Category: The Work of Byron Katie

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What would you really be without thinking about it?

The other day, I had one of those moments where I noticed….

….”OH. I’m here. Without thought. Just here.”

Even though seconds before I had images in my head about all kinds of things with a voice offering advice: go make those copies for Breitenbush, do laundry so you’re ready with clean clothes, I hope he’s doing OK with his cancer treatment, I hope she’s going to find peace with her mother, I need to email them, I wonder what she’s doing right now, I need to reply to him, set that up, do this.

The mind is so fast and full. Jam packed with possibilities and ideas and plans.

Scenes, memories, pictures, thoughts ticker tape through.

But as something draws your attention through your day….who are you without your thoughts about it?

Who am I without my thoughts?

Dang, what a crazy question…but what a wonderful, fascinating, exploratory question.

Don’t I need my thoughts? Wouldn’t I be some kind of weirdo without thoughts? Or dumb as a post?

As a memory steps through your mind, the image of someone’s face, or a scary picture, or the idea for a task, or your calendar, there’s a response in the body, in emotions perhaps (or sometimes, oddly, there is not response at all).

Who would you be without believing the image, picture, response was true?

Kinda cosmic, right?!?

But WOW.

It’s lighter, it’s even exciting, it’s relaxing, it’s a willingness not to take whatever you’re bumping into so seriously, including the pictures floating through your own mind about what your encounters mean about the future.

Turning the whole entire experience around: Thinking is not required. I don’t need to think, to “have” thoughts, or even “good” thoughts in order to be safe, secure, alive, successful, or happy.

Holy Moly.

Thoughts appear. Then, I notice they aren’t present, I’m simply observing. I also notice I’m sleeping sometimes–no thinking going on during sleep. I notice I also “lose my train of thought” all the time, and everything’s apparently fine.

Life goes on. Without a thought about it.

As I observed this wonderful and weird phenomena of noticing the absence of thought, the beauty of something just being here, I decided to make a Peace Talk podcast Episode 132.

(These things just appear, I have no idea what’s going on).

What’s here, without our stories?

“The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name. The unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things. Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Yet mystery and manifestations arise from the same source. This source is called darkness. Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding.” ~ Tao Te Ching #1

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you want to listen to the ten minute Peace Talk episode, head over HERE.

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I thought I had a problem….I was confused

Wow, sometimes this mind can grab onto something like a dog clamping down on a bone, unwilling and unable to let go.

You’ve probably noticed.

When did my mind crunch down with gusto and start going in for the problem-solving intensity and worry?

Day Before Yesterday.

I realized not one single person, so far, who is signed up to watch Being With Byron Katie here in Seattle July 8-11 was opting to stay overnight at the retreat site.

I had this uh-oh feeling.

People don’t want to stay at this house. It’s too central, too urban, too city. I made a mistake! I should have had a more elegant-country-retreat house in mind! Why did being in the middle of the city appeal to me? Ohhhh Nooooo!!

My old standard favorite home to occupy for retreats and events, way in the north end and more suburban, is being torn down. As in Not Available for any retreats, ever again.

I liked THAT house.

Other people like that house, too. It’s spacious, comfortable, inexpensive, relaxed, lots of parking. I don’t want THAT house to go away.

I don’t want change on this particular issue!

People feel this way all the time about things other than houses they rent. Change is disturbing…. job loss, spouse loss or divorce, illness, possessions, children growing up, parents aging.

Last March, when I first learned my favorite retreat rental house was being torn down, I quick went crazy online looking for our new alternative for Being With Byron Katie. Combing through listings, emailing owners if they had a big screen television with good viewing room for a group.

Several times, as I almost thought I’d gotten a good house, it was rented within hours right out from under me. Houses were going like hotcakes! Everyone wants to be in Seattle in the summer! Holy smokes!

So when I found a fabulous location like Capitol Hill for our Being With Katie retreat that wasn’t so crazy expensive as everything else, I rented it sight unseen.

Now, why was I worried about no one staying there? Money. Dang it. Money again. Heh heh.

This is a “break-even” event where everyone’s registration actually contributes to the cost of putting it on.

Even people who attend for only a 3 hour session, or one day only, get access to the recordings for the whole event (until the end of September). So, it’s just a flat fee and everyone coming and going without words, taking in the event, keeping silence, then watching what they miss later if they want to.

And some people, I assumed, would stay in the bedrooms of this house overnight and chip in extra based on the rental fees, and cover their rooms.

I dropped by to look at the house in between guests, when it was being cleaned.

The inside is great. Very quiet. Lovely hard wood floors, beautiful kitchen, four nice bedrooms. But one side of the house runs along Harvard Avenue, which is busy and has freeway noise. The owners had me enter from the alley, which has a lovely quiet, secret spot feel.

But not a spread out, green vacation, lush landscape orientation, surrounded by wilderness.

Someone wrote and asked if she could bring her tent. Gulp.

There’s no yard for a tent. This is not for camping.

If no one opts to stay overnight….I’m paying a big chunk of money for four empty bedrooms. Yikes. No longer break-even. A loss of over a thousand dollars. Holy Moly.

This house is in an urban area in the middle of Seattle, literally. The homes are mostly stately mansions, gorgeous old Capitol Hill houses, lining beautifully landscaped sidewalks with small front yards and steps to the front door guarded by stone lions.

Nearby only one block away is Roanoke Park, which I remember playing in 40 years ago. In other words, there’s been no new development around this original Seattle hill for decades. Except maybe some remodeling of these magnificent homes.

The house we’re taking over for four days is actually modest in the midst of all the ornate display of old Seattle. It appealed to me deeply because I love the surrounding walks, the gorgeous views, the architecture. And it’s basically walking distance from the house where I grew up and my parents lived for 28 years.

Not far away (only 5 blocks or so) is a winding inner-city wooded park road called Interlaken Boulevard. I learned to drive on that road, and walked and biked it many times with friends.

Maybe my childhood stomping ground blinded me. (Inner squeal…MONEY!)

So I raised the worrisome “issue” with my husband. I’ll lose money. No one will stay. It’s not good enough. This is a disappointment.

And guess what he said?

“Is it true?”

At first it was a little chuckle. Then, we began to laugh.

Oh! Right!

Who would you be without your story of loss, change, worry?

Who would you be without your belief that you want the old one, you want it to stay the same, you want the same spouse, job, body, skill, etc, and not have any of it cost too much, by the way?

This wasn’t even that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. In fact, a midget sized worry, to be honest.

So what would it really be like to be someone who is not concerned with what is happening, to be someone who remembers they don’t know what the future will bring?

My husband and I began to find examples of how fabulous it would be if absolutely no one wanted to spend the night at the retreat house.

1) We could go sleep there and have it all to ourselves, taking walks all over Capitol Hill in the July summer nights.

2) We could rent out our cottage while we stayed at the Capitol Hill one to some excited people who didn’t think they could find a Seattle spot at this late date in the summer, and make some of the money back.

3) We could sit up late on the viewpoint just up the road from this house on the way to Volunteer Park and watch the full moon come up, then walk “home”.

What turnaround examples can you find for a life change you didn’t expect, or prefer?

How could it be OK, interesting, an advantage…even a wonderful thing that it’s going the way it goes?

And, I notice right here, right now…I have no idea really what will happen. I could have the opposite problem of too many people wanting to sleep in the retreat house, in which case….silent slumber party!!“

To join us at Being With Byron Katie, read about it and sign up HERE: http://bit.ly/bwbkgrace

To ask about staying onsite, email grace@workwithgrace.com and I’ll tell you all about the room options.

You are the wisdom you’re seeking, and inquiry is a way to make that wisdom available whenever you want. My experience is that there’s no one with more or with less wisdom. We all have it equally. That’s the freedom I enjoy. If you think that you have a problem, you’re confused.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you’d like to take a look at some common barriers to doing The Work, this is one of my favorite topics of all time.

(After working with many people and asking them about their deepest concerns, I’ve identified these ten barriers or blocks to “getting” The Work).

Register for the Masterclass HERE. We’ll meet Friday at 8:00 am Pacific Time. Yes, I will record it and yes, I will also offer it again live very soon.

 

Much love,

Grace

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Masterclass: Getting Unstuck in The Work + Year of Inquiry Information

I’m getting so very excited for Year of Inquiry starting in September!

The Year of Inquiry program has been given the incredible honor of being the equivalent of one School for The Work (+ 80 hours of partner pairing) inside the Institute for The Work which certifies people in The Work of Byron Katie.

This means, for anyone interested in full certification, upon completion of the Year of Inquiry program, you can become a part of the Institute for The Work with your first school plus 80 credits already done.

But the most important reason people participate in Year of Inquiry?

To stay steady in The Work and connect with other people committed to the same deep work in inner exploration of the mind, questioning stressful thinking, and transforming inaction, suffering and despair in our lives.

To get ready for YOI…I’ll be offering a free webinar Masterclass: Ten Barriers to Doing The Work, and How To Dissolve Them. The masterclass stands alone, and, at the end I’ll explain all about the Year of Inquiry program and answer your questions.

While I will offer this masterclass again this summer, the first one is this coming Friday morning June 16th 8:00 am Pacific Time.

Set aside at least 90 minutes, bring a pen and paper (the entire class WILL be recorded) and join me for a powerful journey in self-inquiry.

Register for the Masterclass HERE.

“I did The Work, because I was in a hurry.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Social anxiety, obstacles to love, and being with Byron Katie

I’m amazed at the frequency of doing The Work in my life as summer approaches and is about to become “official” the same day as the Breitenbush retreat begins (3 spots still available, by the way–love to have you). We will offer 24 CEs for Institute for The Work candidates as well as 26 CEUs for mental health professionals.

And then, another bright light of the summer….starting on Saturday, July 8th, we gather for Being With Byron Katie. I had fun sharing about it at New Spirit Journal here. (Read on for more).

Speaking of gathering together with others….I’ve been thinking recently about social anxiety.

Someone wrote to me about a month ago saying he wanted to attend a retreat, but had too much social anxiety and felt very worried.

Isn’t it funny how we like the idea of gathering to receive support, learning, insight or some kind of transformational shift….but the very gathering itself is a bit frightening.

I have to travel, greet others, speak about what’s going on for me, share or show my feelings. Ugh. Maybe I’ll stay home.

I’ve felt the very same way.

When I was in my twenties, I knew I needed to address my great anxiety about talking with other people, telling the truth, answering questions more honestly (it seemed like I never did, and always tried to be polite rather than clear). I knew I wanted less fear and more relaxation with HUMANS….yet intentionally moving to spend several days with them was daunting. The opposite of my normal strategy.

Go on a retreat? Um. No way.

Someone suggested I see a therapist who specialized in group therapy. I thought “I’ll go see her, but I’ll NEVER go to the group.”

Nine months later, fortunately for me, I was in the group.

And this was finally the beginning of the end of my extreme social anxiety.

But it wasn’t easy at first.

When I joined the group, I was familiar and trusting of my therapist. She was the group co-leader along with another male therapist, and she’s the one person I knew.

However, one person who felt safe and trustworthy did not make me comfortable in the group.

I was dumb struck. Literally. I said absolutely nothing, unless addressed, and then made it as short and simple and sweet as possible.

This went on week after week. I watched the others ask for time and attention in my group. I sized up the members. I assessed them and drew conclusions.

“She’s one of those needy types” or “Ah, he’s a Microsoft millionaire with intimacy problems” or “she’s so creative I don’t even know what she’s doing here” and on and on.

Then, one day SIX MONTHS LATER (my therapist was very patient and had given me lots of opportunity to warm up, which I never did) at the beginning of the group, my therapist said:

“Everyone, before we get started today, I have something I need to bring up. It’s about Grace.”

Gulp.

My heart started pounding. No! I hate the attention! Please don’t look at me!

I wanted to run out of the room, but felt also frozen solid at the same time, like a trapped animal.

This wonderful woman, who cared very much about me, then proceeded to say that I was withholding myself from the group. No one could know me if I didn’t speak. And, to add to this, it was quite controlling of me to NOT speak. I could remain unchanged, unchallenged, and not get into anything messy or have direct conversation with anyone. I was remaining in my little castle.

Gasp, quick in-breath.

She was right.

I actually did not want to remain in a private world or tower all by myself, but I had no idea how to get out of my anxious perspective of other people.

My social anxiety stemmed from believing I needed to protect myself, to never disturb anyone else, to be polite, relaxed, graceful (my name even said so), kind, and nice. And self-less, by the way. I needed to have no needs whatsoever, since this also might disturb someone.

Whew, it was a terribly difficult castle to hold up. There was no freedom, everything felt restrained, and no wonder I stuffed myself with food when the tension built up strong. I would eat all alone, by myself, not letting anyone else see me.

The therapist asked me to share something about myself, and to talk about what I was most afraid of, if I spoke out loud.

Shaking all over, and at the point of tears, I spoke some about my feelings of anxiety and worry about being accepted, and I answered her questions (which are now a fog, but they felt OK to answer, I do remember that).

It was nothing more than this. The therapy group went on, and other people brought up their own issues and discussions that had nothing to do with me. I survived the confrontation.

But it was never the same again.

It was better.

I felt truly seen, and invited to step forward and be seen, and like the group even wanted me to show up, instead of fading into the background all the time and sitting there in silence, just listening.

If you saw me a year later, and then two years later when I was ready to leave the group…you would have seen a bubbly, passionate, talkative, powerful young woman.

Over the course of those several years in the group therapy, I screamed, cried, re-enacted drama therapy scenes that were important to me from childhood, learned to confront people in the group honestly.

At one point, I was given an assignment based on sharing my concerns about receiving support, to call people in my group in between sessions during the week. When I first did it, I could barely dial the phone, I felt so shy. I had to call THREE people in my group every week and actually speak to them. It took awhile to get comfortable.

During that period of time, I stopped binge-eating and vomiting.

Was my social anxiety and eating related? You bet. And healing the anxiety with others began to heal my eating patterns as well.

During those years, for the very first time I attended a retreat with all the people in groups like mine. We spent entire weekends together, with everyone sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags in the same room! I was SHOCKED the first time our therapist pointed to the room where we’d be sleeping. All together in one room? What? Isn’t that a little too close?

It was actually heavenly. I was safe, surrounded by honest, caring people, and finding out that my story of humanity being mean and judgmental and rejecting…just was not true.

I’m still finding this out all the time, creating groups and retreats intentionally as a part of my joy and passion in the world.

And here’s a little secret. I still get nervous/anxious/excited before every single retreat or gathering, whether I’m the leader or the one attending. I even wear a shirt for the first day that won’t show armpit sweat. I sometimes might even say in jest to my husband “Why did I schedule this retreat? What was I thinking?” And we laugh.

Here’s the thing that’s entirely different: I can’t believe what I’m thinking is really true. My body might be reacting, I’m excited, I have heightened attention, I feel thrilled and curious, you could even call it nervous, but it doesn’t feel like I therefore shouldn’t do it.

I know I don’t have to believe my thoughts. I know they don’t hold up.

“I noticed that things happen with or without me, people approve of me or they don’t. It has nothing to do with me. This is really good news, since it leaves me responsible for my own happiness. It leaves me to do nothing but live my life as kindly and intelligently as I can.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True?

Now, one of my favorite events of the summer is Being With Byron Katie Pacific Northwest. I mention it now, because it’s such a good event for freedom from any need to dialogue with others and yet be hanging out with lovely people.

Why?

Because we hold silence, while we’re in our group together. We listen to Katie via live streaming (she’s in Switzerland) and we watch together, but in between the 3-hour sessions with Katie, we remain in silence. We eat, get ready for bed, go out to walk, journal, read, wake up in silence.

For some people, it’s the first time they’ve ever stayed in silence all day, without speaking, but being near and around others.

Yet, what liberation to not speak, or be compelled to share, or need to make any conversation.

And oh the power of listening to Katie work with people, and their beautiful questions and concerns, and her answers and her sharing what she’s experienced. I especially love how Katie is not interested in delivering lessons or teaching to anyone. All she’s really interested in is asking questions, and being with people who want to question their suffering.

We get to participate just by listening. I often feel moved, and in awe, that what is offered on the screen from the retreat in Switzerland is brilliant, inspiring and transformative. People in our group are taking notes wildly, deeply affected, and the learning is palpable in the room. We get to write emails to the people in Switzerland, too, and Katie might respond to someone’s question right from our living room group.

I’m so grateful we can attend a retreat together that would normally cost thousands for travel, lodging, food, tuition. Thanks to technology, we’re there anyway.

And through our community together we’re able to maintain the same silence the people are keeping in Switzerland. If I were watching by myself at home, I simply wouldn’t.

I’ve tried it before. Something about being alone, I start emailing, working on projects, answering the phone, responding to my family. I don’t take the silence part seriously. I don’t let myself be with me and my own mind. But in this group, I do.

If you’d like to join this powerful event and spend four days (or you can come to the weekend only if you really can’t take off time from work) then I’d love to have you. We have a modest house in a fantastic location (Roanoke Park, Seattle) so your silent walks and exploring in between sessions can be done with magnificent views.

There are four bedrooms available for sleeping, email me if you want to reserve one (yes, you can share and split the cost with someone else).

To find out more, and to see the bedroom choices and fees, visit HERE.

And if you can relate to having social anxiety….perhaps spending time in this retreat full of inquiry about the stresses of the human condition will bring you to the turnaround:

Social comfort.

The joy of inhabiting space and time connected to other people.

“The only obstacle to loving other people is believing what you think, and you’ll come to see that that’s also the only obstacle to loving yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Retroactive jealousy…when you need it a certain way, it gets ugly

Oy veys, I got the completely incorrect link for Summer Camp for The Mind for all of you who are wanting to check the schedule and information page.

Head over HERE to find out all about Summer Camp online program including the daily schedule.

Yes, it is entirely sliding scale and yes, it begins with a 3-hour mini retreat (two of them, to be precise, at different days and hours for those of you in completely different time zones). In the mini-retreats we’ll simply be doing The Work, one after the other. It doesn’t matter if you’re experienced, or a brand new beginner.

And finally, I forgot to let you know that the usual First Friday wouldn’t be happening since I’m traveling and in spotty internet connections. We WILL however meet on the second Friday, June 9th at the very same time 7:45 am PT. Save this link HERE for joining me on 6/9. (Apologies for not warning you)! July we’re back to First Friday.

******************

And now for another fascinating topic I first wrote about in 2015. It vaguely appeared while on this trip about retirement planning.

Retroactive jealousy.

I hadn’t really heard the term, but a dear inquirer used it about his experience of stress when it came to his partner.

This can expand beyond jealousy about someone you love having been with someone else.

You can also be jealous of someone’s historical success, the experiences they’ve encountered, the achievements they’ve undergone. In the Past.

As in, it’s not even happening anymore. But you’re jealous as you hear about it.

I myself should have gotten that opportunity! I should have been the one getting that experience. I should have been the boyfriend. I should have been the girlfriend. I should have had that kind of scholarship. I should have gotten that kind of degree. I should have woken up back then when I was that age! 

I remember an inquirer who always felt, because her husband had a previous marriage where his wife had died of cancer, that she was always “the replacement” and she felt pain and jealousy of what her husband’s previous marriage had been.
Good fodder for inquiry.
First….consider why this is troubling for you?
What do you think it means, that the person you’re deeply interested in, this person you love, had another life, before you came along?
It means they’re comparing ME to someone they knew previously.
It means I’m not the first, I’m not the special person. It means they have numerous, general, multiple experiences in their life and I’ve missed out on all of them. It means I’m not 100% important. It means they might have great memories with other people and they’ll desire them again.
I must confess, the only place I’ve personally ever experienced this Retroactive Jealousy is around something to do with accomplishment and success with career or money, as I mentioned.
As in….I’m jealous someone else got THOSE awesome career opportunities. I didn’t. They planned well. I didn’t.
Bummer for me. Good for them.
How do I react when I think I didn’t get that experience, in the past, that someone else got?
It can feel devastating. Sick. Soooo uncomfortable.
I leave the person who has sparked this comparison-mode. I want to get away from them. I retreat. I feel very disconnected and separate.
So who would you be without the belief that you should have been there, you should have had that experience….in the past?
Who would you be without the belief that the person you love shouldn’t have been with that previous person?
Who would you BE?
“I’m a lover of what is. It’s so painful when I’m not. There’s nothing we can do about it. It is what it is. And we’re all lovers of reality…..We all want what is because it’s the way of it. And we all KNOW it….How does it feel to react to your own lie??! To something you don’t even believe yourself? We’re attached to this concept. And we think they’re doing it TO us. But it’s nothing more than our fairy tale is being burst.” ~ Byron Katie
Who would you be without the thought that this other person’s story is the better way?
I’d feel quiet. I’d be laughing. I’d be thrilled with my relationship with myself, my own life.
I’d be overjoyed in hearing about other peoples’ life paths, successes, achievements, experiences, mates. I’d be so curious, in a really good way.
Turning the thought around….
….I shouldn’t have been there, I shouldn’t have had that experience I’m hearing about, there’s nothing out of place, nothing is wrong, nothing is missing, all that happened before to this person is perfect and important.
I should have been in my own life, with my own experiences, in this body here.
How could this be just as true, or truer?
“It’s living with no net. You do it and you die and your knees wobble and you’re weak like a baby and you’re so vulnerable. It’s so exciting. Much more exciting than your story. It’s love affair, and it goes as deep as it can. The love of self.” ~ Byron Katie
“You are whole and complete within yourself. You do not need anything. You do not need anybody….No clinging, no holding on. If you need it a certain way, you are dependent, and it gets ugly.” ~ Michael Singer

Wow.

Right here, this place, age 56 and doing whatever I’m doing. I notice I’m traveling on a trip my mother saved up for to celebrate her 80th birthday, so I didn’t need to have more success to do this amazing adventure.

I have a suitcase. I have legs that can walk many miles. I bought a simple silver necklace to match the ones my sisters also bought in a market yesterday.

Nothing more is required.

Much love,

Grace

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Something opens our wings….summer inquiry

Holy smokes, it’s only just over a month until a huge time of opportunity for inquiry gets underway, in TWO different formats. I’ll tell you about them (I highly recommend both) in a minute.

But first, I wanted to share something sort of funny about The Work with me.

Early in my practice of learning The Work, I knew I had great insight when doing it, even after attending the School for The Work.

But. It’s a little weird (though it turns out, not as uncommon as you think). I wouldn’t do it!

I’d think, can’t I just do it in my head? Or maybe quick out loud, while I’m driving? Do I really have to follow the steps and write things down?

I’ll get to it later.

Ugh, it’s so much….WORK.

And I’d find, over and over again, it was never deep and life-shifting until I took it slowly and followed the simple directions: Judge Your Neighbor, Write It Down, Ask Four Questions, Turn It Around.

There is nothing like actually doing The Work as a regular practice in your life to assure you clean your mental slate, reduce or dissolve your stressful thinking, and make inner shifts you may never have thought possible.

What do I mean by “doing” when it comes to The Work?

It sounds simple, but it’s definitely not easy.

People tell me all the time, they feel upset, or nervous, or bad….but they don’t really know why.

This process helps you know why, and then to question, or un-do that knowing.

Like pulling a very stubborn weed out by the roots.

I hope you’ll consider joining me for this summer season blitz of The Work. I’m available almost daily live via telesessions, and we join together with a group of awesome folks.

The good news? It’s all come-when-you-can and low fee season, and a time of fun and sharing and simplicity.

Kinda like summer.

The first event coming up for diving into the great ocean of inquiry is joining together with others to share a retreat called Being With Byron Katie for four whole days! We will be watching the event streamed live on a large flat screen in a lovely house in Seattle, and holding complete silence in between viewing sessions (which is the same as the in-person participants with Katie will be doing in Switzerland).

Yes, you can come for the weekend or one-day only (same low fee of $185) and watch what you miss via recording until September 30th for no extra.

Our silent event Being With Byron Katie begins on Saturday, July 8th at 9:00 am and ends Tuesday, July 11th around 9:00 pm. Find out all the details here, including information about how to reserve your overnight stay in Seattle (but commuters are entirely welcome) at our retreat site house, rented just for us. We’re starting to fill, so good to join us soon.

Some people travel from other states, or fly, to attend Being With Byron Katie in Seattle. ITW candidates can earn 24 credits for an in-person Katie event at the end (ask me how if you’re interested).

The morning following the Being With Byron Katie event, we’ll have an optional 90 minute session for Q & A for those with special questions, from 9-10:30 am on Wednesday July 12th as a part of the event. Several certified facilitators will be on hand to support you. Anyone is welcome if you’re registered for Being With Byron Katie. We’ll meet at the same house where we’re viewing the program.

Staying in The Silence

“I could never, ever, ever be quiet on my own in the same way this 4 day retreat offered me the structure of silence. I never did anything like this before, and it was amazing. I feel like I just got to be on a real retreat with Byron Katie, otherwise prohibitive for me financially. Thanks for making this possible. Can’t wait until next year.” ~ Participant 2016

Next….your chance to REALLY DO The Work as a regular practice:

Summer Camp for The Mind! 

I’m so excited people started signing up for Summer Camp before I even announced it this year.

Summer Camp for The Mind is a virtual group experience where people dial-in to the same conference line (audio only–you can be on your car or puttering around doing laundry if you’re in listen-only mode).

People volunteer to “go” and I give everyone turns who are interested in doing The Work with me out loud. Everyone listens as the volunteer does their work, doing THEIR own work through the listening. There’s some time for feedback and sharing and insight after every stressful thought questioned. Again, you can share, or listen-only.

This is a loose, simple format. Meaning, there are no requirements or expectations. Except to enter into self-inquiry and share the process with others. Show up when you want, leave when you need to.

It’s funny how people won’t even know one another, and may be from different continents, yet they meet, grow familiar with each other’s voices, and even stay in touch. Not long ago, someone shared with me they’ve been doing The Work with a Summer Camp for The Mind participant as a one-on-one facilitation partner since 2015 and not planning on stopping anytime soon.

Summer Camp for The Mind is also  a very inexpensive way to jump in to a more organized scheduled intention doing The Work. The fee is sliding scale range ($150-$500 suggested) and we meet almost daily from July 12-August 18 with a 3 hour mini-retreat to kick off Summer Camp. There are TWO options for the kick-off mini retreat Opening Day to Summer Camp. The first is Weds morning 8-11 am Pacific Time July 5th, the second option is Thursday afternoon July 5th 5:30-8:30 pm PT. Choose one, and come along for learning, listening and doing The Work together.

When you sign up for Summer Camp, come to one session, or all of them. It’s up to you.

I also strongly encourage anyone who is interested in Year of Inquiry, (and I know there are many this year since it’s now worth multiple credits in the Institute for The Work), to sign up for Summer Camp. The whole current Year of Inquiry (YOI) group is included in Summer Camp as a part of their final two summer months of YOI.

These participants are courageous, smart, and experienced. They’ve been in Year of Inquiry since last September, and maybe longer if they’re a regular YOI participant (some repeat annually). What a treat to join with them, along with all the inquirers, sharing this profound time together, to get this work done.

Can’t wait for this summer inquiry jam to begin. For more information head over here.

“For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge–but let’s face it, we do it all the time. We all have judgments running in our heads. Through The Work we finally have permission to let those judgments speak out, or even scream out, on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love.” ~ Byron Katie

But even if you never sign up for a paid program doing The Work of Byron Katie…you can “do” The Work even today, right now.

Start by writing down your stressful thoughts. Get them down in writing.

Now, they can’t slip away from you speedy fast. You wrote them. So you can inquire.

If you can inquire, you have access to freedom.

If you have access to internal freedom, you have the possibility of a new perspective…and joy.

“Something opens our wings. Something makes boredom and hurt disappear. Someone fills the cup in front of us: We taste only sacredness.” ~ Rumi

I know whomever shows up at Being With Byron Katie or Summer Camp for The Mind (or both) are just the right people.

Thank you for joining me.

Much love,

Grace

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Remembering to welcome them all

A short one today.

As I travel, I’m so very aware that every hour, everything I see, every touch, every step, every person sharing with me, everyone who makes sound, every car going by, every doorway….

….are the most magnificent collection of life on earth.

Whether something brings a moment of joy, laughter, worry, irritation.

Magnificent.

Who would we be without our stressful stories, that some incidents and situations should be banished, and others should stick around longer?

Yes, who would we be.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
 
– Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Much love,

Grace

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Don’t make lists or be careful…the golden plant is here shooting out of your eyes

I wrote part of this below a year ago. How perfect, given I’m traveling now….and wondering what each day will be like, and where we’ll be sleeping:

It’s funny how sometimes the mind will activate and start flashing pictures before your eyes of why NOT to do something new, go someplace different, travel, explore, move, change, see something unusual.

Even if staying home is boring, same same, too comfortable, unfulfilling, or maybe fraught with abrasive family relationships that aren’t that fun.

Better stay in the familiar.

It could be worse.

It’s like the mind, or that way of thinking, is peppered or infused with what I like to call “careful” syndrome.

Be careful. Life is tricky. Anything could happen. Watch out. Don’t be reckless. Don’t go overboard. Don’t try it. Do not jump. Don’t make that move. You’ll regret it.

I said be careful!!

But are you sure you need to be careful? Is this actually true? Are you positive this carefulness is required, or the best approach to life? Or the least dangerous?

No.

How do you react when you think you should be careful?

I stay home. I work a lot. I keep busy in a weird kind of way that prevents silent time and opening up to deeper thinking. I skip meditating. I push towards some of the same goals. I don’t have conversations that might be important to have….uncomfortable ones. I don’t bring up things I feel anxious to speak about. I don’t make changes. I don’t try anything truly different. I don’t travel, physically, or internally.

Who would you be without this story of You Needing To Be Careful?

The strangeness of being without this thought suddenly comes forward. I notice how much care and effort I’ve made in my life to be cautious, tentative, not plunge in, wait, hesitate, decide against something.

What if I didn’t think my children should be careful? What if carefulness wasn’t required? What if taking care, in this anxious way, didn’t prevent “bad” things from happening? What if everything happened, whether I was taking care, or not?

What if it truly was not necessary whatsoever, or even possible, to Be Careful?

Gulp.

Mind blown.

Turning the belief around:

I do not have to be careful. There is no worse way for it to be. It’s THIS way, the way it is. Change could even offer something interesting. Staying the same, and relaxing with it, could also offer something interesting.

My thinking and the story my thoughts invent make things worse. I scare myself with my imagination. (Ha ha, isn’t that the truth)?

And what if I lived this turnaround, that things might be better, or unknown and mysterious (yay)?

What if I could sense in my bones the feeling of looking forward to anything that happens?

Yes, anything.

No resistance. No bracing myself for the blow, or being exceptionally careful so it doesn’t hurt so bad, or blocking and avoiding so I don’t get over-stimulated or exhausted. No walking on eggshells. No holding back.

It doesn’t mean, oh no….I’m now going to hurt myself or other people. It’s not swinging to the complete opposite “I’ll be CARELESS!” like now I’ll try to jump off the roof because dang-it I want to see what it’s like to fly for two seconds!

It’s not running wildly through a china shop knocking over everything, or doing this to the inside of my psyche and my inner world and freaking myself out.

But it is expanding my world into far more possibilities.

It feels, when I live the turnaround and feel the turnaround “I do not HAVE TO be careful” like I trust something about reality.

I’m here, willing to be here, looking forward to being here until I’m not.

This feels deeply joyful. It feels like a place beyond this mental outlook or worrying story. It feels full of wonder.

Wonder, and awe, and many adventures and travels.

Don’t Make Lists by Dorothy Walters 

Every day a new flower rises 

from your body’s fresh soil. 

Don’t go around looking 

for fallen petals 

in a fairy tale, when you’ve 

got the golden plant 

right here, now, 

shooting forth in light from your eyes, 

your awakening crown. 

Don’t make lists, or explore ancient accounts. 

Forget everything you know 

and open.

Are you ready for an adventure of the inner AND outer kind?

There is such an adventure for those who are called, at Breitenbush Hotsprings Resort and Conference Center in eastern Oregon deep in the old growth forest.

It’s a stunning physical setting, and your physical body is well nourished and cared for with silent bathing pools to use (outside of our retreat sessions), delicious vegetarian home-cooked meals full of vegetables and fruits, and the air filled with emerald green ancient trees.

The beds are all exquisite (I stay right there every year and sleep so well, it’s amazing). The night is so silent and dark, it’s a drastic comparison to city and town life. No cell service, no internet.

And on the inside, we investigate with mind, heart and soul. We start with The Work on an important and difficult issue in our lives, someone we’re at odds with, something we find disturbing.

We get to spend time with our perspective and take it through this most powerful form of self-inquiry. We get to wonder about new ways to see, like not being so careful, not feeling stuck or squished in our lives.

Breitenbush Summer Retreat is less than a month away. There are only a few spaces left, and a few of those delicious beds. Call them to register today, before they open up the beds to the general public. Click here: Breitenbush for all the information you need to call them, and find many questions answered.

At Breitenbush, we do The Work, take silent breaks, eat (sometimes in silence) together, share facilitation with others, share in our group, walk through lush, soft green trails of gigantic trees and wild purple rhododendrons, schedule a massage, soak in the springs, dance on Saturday night in the great lodge hall, and expand our vision, together.

And, there’s a very special Sunday morning labyrinth walk with The Work.

We nurture ourselves by being with ourselves directly. Not carelessly, not fearfully with the kind of care that makes us small….

….but with curiosity, and an opening mind.

Won’t you come join us forgetting what you know to be true that brings you sadness, confusion, irritation and suffering?

Beginners to The Work are totally welcome. Experienced are also very welcome. A beautiful collection of people always arrive. Ready to explore the inner and the outer by stepping away from normal life for 5 days.

Not much time left, if you call very soon you’ll still have some excellent lodging choices…..and some excellent new turnaround choices for your life.

“Don’t be careful, you could hurt yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace
P.S. Love to see you at Breitenbush where everything is completely handled by Not Me. What an incredible time to be in the company of others in support of questioning your thoughts, and changing your perceptions of reality. Declare Peace. Join us!

To Comment on this Grace Note, click HERE. I love hearing from you and read every single one. 

 

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You do not have to be good…FB live today on doing TW on yourself

Today I’ll do another Facebook live! I know, I know, I thought I’d be doing these on Thursdays, but there is no schedule, apparently.

But at least I’ve given a little warning. I’ll hit the GO button at 1:00 pm Pacific Time Tuesday May 23rd. Join me!

If you haven’t been to my facebook page before, it’s Work With Grace: Byron Katie Coach and it’s the coolest thing to be able to be there and connect with you LIVE. I get to see your questions and comments on the spot.

Here’s the topic: Doing The Work of Byron Katie on fearing you are not attractive enough, kind enough, good enough.

So many people shared that this was one of their top ten thoughts when I asked, I was surprised…and then not really. I’ve been there myself.

It’s incredibly stressful, and incredibly common, to think thoughts like “I’m ugly” or “I’m an idiot” or “I’m not x enough (good enough, awake enough, patient enough)”.

Often, we’re advised NOT to do The Work on ourselves. There are very good reasons for this.

Think about it.

You are using your own mind, the same one that came up with the thought “I’m ugly” (not exactly kind) to then honestly and neutrally question this belief.

Maybe you have a belief that if you do The Work on this mean thought, you’ll improve, or turn out a little less ugly.

It’s very hard to drill down deep enough to even wonder….where did I get this idea? How could I know this is true? Why would I repeat this thought ad nauseum for most of my life?

The idea is….if I could just fix myself, I’d be happy. I’d have more fun, be a better person, help others, stop freaking out.

It’s really hard to give up the conviction that indeed, you are ugly or maladjusted, or something’s gone wrong with you.

We’ll think if we didn’t have this thought, we would either A) not be protected, safe, careful, or B) be made fun of by the entire kingdom, or C) be too bold.

But who would you be without this dreadful story “I am ugly, I did it wrong, I should be ashamed, I’m not good enough, I’m an idiot….”?

Who would you actually be? What would you be?

Can you feel it?

Maybe it’s inexplicable. Something in here observes, watches, without malice or judgment. Something in here realizes, I have no idea what I actually am. I can’t even see myself clearly–certainly not physically! How would I ever be able to see ugliness or idiocy or not-good-enough-ness? It’s practically impossible to be sure.

(Unless I’m playing God, ahem).

Turning it around: I am beautiful, I am bright, I am energy, I am good enough, I am good, I am loving, I am I-Don’t-Know (in a good way), I am.

I am.

Is this not just as true, or truer?

What if this way you are is just….the way you are? And there’s no need or urgency for improvement.

Wow. Now that’s a wild, exciting, natural, thrilling thought. It’s a wonderful, thrilling feeling. Being this. Not even knowing what it is. Letting it be, without a need to change one drop.

It’s called Unconditional Love. Could this be what we are already, without a thought that we need to improve? How about even WITH the thought we need to improve!

“You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves….”

~ Mary Oliver from Wild Geese

If you’ve had a little troubling doing The Work regularly I rewrote a simple guide for those of us having trouble with our self-inquiry. Maybe you haven’t felt much relief or joy through inquiry, perhaps you feel burdened by the weight of your beliefs which may have begun centuries before you were born. Maybe you constantly revert to criticism of yourself in an effort to improve life.

If so, you can find this eguide here. Please share it with others, if you think they’d benefit. I’d appreciate your feedback on what’s helpful and where you have questions, too.

Much love,

Grace

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All this “work” is too much work

Still 6 spots for Breitenbush Retreat in luscious Oregon June 21-25 where you truly, deeply unplug and cleanse. Cleanse physically with spectacular vegetarian organic meals, dark quiet nights of rest, the old growth forest air, mineral springs for soaking.

And…the mental cleansing: The Work of Byron Katie. Question your thinking, declare peace. To read about it visit here. A brilliant opening to summer.

Following on the heals of Breitenbush…the northwest gathering of Being With Byron Katie July 8-11. This is a beautiful “silent” retreat with live video streamed sessions of Katie as she works with a live audience all the way from Switzerland (technically time delayed for us by 9 hours). We are silent in between all viewing sessions.

I’ve rented a house on Capitol Hill with four bedrooms for those who need/want to stay overnight. All those attending, including commuters, will share the house and lovely kitchen and gathering room during the day in complete silence.

The neighborhood is exquisite old Seattle Roanoke Park, lovely for walks and reflection in between sessions with Katie. For information about the schedule and reserving a room (fees have been updated to pass savings on to all participants for overnight stays) please visit HERE. A very sacred time, and incredibly inexpensive for being with Byron Katie. (24 credits for ITW candidates). Another certified facilitator who is attending also has space to sleep in her home for a very modest fee, just ask.

**********************

It’s funny that the way this whole doing-the-work thing has unrolled for me is summer is the biggest season of doing The Work actively, with others. Retreats, Summer Camp for The Mind telesessions, preparing for Year of Inquiry in September.

I didn’t plan it that way.

Summer is supposed to be the time-off and vacation season, right?

School’s out for kids, it’s always a lighter quarter for universities, people go camping. It’s simply easier to be outdoors, the sun stays up longer, the doors are open, at least in my area of the world.

An idea floated across this mind here that I should have mapped this schedule out so I could indeed have more “time off” in the summer. Haha, as if I could have planned or mapped out any of it.

Honestly…I could hardly believe for a moment it was true.

The best time off I’ve ever been granted, is from the results of The Work.

Which means, you actually have to work, first. You don’t know for how long, how often, what topics (although it becomes more and more clear) and what you’ll bump into along the way.

But it will be “work”. And it’s an inside job, with help from friends and guides and reality along the way.

If you look up the definition of “work” in the dictionary, most people might think….how can I do as little of this as possible?

Work = labor, slog, drudgery, exertion, effort, toil, service, function, operate, run.

There’s an idea about the all-summer-all-the-time place that if only I could get there in my mind, all would be extremely well.

Do I really have to work to get there? But it’s so HARD!

But you can question the flickers of what you imagine would be better than here, now.

  • I want the easy way
  • I want this to work, immediately (yesterday)
  • I can’t do it
  • I’ll never stop suffering
  • I can’t get there fast enough
  • it’s too hard

Can you absolutely know there’s another easier option? Or that it shouldn’t be hard?

The other day I was talking with a friend about money. He said he would be so thrilled to win the lottery and then he’d do x, y, z (he had an amazing list, including opening an orphanage).

Funny how we always want a big splash KABOOM change, insight, acknowledgement, break, gift. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these (they are of course awesome).

But how do I know I’m not supposed to have it? I don’t have it.

How do I react when I believe my own “work” should be different, or go faster, or not be so hard, or bring revelations and summer-mind NOW?

Frustrated, confused, resentful, irritated, even sad. Unwilling to sit down with pen and paper and keep looking at one issue or situation I’ve felt hurt by. Mad at the way things are set up here in this world. Why do I have to suffer? I don’t WANT to do any work! Jeez!

Who would I be without this thought that I don’t want to work, roll up my sleeves, sit down with pen, paper and a friend if I need it, hold still, wait for answers? Who would I be without the belief I can’t do this work, and that it takes the time it takes…and that it’s not always easy?

Oh. Huh.

You mean this is not up to me? I can’t force anything along? Or give up in frustration? Or fight? Or Not Play at all?

Wow.

Awareness, peace, quiet, freedom….it’s just sitting here, and I can notice it along the way, along the path of “work”.

I also notice there’s no other option. As Byron Katie says “you either believe your thoughts, or you question them.” I notice there is no third option not to have the thoughts at all. I keep finding this to be true.

Turning the thought around: I DO have to work to get there, and it’s good, even awesome, that I have to show up and participate. Yes.

  • I want the hard way, I want whatever way it is
  • I want this to work at exactly the time it works, no sooner, no later….just right for my own enlightenment
  • I can do it
  • I’ll always stop suffering
  • I can’t get there slow enough
  • it’s too easy
Holy moly, every one of these turnarounds is just as true, and even break-out-laughing funny.
I notice when something is really amazing and big and takes energy and focus, it’s incredibly rewarding and satisfying. I feel “in” it, involved, helping to create, a part of the great whole.
I notice when I sit down and do The Work, slowly, and connect with myself (and with another person always helps me personally) I always come out with some insight or greater clarity, and my suffering or repetitive thinking always diminishes.
I’ve experienced a deep slowness on one person, one incident, has brought magnificent lightness.
I used to think all the time, when I first encountered The Work “it can’t be this simple” and my attitude was always that something’s missing, I can’t, I don’t know, I’m not enough. It’s never been true every time I sit down and actually DO The Work.
Finally, I really do want this to come at the time that’s just right for me. When I first went to the School for The Work, I was so discombobulated and shaken, I was giddy with energy. I slept 4 hours a night. I went from terrified to thrilled. I didn’t feel that peaceful, let’s put it that way.
I had no idea where my life was going, but I knew everything from then on would be entirely and completely different. It has been.
I now notice that the wild ride has never been quite so wild and crazy again. Something began to settle down, rest, sleep well and longer. I didn’t want to completely “lose” my mind…I wanted it to go slowly, steadily, in a simple healing way.
I am so grateful I have not been on a roller coaster ride of mind-blowing insights. When something disturbs me, I look. It takes the perfect amount of time it takes. No sooner, no quicker.
Good that it’s slow, when it is. I can trust Reality to be supporting me with just what I can handle, even when I think I can’t handle it. Sometimes, there is fear rising up, and heart beating, and then I know to sit and wonder about it all….followed by action.
Do The Work internally with my thinking, do the work physically with the body, with my voice, however it shows up.
I am definitely not in charge.

“The darkness, the void, the space that the mind is terrified to enter, is the beginning of all life. It’s the womb of being. Fall in love with it, and when you do, it will immediately be taken from you, as you witness the birth of light. The Tao doesn’t take sides. It embraces both the darkness and the light. They’re equal….How do you know you’re supposed to be in pain? Because that’s what’s happening. To live without a stressful story, to be a lover of what is, even in pain–that’s heaven.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you’d like to join me in some beautiful, and perhaps astonishing “work” this summer….I can’t wait.

Even those of you very far away, we’ve got Summer Camp for The Mind coming for daily telesessions (come to one, or all) for 7 weeks, by donation.

Thank you for being with me here in The Work of Byron Katie, no matter what style it takes, or what shape it forms. I am so grateful to have you on this journey of working, movement, action, sharing, and transformation.

Much love,

Grace