Posted on by Grace

Trying something new? Notice what you fear. Question it.

Holy smokes, a lot is “beginning” soon.

2020 Vision is upon us.

If you’ve ever felt moved to do or try or venture into something new…..there may be a few thoughts about it.

For example.
Just a few months ago, my friend Max texted both me and my husband “I’m signing up for a hip-hop class. Would love your company. Will you take it with me?”
I immediately went to the website, despite the late start on Tuesdays (8 pm) and looked to get more information.
I signed up. My husband wasn’t so sure, and the class was full before he could even think about it.
For me, it was a “yes” right away and I followed that “yes”.
They have a class for hip-hop? I’m in, I thought.
I’ve only learned hip-hop or other dance by watching, in school hallways long ago, on the grass outside the auditorium, at house parties, in the movies, dancing at clubs. There were no classes for dancing of this kind. The way you learned was by watching and copying and inventing.
The first night of class, my friend Max was traveling.
So I went by myself.
When you do something new, everything is like a little blossoming story unfolding right in front of you. Finding the location, finding a place to park, entering the building.
The class took place in a big busy vibrant area of my city called Capitol Hill, at Velocity Dance. People were swarming around the entrance, skipping up the steps, crowding in the entry area inside.
There was an office. A woman inside, where it was much quieter, directed me to go through all the people (who were here for another dance event) and find a door on the left that would take me to a different studio in back for my hip-hop class.
When I made my way through the throngs to this back studio and entered, a new group was milling, waiting and talking on the edge of the dance floor. People were removing coats, tucking water bottles into the cubbies provided, changing their shoes, laughing with friends.
And they were all the age of my young adult kids.
An immediate thought careening through my head “I am too old for this. What were you thinking? It’s a hip-hop class.”
But another thought right next to that one “Who am I without the thought?” Hilarious joyous laughter at the fun things I get myself into. And questioning the belief “I don’t belong.”
My mind was actually yelling for a second “You’re almost 60! Get a grip!” (I’ll be 59 in January, so it’s true, but the TONE of that voice, jeez).
Who IS that talking?
That’s a great question. Who is that who is talking with such disdain and criticism, and why are they saying it?
One of my favorite exploration in studying mind and thought is the question “What is the threat? What am I (or what is that voice) afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen?”
I recognized the assumption of that voice. It’s trying to warn me, protect me. It believes “I will be rejected, they’ll think I don’t belong, the other humans in the room (a dance studio in this case) will wish I wasn’t there.”
THEY will be threatened by ME.
Which is bad. Because, look what happens when a threat arises? A separation begins. Me vs Them. A divide.
Someone doesn’t belong.
Danger.
How do you react when you think THEY think you don’t belong? When you believe it might be a risk to go somewhere new, do something different, enter new territory, be with new humans you never met before?
How I react is I see pictures in my head of past situations when I heard of separation and rejection happening. I really have no idea how the class will unfold with all these people in it who I see in the room, but the mind conjures up images of those people being judgmental, wondering why I am here, them thinking I don’t belong.
Who would I be without this belief “I don’t belong here because of my age”?
Totally thrilled and enjoying myself. Incredibly curious about life which happened to bring me into this space and time on a dark wintry night in Seattle.
Fascinated with the other humans I see in this class–so many of them appear to be from other countries all over Asia. Fascinated by the instructor who has grey speckles in his beard (making him theoretically a little older) black eyes and gorgeous moves.
Noticing very quickly how the mind doesn’t care about age anymore and is more curious about everyone and is full of questions, questions, questions.
Without the thought, this body becomes a vehicle for watching what is, listening. Noticing other bodies with arms and legs and necks. Watching them with absolute wonder as they move–some of them looking as if they are also incredibly new and awkward to movement in this way.
Without the thought that I’m too old for this class, I’m hearing music I remember from the 90s (my favorite!). Wondering if these dance students know this music, since they were probably babies when it was produced.
Turning the thought around: I belong here, at the age of this body.
How could this be true that it’s wonderful, an enhancement, something beneficial that I’m here showing up in this aged body and the “oldest” in the class?
Well, first of all….I’m here. That’s what happened. So I should be there, because I am.
Second, I feel incredibly grateful and absolutely fascinated that I’m so drawn to dancing, and dancing happens easily at my age as any other age. I appear to be more comfortable, in fact, than some of the other dancers.
Third, I get reminded of my two young adult kids who I adore.
Fourth, I get to learn new dance moves. I get to learn a dance routine, which is difficult for me–I usually dance very spontaneously and memorizing the routine requires concentration.
There’s no real reason I don’t belong. No one says for me to leave. No one looks at me funny, in fact they seem friendly.
Turning the thought around again: My aged thinking doesn’t belong here.
Now that’s the truth. My thinking is very old. It’s an old, ancient story of perceiving who does or does not belong based on something to do with the body.
My mind was being prejudiced. We do this to ourselves as much as we do it to others, I’ve noticed.
Who would you be without your story? What might you do? What would you explore? What new experience would you sign up for?
If you were truly free, noticing exactly where you are in the perfect place to be in a body–yours–what would that feel like without your thinking?

“The basic realization that other people can’t possibly be your problem, that it’s your thoughts about them that are the problem–this realization is huge. This one insight will shake your whole world, from top to bottom”. ~ Byron Katie

 

Much love,

Grace

 

4 Replies to “Trying something new? Notice what you fear. Question it.”

  1. Thank you Grace, this is absolutely perfect for me to read right now – beautiful synchronicity as those very thoughts have been popping up in me about courses I’m interested in taking next year. I love reading these notes- always makes me feel I’m not alone- I recognise so much and I also find it so hilariously funny to see these common thoughts held up to the light. Much love- Moira ??

  2. Dear Grace,
    Am embarking on many classes in a week that my mind tells me from past experience that I will most likely fail (dance and art). This writing of yours will serve as a soothing mental companion through my process of doing something I have little confidence in. Thank you!

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