Getting full for the Relationship Hell To Heaven 8 week telecourse that starts next Tuesday evening Pacific Time at 5:15-6:45 pm/8:15-9:45 pm Eastern.
If you want to register, do it soon.
To commit or not commit?
Isn’t that just a perfect relationship type dilemma?
Sometimes people have huge agony about making decisions when it comes to relating to others:
Should I do it, or not do it? Should I stay or should I go? When should I give up and move on? Should I reconnect with that old flame? Do I want to respond or stay quiet? Do I need to talk about this, or relax? Should I sign up or wait?
People have these kinds of questions about primary relationships, friendships, jobs, education choices, moving, having kids.
Moving towards or away from something or someone.
So what’s actually going on when it feels difficult, torturous, like you’re making lists of pros and cons, like it’s a matter of life and death practically (even if you know it isn’t)?
Emergency. Put on the spot. Sad. Confused.
Here’s a step that might help in your process, so you relax and allow life to unfold more easily in whatever way feels most aligned.
Look first at what you think is uncomfortable about your choices.
For example….
A long-term client and big fan of The Work and my teleclasses and retreats once asked me a question.
Can I bring my new boyfriend?
The event she wanted to bring her new boyfriend to was a private retreat where everyone involved had paid a fairly big investment to participate over a long period of time in our Year of Inquiry program.
The retreat was a 3 day in-person retreat. Not everyone coming would know each other well, but one thing was shared–they all were deeply involved in YOI and a part of this special group.
This isn’t one of my workshops that’s open to everyone, which most of them are. There are other opportunities for the new boyfriend.
But the request had come with a promise that this new boyfriend loved The Work, had done long-term self-inquiry, would be an incredible asset to the group.
Oooh. Gosh.
It’s nice to have men involved. That’s a wonderful benefit. Some of my programs have 100% women!
But it may be strange for the other participants involved, who didn’t know they could bring THEIR partners and now it appears they CAN….or this might be GOOD, right? They might enjoy this new possibility!
And what about the fee? Other people have paid a lot for a whole year and this is a major event that some participants look forward to all year, the profound aliveness that can happen during an in-person gathering….but its not the whole year, it’s 3 days.
Hmmm. What to do?
If you’ve debated within about saying “yes” or saying “no” this can be really troubling, and something that even wakes you up in the night, going over the pros and cons yet again, feeling anxiety or uncertainty.
So what’s the worst that could happen if you say “no”?
What’s the worst that could happen if you say “yes”?
Notice what your mind is frightened of, in its imagination.
She won’t like me. She won’t come at all. Others will be upset with me. This will be valuable. This will be difficult.
What do you think it means if you opt-out? What about joining in?
Whatever is stressful about it….how about taking it through inquiry?
Doing The Work doesn’t mean you’ll change your mind to the other option, but you can become free, free, free about your choice potentially, if you question the danger you perceive.
Here’s how.
If I choose “x” then I will be unhappy.
How so?
I’ll be trapped. I’ll have to deal with this other person for the rest of my life. I’ll experience pain.
Or, the opposite: I’ll be lonely. I’ll be needy. I’ll be all alone and abandoned for the rest of my life.
Whatever happens, I’ll have regrets. It will be my fault. That will hurt!
Is that true? Are you sure?
Who would you be without your thought?
If you have questions….you can ASK THEM.
I myself wound up polling a few participants from the Year of Inquiry retreat and found every single person a) appreciated being asked and b) said they preferred not to open our retreat to outside participants.
These people are my peeps who I am in service to. I acknowledged their concerns and made my decision that the new boyfriend wouldn’t attend. Simple.
The participant with the request was disappointed but understanding. But even if she had not been, it felt right at the time.
This can take time and attention. You have to find out what your fears are, and check them out, investigate.
Then you can expand your view and make a mature, open-minded decision, even if it feels scary in some ways.
Who would you be if there was no way to make a mistake?
Wow.
“It only takes one clear person to have a good relationship.” ~ Byron Katie
I’d weigh my options and follow my heart and the most peaceful path, with love.
It would turn out great, or difficult. No guarantees.
But I’d be present, clear, lovable…happy. No matter what other people do.
If you find yourself experiencing pain, stress, irritation, agony around someone else in your life–parent, partner, boss, employee, neighbor–then come join us in Relationship Hell To Heaven to begin to inquire and find your freedom to be clear.
Click HERE to register.
Love, Grace