Category: Relationships

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Hating You Hating Me

Yesterday I got several emails from folks who have found that the one relationship that brings out the most stress in their lives is the one they have with someone from their job.

Boss, co-worker, employee, the person in the cubicle next door.

I love how Byron Katie says “things do not happen TO you, but FOR you”.

Really?!

When I used to feel angry, annoyed or ENRAGED with someone (what, me? enraged?) then one of my reactions when I believed that they really were horrible was that they should GO AWAY.

Be destroyed, get obliterated, get crushed, die, end, and never, ever come across my path again.

Just a little violence in my mind, not too horrible!

It seemed like before I knew how to pause and slow down, my mind got very carried away with the truth that this person was wrong, evil, and someone to stay away from eternally.

The only trouble is that I was just as violent with myself. We all are. We can’t help but start to think, “Was it me? Could I have done something different? Should I have said something else? Why did I get so mad? Or why didn’t I speak up? I could have done better!”

Some of us let the voice that attacks the Self get really loud. We’re just hooked up that way. If I only was calmer, if I only wasn’t as shy, if I only wasn’t so anxious….if I only was different, then I could have prevented this.

But whether you’re a big blamer of others, or a blamer of yourself, it really hurts! It’s really uncomfortable either way, and ranges from slightly bothersome to brutally painful.

What a huge relief to notice the mind’s tendency to do this, and to Stop. Just stop.

Then start with the one big repetitive thought “that should not have happened”. Then move into who you would be without that thought.

And find benefits or advantages to why it happened. Any genuine advantage, something that you know is true that came out of that difficult relationship or exchange that made life different, even in the smallest way, whether it’s a really close person in your life like your spouse, or that person you deal with all the time at your job.

There are advantages to everything.  Come find out the advantage of knowing that person or people who have irked you the most. The next teleclass Turning Relationship Hell to Heaven starts at the end of this month!

Love, Grace

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Relationships Are Easy

Being really truthful about my judgments towards others is one scary thing to do. The first time I wrote a worksheet on someone I personally knew, I thought I should probably burn it or put it through the shredder later.

If people knew what my real judgments actually were…there many dangers:  they might leave, they might not like me anymore, they would see me as a jerk, they might get super angry, they might question my judgment. If I hurt someone’s feelings, then to be a better person, I would need to fix it. I would need to make them feel better. Or back out of the room slowly never to be seen again!

Having relationships used to feel difficult. I had lots of beliefs about what good relationships looked like and what people were supposed to be doing in them:

  1. be nice (which could mean smile, ask questions, listen, speak in a calm voice,  refrain from arguing)
  2. take care of the other person (bring them things, ask if they want a cup of tea when you’re making yourself one, change your plans if they need “help”)
  3. show them you care about them (give them cards, hug them, call them)
  4. tell them how wonderful they are and shower them with praises
  5. give them gifts
  6. offer to fix things or help them out in their tasks
  7. tell them how nice they look or act
  8. listen to them speak, no matter how long they talk, don’t interrupt
  9. laugh at their jokes

Of course, I was supposed to be like this with others, and they were also supposed to be like this with me. That’s how I could tell I “liked” someone, if they did the things I expected “good” people to do, and if they did what I really enjoyed (I like it when someone laughs at my jokes).

But there is nothing like getting everything out that you really think about someone on paper, writing down all the things you see, feel, want, need or observe about someone else. It gives your craziest, meanest, nastiest thoughts a voice. They are there anyway, so might as well let them out. On paper.

Having wonderful relationships is not difficult at all since I’ve questioned all my rules about them. I gave up my expectations and hopes about relationships and what they should look like. Ahhhhh, what a relief. I dropped my stories where I really hoped someone would be different than they were.

One side benefit is that I dropped my own stories of how I should be in a relationship. Oh the freedom!

It’s easy to be in relationships with people now. And actually, the people who confuse, sadden, annoy or anger me the most have been my greatest teachers. The more I question my thinking about the people who apparently cause me the most pain (and
who do not follow the rules on the list above), the easier and easier it is to be with all people, any people, any time….even the ones who frown!

And I also see that the list above? Even though it’s not necessary to have any kind of list, I find that people wind up doing these things that are on the list without really trying. When they question and investigate their motivations and  their thinking, when no one is trying  to “act” nice if they don’t feel that way, when no one is trying to get any love, appreciation or approval from anyone, VOILA, people are very kind, including me.

At the end of March the next teleclass “Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven” starts on Tuesdays! We dive into the biggest judgments we have about people who have really bugged us. Come join the freedom train…it’s fantastic in a group! Discover your true nature.

Love, Grace

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Big Honkin’ Feelings, Oh My!

One of my greatest discoveries in doing The Work and questioning my beliefs that caused mental or emotional stress in my life was what my underlying attitude was towards BIG EMOTIONS.

If you asked me what I really thought of big expressions of emotions and feelings, I was incredibly anxious. If someone yelled, talked excessively with “nervous” energy, cried or wailed, I criticized that person in my mind. I wanted to get away from them.

I said things to myself about people who were doing things like crying, yelling, raging, sobbing, wailing, panicking, moving fast things like “Jeez, they should get a grip, can’t they control themselves?

Is this really worth crying over? I wish they would lower their voice. This isn’t an emergency, what is that person’s problem! Get me away from them, quick! Run!”

I would look at someone crying hard, even when I first listened to Katie doing The Work with people, and think I might have to skip that recording because it was irritating.

I love how we get the most upset at the very things we’re most afraid of. I used to hold back all my tears, hold back my anger, got really silent and non-communicative and overall was TERRIFIED of having deep feelings.

One great way to feel more at peace with big feelings is to identify judgments on feelings themselves.

For example:

  • when someone is sobbing, it means that: they are needy, full of self-pity, a victim, trying to manipulate me, confused
  • when someone is angry, it means that: they will hurt me, they will break something, they are dangerous and destructive, they will hurt themselves
  • when someone is afraid, it means that: I need to help them calm down, they will scare me or other people (like panicking and yelling “fire” when it’s not true), they will do something stupid

It is hard for any feeling to live its life and pass through when there are so many judgments about it. The more I did The Work on other people and their big feelings, the more accepting and calm I felt about being in the presence of them.

Now the funny thing is that it seems like the amount of time I spend talking loud, sobbing, being afraid, feeling intense anger….is really short. I respect these feelings when they come along. I know they mean that I AM BELIEVING SOMETHING STRESSFUL RIGHT NOW. The judgment that I should be completely calm like a princess from a fairy tale at all times and under all circumstances seems to be gone.

I also notice, other people who seem to be feeling something big don’t bug me anywhere near as much as they once did. In fact, I welcome them. I know if they’re saying it loud, I must have needed the volume turned up to really get it.

Love, Grace

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Northwest Nice

There is a term around the part of the northwest United States where I live that some of you may not have heard before. I’ve heard it a few times: “Northwest Nice.”

The people of the Pacific Northwest have a reputation as a culture to appear calm, sort of cool….friendly but not too friendly, soft-spoken, and generally creative, introverted, distant, contained, not too much overt passion….and “nice”.

Northwest Nice is kind of hard to pin down…It is not always meant as a compliment when you scratch the surface.

What it means is that people in this region of the world are sometimes “too” nice.

They open their doors to door-to-door sales, political canvasers, people asking for donations, and a high percentage of us say “yes” just to get the solicitor to leave.

Northwest Nice means you don’t reeeeally know what people are thinking. They might have a smile on their face but on  the inside be thinking “get me outta here!!” or “what an idiot!”

….because it’s more important to appear “nice” than like those Rude East Coasters!

I bring up this generalization about this area of the world and how we behave because, well…..that used to be me.

My automatic conditioning was to be friendly, open, to smile, be pleasant, and avoid conflict. I really don’t think I’ll ever enjoy a debate or start yelling at someone on the street. It’s just not me, for whatever reason.

I could attack myself for being this way, for not saying “no” when I really meant it in the past, for being pleasant in many circumstances that others would go ballistic in.

In my former life as someone who had bulimic episodes, a couple of years of starving and over-exercising, drinking to black-outs and smoking cigarettes, on the outside I was SUPER NICE, and appeared calm.

But inside, I was a turmoil of conflict. And if you think about it…all those behaviors really are not all that “nice”, even if I’m the only one in the room. They were not kind to me. They were the results of being terrified to tell the truth and terrified of my own thinking!

Criticizing myself about being too nice doesn’t work all that well either. The
thing that works the best of all is to see what is going on in my mind when I’m being “northwest nice” and question if what I’m thinking is really true.

What’s the worst that could happen if I’m really truly myself, really honest? Not
trying to be different than I am or trying to channel a bold, loud, sassy New York reaction when it’s not natural?

Now I find that I feel so much less afraid of people. I may have to think about their requests, or get a sense of them as I spend time with them, and I may notice I feel nervous, frustrated, anxious, bored…and then I tell the truth.

I feel so much more genuine from doing The Work. And if I get scared in my interactions with someone, I can question my thoughts.

I do get scared, I do want to be “northwest nice” to avoid conflict, I do get sad…but when these feelings come along I have The Work. And what d’ya know….no more unkind and not-so-nice behavior goes on in secret in my life outside of the view of the public. No black-out drinking, no smoking, no binge-eating, no over-exercising, no self-hate.

I feel kind to myself inside, and this feels REAL. Byron Katie says that what you are is “love”. This is your natural state of being.

This means catching yourself when you’re being mean to YOU. Including criticizing yourself for being “too nice”.

Love, Grace

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Vaccuuming Truth Comes Out

People often ask me what kind of changes have occurred in my life from using The Work and questioning my thoughts.

One of the most powerful first steps for me, which took about two years to really register inside myself and sink in, was asking the question “IS IT TRUE?!”

In the past, there were quite a few things that weren’t “right” and could be “improved”. Some days there were only a few things that needed improvement, like the weather. Other days, my life was in shambles and I needed more time, more money, more attention, more success, and while we’re at it if someone could just vacuum my living room, things would be better.

Enter the question “is it true?”

When I first learned this question my inner voice didn’t even get it. I didn’t even know that if I thought something, I could question it.

I would see that there was dirt and dust on the floor. My mind would think “that needs to be cleaned up”. I would feel angry, annoyed, there is no time, why didn’t someone else do it, I need a housecleaner, but I don’t want to pay a housecleaner, and I don’t have enough money anyway…..it would gallop wildly along like a stagecoach gone wild, horses flying down the trail. And it all started with a little thought about vacuuming. I would feel STRESS.

If someone had asked in that moment of stress “is it really true that the floor needs to be vaccuumed right now?” I would have looked at them with a big puzzled look on my face.

What do you mean: Is it true? I just got through saying “my floor needs to be vaccuumed” and the reason I said that is because IT IS TRUE.

Look at it! It’s dirty! What kind of person doesn’t see how dirty the floor is right now?! What’s wrong with you, are you blind??!

The difference in my life now is this kind of moment doesn’t have much fuel or life. My mind still loves to come up with an improvement plan. It seems to enjoy ideas about how to have a better future.

But it fizzles out quickly. I have the question “is it true?” inside me. If I don’t remember to ask myself the question, I have a most incredible, wise and loving fiance who asks me if I want to do The Work.

I have sisters who are really thoughtful, who have all done The Work. My mother does The Work (she’s even taken two of my teleclasses).

If I have a stressful reaction to something or someone…I’m surrounded by wisdom, everywhere.

That first question is amazing. If you really get to answer, without any outside authority of any kind, only YOU, what an incredible question IS IT TRUE? Can you absolutely know, 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt if what you’re believing in a stressful moment is TRUE?

I can keep talking about the changes I’ve experienced just from this first Question 1. Now I’m surrounded with powerful people all of whom love that question and help me remember it every day.

Now if I see the floor, and see the dust and dirt, I simply go get the vacuum and I notice I love vacuuming, it’s one of my favorite house-cleaning jobs. It doesn’t have to mean  anything about my finances, my energy level, whether I could afford to hire a house cleaner, and whether someone ELSE in the household should have noticed before me and already vacuumed.

I noticed first, so I get to do it first. I follow the simple directions.

The freedom is incredible….find out what is really true for you.

When you need the help of a group, other people around you who know you need to answer that question for yourself….join us in a teleclass.

With love and your own person truth,

Grace

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Evil Violent Other People

Today in my sexuality teleclass we looked at some of the most painful, violent, gruesome, horrifying judgments we can have about some of the things we hear about, or have experienced, while living on this earth.

These are the judgments we have about the darkness, the real human “hell” of violence, rape, murder. This would be the dark side of sexuality…..

Those “worst people” out there who are evil, destructive, and terrifying. The ones who do unspeakable things and cause awful pain.

We’d rather not even think about them. We wish they would go away and not exist. That they would be destroyed. And we feel really, really separate and different from them. This is a true moment of “duality”. I can totally separate myself from those other terrible people.

But who would I be without the thought that that evil perpetrator deserves to die, that he should not exist, that I could never understand him or her?

What am I showing myself and showing the world if I am talking about those terrible people with hate and fear, with violent words, and keeping them so separate from me. What am I doing if I keep announcing that the terrible person over there is my enemy, is nothing like me, and I will never get close to them.

Loving what is does not mean I think that what humans do is always acceptable. It doesn’t mean I lie down on the floor and let people step on me or walk on top of me. Loving what is, I have discovered, means I don’t turn against the terrible rotten other people. I’m not AGAINST them, resisting them, wanting to kill them.

Katie said this once; “A teacher of  fear can’t bring peace on earth. We’ve been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is. We are waiting for just one teacher…you’re the one.”

YOU’RE THE ONE.

Today can you think of your enemy and ask only the simple question, “who would I be without this thought that this person is my enemy?”

I notice my shoulders relax, I stare out at the gray clouds, and I feel such compassion for all the people suffering….for anyone in the middle of a violent moment towards someone else or towards themselves.

We’ve all been violent, even if it’s only with our own thinking. What would it be like if I didn’t think “this shouldn’t exist and it should be crushed”.

I know I’d start with being much more open. Who knows what can happen from there. The most amazing stories of healing.

The power of the group doing this kind of intense work together, really exploring how we might work with our inner violence, is incredible. We give each other ideas, just by listening to each other’s work.

Thoughts we believed we would never let go of, stories we thought we would never forgive….start melting away.

You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for!

I can’t wait for the next teleclasses….and by the way, think about coming to Breitenbush in June. It will be amazing!

With love and appreciation, Grace

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Third Degree Burn

Many of us have been burned.

I mean literally. We know what it’s like to have this thing called “heat”
where something that is very hot meets with our skin or body
and it burns. The skin is altered, it changes, there is seering pain….
and we now know never to go near that hot thing again in the same way.

If someone gets severely sunburned once, they often put on 70 Sun Block
in the future…..but only when the sun is shining.  It would be crazy to
wake up every morning and put on 70 Sun Block when outside it was
winter time.

When someone has experienced a third degree burn, the most severe,
it’s pretty unlikely that they might be just walking down the street and run
into a huge firey explosion. That would be VERY RARE.

But our minds will return to images of terrible fires, meteors hitting the
earth, loud explosions, or the burning house over and over again, and fear can enter
the body just remembering the incident.

Often people write of emotional pain in the same way as getting a terrible
burn. We even say this…”I GOT SOOOOO BURNED”.

The ones that are third degree emotional burns feel so damaging, permanently
painful, devastating….like there is no recovery, no chance of feeling whole
and good again.

Without the Work, and the possibility of questioning whether or not your
story is absolutely true, you can run a painful experience in your mind
over and over and over again. And over and over. And over.

Enter The Work. When something is really scary and frightening that I’ve
gone through, the first thing I can ask is…am I safe right now? Am I getting
burned right in this very moment? Is there fire anywhere near me?

Well, ahem, clearing-throat…I guess the answer would be “NO”.

“But I feel so terrible! My life is ruined! I’ll never be the same!!!!”

Question #1: Is that actually true? Is your life actually entirely ruined?
Are you still breathing? Are you sure you feel terrible in every minute
of every hour? Are you positive that never being the same is the worst
thing that could happen?

I mean, do you want to be the SAME, really??

Wow, what if that thing that happened that was such a BURN was
something that GAVE ME NEW LIFE. Something that helped me
love more, something that helped me see how I was OK even though
I lost “everything”, something that helped me feel compassion, to
feel less afraid of my fellow humans, to feel more connected to
joy.

Every time I’ve been burned….healing has happened.

The power of the group to help question stories and find the joy again
is FANTASTIC. Come join a spring group to discover the truth about
all your stories of being burned.  You can leave your 70 Sun Block in
your first aid kit, you’ll be safe.

Grace

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Ultimate Control For Control Freaks

I love “control freaks.”

Some of my best friends are control freaks!

(Like the one I see in the mirror every morning).

Actually, the one in the mirror turned over a new leaf. Things didn’t work
very well the way I was living before…..or I should say, the way I was
“thinking” before.

I used to do the “extreme control–extreme outta control” dance.

On the control freak side, I would believe “I AM INDEPENDENT!”
I used to think no one can make me do anything I don’t want to do. I used to think life is tough, you have to work really hard, you have to scan the environment for dangerous people and situations, you have to be a TERMINATOR.

On the outta control side (which would ALWAYS come along as a matter of balance
or something) I would believe “I GIVE UP!” I would think, I have to please other
people, I need to be normal and nice, I need help from other people, and I don’t
care what happens to me. I would be a puddle of jello.

Sometimes I just laugh when I feel myself starting to
try to “control a situation” with my body tension…my fists get tight, I
clench my jaw, I lean forward…

…as if that does anything but HURT!

In my teleclasses, I usually start with a “Katie Quote.”

The other day, in our “Horrible Food-Wonderful Food” class,
I read a quote from Question Your Thinking, Change the World by
Byron Katie. It went like this:

“For people who are tired of the pain, nothing could be worse than trying
to control what can’t be controlled. If you want real control, drop the
illusion of control; let life have you. It does anyway. You’re just telling a
story about how it doesn’t. That story can never be real.”

One thing I used to notice about that extreme attempt to control
my world, myself, my actions, and avoid difficult situations is that
DESPITE my attempts to control things in a very intense way….
THEY COULD NOT BE CONTROLLED.

I would wind up flipping to a sort-of opposite extreme of surrender.
I would be spent, wiped-out, crushed, smacked down, over-whelmed,
reclusive, king of licking my wounds….you can hear the violence in
this kind of experience.

Trying to control life, to control anything, I always wound up
being “forced” to stop trying to run into the wall head first.

I would have to lie down and rest eventually….

It’s a relief to realize we’re being breathed and our hearts are beating
without us actually doing ANYTHING. The chair is supporting me.
The floor is underneath the chair. I didn’t build this house, or the chair.
I just wound up sitting here today, typing.

I don’t have to hunt down air, it seems to be all around me, and I’m
totally and completely DEPENDENT on it. Eeeewwww! Dependent used
to be a “bad” word for the terminator.

Now it’s a relief. No effort. Just doing what I do right here, now. No need
to add anything more to my to-do list.

And guess what? The more I relax, the more I let go of trying to run things,
the easier life has become. There are kind people absolutely everywhere,
wanting to connect and help. There are fun ideas popping in constantly,
there is creativity and curiosity.

There is “success”, no more debt, always enough air, food, warmth, love,
happiness, laughter.

I love how Katie says “have you ever REALLY needed more money than
you had?!!” Wow. No I haven’t. I’m alive and well, it seems.

Come look at those terminator thoughts, the ones that aren’t so relaxing
and fun, and find out what a blast it is to be “dependent”. (Did you just
squirm?)

To your knowing that there is enough, and you don’t have to try to control
anything….

Love,
Grace

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Yikes! Workaholics Doing The Work?

You’d think the LAST thing anyone would want to give a
workaholic…would be something called, “The Work!”

Like adding fuel to the fire?
Like giving a cat burglar your house key?
Like giving a beaver a chainsaw?
Like Bill Gates winning the lottery?

And speaking from (LOTS of) experience, it’s actually
pretty hard NOT to try to use your own established, painful
patterns–in my case, workaholic-neurotic–when you first start inquiring
into your thinking.

Like the fly endlessly droning on the window, struggling in the
same old way to get out…and TRULY EXPECTING a different result.

In other words, we try to work “hard” to make “The Work”
work just that little bit better…

…just a little bit more control (which hurts)
…just a little bit more force (which hurts)
…just a little bit more manipulation (which hurts)

Like going bowling and watching the ball heading toward the
right gutter…so you tense up and lean to the right to “make” it go straight!

It’s funny what we do. If something doesn’t work, why not just do the same
thing? Only harder?

And when we’re in the midst of the desperation and struggle and
“workaholism”…it seems to make absolutely perfect sense.

We actually BELIEVE we’re going to “fix” the situation with
more of the same…harder, faster, more pressure…and more of
the INTERNAL VIOLENCE AGAINST OURSELVES that has
never worked in the first place.

It’s just more of the subtle ways we try to exert our “control”
over ourselves and everything around us.

We’re so amazingly laser-ed in on fixing ourselves so we
can finally have money, order, control, enough accomplished,
more time, and improve just a little more…

…that THEN, we can finally relax, take a break, and be happy.

It’s my story to the hilt! Years and years of agony, trying harder,
and more and more force that just made me more miserable.
Honestly, I was doing it a little to myself this past week, while
doing taxes! Here comes the mind, creeping in with it’s “good
ideas” for working harder…

When I first tried to do The Work I couldn’t sit still long enough
to really get anywhere.

Some people have breakthroughs by going to a “Katie event.”
Some by doing The Work on the Helpline.
Some by going to the School (which is what I did, 3 times).
Some by working with one of the many fabulous facilitators
on the Byron Katie website.
Some by working in teleclasses where you realize the
astonishing fact that everyone’s thoughts are just like yours!

Such a relief!

It can seem like a “new” revelation…over and over and over…

…as you educate your mind.

Because your MIND would have you believe that it’s JUST YOU.

That you’re the only one suffering…you’re ALONE…there’s
no one out there…there’s no hope…you’ll never succeed…

…so why bother trying? You never make it.

Some people see suicide as the only way out. I sure thought about it,
but that’s the mind’s job and it’s incredibly subtle in leading you
down the same old path…believing it will finally work…THIS time.

My new teleclass is for:

-work-aholics
-overwhelm-aholics
-money-aholics
-get-motivated-aholics
-stress-aholics
-finally-get-organized-aholics,
-fix-myself-aholics
-I’ve-gotta-quit-procrastinating-aholics
-success-books-aholics
-success-seminar-aholics

Because they all hurt.

The teleclass where we get to sidetrack those runaway trains-to-nowhere
and despair, and finally steer them to the gentle, peaceful station
that’s the home within ourselves…where we can breathe and let
our knotted stomachs relax and let our aching shoulders drop.

The teleclass starts on Wednesdays, Feb. 22nd for 8 weeks of working
together and partnering–to looking at the pain of work and money.

Sending you relief from stress and trying so hard,

Grace

“Grace, I love how you are so affirming of everyone’s process and are 
such an accepting/loving presence.”–Celia, teleclass participant

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Superbowl Baloney Vs Blasphemy

It’s easy to dismiss the Superbowl as unimportant or baloney.

A lot of people do. I didn’t watch any of it.  I didn’t think about it much…I knew
people were out there enjoying themselves watching it and I wondered who was
winning and losing…but some people even speak as if they’re AGAINST the
Superbowl itself!

“There are more important things going on in the world…why make such
a fuss over something so ridiculous and contrived and UNimportant in the
great scheme of things?”

“Just a bunch of overgrown boys who promote violence, and competition…
pushing a stupid ball back and forth on a field.”

“All this fuss over a GAME. Look at all the money, the advertising, the
hype!”

But the fans might really think any of this kind of thinking is BLASPHEMY!

So who’s “right?” Wow, it’s just another competition!

One of the things I love about watching Byron Katie work with people is the
way she never “takes sides”…even when the person she’s working with seems
to have an absolutely LEGITIMATE case…

…even when I don’t notice that I’m subtly starting to “agree” with the persons story…
as are the people around me.

Katie also says that the longer you do The Work, the more you start to see that
EVERYTHING is a metaphor of mind.

So if you have no attachment to sports, whether it be the Superbowl or the soccer
matches in parts of the world where people are sometimes KILLED during rioting…

Watch your own reactions to:

Liberals vs Conservatives
Atheists vs Believers
Deep vs Shallow People
Accepting vs Judgmental People
Materialist vs Spiritual
Capitalist vs Humanitarian
Arrogant vs Humble
Rich vs Poor
Terrorist vs World Peace Activist
Haves vs Have Nots
Woman’s Rights vs Male Oppressors
Polar bears/Ozone layer/Global Warming vs
Big Oil & Earth-Destroying Uncaring Corporations

…and of course, the postman (or woman) vs the dogs!

Or… if it’s not sports, watch your reactions to a son or daughter or niece or nephew’s
performance at a debate, singing or piano recital, or spelling bee.

How do you feel in your body? Are you SO wanting them to do well…is it stressful?
Can you hardly stand the tension?

I can remember almost being sick before a cross-country meet when I was back in college, or before I went on stage when in the theater.

Or how are you doing right before a job interview?

There’s freedom in questioning ALL of the above…and less tension and stress in your body when you do…and more love.

As Katie also says, “What you’re left with AFTER you question your thinking is ALWAYS kinder than your story.”

One of my favorite places to question thoughts and judgments is in our RELATIONSHIPS…the “who’s right and who’s wrong” and the “winning and losing” can become incredibly painful.

So much so that the argument “takes over” and all we want to do is PROVE that our most beloved friends, children, lovers, co-workers…

…ARE WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!

It’s the real nitty-gritty of our lives.

But it can be so confusing, and so hard to stop, even when it makes no sense at all and
everybody loses…

…just as intense as a screaming match between Giants and Patriots fans on
Superbowl Sunday.

And is it really any different?

The countdown to my next “Relationship Hell into Heaven” teleclass is just 3 days.
It starts on Super Friday, at 8 am PST for 8 weeks of uncovering what is happening
when we’re hurting the ones we love, hurting ourselves with the bitter negative thinking
about ourselves, and can’t seem to stop.

Wishing you clarity and laughter when you feel yourself getting caught up in winning and losing…

And by the way…I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out! (I love that joke).
Yes, laughing about competition is MUCH more fun than hating the competition.

Love,
Grace