, loving enough, sweet or kind or peaceful enough.

Something’s just plain Not Enough.

You feel guilty for saying something harmful to somebody. You hurt someone.

Maybe you don’t feel you’ve done a good job.

You think you aren’t good enough, big enough, strong enough.

You haven’t gotten there yet, you judge yourself as wrong.

Owwie.

It definitely hurts to not enjoy your own company, to not feel satisfied in this moment right now, with you.

Why not today take a little break from this type of thinking today, just as an experiment?

Can you forgive yourself today for not doing it right? Or not getting it yet? For being less than perfect?

Who would you be without the belief that something’s missing in you, or wrong with you, or off, or bad, or not enough?

I found…..I feel very quiet, without these voices running off at the mouth.

I don’t have to do anything special.

Stillness is here….very, very still.

“By being nothing you are everything. By wanting nothing you are eternally full of grace…

…Tell me, what is the shape of Love? How much does Joy weigh when held in the palm of your hand? Can you catch the Spirit of Life in a jar?” ~ Adyashanti in My Secret Is Silence

Today, what if you acted like someone who couldn’t believe what’s going on in your life right now is BAD?

Someone who couldn’t think the thought “I’m a loser” or “I’m doomed” or some more mild version of the same?

Happy This Day to you. Happy every day to you.

Nothing special. Nothing.

Happy day. Happy.

You.

Love, Grace

Posted on

Stress: A Built-In Friendly Alarm Clock To Awakening

Stress: A built-in friendly alarm clock
Stress: A built-in friendly alarm clock

Have you heard my new little podcast episodes (only 4-6 minutes each) Peace Talk on itunes….this week its on LOVE and when it goes wrong. Subscribe and submit a review!

*************

Yowser, I am very excited today.

Have you ever been super nervous crazy excited about something about to happen, and you LIKE the thing about to happen, but it’s almost too exciting?

This may sound a little low-key to you (I am the one jumping up and down)….

….but I have a new Eating Peace online class opening up for registration on Saturday morning….

….and the very same day, I’m leaving to go away with my sweetheart for two nights to a surprise destination (husband made the reservations)!

Valentine’s Day!!!

Here’s the funniest thing.

When I was getting married (to current husband–2nd marriage) only 2-1/2 years ago, my skin on my hands started getting flakey in the few weeks before.

Then they started pealing.

Like a strange sort of eczema only on my hands. I kept putting lotion all over them, I made sure not to drink any caffeine or anything dehydrating, and was kinda wondering what was going on.

Summer shedding of skin?

Then my mom caught a glimpse of them and said, “oh, your getting your stress reaction you’ve always gotten since you were young, remember?”

Oh!

Weird. I completely forgot.

THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

How incredibly odd to forget such a thing. The mind is very good at blanking out.

And I’m pretty interested in conscious awareness of myself and all my actions!

This reminded me that energy racing through the body has its own way, and the mind is not always aware (your mind might like to

think it is…..but, not so much).

For me, a very, very introverted person by nature, having all the attention of a wedding was pretty wild. Awesome, but wild.

Same with this coming weekend with a course and a surprise vacation happening.

But as I sit here right now, writing….

….who would I be without the belief that something around the corner, where I’ll have attention directed towards me and I’ll need to respond and stay engaged….is stressful?

Who would I be without the belief that the energy I feel inside is stressy?

What if it was gentle, calm, being connected with others, answering peoples’ questions, responding to emails and registrations, driving off to spend time with my best friend and husband, enjoying close conversation, relaxing and feeling anticipation all at the same time?

Gosh. I don’t know if I can feel truly relaxed in this situation.
But what would it be like without THAT thought?

Ahhhhh.

Suddenly I get it.

I could let my whole body get floppy. My shoulders drop, I stretch my legs out while writing here, with my laptop on my thighs.

I take a very deep, long breath.

Tick, tock, slow, down.

Right now is now. Empty room. Space, quiet.

Even tomorrow, and the next day, when activity is happening and computers, emails, packing, driving, busy-ness are all occurring….

….there is still quiet space.

“That’s the purpose of stress. It’s a friend. It’s an alarm clock, built in to let you know that it’s time to do The Work. You’ve simply lost the awareness that you’re free. So you investigate, and you return to what you are. This is what’s waiting to be recognized, what is always real.” ~ Byron Katie

Love, Grace

Posted on

Could You Be On Retreat, No Matter What You’re Doing?

Woah.

When you leave retreat, are you still on retreat? The light's blown out, but you are still home.
When you leave retreat, are you still on retreat? The light’s blown out, but you are still home.

Words can hardly express how ecstatically joyful I feel after being with an amazing retreat full of people this past weekend….

….all gathered together in Eating Peace, the in-person version of my new program rebuilt and expanded hugely this past year.

I finally sat down and wrote everything I ever learned that was absolutely key in dissolving emotional eating in my life.

Then I condensed the absolute most important points into 3 days.

I spent every hour with the group from 9 am until after dinner and our evening session.

Including meals.

We practiced mindful eating. Slowly taking each bite together, feeling the textures, the sensation of swallowing, the explosion of tastes, the smell of our food.

We did The Work of Byron Katie. We questioned our stressful beliefs.

I feel slow right now…..relaxed, kicking back, satisfied, accomplished.

And a funny thought came to mind as I returned home, noticed I felt hungry already upon arrival, and joined my teenage daughter chewing on roasted chicken right from the container.

We laughed and talked….and in the back of my mind I thought “what if all the participants in Eating Peace saw me eating now like this, standing in my kitchen, joking with my daughter, eating with my fingers?

OMG, they would see I’m different than the way I was on retreat!!”

Fortunately, I could notice that thought and not believe it, even chuckle, because I know this way of eating is just as wonderful for me as the other very slow, very mindful way of eating.

Really, both are sacred.

I do not forget that this thing called food, something apparently from outside of myself is entering and joining with me in a beautiful act of unification.

Two are becoming one, in the act of eating.

Even standing in the kitchen.

But it wasn’t always this way. In the past, when my eating was waaaayyyy disordered and horribly uncomfortable (even violent) I felt like I was TRYING to become one with something….

….desperately grabbing….

….but I just couldn’t feel it.

What it came down to was this one very painful thought about life, my inner world, and my relationship with the universe.

Something is scary here. Something is missing. Something is wrong with me. Quick! Run!

Other people have this same thought, I realized later.

They might not turn into eating weirdos with this alarming view of the universe….

….instead, they might drink, smoke, analyze, watch TV, shop, clean, exercise, THINK.

There are so many escapist activities to choose from, to take the edge off and hide for awhile, not feel so vulnerable, not be so daunted by the largeness of life.

But who would you be without the belief that you have to hide something? That there’s something wrong with you? Or that there is something frightening happening by being here on planet earth?

This is a huge idea….not easy perhaps to imagine.

And yet, you can.

You’ve imagined the opposite already, right?

You’ve imagined that the world is frightening, life is difficult, the universe is sometimes out to get you, or it’s chaotic. Bad things happen you’ve imagined. You’ve definitely thought there might be something missing, or wrong with you.

Why not see what it would be like, with that incredible imagination, without these dreadful, fearful thoughts?

What do you notice is happening right now, for example?

Are you OK?

Is anything truly dangerous occurring?

“To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment….What liberation to realize the voice in your head is not who you are.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Now, the retreat is over, but in truth, watching, clarity, love and gratitude continues to live….even if its in the kitchen, standing, laughing while holding a greasy chicken bone.
The retreat continues.

Love, Grace

Posted on

Does Your Happiness Depend On Getting A New Job?

The other day, a lovely inquirer sent me an email to ask if I would write a Grace Note about job loss.

As in….

….HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP! I LOST MY JOB!!!!! OMG!!

If you’ve ever had the experience of unexpectedly losing work, the one or only way you relied on income, then you might panic.

Or….could it be your thinking is making you panic?

(Say yes).

Right now, in the Money teleclass, we’re looking at Everything Money. And it’s so closely connected to Everything Work, because you do your work, it seems, to obtain the paycheck.

Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t go to that job, right?

When you like your job, or you feel happy with the security it provides, you may feel very threatened when it drops out from under you in a way you didn’t plan.

First step….breathe very deeply.

And then, do The Work.

Here’s how you might approach your predicament, if you notice you’re waking up at night, anxiously checking job postings, or freaking out….

It’s a little counter-intuitive, as in opposite of what you might naturally do.

After you’ve breathed a few big deep breaths, and relaxed yourself as best you can….

….consider your Worst Case Scenario.

I know this is odd.

But what’s deeply helpful is to actually explore, rather than going insane on the inside and trying to avoid feeling too much, your greatest fear in this situation.

What are you picturing?

Are you thinking you’ll have to move? That you’ll lose all your worldly possessions? That you’ll be considered a failure? That you’ll starve to death? That you’ll be living under a bridge?

Be realistic now.

When I lost all my money, I had visions of absolute failure. When I really thought it through and took a look a my prospects, I knew my mom would take me in (she had already offered). I knew it would take a whole lot of crazy circumstances for me to ever become homeless. Too many friends, too many family members.

It made me sick to think I was about to lose my house to foreclosure (I didn’t actually wind up losing it, but I cut it close) and I felt like sucha loser.

The shame was immense. I wouldn’t have wanted any of those family members or friends to know….that was the real problem.

My embarrassment. My self-criticism and anger with me. My fury at feeling so alone and unsupported.

So who would I be without these self-defeating beliefs? Without these visions of me the victim? Me who wasted my education, who should have gone to medical school and planned a better career?

Who would I be without the belief that I was unsupported, and foolish? Who would I be without the belief that I needed money in order to be happy?

Noticing how much I still had.

Feeling the joy and excitement of change, new possibilities, inventing a new life, open.

Turning the thoughts around: you are supported, you are being invited to something new, you are smart, connected, a winner, you don’t need more money in order to be happy.

You will be fine if you lose your house, your possessions, your car.

More than fine, it could be an incredible, magical adventure.

That’s what happened to me.

I now have a house the most perfect size for cleaning, living in, sharing with my kids and husband, having people over….and it’s an 8th the size of my old house. I’ll have it paid off completely in less than a decade.

I love every piece of work I do (well, maybe some of the admin stuff irritates me from time to time, but its rare).

I own a car without any car payments.

The sky’s the limit with my income possibilities, it just keeps going up.

Every day I get to question my thinking, and study silence (my favorite).

See the benefits of whatever it is you’ve lost. They will be there, if you look.

See how it could be a good thing that you’ve landed where you are.

 

You may as well give some weight to the advantage of reality, rather than objecting to it.

In fact, the more you resist, the more you lose. Bummer, but it’s true.

“When you’ve become a total success in business and have more money than you could ever spend, what are you going to have? Happiness? Isn’t that why you wanted money? Let’s take a shortcut that can last a lifetime. Answer this question: Who would you be without the story ‘My future depends on making a lot of money’?Happier. More relaxed. With or without the money. You’d have everything you wanted money for in the first place.” ~ Byron Katie in Question Your Thinking, Change The World 

Who would you be, right now, without the belief you need a job, or money, to be happy?

Having a blast finding a new job?

Love, Grace