Last Sunday evening I was in a small discussion group, all of us with our bag dinners. Plus pizza.
The topic was, in a nutshell, “who am I?”
A question asked by many spiritual teachers and scientists and psychologists over the centuries.
Once when I was on meditation retreat with Adyashanti, I went up to the microphone to talk with him.
After a rambling few words, Adya stopped me and said “Quick…without thinking…before you even analyze it…answer this question really fast and tell me what your answer is. But remember, don’t think about it, just tell me what you first instantly come up with!”
I agreed.
Then he said “OK, ready?”
Yes. Ready. Give it to me.
“Who are you?”
Oh jeez, not that question. I hate that question! I’ve been asking myself that question for years and don’t have a definitive answer. That question drives me CRAZY!!
But this time, I had to speak what I saw/felt/went with BEFORE I started thinking about it.
I saw wide, vast, empty open space. Like the view from an airplane, only without the plane.
“Great! OK then!” he replied.
That was it? I returned to my seat.
But it set off some kind of openness to being much more than “me” or this body or this personality. Without having to have an absolute ANSWER.
Maybe the answer for me was…”I don’t know”. And that was a good answer.
Last Sunday several of the participants in that discussion were puzzling about what the body is, if there is such a strong sense of vast space, or consciousness that is completely beyond the body, when it comes to all that we are.
The body seems to be there, every day. Basically the same one, although it has lots of changes over time, so its not really the same one.
A man who was a scientist spoke up, and everyone could tell he was very agitated. He said that of course he was this body, and that when it died, that was the end of him….that there was nothing more and anyone was a fool to think otherwise. You live, you die.
He was triggered, he said he would never come back to a discussion group like this again! He really seemed afraid, angry.
My heart went out to him. It brings on depression, fear, stress, and tension to judge that All This is the body, and that it is limited, useless and meaningless.
“The body is a physical form that shares the destiny of all forms: impermanence and ultimately decay. Equating the sense-perceived body that is destined to grow old, wither and die, with “I” always leads to suffering sooner or later.”~ Eckhart Tolle
When I believe that who I am is my body, this machine, this living thing…and that’s it….then I can find that frightening.
But if I am not identified with the body, then it doesn’t matter if I have illness, or injury, or weakness, or vulnerability…..or beauty or strength, either.
I know that I am a part of something bigger….even if its very simple, just life on the planet, life energy.
Not that complicated. Birth, death, birth, death. All is well.
“When we know we’re going to die, when we really get that, in that moment we realize that we’re not in control. And then we get to watch. We get to watch this beautiful way of it. And love it. And not miss our own death.”~Byron Katie
Who are you, besides a body? It’s OK not to know exactly.
In fact, not knowing may set you free into joy. Exciting!
Much love, Grace
P.S. Almost full! Come to Breitenbush Hot Springs to question your identification with the body. Find out what’s left when what you think is true….isn’t.