Have you ever looked at pictures of yourself and felt that clench inside of disappointment, or shock, or pleasant surprise that you look like that?
Some of us have friends who are always putting up their hand when someone takes out their camera or phone to take a picture. They’re done with all that.
They don’t ever want to look at themselves frozen in a moment in time…it might produce a really harsh inner criticism, or fear of some kind.
Once I heard a friend recount finding photos of herself in high school when she was only 17.
All these years later, at age 48, she looked back at her previous self and remembered how at that time, in her own mind, she had thought of herself as ugly with fat thighs and pimples.
Here in the present, she was looking at herself and noticing how beautiful the image was of that teenager.
Then I heard her say “Now, I really AM overweight, and my face is so wrinkled! I didn’t have a clue back then! I should have appreciated myself!”
I thought with compassion, isn’t it strange that in the present moment, whenever the present moment is, she doesn’t view herself as beautiful.
The pattern repeats.
Even if you like seeing photos of yourself sometimes, and you think “hey, not bad” it often causes an inner reflection or awareness to present itself.
You see for a moment this body, this face, called “you” from an outside perspective. Maybe more like others see you.
It’s funny that as we walk around, move here and there, we are almost always seeing what appears to be beyond us, outside of us…mostly in front of us.
We see with these eyeballs, and they look out and forward.
But as soon as you think about it, you notice there is much more here than meets the eye….as the wonderful phrase goes.
Douglass Harding, who lived a long life and died in 2007, wrote about this in his wonderful book “On Having No Head”.
His work brought about his approach to understanding reality and consciousness, called the “Headless Way”.
Hilarious!
Here I am walking about, and all I see is arms, hands, feet, legs, torso.
Definitely No Head.
Even when I’m looking at a photo image of apparently whatever is me in this lifetime at one particular moment, I am looking only at an image.
I’m looking at a piece of paper. Or a reflection in a mirror.
If I close my eyes, I get to feel all that is there that doesn’t “meet the eye”.
I love that one way to study this, is with The Work. Inquiry into that moment of the clench, when you’re looking at a photo of you (or in the mirror) and you judge it as flawed.
“What I see is flawed.”
Let’s examine this thought. First, is that true?
YES. I used to look better. I used to have smooth, tight skin. YES. I always wanted curly hair, darker skin, muscular legs.
Can you absolutely know that it’s true that the image you see represents flaws, that it is an image of a flawed physique?
No.
Even if you answer this question with “yes”….keep going with inquiry.
How do you react when you believe the thought that what you see is flawed?
Discouraged. Afraid of aging and dying. Worried about being rejected. Thinking I’m not good enough. Angry at “this society” for caring so much about appearance. Full of blame or confusion.
Who would I be without the thought that this body is flawed?
Why, I would be the way I am almost all of the time when I’m going about my life in the world….all those times I don’t think about it because I can’t actually even see it.
Without the thought, I realize that I myself only see all the other heads, and bodies, not this one, most of the time.
I can give myself this one moment, where this image HAS come across my path, to love that image, to find it curious, to not think I know what is flawed or perfect.
I turn the thought around, as I stare at this image called me. “What I see is not flawed, it is exactly as it should be.”
Can you find real, living examples of why what you are seeing should be just the way it is, and no different?
Seeing this image, I remember that this body is very temporary, it is decaying and will dissolve. I am reminded of something that is far, far beyond a body, that is different from this physical thing.
This reflection is as it should be, with wrinkles and blotches and bumps and lumps and sags. Could I just say “oh goodie” for a change?
Oh goodie, I don’t have to live here forever even though I do love it here (on planet earth). Oh goodie, there’s no point in putting on make up, it makes no difference, and I always found the whole make-up thing a bit boring. Oh goodie, all I have to do is relax.
Oh goodie, what I see is not ME anyway.
Perhaps it is my thinking that is flawed, in the moment I feel resistant to seeing myself, the moment I worry about physical flaws.
“You are divine at centre, human in appearance – at a certain range. Seeing who you really are doesn’t mean you are no longer aware of your appearance, no longer self-conscious – that’s impossible as well as undesirable. So you still respond to your name, still recognize yourself in the mirror, still take responsibility for your actions. Of course. But you are now aware that your humanity is like a disguise, an incarnation you have taken on to be here in this world.” ~ Douglas Harding
Look in the mirror today, and stay there, reviewing especially any flaws, and see why you want them to go away….you may be surprised.
“When we know we’re going to die, when we really get that, in that moment we realize that we’re not in control. And then we get to watch. We get to watch this beautiful way of it. And love it..” ~ Byron Katie
Much love, Grace