Ever feel totally abandoned in a primary love relationship? In conflict? Arguing? Critical? Wondering what went wrong?
When we have relating troubles in a romantic, love relationship we can feel utterly hopeless, or terrified.
Breaking up, separation….divorce.
We promised, things looked beautiful, it was good and exciting.
Then something happened. Maybe very slowly over time. Maybe suddenly. Maybe you wondered from the beginning if this was going to work out.
If you’ve found yourself thinking and feeling any kind of suffering around a relationship transition–dating, committed, married, separated, complicated–then you’re invited to The Work with my co-facilitator and I in the new year on this topic.
We’ve both been there, we know what it’s like to have agonizing, sleepless nights about a relationship we thought at one time was wonderful….and then, not so much….
You don’t need to be divorced or broken up already, you can be considering it and looking closely at the fear, worry and sadness. What we’re doing in this course is looking at our minds and our thinking, and seeing more clearly without the brutal suffering.
Read about our 8 week online live zoom course at the following link: Divorce/Separation/Breaking Up Is Hell: Is It True?
Love to have you join us in January on Sundays. We meet at 11:00am Pacific Time, 2:00 pm Eastern Time, 7:00 pm UK for 90 minutes each week, with lots of support in between in our special online forum and pairing with others in between.
New year, new perspective, new way of relating and being in relationship.
Join us HERE.
Remembering my own divorce experience, and break-ups before and after that….oh what wild rides.
A Grace Note post from the past jumped out, after I recently worked with another inquirer on being newly single.
I share it with you today, as each person I work with who is going through some kind of mental pain, I learn from and am very touched.
It takes courage and willingness to question your thoughts.
Or, OK. It takes courage and willingness to even ADMIT your thoughts, which is the very first step.
The other day, for example, I worked with an amazing person who really touched me.
She was so unhappy because a love relationship had gone south quite dramatically, and ended.
She was so sad, she could hardly contain her grief and rage all mixed together. Her thoughts kept turning to herself, and how she was the one who screwed up and if she hadn’t said x, y, z or threatened to break up with him three months ago, this terrible ending wouldn’t have occurred.
I’ve known that voice that condemns the self. It’s dreadful.
But what if you paused before the beliefs come in about how rotten, stupid, and ugly you are?
Those thoughts only exist when you believe this situation shouldn’t have happened. It’s like we take out the whip and start beating ourselves with it mentally, for punishment of this crime of causing something to go wrong.
Are you sure a break-up or change or ending or move in another direction….IS wrong for you? For the other person? For the greater good?
Can you absolutely be sure it’s terrible?
Even if you say “yes” it’s a horrible thing….keep going with inquiry anyway.
How do you react when you believe the break-up, divorce, or getting fired is BAD BAD BAD?
Isn’t that when you begin to hate yourself, or think of yourself as unworthy?
Who would you be without this painful story?
I’m not saying a break-up isn’t shocking. It is sometimes. It’s unexpected, a surprise, and you may not have seen it coming. (And we could question that we should have).
“
If we’re even one breath more or one breath less than anyone else, we’re not at home.” ~ Byron Katie
But what if the turnaround is just as true, or truer….that this ending, break-up, divorce, cut-off is good? Or interesting, fitting. Perhaps it has an important invitation.
When I was getting divorced, I sat with this turnaround for a very long time….many times, honestly. And I found examples of why it was good this had happened.
It brought me to know myself in a way previously impossible to reach. It gave the the beauty of becoming comfortable, and then ecstatic, with silence. It gave me so much time to meditate and read.
It gave me the power to question my thoughts like wildfire.
My thinking was the only thing that was painful. I got it.
“We do not need to go out and find love; rather, we need to be still and let love discover us.” ~ John O’Donohue
If you find yourself having gone through a relationship that ended with suffering, at any time in life (some people take this course who got divorced 30 years before)….
….then you are welcome to sit with Nadine and I in this beautiful practice called The Work, and find your freedom.
Enroll here.
Much love,
Grace