Today I sat quietly reflecting and staring out the window at the clouds (moments before starting this Grace Note).
As big puffy cotton balls sailed by above, I heard in my mind the voices of the participants from the One Year Group (known as YOI for Year of Inquiry and rhymes with Joy). We had met earlier on the phone and skype for our weekly call.
I was reminded of the various experiences of us humans, the inner life of all of us, what is in the mind, and what seems to be beyond…or more than…the mind.
As members of the group checked in on the call, before we began our process of inquiry using The Work, everyone seemed to drop to a new level of intimacy, honesty and truth.
I find that a circle of seekers and inquirers is so sacred, sweet and authentic, that gratitude for everyone there, no matter where they were in that moment, swept through me.
The sharing went something like this (this is the short version):
- I think we’re all getting the hang of facilitating with all this practice
- I feel more confident about my life and not knowing anything
- I’m asking myself if things are true all day long
- I feel raw, I just had a big fight with my wife, but I’m here
- Sometimes I don’t know if I belong, I’m so sad
- I sometimes can’t sleep lately (I’m so excited about possibility)
- I’m beginning to look at all the subtle, daily thoughts that I never even noticed before
- it feels like I’m starting to “live” the work
Here’s the funny thing: many of us have never even met in-person. We only connect via voice (although many of us will meet next month in person).
And yet, a great sense of intimacy is being built….and maybe even friends for life.
My contact with others was not always this way. I used to think of being completely real as being dangerous.
If I tell about all the piddly details of my day, or my angst, or my unhappiness, I will turn other humans off. They won’t like me. They’ll kick me out. They won’t get me.
I’ll be rejected, I’ll be alone.
However, when we know what to DO with all the petty, stressful thinking, then suddenly, sharing our greatest fears, anxieties and irritations becomes so much more exciting.
There is present the complainer, the victim, the dictator, the one who is suffering…and then there is also present the wise facilitator, the one who is free, the one who is fine with whatever happens.
Byron Katie says anyone with an open mind can do this, can question what they think that hurts.
I love that anyone can do this work. Even if you sometimes (or often) have a closed mind, you can do this.
Even if you think “I’m a hard nut to crack” or “I have too much anger” or “I’m too unenlightened, I’ll never truly get what life is about” or “I am too into suffering and not enough into peace.”
Is that true? Are you sure there’s no hope for you? Are you positive you should have made more progress in this whole peace/suffering conundrum?
Are you really absolutely sure that it would be better if you were feeling confident, happy and blissed-out right now (and can you know what those feelings actually mean)?
Yes! I would be better off if I FELT FABULOUS!
That other feeling…the one where I feel sad, angry, scared, alone or upset…that is to be eliminated, avoided.
I notice that when I believe that difficult or troubled feelings should go away, ASAP, that I freeze, I get a plan, I feel frightened of the future, I worry.
I think that other people won’t like me (since they are probably on the same track of avoiding bad feelings and bad-feeling Other People).
And who who I be without the thought that I should be different, feel different, feel peaceful, or change?
Weird. But. Whole chunks of my life have been dedicated to me changing. Me canceling out my suffering.
I turn around the thoughts: I shouldn’t be different than I am, I shouldn’t feel different, I should feel war, I should feel angry, I should feel afraid, I shouldn’t change.
How could this be true?!
Hmmm. It certainly does take the pressure off to not demand that I change.
It reminds me that I have a great inner compass of feelings that say “you are believing stressful thoughts!”
I feel a sense of acceptance, gentleness, and kindness towards myself. And that appears to extend out to others, when I’m not screaming at myself to change.
I can see what’s actually interesting about anger, fear, or sadness, as odd as that sounds.
Reality includes these troubling feelings, it’s not like they aren’t allowed in a friendly universe.
The feelings themselves don’t kill me. I’m still alive. I’m still breathing, and talking, and connecting with others.
Having a hard time in my life keeps me alert, paying attention, going through the fire of enlightenment.
My feelings make sure I’m not let off the hook…in a good way.
“There are two distinct aspects of your inner being. The first is you, the awareness, the witness, the center of your willful intentions; and the other is that which you watch. The problem is, the part that you watch never shuts up. If you could get rid of that part even for a moment, the peace and serenity would be the nicest vacation you’ve ever had….Real spiritual growth is about getting out of this predicament. But first, you have to realize that you’ve been locked in there with a maniac.” ~ Michael Singer
Somehow, when I simply realize that I’m telling myself scary stories, something inside feels lighter, kinder.
Oh! I see now! That one part of me likes to show horror movies! But that’s not all of me!
I notice that even though I jump around all over the place in this mind, part of me stays still.
“On the other side of our thinking, generosity naturally appears. There’s nothing we need to do to achieve it. It’s simply what we are.” ~ Byron Katie
When my story is that everyone is exactly where they need to be, including me, then I almost want to break into laughter. Because I have made so much effort to work on the project of life…and changing bad feelings.
My gratitude swells as I think of the YOI Group and everyone’s voices, and distinct and precious personalities.
And appreciation then rises for my family, my other clients, other humans walking outside, and every single irritating or scary person I’ve ever met, or will meet.
An alternative translation to part of the beautiful words of Rumi’s Guesthouse (translated by Kabir Helminski):
“The body is a Guest House, every morning someone new arrives. Don’t say ‘oh another weight around my neck!’ or your guest will fly back to nothingness. Whatever enters your heart is a guest from the invisible world: entertain it well….
If a sorrowful thought stands in the way, it is also preparing the way for joy. It furiously sweeps your house clean, in order that some new joy may appear from the source. It scatters the withered leaves from the bough of the heart, in order that fresh green leaves might grow. It uproots the old joy, so that a new joy may enter from Beyond….” ~ Jelaluddin Rumi
Love, Grace
P.S. Join the YOI Group, a thinking recovery program. We begin 9/12.
YOI JOY!