Pacific Northwesterners! Mini retreat on Saturday, May 18th 1:30 – 5:30 pm in northeast Seattle at Goldilocks Cottage. Give yourself a deep dive into the work for the afternoon. All levels welcome. Sign up by clicking HERE. $70 for your first time, $55 for your second.
Speaking of retreats….they are not exactly a simple “yes” for many people to jump on board.
So many possible considerations: the time, transportation, venue, cost….and there are anxious or annoying things that could happen.
Like Other People.
Gathering with other people has such profound potential for love, huge learning, combined energy, a shift of awareness, the group commitment to stay present and BE THERE. People gathered in one place at one time can offer each other such support, like no other anywhere.
AND the people you gather with can drive you bonkers, irritate the heck out of you, and/or stir up unpleasant thoughts and feelings.
Being a workshop addict…er, wait, I mean…since I’ve done TONS of workshops and training in my life, I’ve been at every kind of group gathering and every size of workshop and heard almost every kind of exercise or lecture-style you can imagine.
(I am REQUIRED to take workshops to earn continuing education credits as a Certified Counselor in Washington, just for the record…in case you think I can’t stop! Ha!)
One thing I do every time I offer a workshop or mini-retreat or longer residential retreat is GET FEEDBACK. As much as possible.
Over time, the workshops get more and more clear, better, lazer-focused and satisfying.
Kind of funny when what The Work itself is all about unraveling stressful thinking, being here now, without necessarily trying to get it better, clearer or more satisfying.
Byron Katie speaks a lot, however, about asking questions, hearing peoples’ answers, getting honest authentic feedback, and taking in information that is real and direct. Plus giving it.
Katie loves to role play with people who are not sure how to ask for or give feedback, who are not sure what to say, unclear how to approach someone, wondering whether or not to say something out loud to someone else.
When Katie role plays, she shows what it’s like to be a person who is without thoughts of distrust, anger, hate or fear towards the one she’s talking with.
So free to just go for it, be willing to hear whatever comes from someone’s mouth….not even willing, but LOOKING FORWARD to it!
So I always ask people to give-it-to-me, just the way they see it, everything they can think of that works or doesn’t work.
It’s not always easy….sometimes, I might doubt I want to hear what someone REALLY thinks.
It might hurt!
But that’s just an old, embedded belief that got grooved in quite deeply that seems to love to offer itself up for inquiry…and rather than hurt, the feedback from people is always beyond valuable.
One of the most common pieces of genuine feedback from workshops has been that some participants try to offer other participants advice, or get into conversation beyond just asking the four questions and waiting in silence.
People so want to help other people. People truly love seeing someone else succeed, calm down, relax, change, do a 180-degree change, “get” something, become renewed.
People will do this by giving advice, praising someone, offering words of encouragement, sharing their own story, giving someone a pep talk, teaching them….and many folks LOVE being the one who helped change that suffering person’s life over there.
But ARRRGHGHGH it can be freakin’ annoying when the advice is unsolicited, right?
The Work itself is only four questions, and then finding turnarounds to the original stressful belief.
There are some “sub-questions” that help tease out or drill down into really helping answer that primary question…and Katie offers them as a guide.
But no other questions. No story-telling. No special motivational techniques. No listening methods. It’s just four questions, and silence.
All you need to do to facilitate someone in The Work is to be able to ask a question, word-for-word…and wait.
We will do this in the mini-retreat in ten days….even more focus on the asking and the silence than ever. We will do this at Breitenbush in June in Oregon.
“There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. Whose business is it if an earthquake happens? God’s business. Whose business is it if your neighbor down the street has an ugly lawn? Your neighbor’s business. Whose business is it if you are angry at your neighbor down the street because he has an ugly lawn? Your business. Life is simple—it is internal. Count, in five minute intervals, how many times you are in someone else’s business mentally. Notice when you give uninvited advice or offer your opinion about something (aloud or silently). Ask yourself: Am I in their business? Did they ask me for my advice? And more importantly, Can I take the advice I am offering and apply it to my life?”~Byron Katie
Doing The Work is not just about questioning your own stressful thoughts. It is being in the presence of other humans who are questioning theirs. Interacting with you. Noticing their stories. Having compassion, seeing them as being just like you.
The more you do The Work with others….the more tolerant you may become. The more quiet as well.
Join others, find someone to facilitate, have someone facilitate you. Use the Facilitation Guide (click here to get it from Katie’s website).
The people you make contact with, even during a workshop or retreat, might have the power to shake you up or break you open or increase your love like no one has in months. You might find someone who bugs you just enough to open your mind to your own beliefs that create stress…
…those annoying advice-givers might bring you to your knees in gratitude…
…you might find a new best friend to partner with along the journey of loving yourself and your own mind.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Two awesome 8 week classes start in June and one in July….AND the one-year program starts in June. More on that very soon!