I promised to send out the recording for the second free call on Monday, and here it is:
Listen to the replay here 5:15 pm Monday 6/10/2013
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The concept that rose to be questioned on the call was a concept many of us have felt at one time or another in life: that person wants me to do something, and I don’t want to!
So, there is another human being, making a request. They are asking for something with words, or perhaps you’ve inferred over time what they want.
Maybe they’re yelling at you “I want you to do it RIGHT NOW!”
Or maybe they’re crying and looking forlorn, and you believe that if you do what they’ve asked, they’ll stop feeling sad.
Maybe they just give you a look…and you get a crunched feeling in your gut because you’re SURE they want THAT…and you don’t like it.
This is a stressful situation. It doesn’t feel simple. You feel torn.
They ask for what they want……and you agonize, you fret, you worry, you feel angry, you have conversations in your head with them, you avoid them.
They shouldn’t even ask in the first place! Look at all the stress they’re causing! JEEZ!
The thing I love about this concept is that I find out, for myself, how uncomfortable I am with telling someone “no”.
And not just saying “no” but feeling confidence, a sense of centeredness, like I’m following an important message from the inside, and simultaneously seeing that person not as the enemy who has asked for something terrible, but simply a human being making a request.
I remember being 15 years old. My mother wanted me to clean my room.
For some reason, I felt a blazing fire of refusal that day. I don’t care what happens to me….I won’t do it!
I have never seen my mom so furious. This was outright war.
I have so much compassion for her now, in that moment. I’ve felt the same rage towards my own beautiful daughter….and I screamed at her!
When we’re believing that someone else wants us to do something, and that there is something frightening or uncomfortable about responding to that person, then it is very stressful.
I loved doing The Work on this concept yesterday.
We all know what it’s like to believe the thought “they want me to do it!”
Some of us fight. Attack! Throw the bum out!
Some of us get clever and sneaky. The dog ripped my bank statement to shreds!
Some of us cut off that person. No texting, no response, no answering the phone. Return To Sender, Addressee Unknown.
But all around, it’s stressful. A little bit anxious, or super scary.
Who would you be without the thought “that person wants me to do something I don’t want to do”?
My anxiety level drops about 20 points. I don’t feel so sure that person who is doing the asking is a mean, nasty ogre….or a powerful perpetrator…or a bossy ruler of the universe…or a needy weakling who’s about to keel over.
I don’t assume that I am either a victim or someone big and powerful, with no ability to love and speak up and take care of myself andhonor them.
I can hear their request and simply consider it, with an open mind.
Without the thought, everything feels more simple.
Will you please leave? Oh…Ok. Sure. Will you move in with me? No…I love having my own place. Will you run an errand for me? Yes! I adore walking to the store. Will you do my laundry every week? No. Will you save money? No. I love spending everything I receive. Will you have sex with me? That sounds fun, but I have a few important questions first like do you have a disease? Are you sleeping with other people? Etc. Will you clean the bathroom? I’ll clean the bathroom, you clean the kitchen. Will you go on a date with me? No, thank you. Will you buy me a present? Sure! Will you pay my tuition? No, I wish I could but I don’t have the money.And can you change your mind?
Yes!
Perhaps the turnaround is truer, that the person does NOT want you to do something you don’t want to do. Not really.
Perhaps you’ve been having the same kinds of thoughts as that person….and you’ve been insisting that THEY do something or behave in some way, or say or think or feel something that THEY don’t want to do!
And perhaps, ultimately, YOU don’t want to do something you don’t want to do!
“The voice within is what I’m married to. All marriage is a metaphor for that marriage. My lover is the place inside me where an honest yes and no come from. That’s my true partner. It’s always there. And to tell you yes when my integrity says no is to divorce that partner.” ~Byron Katie
Much Love, Grace
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