Category: spirituality

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Remembering to welcome them all

A short one today.

As I travel, I’m so very aware that every hour, everything I see, every touch, every step, every person sharing with me, everyone who makes sound, every car going by, every doorway….

….are the most magnificent collection of life on earth.

Whether something brings a moment of joy, laughter, worry, irritation.

Magnificent.

Who would we be without our stressful stories, that some incidents and situations should be banished, and others should stick around longer?

Yes, who would we be.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
 
– Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Much love,

Grace

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Don’t make lists or be careful…the golden plant is here shooting out of your eyes

I wrote part of this below a year ago. How perfect, given I’m traveling now….and wondering what each day will be like, and where we’ll be sleeping:

It’s funny how sometimes the mind will activate and start flashing pictures before your eyes of why NOT to do something new, go someplace different, travel, explore, move, change, see something unusual.

Even if staying home is boring, same same, too comfortable, unfulfilling, or maybe fraught with abrasive family relationships that aren’t that fun.

Better stay in the familiar.

It could be worse.

It’s like the mind, or that way of thinking, is peppered or infused with what I like to call “careful” syndrome.

Be careful. Life is tricky. Anything could happen. Watch out. Don’t be reckless. Don’t go overboard. Don’t try it. Do not jump. Don’t make that move. You’ll regret it.

I said be careful!!

But are you sure you need to be careful? Is this actually true? Are you positive this carefulness is required, or the best approach to life? Or the least dangerous?

No.

How do you react when you think you should be careful?

I stay home. I work a lot. I keep busy in a weird kind of way that prevents silent time and opening up to deeper thinking. I skip meditating. I push towards some of the same goals. I don’t have conversations that might be important to have….uncomfortable ones. I don’t bring up things I feel anxious to speak about. I don’t make changes. I don’t try anything truly different. I don’t travel, physically, or internally.

Who would you be without this story of You Needing To Be Careful?

The strangeness of being without this thought suddenly comes forward. I notice how much care and effort I’ve made in my life to be cautious, tentative, not plunge in, wait, hesitate, decide against something.

What if I didn’t think my children should be careful? What if carefulness wasn’t required? What if taking care, in this anxious way, didn’t prevent “bad” things from happening? What if everything happened, whether I was taking care, or not?

What if it truly was not necessary whatsoever, or even possible, to Be Careful?

Gulp.

Mind blown.

Turning the belief around:

I do not have to be careful. There is no worse way for it to be. It’s THIS way, the way it is. Change could even offer something interesting. Staying the same, and relaxing with it, could also offer something interesting.

My thinking and the story my thoughts invent make things worse. I scare myself with my imagination. (Ha ha, isn’t that the truth)?

And what if I lived this turnaround, that things might be better, or unknown and mysterious (yay)?

What if I could sense in my bones the feeling of looking forward to anything that happens?

Yes, anything.

No resistance. No bracing myself for the blow, or being exceptionally careful so it doesn’t hurt so bad, or blocking and avoiding so I don’t get over-stimulated or exhausted. No walking on eggshells. No holding back.

It doesn’t mean, oh no….I’m now going to hurt myself or other people. It’s not swinging to the complete opposite “I’ll be CARELESS!” like now I’ll try to jump off the roof because dang-it I want to see what it’s like to fly for two seconds!

It’s not running wildly through a china shop knocking over everything, or doing this to the inside of my psyche and my inner world and freaking myself out.

But it is expanding my world into far more possibilities.

It feels, when I live the turnaround and feel the turnaround “I do not HAVE TO be careful” like I trust something about reality.

I’m here, willing to be here, looking forward to being here until I’m not.

This feels deeply joyful. It feels like a place beyond this mental outlook or worrying story. It feels full of wonder.

Wonder, and awe, and many adventures and travels.

Don’t Make Lists by Dorothy Walters 

Every day a new flower rises 

from your body’s fresh soil. 

Don’t go around looking 

for fallen petals 

in a fairy tale, when you’ve 

got the golden plant 

right here, now, 

shooting forth in light from your eyes, 

your awakening crown. 

Don’t make lists, or explore ancient accounts. 

Forget everything you know 

and open.

Are you ready for an adventure of the inner AND outer kind?

There is such an adventure for those who are called, at Breitenbush Hotsprings Resort and Conference Center in eastern Oregon deep in the old growth forest.

It’s a stunning physical setting, and your physical body is well nourished and cared for with silent bathing pools to use (outside of our retreat sessions), delicious vegetarian home-cooked meals full of vegetables and fruits, and the air filled with emerald green ancient trees.

The beds are all exquisite (I stay right there every year and sleep so well, it’s amazing). The night is so silent and dark, it’s a drastic comparison to city and town life. No cell service, no internet.

And on the inside, we investigate with mind, heart and soul. We start with The Work on an important and difficult issue in our lives, someone we’re at odds with, something we find disturbing.

We get to spend time with our perspective and take it through this most powerful form of self-inquiry. We get to wonder about new ways to see, like not being so careful, not feeling stuck or squished in our lives.

Breitenbush Summer Retreat is less than a month away. There are only a few spaces left, and a few of those delicious beds. Call them to register today, before they open up the beds to the general public. Click here: Breitenbush for all the information you need to call them, and find many questions answered.

At Breitenbush, we do The Work, take silent breaks, eat (sometimes in silence) together, share facilitation with others, share in our group, walk through lush, soft green trails of gigantic trees and wild purple rhododendrons, schedule a massage, soak in the springs, dance on Saturday night in the great lodge hall, and expand our vision, together.

And, there’s a very special Sunday morning labyrinth walk with The Work.

We nurture ourselves by being with ourselves directly. Not carelessly, not fearfully with the kind of care that makes us small….

….but with curiosity, and an opening mind.

Won’t you come join us forgetting what you know to be true that brings you sadness, confusion, irritation and suffering?

Beginners to The Work are totally welcome. Experienced are also very welcome. A beautiful collection of people always arrive. Ready to explore the inner and the outer by stepping away from normal life for 5 days.

Not much time left, if you call very soon you’ll still have some excellent lodging choices…..and some excellent new turnaround choices for your life.

“Don’t be careful, you could hurt yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace
P.S. Love to see you at Breitenbush where everything is completely handled by Not Me. What an incredible time to be in the company of others in support of questioning your thoughts, and changing your perceptions of reality. Declare Peace. Join us!

To Comment on this Grace Note, click HERE. I love hearing from you and read every single one. 

 

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You do not have to be good…FB live today on doing TW on yourself

Today I’ll do another Facebook live! I know, I know, I thought I’d be doing these on Thursdays, but there is no schedule, apparently.

But at least I’ve given a little warning. I’ll hit the GO button at 1:00 pm Pacific Time Tuesday May 23rd. Join me!

If you haven’t been to my facebook page before, it’s Work With Grace: Byron Katie Coach and it’s the coolest thing to be able to be there and connect with you LIVE. I get to see your questions and comments on the spot.

Here’s the topic: Doing The Work of Byron Katie on fearing you are not attractive enough, kind enough, good enough.

So many people shared that this was one of their top ten thoughts when I asked, I was surprised…and then not really. I’ve been there myself.

It’s incredibly stressful, and incredibly common, to think thoughts like “I’m ugly” or “I’m an idiot” or “I’m not x enough (good enough, awake enough, patient enough)”.

Often, we’re advised NOT to do The Work on ourselves. There are very good reasons for this.

Think about it.

You are using your own mind, the same one that came up with the thought “I’m ugly” (not exactly kind) to then honestly and neutrally question this belief.

Maybe you have a belief that if you do The Work on this mean thought, you’ll improve, or turn out a little less ugly.

It’s very hard to drill down deep enough to even wonder….where did I get this idea? How could I know this is true? Why would I repeat this thought ad nauseum for most of my life?

The idea is….if I could just fix myself, I’d be happy. I’d have more fun, be a better person, help others, stop freaking out.

It’s really hard to give up the conviction that indeed, you are ugly or maladjusted, or something’s gone wrong with you.

We’ll think if we didn’t have this thought, we would either A) not be protected, safe, careful, or B) be made fun of by the entire kingdom, or C) be too bold.

But who would you be without this dreadful story “I am ugly, I did it wrong, I should be ashamed, I’m not good enough, I’m an idiot….”?

Who would you actually be? What would you be?

Can you feel it?

Maybe it’s inexplicable. Something in here observes, watches, without malice or judgment. Something in here realizes, I have no idea what I actually am. I can’t even see myself clearly–certainly not physically! How would I ever be able to see ugliness or idiocy or not-good-enough-ness? It’s practically impossible to be sure.

(Unless I’m playing God, ahem).

Turning it around: I am beautiful, I am bright, I am energy, I am good enough, I am good, I am loving, I am I-Don’t-Know (in a good way), I am.

I am.

Is this not just as true, or truer?

What if this way you are is just….the way you are? And there’s no need or urgency for improvement.

Wow. Now that’s a wild, exciting, natural, thrilling thought. It’s a wonderful, thrilling feeling. Being this. Not even knowing what it is. Letting it be, without a need to change one drop.

It’s called Unconditional Love. Could this be what we are already, without a thought that we need to improve? How about even WITH the thought we need to improve!

“You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves….”

~ Mary Oliver from Wild Geese

If you’ve had a little troubling doing The Work regularly I rewrote a simple guide for those of us having trouble with our self-inquiry. Maybe you haven’t felt much relief or joy through inquiry, perhaps you feel burdened by the weight of your beliefs which may have begun centuries before you were born. Maybe you constantly revert to criticism of yourself in an effort to improve life.

If so, you can find this eguide here. Please share it with others, if you think they’d benefit. I’d appreciate your feedback on what’s helpful and where you have questions, too.

Much love,

Grace

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All this “work” is too much work

Still 6 spots for Breitenbush Retreat in luscious Oregon June 21-25 where you truly, deeply unplug and cleanse. Cleanse physically with spectacular vegetarian organic meals, dark quiet nights of rest, the old growth forest air, mineral springs for soaking.

And…the mental cleansing: The Work of Byron Katie. Question your thinking, declare peace. To read about it visit here. A brilliant opening to summer.

Following on the heals of Breitenbush…the northwest gathering of Being With Byron Katie July 8-11. This is a beautiful “silent” retreat with live video streamed sessions of Katie as she works with a live audience all the way from Switzerland (technically time delayed for us by 9 hours). We are silent in between all viewing sessions.

I’ve rented a house on Capitol Hill with four bedrooms for those who need/want to stay overnight. All those attending, including commuters, will share the house and lovely kitchen and gathering room during the day in complete silence.

The neighborhood is exquisite old Seattle Roanoke Park, lovely for walks and reflection in between sessions with Katie. For information about the schedule and reserving a room (fees have been updated to pass savings on to all participants for overnight stays) please visit HERE. A very sacred time, and incredibly inexpensive for being with Byron Katie. (24 credits for ITW candidates). Another certified facilitator who is attending also has space to sleep in her home for a very modest fee, just ask.

**********************

It’s funny that the way this whole doing-the-work thing has unrolled for me is summer is the biggest season of doing The Work actively, with others. Retreats, Summer Camp for The Mind telesessions, preparing for Year of Inquiry in September.

I didn’t plan it that way.

Summer is supposed to be the time-off and vacation season, right?

School’s out for kids, it’s always a lighter quarter for universities, people go camping. It’s simply easier to be outdoors, the sun stays up longer, the doors are open, at least in my area of the world.

An idea floated across this mind here that I should have mapped this schedule out so I could indeed have more “time off” in the summer. Haha, as if I could have planned or mapped out any of it.

Honestly…I could hardly believe for a moment it was true.

The best time off I’ve ever been granted, is from the results of The Work.

Which means, you actually have to work, first. You don’t know for how long, how often, what topics (although it becomes more and more clear) and what you’ll bump into along the way.

But it will be “work”. And it’s an inside job, with help from friends and guides and reality along the way.

If you look up the definition of “work” in the dictionary, most people might think….how can I do as little of this as possible?

Work = labor, slog, drudgery, exertion, effort, toil, service, function, operate, run.

There’s an idea about the all-summer-all-the-time place that if only I could get there in my mind, all would be extremely well.

Do I really have to work to get there? But it’s so HARD!

But you can question the flickers of what you imagine would be better than here, now.

  • I want the easy way
  • I want this to work, immediately (yesterday)
  • I can’t do it
  • I’ll never stop suffering
  • I can’t get there fast enough
  • it’s too hard

Can you absolutely know there’s another easier option? Or that it shouldn’t be hard?

The other day I was talking with a friend about money. He said he would be so thrilled to win the lottery and then he’d do x, y, z (he had an amazing list, including opening an orphanage).

Funny how we always want a big splash KABOOM change, insight, acknowledgement, break, gift. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these (they are of course awesome).

But how do I know I’m not supposed to have it? I don’t have it.

How do I react when I believe my own “work” should be different, or go faster, or not be so hard, or bring revelations and summer-mind NOW?

Frustrated, confused, resentful, irritated, even sad. Unwilling to sit down with pen and paper and keep looking at one issue or situation I’ve felt hurt by. Mad at the way things are set up here in this world. Why do I have to suffer? I don’t WANT to do any work! Jeez!

Who would I be without this thought that I don’t want to work, roll up my sleeves, sit down with pen, paper and a friend if I need it, hold still, wait for answers? Who would I be without the belief I can’t do this work, and that it takes the time it takes…and that it’s not always easy?

Oh. Huh.

You mean this is not up to me? I can’t force anything along? Or give up in frustration? Or fight? Or Not Play at all?

Wow.

Awareness, peace, quiet, freedom….it’s just sitting here, and I can notice it along the way, along the path of “work”.

I also notice there’s no other option. As Byron Katie says “you either believe your thoughts, or you question them.” I notice there is no third option not to have the thoughts at all. I keep finding this to be true.

Turning the thought around: I DO have to work to get there, and it’s good, even awesome, that I have to show up and participate. Yes.

  • I want the hard way, I want whatever way it is
  • I want this to work at exactly the time it works, no sooner, no later….just right for my own enlightenment
  • I can do it
  • I’ll always stop suffering
  • I can’t get there slow enough
  • it’s too easy
Holy moly, every one of these turnarounds is just as true, and even break-out-laughing funny.
I notice when something is really amazing and big and takes energy and focus, it’s incredibly rewarding and satisfying. I feel “in” it, involved, helping to create, a part of the great whole.
I notice when I sit down and do The Work, slowly, and connect with myself (and with another person always helps me personally) I always come out with some insight or greater clarity, and my suffering or repetitive thinking always diminishes.
I’ve experienced a deep slowness on one person, one incident, has brought magnificent lightness.
I used to think all the time, when I first encountered The Work “it can’t be this simple” and my attitude was always that something’s missing, I can’t, I don’t know, I’m not enough. It’s never been true every time I sit down and actually DO The Work.
Finally, I really do want this to come at the time that’s just right for me. When I first went to the School for The Work, I was so discombobulated and shaken, I was giddy with energy. I slept 4 hours a night. I went from terrified to thrilled. I didn’t feel that peaceful, let’s put it that way.
I had no idea where my life was going, but I knew everything from then on would be entirely and completely different. It has been.
I now notice that the wild ride has never been quite so wild and crazy again. Something began to settle down, rest, sleep well and longer. I didn’t want to completely “lose” my mind…I wanted it to go slowly, steadily, in a simple healing way.
I am so grateful I have not been on a roller coaster ride of mind-blowing insights. When something disturbs me, I look. It takes the perfect amount of time it takes. No sooner, no quicker.
Good that it’s slow, when it is. I can trust Reality to be supporting me with just what I can handle, even when I think I can’t handle it. Sometimes, there is fear rising up, and heart beating, and then I know to sit and wonder about it all….followed by action.
Do The Work internally with my thinking, do the work physically with the body, with my voice, however it shows up.
I am definitely not in charge.

“The darkness, the void, the space that the mind is terrified to enter, is the beginning of all life. It’s the womb of being. Fall in love with it, and when you do, it will immediately be taken from you, as you witness the birth of light. The Tao doesn’t take sides. It embraces both the darkness and the light. They’re equal….How do you know you’re supposed to be in pain? Because that’s what’s happening. To live without a stressful story, to be a lover of what is, even in pain–that’s heaven.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you’d like to join me in some beautiful, and perhaps astonishing “work” this summer….I can’t wait.

Even those of you very far away, we’ve got Summer Camp for The Mind coming for daily telesessions (come to one, or all) for 7 weeks, by donation.

Thank you for being with me here in The Work of Byron Katie, no matter what style it takes, or what shape it forms. I am so grateful to have you on this journey of working, movement, action, sharing, and transformation.

Much love,

Grace
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Leaving everything you know behind, one thought at a time

There’s nothing like the gathering of people who come together to learn and do The Work.

Yesterday was Day #1 of the four day spring cleaning retreat. The rain drizzled, then pattered on the roof, with bright round pink, white, magenta rhododendrons drinking up the rain outside.

I could feel the excitement beforehand of meeting people I’ve never met before, seeing old friends come again to do The Work.

And so, we began at the beginning. Finding a moment we felt disturbed by. A time of trouble that when we think about it now, we’re still sad, sore, angry, confused.

Everyone had a situation. Everyone could find what they thought about it, answering the questions on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet that help us catch all the stressful, nasty, negative, terrifying, critical, frustrating, sad thoughts about just one situation.

We didn’t have to consider all of life, or everything we’ve ever been troubled by.

Only one situation.

You get to start with the one on top.

It doesn’t have to go fast. It doesn’t have to be too big a mouthful. It doesn’t have to be more than we can handle.

It can start where it starts. Just one moment in time you remember where that other person, thing, or place did something you didn’t like. It hurt.

It’s a wonderful way to not get overwhelmed, overstimulated, wildly full of expectation to change your entire world (or that whole relationship) and everything you’ve ever opposed (although you could be surprised by what happens, when you question just one situation).

The beauty I see and feel in the room, in everyone’s faces, when they begin this work together is so gorgeous. It reminded me once again of this profound poetry of David Whyte, read by him. The mystery of awakening.

Take a few minutes and listen today. Close your eyes.

Then, if something’s been bothering you, again….write it down. Ask four questions, turn it around.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Come do The Work at Breitenbush! I love this retreat. It’s amazing to settle into the summer Pacific Northwest forest. It’s an emerald green fairy land. The cabins are so toasty warm, heated by the natural springs (the entire place is run on heat and electricity generated by the water). The beds are cozy. It’s pitch dark at night. The food is amazing. And there are none of the usual distractions like TV or internet or noise to distract you. A deep sinking-in place to soak in The Work. And soak your body in the mineral waters in between sessions. Join me. Call soon to get lodging before it fills.

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Shame & Guilt: looking closely instead of trying to rip them out

First Friday Inquiry Jam is tomorrow! 7:45-9:00 am Pacific Time. It’s for everyone, it’s free (donation if it feels right). You can listen-only through the Broadcast, or dial-in with phone or WebCall and have the opportunity to do The Work. We’ll start with me guiding you through filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

Your sharing out loud, whether you’re in the hot seat doing The Work or listening, asking a question, offering an insight, is a beautiful way to connect us all together with this powerful process called self-inquiry. Join me HERE. If for any reason the dial-in or WebCall is full when you try to connect, join using the Broadcast feature.

***********************

So later this very day, Thursday at 1:00 pm PT I’ll be over on facebook live, on video. I do this to answer questions and share some of the biggest topics we notice come up and create arguments with reality!

Today, I want to talk about shame and guilt, because it’s coming up right and left lately in my Year of Inquiry group, solo sessions with people, and of course in troubles with food and eating or other compulsions.

Shame feels so awful to experience, right?

Must get rid of it….ASAP!!

But like other emotions and feelings (anger, for example) it may be here for an important reason. I mean, feelings, including shame or guilt, exist in reality, right?

So instead of wanting to crush them or freak out if we feel shame, maybe we can wonder about the message it brings.

Shame feels awful, no doubt about it. Nauseated, horrified, self-attacking (Why did I DO that? What’s WRONG with me?) and secretive.

Shame seems to say “hide this and never, ever, ever let anyone know about it”.

But what if we turned towards the thing(s) we feel most ashamed of and looked at them more closely, accepting them as a message or important dynamic we need to understand?

A wonderful exercise offered by Byron Katie in her book “I Need Your Love–Is That True?” is to write down your most shameful experiences.

Ugh. I know. Gross. Do I have to?

Well, no one has to do anything….but to take a look at what you’re ashamed of can grow you up and open your mind in a way you might not have thought possible. So why not do it? It’s crushing and hard and depressing to keep the experience hidden, so bringing it out to the open fresh air may feel horrible to see as it lays there so ugly in the bright sunlight, but better than the alternative of continuing the way you’ve been going.

It doesn’t mean announce it on facebook.

You can find a trusted advisor to work with, someone who you know can work with shame with an open mind, too.

And if the trusted advisor is you (it is) then you can do it on your own–as long as you tap into the part of you willing to be accepting and open, no matter what.

Long ago, even when I stopped binge-eating and vomiting and over-exercising, I would NEVER want anyone to know I had been bulimic. It still feels like there’s an ever-so-slight worried feeling, like an old smell or sound that isn’t pleasant, as I think of sharing how I struggled with a decade of insane eating.

I used to think, at that time, I’d rather be a drug addict or an alcoholic because those sounded more rebellious and wild or Rebel-Without-A-Cause at least, not so ugly as stuffing your face or making yourself throw up in secret. I actually remember thinking I wish I was that kind of addict, because then I’d also fit in completely at AA meetings.

But that was not the way of it.

And the most important thing is not the overeating at all, but instead the inner workings of other events and ways of being I thought of as shameful.

I thought I should never be angry, selfish, rude, boisterous, bossy, grabby. I had so many “rules” about what I should behave like and what other people should also behave like, it was overwhelming to try to be my “best self” all the time.

I just wanted to be offline for once, to live freely without all those rules and regulations.

So a great place to begin your research into what ails you, what brings you to feeling shame, what your shame is telling you, is to simply write a list of what you’re most ashamed of.

I like to suggest writing only five. (Let’s not get carried away, OK?)

Then, you can begin to study these situations not as if you are the problem, but looking at it as if you are a part of a whole. Watching what thoughts you had running. What frightened you most, what upset you, what threatened you, or angered you?

What I know is, when you identify a person, place, thing, event that bothered you or deeply disturbed you in the past….

….and begin to investigate without freaking out….

….you may find a freedom you never thought possible.

It all begins with the question:

Is it true?

1:00 pm PT Facebook Live on shame today, for about 15 minutes. Ask questions (writing), listen, comment. Let’s talk about shame. https://www.facebook.com/WorkWithGrace/ If you can’t make it live, it’ll be there as a recording right afterwards.

Much love,

Grace

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Are you waiting for better thoughts?

Argggh. Isn’t this plane going to take off soon?

Late, late. This sucks. I’m so tired. That’s all I needed was another hour added to this already-long flight. So annoying.

What kinds of thoughts enter your mind if you’re waiting?

Yes, ANY kind of waiting. Waiting for a phone call. Waiting to hear about the job. Waiting in line. Waiting for morning. Waiting for the holiday. Waiting for the results of the test. Waiting to eat. Waiting to become enlightened.

What does it feel like to wait?

Irritating. Worrisome. Infuriating. Heart-wrenching. Sad. Frightening. Uncomfortable. Boring.

Who would you be without this story of waiting?

What an astonishing question!

Who would I be without the belief that I am actually waiting?

What is waiting anyway? A feeling like we’re not there yet, or don’t have something yet, or right now is unfinished or not quite all of it.

Who would I be without that belief, in this moment while sitting on an airplane noticing we are not moving, hearing the anxious voice of a passenger many rows behind me ask when we’re taking off?

Peaceful. Noticing slow and fast, anticipating and willing to also be here, no demand something change now, for my personal benefit.

Ready to see where this goes (this day, this moment, this empty space).

Maybe even very excited. Full of wonder about this mysterious unknown moment, with unknown things in it, and an unknown future.

Turning it around: I am not waiting. In this moment, there is nothing missing, nothing anticipated, nothing impending, nothing to worry about.

No lack of knowledge, no such thing as “late”, no lack of bliss or absent enlightenment or awareness. Nothing happening before it’s time, or too soon.

Could this be just as true?

What’s OK, or even wonderful, about this moment sitting in a quiet plane that isn’t moving?

I relax with eyes closed. I feel the chair beneath me. I hear sounds. I picture needing to spend the night in an airport somewhere because of a missed connecting flight, and realize it doesn’t matter if I do–that would be an interesting adventure.

I hear the voices in my head that call for inquiry, and notice I have nothing else more interesting to do right now than The Work. I get out my laptop and begin to write. No need to turn my phone back on.

My four major projects I hope to work on during this trip seem suddenly possible, fun, and not so overwhelming. I have time. I love time.

Who am I without my belief that the plane should be moving, when it isn’t…that I’m waiting right now (as the plane begins to move) or that the flight itself is a waiting zone?

Without the belief in waiting, I’m very clear, just doing what’s next, one thing at a time. Feeling love for anything that flashes in my inner vision. Watching the backs of peoples’ adorable heads when I look up, all the glorious shapes and sizes and colors and hair.

Resting.

Even with that old outdated repetitive thought about enlightenment being somewhere else, or in other people who aren’t me….

….I’m simply being. Here.

You Reading This, Be Ready

Starting here, what do you want to remember?

How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?

What scent of old wood hovers, what softened 

sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world

than the breathing respect that you carry

wherever you go right now?

Are you waiting

for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this

new glimpse that you found; carry into evening

all that you want from this day.

This interval you spent

reading or hearing this, keep it for life–

What can anyone give you greater than now,

starting here, right in this room,

when you turn around?

~ William Stafford

 

Without the stressful story of waiting, I’m here.

I may not have chosen it, I can’t say I prefer it to something else….

….but this is all a mystery, I’m not in charge.

I respect what’s appeared.

Seeing, smelling, hearing, being this one that I apparently am right now, connected to the world, breathing this gift.

Much love,

Grace

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It ain’t over, til it’s over.

The Work of Byron Katie is known as a powerful stress-reducing method of changing one’s mindset. It can alter your entire perspective of a very painful situation.

I find, my internal world is completely different when I think about Before The Work and After The Work.

But what about severe physical harm? Or car accidents? Or huge traumatic moments, like war-time fear, near-death escape, or violence?

They are so frightening!

Sometimes, just seeing a movie with this kind of experience in it can be traumatizing. I remember this, in fact, from when I was about ten. I saw a horror movie in black-and-white on TV about turtle sucking snake-like creatures that vacuumed only the bone matter out of human bodies.

OMG.

I was up at night for several nights in a row, and I didn’t even want the girl whose house I spent the night at, where we watched this movie, to be my friend anymore.

The Exorcist scared me so badly, I couldn’t fall asleep all night then either, with my best friend Kathy snoozing in the guest bed next to me. I kept seeing a hand creep up the side of the wall, not connected to a body. (How did I get into the theater showing that movie, by the way, at age 12)?

I basically never watch horror movies now. Why on earth would I put myself through that kind of physical imaginative fear? The regular imagination is bad enough! Jeez!

The thing to remember first, when it comes to a truly traumatic experience, is that it is over, and now…..you are safe. Whether the event was real or a movie.

You are safe. Right now. Safe.

Because sometimes, the thoughts begin to scream at you NOT to look at that moment. Danger Danger Danger! A part of you doesn’t want to feel the adrenaline again, the sadness, the devastation. Even in a perfectly safe moment, your heart starts beating and you’re sweating, as you remember and “view” the movie in your mind.

It’s OK if you don’t want to do The Work on a truly frightening moment in your life. Nothing is required here.

And, it can be amazingly liberating if you do.

Just the other day, someone in Year of Inquiry did The Work her reaction to her grandson’s tantrum. He was so freaked out and wild, he scratched her eye. She remembered a previous violent situation even more frightening, with an adult, not a child.

If you notice you’re safe here, now, it might be easier to go take a look at that extremely difficult situation. The one you’d rather not see.

The violent one.

It’s a summer Saturday morning and the sun is streaming through huge tall windows and making bright lights and shadows on the gorgeous wooden dance floor. I’m full of energy, bouncy happy, surrounded by many wonderful, laughing people ages 5 to 80.  One of my favorite songs comes on.

The set list is made intentionally to inspire, and it’s amazingly eclectic and fun. World music, Bollywood music, pop music, 1970s joyful funk, hip hop, salsa, the latest pop song in northern Africa, music from Turkey, Mongolia, Iceland, Mexico.

I am so thrilled, I run across the dance floor and leap into one of my favorite gymnastics moves, from age 15. Roundoff handspring. I do cartwheels all the time. And walk on my hands regularly.

As I land with legs straight only off kilter to the right, I feel a huge awful pull or rip in my sits bone, my pelvis. My whole body freezes up.

I don’t know it, but I just tore my hamstring right off the bone at the top of my leg. I’m still standing. I take a step. It’s very painful. But I can walk. I think “it’s not broken, I can walk”. I think maybe it will go away. Maybe I’ll walk it off. I numbly slow down, perplexed at the pain, continuing to stay upright the rest of the dance.

At the end, when we sit down in a circle, I’m wobbly and it burns horribly. I can’t sit in the circle. I feel shaky. I say to my husband as we walk across the parking lot that I really need to go home. It hurts horribly as I sit in the car. I put the seat all the way back.

Now, looking back, I had amazingly little fear. I didn’t even know what was wrong. The stress began to arise when a friend gasped after I had an MRI that showed the tear. She already knew before I did that I would need a surgery that was…..very uncomfortable. And my hamstring would probably never be the same again. Ever.

What kinds of thoughts appear with a situation like this? Perhaps you lose a limb, or someone else dies, or you saw the injury.

I find it helpful to notice that in the moment of injury or initial pain, there is almost no thought. It’s only right afterwards. The assessment. The awareness comes in, and THEN….here comes the suffering.

The moment of suffering is what The Work is for. That thought. THAT moment. It doesn’t mean you’ll question physical pain (although you can) but more what you think it actually means to have this pain.

My hamstring will never be the same again. I’ll have physical pain or limited movement for the rest of my life. I will never bike long distances, run long distances, hike, do gymnastics ever, ever again.

It’s all down hill from here. My life as I knew it, is over.

Let’s do The Work on this thought.

Is it true?

Yes.

Is it absolutely true, and terribly stressful?

No.

My life already was all down hill from here. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I am 56 right now. I was 52 when I tore my hamstring. I have no idea if I still had an intact hamstring I’d be happier. In fact, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t affect my ultimate happiness at all.

I notice I don’t have the stamina I used to have, things are changing in most fascinating ways in the body. I’m not upset. I find it amazing. I feel like I could die any day and I would have had an incredible life, and a pretty long one. I’m looking forward to what’s next. If there’s nothing next, I’ll have no mind so nothing to worry about anyway. Ha ha!

Who would I be without the belief my life is over as I knew it? (And that’s a BAD thing)?

Excited! Full of wonder. Actually interested to see where this whole hamstring thing is going. Where this whole life-leading-to-death is going.

I notice the hamstring incident has given me some amazing experiences to explore, and awareness to wake up to:

a) After surgery, I had to lie flat for 9 days without being able to turn over onto my stomach. It was stunning to investigate the thought that I needed to. (Stephen Hawking, I get it now!)

b) I finally started yoga

c) I went to several brilliant body practitioners and learned so much about being in this body

d) I’m quieter in my movement and manner. Slower bike rides. Shorter walks. I love dancing again, but not so wildly perhaps.

e) I’ve gotten a lovely reminder of death, dying, temporariness here, exploring my thoughts about a limited amount of remaining years

f) I’m more comfortable than ever doing The Work with other people on death, suicidal thinking, injury, illness, cancer, sickness, pain, The End.

Every day, these days, I am aware this could be the last one. I have strong glimpses and experience, for minutes (if not hours) that there will be a last day for everyone, including me.

“There is pain, and then there is Pain and Suffering. So we’ll work with the suffering, and watch, through your life, how body follows mind. What an amazing trip…..How do you react when you believe the thought ‘I want the pain to stop’ and it doesn’t? What happens to the pain when you want it to stop, and it doesn’t? Who would you be without the story ‘I feel pain’? What is the worst that could happen if the pain becomes worse? You can’t stand it anymore, can you absolutely know that’s true?” ~ Byron Katie

Wow.

Turning it around: my life is over as I knew it, and it’s all up hill from here.

So far, this is true. And come to think of it, it always has been.

Or maybe, there’s no hill at all. And nothing happening from the past. Those thoughts, I notice, are only about past and future. They have nothing to do with the present moment.

Oh. Right.

“It ain’t over, til it’s over.” ~ Yogi Berra

Much love,

Grace

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Hate is too great a burden to bear

Here in the U.S. it’s a holiday, honoring the birthday of Martin Luther King.

In my school years growing up, every January there were assemblies, plays, speeches and lessons about MLK. A major thoroughfare in many US cities, including mine here in Seattle, is “Martin Luther King Boulevard”.

Even though I never knew him personally, and wasn’t old enough to be aware of him at the time he was practicing and speaking love….

….we all recognize him as someone who questioned his beliefs.

About race, hate, love, sharing, safety, law, prejudice, change, transformation, change, war, peace, communication.

For me, to question my violent thoughts (I’ve had many)….against others, and most importantly against myself….

….has been a pivot point of change.

Who would you be without your story of inner violence? This means thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I screwed up” or “I made a mistake” or “No one cares about me”.

There is nothing wrong with anyone who has “violent” thoughts. What are they, anyway? Forms of energy, a feeling of fear, worry that we are not supported by reality and the universe, scared of being hurt.

This is a deep cry of human suffering, and we all do the absolute best we can with our minds, feelings, actions.

What I’ve seen over and over, as I question my stressed out, violent, aggressive thoughts that arise–and I didn’t “make” them appear–is once they are investigated, an open, wild, mysterious, unidentifiable sense of peace remains. A peace that feels like the real truth.

Thank you all the speakers and leaders who questioned their thoughts, to show us how to live freely in the world, without fear.

I see every time, when I question my thinking, those stressful thoughts I had came only out of fear, confusion, and doubt in the mind.

Otherwise, all is very well indeed. And very, very peaceful.

Even if you don’t “know” it for sure.

“Non-violence and truth are inseparable and presuppose one another.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” ~ Martin Luther King

Thanks for being on this journey of wondering about thought….

….and exploring it, with an open mind. A journey of not needing to “bear” one ounce of hatred or violence, not even towards you.

What a relief. How very beautifully, brilliantly, quietly exciting.

And this journey to love….maybe “you” don’t even have to “decide” on sticking with it.

As Byron Katie says….drop the ‘maybe’.

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Freedom from your ideas, nothing is impossible (stress-free Resolutions)

nothing required for the stream to be happy

A client said to me yesterday, rolling her eyes….

….”this time of year, everyone’s assessing and thinking about their goals and year-end reflections and resolutions. Ugh.”

I could tell she was irritated at some of the ideas in her mind.

Goals.

What does the word conjure in your mind?

Many of us have completely thrown away all planning, striving for goals, setting goals, dreaming of some achievement out there in the future somewhere….

….and still….

….thoughts arise with scenes of what could be, what I might walk towards (even if I’m not running anymore), what I’d prefer, a hope for that wonderful vision to become realized.

When you have a dream of where you’d like to go or what you hope to achieve, do you feel stress? Does it make you want to roll your eyes?

I remember having goals in my past.

Long ago, when I was in my later teens and throughout my twenties, if you asked me at any time, in almost any situation, any moment of day, in the company of absolutely anyone (although I might not speak it out loud)….

….what my greatest dream, hope, goal, or longing was….

….I would say “to stop being crazy with food”.

Well, OK, honestly at age 14 (when I went on my first diet) my dream was to be thin. I wanted to be skinny and svelte. THEN after several years of that, I only dreamed of stopping the war with eating.

Be thin. Never overeat. Get control of the wild appetite.

As I grew older, the vision was not so much to be skinny, but to feel relaxed with food….although I would say it always included Not Craving, not obsessing, not thinking or re-thinking what I ate or would later eat.

Then being thin and ending obsession with food faded away (with deep help from therapists, groups, and clarity with emotions and relationships and no longer trying to be skinny all the time)….

….and instead I really wanted to be happy with money.

I wanted to feel like there was enough, I was satisfied and cared for, safe and secure.

Then….I wanted a mate, a close companion, a partner in life to live with and share adventures with.

And then….yet another vision to “work” towards.

Enlightenment.

For some reason, even though it’s so human, I feel a little embarrassed to speak of these goals, visions, dreams or hopes.

They aren’t very unique.

It seems like everyone wants these things in this culture I live in.

Here is so….scary, sad, disappointing, or boring.

Over there is better. In the future.

Is that true?

Oh surely, if I had 10 million dollars I’d be excited and happy. Wealth. Perfect health. Love.

Although…can I really absolutely know I’d be happy in every way, for the rest of my life, and never worry again if I had these things?

No.

Who are you when you believe reaching that goal (you know the one) would mean you could feel happy?

Constantly pushing, reaching, grabbing, wanting, and waiting to be happy….later.

Who would I be without the belief I need to earn double my income this upcoming year? Or lose 30 pounds? Or get married? Or get divorced? Or live in a different town? Or win the Olympic Gold medal? Or resolve that relationship. Or have a mind-blowing self-realization?

Right here now, without any thought that something needs to happen later, in the future, in order for you to be happy?

I notice it doesn’t mean I don’t naturally move in the direction of a vision, or an accomplishment….

….but there’s no stress. 

It’s a weird paradoxical thing.

I don’t need anything to change right now, I don’t need this other condition this instant.

If that other state was not required for happiness (thinness, money, pain-free, health like x, partner like y, mind like z) what would THIS moment be like, right now?

Interesting. Strange. Wonderful. Amazing. Taking everything in. Noticing. Being here. No matter what the outside circumstances or condition.

How bizarre this is, to have it be OK to be the way it really is, right now.

So for example, with the endless goal I lived with for years (thinness, absence of eating battles) without the belief I needed to be thinner in order to be happy, I would have been brought to the present moment.

Sometimes the present moment required eating, sometimes it did not. Happy either way. Happy with the Way of It.

“The mark of a moderate human is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way. Nothing is impossible for him.” ~ Tao Te Ching #59

Ahhhhhh.

A way to be with all situations, even this thing called envisioning “goals”.

Turning it around: it is not necessary, that way of being or thing or condition I must have, in order to be happy. It is not necessary to be thin to be happy. It is not necessary to be rich to be happy. It is not necessary to have a relationship to be happy. It is not necessary to be self-realized to be happy.

Not having anything be necessary for happiness IS self-realization.

Oh!

Ha ha.

Much love,

Grace