The Delusion of Being In Charge

Only 10 days until YOI Year of Inquiry JOY. Read the details HERE.

Quite some time ago I either read or heard somewhere the story of the little sailboat that represents one’s own life trajectory. You may have heard this same little metaphor….

If you were a little boat sailing across the wide expanse of life, the huge open ocean, every little tiny choice or movement, during any single day, points your sailboat in a certain direction.

In a journey across the open sea, the captain, or the person at the helm, would be doing all that was necessary to stay on course.

You know where you’re going. You’re on the way. All your gizmos and gadgets are pointed to THAT country…the one you think you’re aiming for.

The story told is that your wee boat, even if it changes course one-half of one degree, will wind up in another country altogether.

The shift of one-half of one degree is imperceptible today. The boat looks like it’s in the water, pointed in the same direction, with no apparent change.

But over time, if there is a new ever so slight new course taken….

….one enters different territory.

Now, the way I like this story, that feels very positive and fun, is that there needs to be no massive “change” right now to wind up somewhere completely different.

No gigantic shift, no nervous breakdown, no wild shift of consciousness, no completely mind-bending mind-altering state, no lottery winning, no explosion of awareness, no stunning awakening, no tragedies (unless there are).

No.

Just a little tiny butterfly flutter of something…different.

For me, The Work has more often been like this than like some dramatic change.

The first question alone…Is It True?….is pause for a deep breath.

Could what I am believing, in this moment, be false? If I think it’s true, am I sure? Am I completely positive that in that past uncomfortable situation, I wasn’t safe, it should have gone differently, or that it went horribly for me?

Was I actually a victim of unfortunate circumstances?

And what is happening now, in this moment? Am I OK? Is peace possible, with what is going on? Is love present, even if things seem pretty rough?

Has this happened to others in the human race, and they made it through?

Because here’s my reality of loss: my father died fairly young of leukemia, my marriage fell apart, I lost my beautiful house and all my savings and money, I got a cancerous tumor on my right leg (that bloody right leg), a dear friend made a shocking false accusation, I was bulimic long ago and suicidal, I lied to one of my favorite people in the world, I was too insecure to go to medical school.

In every single one of those instances….and many more that I didn’t even list….I carried on.

I’m still here. Right?

The world is a dangerous place, bad things happen, suffering occurs….is it true?

YES. It’s TRUE! I have suffered! Other people suffer! Awful things happen! Its an unfriendly universe!

Can I absolutely know that it’s true that I have 100% suffered? Or is it my mind that has suffered? Am I certain that I am a victim, caught in a ridiculous chaotic tragedy?

Could there be another possibility? Could reality be friendly?

I am not saying to think positively or fakey fake smiles. This is not a Lets-See-The-Bright-Side exercise.

In those dreadful situations, it appears that great loss happened.

But honestly, I am not absolutely fundamentally sure that there isn’t something more, something different than the usual way I’ve looked at All This. Or something less. Or something beyond my usual conditioned way of looking.

I can’t be 100% sure. Even if I think I’m sure, in one more moment, things could change.

Who would you be without the thought that your come-to-Jesus moment, as they say, is a horrendous, good-for-nothing moment, that there is no peace possible when something difficult happens?

“Thought tells us who we are; what we believe; what is right and wrong; what we should feel; what is true and what is false; and how we fit into this event called “life.” We literally create ourselves and our lives out of thought. Further, we associate the end of thought with sleep, unconsciousness, or death. It is this very personal relationship with thought that is the cause of all the fear, ignorance, and suffering which characterizes the human condition, and which destroys the manifestation of true Love in this life.” ~ Adyashanti 

All I know is that right now, in this present moment, without the belief that all those bad things MEAN that life sucks and is filled with suffering….

….I notice I am in a room, sitting on a small white leather couch in my cute little cottage, feeling my body relax and touch the air and space around it.

I think of upcoming events with relaxation, gentleness, joy, excitement.

I see that when I was lying in bed after my cancer surgery, (and my more recent surgery), and sitting on a chair during my divorce process, and sleeping horribly when my dad was dying, and feeling sick to my stomach when I sold my former house, and having to give away or sell every piece of furniture, and having nothing left but $10 in my bank account….

….and I realize that the next day, the sun came up (OK sort of, I live in Seattle) and an infinite number of things happened just beyond my awareness.

Just past the thoughts.

There was open ocean out there, but I didn’t need to see it, until I did.

I didn’t even need to know it was there. It was.

“It doesn’t matter what symbols we use – poverty, loneliness, loss – it’s the concepts of good and bad that we attach to them that make us suffer…..People who know there’s no hope are free; decisions are out of their hands. It has always been that way, but some people have to die bodily to find out. No wonder they smile on their death beds. Dying is everything they were looking for in life: they’ve given up the delusion of being in charge. When there’s no choice, there’s no fear.” ~ Byron Katie

Could everything I ever wanted be here now, in this moment?

Kindness, peace, love, rest, surrender, freedom.

I know The Work brings this state of mind (or lack of mind) to my experience over and over again.

And now, wherever this little sailboat is headed, it’s gonna be good.

Because NOW is good.

If you’d like something to DO with those troubling stressful, disturbing thoughts, and the power you may tend to give your thinking….then come join YOI. It starts March 7th.