The mind is constantly looking around to make sure all is well and everything is comfortable. The focus is entirely on what could threaten us. It’s a protection machine.
There is nothing wrong with this of course. It’s very handy if you’re out in the bush with large creatures with big teeth behind trees. You better be on the lookout if you want to live!
I like to joke about being in Terminator mode. It’s like the mind is in hyper-tech-radar position with this invisible little analysis eyeball thing going on for everything it encounters. Identifying, categorizing, assessing. Positive, Negative, I Like, I Don’t Like, Good, Bad.
But if you’re constantly on alert, on the lookout at all times, it can become very very stressful. Sometimes, we just want to RELAX.
One activity that looks really relaxing, that most of us have heard of as a personal practice for well-being, is meditation.
What could be more relaxing that sitting still, being quiet, doing nothing?
When I first went on a silent meditation retreat, about an hour into it I had the thought that just sitting there was a bit crazy. What were we all doing here anyway? Was life really so nuts that we all come together and sit with our eyes closed, saying nothing, being silent together?
I thought this was going to help me feel peaceful?
The thing that was happening is that my mind was still in look-out, alert, terminator mode. So lacking outside stimulus, it started going at it internally (which is what it was always doing anyway). Spinning off in any new direction that entered as a possible “problem” or image to consider.
No distractions. I now had myself all to myself. And I didn’t like it. In fact, I drove myself CRAZY. I found my mind incredibly fascinating and extremely unpleasant all at once. A love-hate relationship.
And it WAS NOT SILENT! JEEZUS!
Most people, even people who have practiced meditation for a long time, get a busy buzzing chattering mind. It has many things to say, ideas, suggestions. It sorts and mulls and chews on “problems”.
It is not easy to find the place in silence that is beyond the loud, noisy mind. At least not for the first hour.
But with only a little willingness….or maybe because you’ve tried everything else and nothing really works…you become able to sit quietly and watch yourself, without doing anything about it.
This is entering the experience of allowing things to be the way they are.
Can you imagine allowing everything to be as it is, as Adyashanti and other meditation teachers suggest?
It means I stay, even if I’m thinking of horrifying images, sad and despairing thoughts, memories that are terrible or full of grief. Anything the mind throws at the inner movie screen, I stay.
In life, this means that whatever happens, I don’t fight against it, wish it weren’t there. I don’t hate anything, I don’t attack reality, I don’t shake my fist at God saying “How could you!?!”
In fact, I realized by sitting in meditation that there is no one in charge, except Silence. Ask a question? Silence. Produce a bunch of noise? Silence. Make demands? Silence.
After some practice of meditation, I loved it. Only because I knew all my mind-noise was not true, unnecessary, and chaotic. It had no end and didn’t find any answers.
When I feel stress and anxiety, frustration, sadness, annoyance, and my terminator mind kicks in ready to Get-This-Problem-Resolved-Now (which is tempting but never really works) then the quickest way to peace is:
- The Work–answering four questions and turning my thoughts around
- Meditation
- Dance
- Ask Myself What I Want and Get That for Myself
The most important thing is considering, stewing in, remembering, and imagining what it would be like to Allow Everything To Be As It Is.
Just leave it all alone. No trying to change, tweak, manage something or someone. No if-only-it-were-like….it-shouldn’t-have-been….I can’t…they can’t….STOP.
See what it’s like to be Silence. If you were SILENCE, what would you do?
Love, Grace