A most interesting thought, one that appears quite often for many humans, is a judgment that someone in their world talks too much.
- She is such a Chatty Cathy
- He drones on and on
- That kid never shuts up
- She will keep me on the phone forever
- He’s always dominating the conversation
- Men can’t stop talking about their accomplishments
- Women can’t stop talking about their complaints
- I need to go, but that person needs to finish speaking first
All kinds of other subtle beliefs dance around these beliefs about those upsetting talkative blabbermouth people….but a core repetitive idea that lies at the bottom of the list is that they should STOP talking.
Then, I would be happier.
Probably everyone else in the environment would also be happier. I’m sure of it!
I see how I have reacted when I believe the thought that someone should stop talking…..
….the minute I hear their voice, or see their phone number appear on my cell as it begins to ring, I want to run. I want to get away. I cringe. I don’t answer the phone.
I feel a clenching in my stomach. Ach, not this again.
I feel trapped in the conversation.
One of my most favorite discoveries in questioning this thought has been realizing my own inability to interrupt, walk away with gentleness, say no, and notice that I am no longer moved to listen.
There I was, believing that someone should be quiet, stop communicating, stop pestering me (or everyone) with wordiness, hush up, slow down, listen, get silent….
….and there I was waiting, with fake patience, for them to figure out that it would be better if they stopped talking!
I discovered the turnaround that they should keep talking, especially as long as I waited like a victim for them to stop.
I was being invited to investigate this thing I felt so resistant to, with compassion, clarity and peace.
Just because they were talking did not mean I needed to listen.
Just because they were talking did not mean they were desperate for conversation, or that it would hurt them if I said “I am done listening now, I want/need to go do something else.”
Just because they were talking did not mean there was something wrong with them!
So as I watched myself question the belief that anyone should ever stop talking, I noticed myself joyfully interrupt, learn to say I am not available, tell a caller that I need to hang up now, and gently leave if I wanted someplace quiet.
The most true turnaround?
I should stop talking, in my mind, going on and on about that talkative person and how my happiness depended on them stopping.
I should stop saying internally “I wish they would stop” and “I need to get out of this conversation and don’t know how” and “I can’t say no” and “I can’t hang up the phone” and “it would be rude to cut them off”.
I should stop talking to myself, telling myself that I should listen when I don’t really want to.
I had the most wonderful realization recently, while facilitating our amazing group of inquirers at Breitenbush Hot Springs.
I saw that since I have done my work on this concept, and pow-wowed with others, and humbly learned that I had a huge desire in the past to never interrupt…that NOW I am GREAT at interrupting.
In fact, I don’t give it a second thought. I never had any stressful thoughts about anyone who was talking, I just knew to watch the time and hold the space as a facilitator.
I knew that it was my turn to be the leader. It was sweet and powerful.
Trusting the guidance from within that has nothing to do with being nice or not-nice. Taking action without being against anything!
“True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.” ~ Tao Te Ching #48
I discovered that I had actually been interfering with my own preferences in the past. I had not been letting things go their own way, allowing that person to talk, me to take care of myself, or take care of the group.
“We don’t want to take care of ourselves because that means giving up the wish to be taken care of by someone else.” ~ Cheri Huber
When no one has to change in order for me to be happy, they can be talking and talking, and I know what to do (and it may change, I may love listening, I may not).
When I take care of myself honestly, I am free. Truly free.
In the structure and the guidance is love.
Love, Grace
P.S. Next year Breitenbush! Same time of year, same place, new fabulous inquiry, new (and returning) group of amazing inquirers. June 25 – 29, 2014. Stay tuned for more information.