Yesterday I gathered up my black briefcase, with five clipboards, pens and a stack of Judge Your Neighbor worksheets, turned on my Waze map app, and ventured off to a beautiful house overlooking the water and the Seattle sky line.
Usually when someone hires me to come work with a small group, it’s their employees, their non-profit organization, their work team.
It’s about leadership and growth, numbers, success, and communication improvement (so they think…although it is indeed all these things, but oh so much more).
But this group was simply a friend, inviting 3 other friends over, to be introduced and to “do” The Work in a little mini retreat of 3 hours. We were all offered cinnamon tea and roasted cashews.
We sat around a sweet dining table with Judge Your Neighbor worksheets, and each woman got to read her worksheet and work a concept from the sheet.
There was such a kind, supportive, loving sense of sharing in the group.
Normally, when doing The Work, it’s important not to share a long story, explain or justify, offer suggestions to someone else’s work or problem, brainstorm someone else’s dilemma. We even have training in The Work to listen to yourself facilitate on recording, listen to your own “hmmmm” sounds, or laughter, or unimportant words.
General overall feel: allow the one investigating to go deep, to follow their own process. There is no agenda.
I started off the little gathering speaking to this, and also mentioning the urge sometimes to tell your story with great detail. I usually say something about how to hold this work–with a lot of silence, consideration, not rushing in to sort out the identified problem.
But these women knew one another very well, and they were such a beautiful delight.
They wanted to help each other out.
Something in me knew to relax around their joy of giving feedback, reflection, asking questions, and watching creative ideas flow as these brave individuals did their work and wondered about their turnaround examples.
Someone shared the wisdom of her long-gone mother-in-law as an example of a person who lives the turnaround “there is nothing wrong with you”. Everyone benefitted by hearing about this unnamed elder who was so accepting of her children, and grandchildren, during her life.
Interesting to sit with this thing, called The Work, and watch the mind have it’s commentary: No one should tell their story, explain in too much detail their situation, give advice, suggest turnarounds, share their opinion.
An inquirer who is planning her own mini retreat in fact wrote to me recently requesting I don’t bring any agenda to her animal rights work. She wanted no convincing, and for me not to have an alternate opinion.
This is profoundly important with The Work. To understand there is no “right” way or “wrong” way….but nevertheless to have a very open mind, whether facilitator or the one inquiring (and the facilitator is actually also an inquirer, honestly).
So I noticed in this little lovely mini retreat with friends who knew one another well, the experience was just right. Not too hot, not too cold.
Is it true there should never be conversation, suggestions, help offered, new ideas, or someone telling quite a few details of their situation?
No.
Who would I be without this story of The Way To Do The Work?
Delighted with time spent with people who are my teachers, these newcomers to The Work.
Humble. Noticing I interrupted and brought people back into the process, and everyone got a turn, and joyful ah-ha’s were expressed, and now….
….The Work continues inside of me.
Trusting that the Universe and Reality have got this, and if I’m a part of the help, hooray, and how could I or anyone not be?
“I can’t find anything outside the brilliance. It’s everywhere, and it’s always gone, even before it happens. It’s how form appears to take place….You see that all stressful thoughts are already gone, you realize that there’s no substance to them, and you feel intense delight.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy page 131
Much love,
Grace