Byron Katie has a funny thing she does when talking about the way people thank others.
People say “thank you” to her.
People say “thank you” to their families, or friends, or neighbors.
Katie asks with a tone of laughter….
….”Have you thanked you?”
When you really think about it, this is the sweetest thing.
Not everyone immediately thinks so.
It’s like….yeah….whatever.
I’m not really that great. I don’t get it. Isn’t that kind of egotistical or something?
But taking a moment to consider your steadiness, your loyalty, your patience with yourself.
You’ve been with you no matter what.
Even if you’ve ripped yourself to shreds verbally, or done things you’d prefer to keep secret forever….
….that sweet mysterious center of you has been here the whole time.
It doesn’t actually even need to be thanked, have you noticed?
It basically doesn’t care, in a really good way.
But for the fun of it, thank you anyway, in this time of thanking and gratitude.
“We’re all taught that something needs to change for us to experience true peace and freedom. Just imagine for a moment that this isn’t true. Even though you may believe that it’s true, just imagine for a moment: What would it be like if you didn’t need to struggle, if you didn’t need to make an effort to find peace and happiness? What would that feel like now? And just take a moment to be quiet and see if peace or stillness is with you in this moment.” ~ Adyashanti
That’s the place I’m talking about, that we all have.
Even if you think you don’t or you’re so mad at yourself for wasted time or doing something dumb or doing it wrong or not getting it yet.
All that’s running like a babbling brook.
And here we are together, floating, relaxing, Not Leaving even if we’ve tried to leave.
Thank me, thank you, thank me.
(Now pet your own hair and feel how absolutely cute and adorable you are…..
…..and if you can’t feel it or it seems too weird or wrong…..
…..there’s something you can do with that kind of thinking and it’s called The Work).
Much love, Grace
P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30. Question your story, change your world. Join us!
sweet to know: entering the cave of solitude leads to a joyful place
In yesterday’s Grace Note was a beautiful poem Dream Song written by John Berryman–I forgot to include his name.
It seems, as a writer myself, like a big omission! Jeez!
Yesterday felt scattered, chaotic, with a big list of what needed to get done according to the plans for business and work and personal basics like going to the gym and buying greens for dinner.
It’s funny the wide gap that can happen between what’s expected, and what actually happens.
By 7 pm yesterday, I had my presentation ready for Eating Peace, I had my curriculum done for Money: Loving This Story (it starts in January on Thursdays), my daily blog was finalized, and I had three hours of evening, an empty open gap of time, for doing whatever I pleased.
What to do?
Instead of actually relaxing, though….
….an old familiar feeling entered the scene.
The night was dark, blustery, cold. Things felt quiet and contained in the environment, like staying in was natural.
And yet, my mind kept thinking about December plans, the need to make copies, get items ready for this weekend’s meetup and first session of the 8 Month group, buy tea, arrange a ride for my daughter for Saturday, write the check for the school thing, call the airline reservations to make the change, take the computer to the old computer graveyard (remember?) and clean out my too-old summer clothes so I never have to look at them again.
But I don’t WANT to do any of those things.
I want to be entertained. I want to be excited. I want to connect. I want to. I want to. I want. I want. I want.
I chat messaged a friend “what movie should I watch?”
Husband was busy, daughter was busy.
The restless energy felt like a small flutter in the pancreas area, or behind my back.
Right then….another dear friend skyped me.
I talked with her for an hour or more. This is exceptionally rare.
Especially rare to have this happen fairly spontaneously. My schedule is usually mapped out and I’m quite organized or disciplined with what I’m doing and when.
At least it appears that’s what I am.
Who knows.
But who would you be, when you got that restless feeling of wanting, without starting to demand you need entertainment?
Without believing you “want”?
Without believing you need to go get something so you can become satisfied? (Like food, movie, friend, whatever you use to fill yourself).
I’d be still.
I’d feel very, very quiet.
I’d allow the mind to jump and fuss and screech around like a hoot owl, but something else would stay steady, relaxed.
Silent.
If loneliness appears….OK.
If wanting appears….OK.
But it doesn’t have to be believed, it doesn’t have to be followed.
I don’t have to “do” anything. I can quiet down, I can quiet.
The thinking is not important, the lonely restless feeling is not all that is here.
I wait a moment, just a short moment, and notice I’m back with myself.
The solitude and being here with yourself….maybe not as bad as you think.
Spiritual joys come only from solitude,
So the wise choose the bottom of the well,
For the darkness down there beats
The darkness up here.
He who follows at the heels of the world
Never saves his head.
~ Rumi
Much love, Grace
P.S. Drop in meetup Saturday 11/21 from 2-4 pm, 8 month group has room for one person Sundays (once a month) starting 11/22 from 3-6 pm. Both in Seattle, hit reply if interested.
Today at 9 am Pacific Time. One more chance to join me in the Thinking Peace, Eating Peace webinar: Steps and Jewels you need for the journey home to peace.
We start at 9:00 am Pacific Time, and this is exactly the same time slot as the 3 month program which starts next week on Tuesday, November 17th.
We’re warming up for a great time of insights and practicing freedom around where we get stuck in our thoughts and our feelings that fuel feeling bad about eating (or living).
Join me today by clicking HERE (no opt-in required, 90 minute presentation).
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Yesterday, it was very dark, and rainy, and drippy. White whispy clouds hung low, hovering in the tree tops across the water in my neighborhood.
I had the thought….It’s still early November and we haven’t even hit the solstice yet.
Dark times ahead. Literally.
Sometimes in the distant past, this created some depressed feelings within me.
I smelled them for a second yesterday.
Uh oh….what’s that smell?
Depression, it whispered. Darkness.
I suddenly had the thought “this is going to be a terrible winter, I can’t stand it.”
A sinking feeling of sadness. Anxiety.
The word “anxiety” is as old as Latin when the roots of it meant choked, squeezed…..or to distress or trouble something.
It wasn’t used in psychological terms until 1904, only about 110 years ago.
Often, when people feel a foreboding, or sensitivity to encroaching darkness, or pictures in their head and the feeling of heaviness or adrenaline…..anxiety.
I jumped on my bike.
Well, OK, it was exactly “jumping” on my bike. It took me 45 minutes to leave the house, after getting my ipod charged and finishing replying to emails.
With my down coat, drizzling rain, wool skull cap, gloves, and headphones in, I hit the trail.
At first, I was freezing.
But as always, the body warmed up, the blood started pumping, the air felt so fresh and good in my nostrils and lungs, on my face.
And I listened to one of my favorite wise men, Michael Singer, speak about the nut-case mind….
….and how we’ll believe things so easily, take a thought so seriously, feel very grave about a vision or idea.
Haha. Gosh. Sounds kind of familiar somehow.
The mind goes wild, faster than a locomotive trying to order both ourselves, and the world, around, or avoid dangerous things.
OK OK!
I CONFESS!
My own dreary thoughts had kinda gotten under my skin a little. Reminding me about dark winters and having ideas like “what a boring world” and “what’s the point” and “this isn’t good”.
With just a little reminder, I was laughing.
Actually laughing, noticing how genius I was to ride my bike on such a Seattle Monday with zero people on the trail but me.
A heron swam in the river, geese flew high above in a V-formation, the rain stopped entirely, the wind blew threw the gorgeous taller-than-tall poplar trees lining the river.
The light was so incredible, I was in awe.
I took photos (the one above is one of them!)
Remembering that you don’t have to believe everything you think is so amazing, so enlightening, so freeing….
….the world seemed dazzling.
And what changed?
Only a person’s perception, apparently, riding along on a bicycle in some section of the big wide reality, not believing their thoughts in doom and gloom.
And then, the sharing of it here.
If I can do it, you can too.
Truly. You don’t have to have some massive assistance, or conscious-altering lightning bolt hit you.
You don’t need anything but the other side of that whisper that was full of warning about such things as darkness and discouragement….
….Just a few questions:
Is it true?
Are you sure?
How does that feel, what do you notice, what happens when you’re thinking that?
How about when you’re NOT thinking that? What’s that like?
What if this is exciting, awesome, loving, delicious, safe, temporary, wonderful?
And maybe a little encouragement, that wasn’t anything you could have planned, dropping in at just the right moment.
Or not.
“Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.” ~ Tao Te Ching #48
Much love, Grace
P.S. Peace Talk’s latest episode from yesterday is HERE.
The flowers don’t try to be good, or to wake up. They grow, they bloom, they die….the way it is.
Yesterday I had the most wonderful privilege of hanging out with Francis Bennett (author of Finding Grace and a Trappist monk for 30 years) and about ten other loving people.
Rain literally hammered on the windows of the home we were in.
Outside it was a misty, dark Pacific Northwest day.
But inside it was warm, bright and lively in our little gathering. Candles were lit, the fireplace burned. We had hot tea and snacks.
While Francis has beautiful messages to share….I mention my time with him most importantly because of two sweet perceptions and beliefs I held that got questioned for me, by listening to him and being in his presence.
I was raised attending church every Sunday in the Episcopal religion. Church was extremely important to my parents.
I remember well the church of my earliest years in Lawrence, Kansas….then the cathedral I went to for the rest of my life while in the home of my parents (and for many services afterwards, too).
My family sat in the second pew, middle section.
The feel, smell, sensations, sights and sounds in the cathedral bring back memories every time I enter.
I haven’t thought about some of the authors, quotes, or stories Francis shared in many years.
During the day together, thinking about his sharing about “surrender” and “service” I had these vague memories surface of how I used to feel in church.
I should be really good.
This came on bigger and louder during early teenage years.
(Francis, by the way, gives the opposite message: be the way you are, be human, embrace yourself, embrace your reactions, let it be the way it is, love you).
Even if you’ve never been in religious practice growing up as a child, you might notice you have ideas about what a good person is, what a bad person is (MUST AVOID!).
Even if you do not EVER use the word “good” (you might even rebel wildly against it) you may notice you have ideas about what is coolest, what is successful, what you wish you could be like, what you “should” be doing to be better than you are now.
The other day, a client was visiting her parents who are aging.
She was choked up in tears.
“I should clean their house, I should be doing their yard work, I should live closer, I should be thinking about how to take care of them, I should have more money….”
She was full of despair about her lack of goodness, even if she wasn’t putting it that way.
Who would you be without the belief, though, that you should be different?
What if you could try on the idea that there is nothing more required?
Not to be the best child to your parents, or the best parent to your kids, or the best business owner, or the best spiritual person, or the best physically conditioned person you could be, or the best helper.
Not even the best enlightened person, or person seeking awakening?
I sat there yesterday and had this idea I’ve had before, to question the belief there are any mistakes, or “wrong” ways of doing things.
Perhaps there are most efficient ways of doing and being, but we’re learning it every day, careening along, sometimes going off track, returning to the center, forgetting, remembering, moving in chaos, acting really childish, acting really mature, and eventually feeling the presence of peace all the time, no matter what.
I love how we all love peace so much, even if we’ve been very confused by our surroundings and our minds and perceptions.
Turning the thought around: I should be exactly as I am, no more, no less. I should not be good. (You might even have fun laughing with the turnaround that you should be really bad).
I am simply this….
….I am.
No good, no bad, no right, no wrong, no pros and cons.
Just a feeling deeply under, back beneath and behind even the “I am” feeling of being someone, or something that even then needs to strive to be good or work hard or win or achieve or succeed.
You don’t even have to “get” it particularly.
All you need to do is stop and feel a stillness inside…..
…..and not believe your thoughts that you won’t be happy or good unless you “try” hard to get happy or good.
Kind of amazing, right?
I sometimes share the words of one of my favorite teachers, who is also very intense and not to be taken like a pill of self-criticism.
But I love his straight lazer-knife talk.
“No ambition is spiritual. All ambitions are for the sake of the ‘I am’. If you want to make real progress you must give up all idea of personal attainment. The ambitions of the so-called Yogis are preposterous. A man’s desire for a woman is innocence itself compared to the lusting for an everlasting personal bliss. The mind is a cheat. The more pious it seems, the worse the betrayal.” ~ Nisargadatta
What if you let go of the ambition to be the most incredible person you could ever be, and dropped your pushing?
P.S. If you’re interested in finding out more about Eating Peace Online starting November 17th, make sure you update your subscription preferences to receive Eating Peace News. Click “change preferences” on the little print at the bottom of this email. Huge early bird discount for Eating Peace ends November 10th.
