Yesterday on Sunday evening, I realized I had an interview queued up on my laptop since early morning, ready to push play and watch….but had never gotten around to it the whole day.
I also had my local library website open in a browser on the same laptop, waiting for me to order a book (or two) from that author who was recommended to me.
Oh, and I had an mp3 of a teleconference call ready to download, led by someone I’ve never ever heard of but the title sounded interesting about mindfulness and enlightenment or something….
….and finally, a public webinar by one of my favorite business author and teacher guys David Allen, waiting for my credit card if I want to join his class next month.
Heh heh, and that was not exactly an atypical day….
….and I never actually opened, got to, listened to, or purchased any of them.
There are hundreds and hundreds of spiritual teachers, coaches, counselors, practitioners, authors, lecturers, and scientists who have something interesting to teach or say.
Not only something interesting, but often something quite profound and beautiful to offer.
It would be impossible for any one of us to study them all. Ever.
Yet our mind will tell us that even if we can’t get to them all, read every great book, see every interesting teacher….we should make contact with AS MANY AS POSSIBLE.
Surely we can get to as many of them as we can and study what they say?
Surely we can work with new practitioners, read a new book, keep hunting and getting closer to that “goal” of….
….oh yeah, good question….what is The Goal?!
Funny how when I stop and look at myself and this particular gathering-and-studying behavior, I recognize a familiar energy, one that is stressful.
There is a little edge of push-push running around like a nervous chicken, seeking the most perfect answer, a great teacher, a solution.
Maybe the goal is that I want to stop suffering, feel happy, gain knowledge, succeed, thrive, win, enjoy, perform, bliss-out, do good.
Maybe…just maybe…there’s someone out there who can wave their wand over your head and “make” you feel better! A light bulb would go off! WOW that would be AWESOME.
The thing is, we listen and learn and gather and we DO feel better, excited, more aware. At least I do.
I love the wisdom available, just sitting down at my laptop. It’s quite stunning, really.
But it’s also of great value to me to stop hunting. Wait. Be. Watch. Listen to the silence, not someone else’s voice.
Watch that moment when I am chasing after a goal that is somewhere in the future, whether an hour from now after I watch my spiritual-teacher video, or five months from now when I’m totally over my current unpleasant condition.
That moment when I am believing “I need more”.
- I need to read that new book
- I need to read those old spiritual classics that I missed
- I need to buy a ticket and go hear “x” person on their lecture tour
- I need to order those files of “so-and-so” talking about enlightenment
- I need to recommend to other people this new author
- I need to stop suffering and feel blissful instead. All the time.
- I know what enlightenment is like, and this here is NOT IT
- I need to sign up for that program
I don’t know about you, but how I react when I have these kinds of thoughts, if I really look and examine and investigate this state of mind, is I am insatiable.
One big needy ball of energy. Walking around like I’m looking for something, very subtly and very appropriately (it doesn’t look like drug addiction or other heavier addictions).
But I am spending money on books, programs, recordings as if my life (mind) depended on it.
Sigh.
I remember when I had no money left six years ago.
One day I was doing The Work and questioning the thought “I need more money”.
I had turned the thought around just to look at it, the way we do in The Work: “I do not need more money.”
I suddenly realized one advantage of not having money.
I didn’t have it to spend on books, retreats, lectures, programs, practitioners, modalities, spiritual “information”.
I had to sit in a chair, with my own mind, instead.
I had to develop a relationship with myself that worked. A foundation of openness to this self, whatever it was.
Who would you be without that thought that you need to find the right teacher, practitioner, or program?
Who would you be without the thought that there is an answer out there that you must find, or an enlightened state that is different from who you are right now?
Who would you be without the thought that there is a magical piece of information that will crack the code of life for you personally?
“The key is to be quiet. It’s not that your mind has to be quiet. You be quiet. You, the one inside watching the neurotic mind, just relax.” ~ Michael Singer
Today, something in me feels such joy at not needing anything MORE than what I already have learned, come into contact with, practiced, or become aware of….so far.
What if you were not missing a thing? What if you did not need one bit of extra additional information?
What if you could trust that you are moving through All This and you left everything alone, just allowed it to be what it is?
“The Tao is called the Great Mother: empty yet inexhaustible, it gives birth to infinite worlds. It is always present within you. You can use it any way you want.”~ Tao Te Ching #6
Much Love, Grace
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