The Do-Do of believing in requirements

Last night, I was leafing through my well-worn book Loving What Is.

I was thinking about time and how I needed more of it.

How I want to hike Mt. Dickerman before the summer is over, connect for meals or walks with some important friends, clean out the shed, finish the doggone book proposal that’s been on the back burner for two years, create the first webinar for the new Year of Inquiry peeps, go on a date with my husband, add a little more time to meditation silence each day….

….and once again I wondered what it would be like if I really remembered every moment that there is nothing truly required. No place I’ll get to that’s “it” after I do all these things.

No way I can exert pressure or force change on my environment, the people I’ve known, the situations I’ve encountered that I find troubling, frightening, sad, or necessary and feel peace.

There is no way I can do everything my mind pictures or suggests to me. No way I can see every place I learn about, or read every book, or get it all done.

There is no way I can avoid heartbreak, or difficult things happening….like disappointment, or death.

A voice dimly shouted “Get to work!” like I should start the list, or start something, anything. It was an unusual day, after all….nothing on the calendar at a set time. Many things could be done, but nothing required for happiness.

Nothing required for happiness.

What a strange concept, right?

I’ve been so conditioned, it seems, to figure out (I love the way the words “figure out” are so mentally oriented) where this life ought to go, for it to be the greatest show on earth….

….or at least a really good one….

….and I’ve been told Nothing Will Happen Unless I Make It Happen.

I’ve got proof of those people who didn’t do anything, and tanked.

No success, no service to others, nothing noble, no enlightenment before they died, no major impact on the human race, no invention that stops global warming, no big accomplishment, no wild adventure that could be made into a Hollywood movie.

Sigh.

(This one again, Grace? Come on. How many times do you have to inquire about…..)

Deep breath.

I have to make stuff happen. This moment, not enough is happening. I need to make MORE happen.

Is it true?

Suddenly, remembering what a funny thought that one is, that I have to be the get-it-done person, or else (terrible images).

I mean, this just isn’t true.

There’s a problem in this moment….not true.

Not even close.

I know what I’m like WITH the thought there’s a problem, and I need to make stuff happen so I’m better off or more successful later on.

I’m tight, snappish. I don’t stop working on these things I think are valuable, that help the effort to get somewhere very important.

My daughter interrupts and I say with some sharpness “not now, wait five minutes”.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that….but really? Is this such an emergency and so important I can’t answer her question, and cook some dinner with her?

Who would I be without this story?

Noticing how much fun I have in movement, and in slowness. It moves back and forth, flowing strong, then soft.

It doesn’t have to be turned on, turned up, going 100 mph all day without stopping to be called “successful”.

Without the belief it’s required to make stuff happen, I might sit on the front porch and talk with an old friend on skype for awhile, then go on a bike ride.

I might reflect on how I’ve heard that the man Siddhartha, who became known as Buddha, fried so very hard to find wisdom that he practically killed himself with aesthetic spiritual practice for years.

Even WITH the thought….I may notice I don’t tackle the list, and instead, I still bike ride.

Who is this “I” that’s noticing the Task Master anyway? Or the Lazy Do Nothing-er? Or the images of what will happen if (Do or Not Do)?

Without the belief that I must “do” I notice I actually DO do.

That is, I enjoy doing some things. I adore writing. I love to read. I like talking closely with a friend one-on-one. I like exchanging emails with people asking about space in Year of Inquiry. New ideas float through. I schedule my first “livestream” for Thursday at 1 pm without really knowing what it is or what I’ll say or if it will work.

I notice the Way of It is someone loving writing, getting up and drinking some water, asking my husband a question about his day, hearing silence, eating a juicy nectarine, watching Mooji on youtube, or leafing through Loving What Is.

Remembering happens, that this is it, nothing more, no later future like tomorrow. THIS.

Loving What Is, page 53.

Katie: If I think that someone else is causing my problem, I’m insane.

Inquirer: I see. So….we cause our own problems?

Katie: Yes, but only all of them. It’s just been a misunderstanding. Your misunderstanding. Not theirs. Not ever, not even a little. Your happiness is your responsibility. This is very good news.