Today and tomorrow, I get to spend some time with one of my favorite people: Adyashanti.
Or should I say: ME.
Adya is a spiritual teacher, of which there are so many….and he, like Byron Katie, happens to be someone whose words are exciting, gentle, and powerful for me.
But I know that Adya, as well as Katie or anyone else with great integrity, would smile just knowing that I come to sit with them and listen because really, it’s all about me enjoying my own company.
This happened for me in the past in therapy, with a wise counselor, and many mentors over the years. Even authors who as I read their work, I felt so excited and thrilled.
Different people click for different personalities. You may have someone you admire who is a brilliant scientist in your field, or a thoughtful minister of a church, or a creative genius who sings inspiring songs, or an inspirational speaker who moves your heart.
Here in our human condition, there appears to be a wonderful interweaving of input from others, contact with people who move us (even when they don’t mean to) and then a process we’re going through the whole entire time with ourselves.
I would go so far as to say that learning to enjoy, deeply enjoy, my own company is one of the greatest and most wonderful, and sometimes BRUTALLY DIFFICULT things I’ve ever done.
Jeez! My own company has been a NIGHTMARE!
And the funny thing is, you probably know what I mean, right?
That voice, the committee, that never shuts up and comments on EVERYTHING and is excessively critical. Whew!
One time when I was on a meditation retreat, with total silence for meals, no reading, no listening to anything electronic of any kind, no writing…I just about had a heart attack.
I was awake at 3:30 am in a room with ten other people. All asleep. Too dark to go outside (we were way in the wilderness on many acres in deep woods).
I HAD TO LIE THERE DOING NOTHING! Pure torture!
This was not the feeling of being with the love of my life, my favorite person ever. It was NOT the feeling of spending time with my most beloved and steady best friend.
Now I smile, as I remember that difficult time, exhausted with thinking and with silence.
The mind is sooooooo dramatic.
Who would I be without that thought, that being in my own company is uncomfortable, lonely, sad, anxiety-ridden, boring, uninteresting, or painful?
Who would I be without the thought that my mind is a foe, an enemy?
It’s like God is giving me a nudge, as we’re both up there in the sky looking down on the person apparently called Grace Bell, and God says “that person is going to be the most interesting, wonderful, lovable, patient, steadfast, loyal friend…that person is going to take you on adventures and you are going to LOVE her with all your heart!”
How would you live your life if you had the thought “OH BOY! A day of quiet with just me, the love of my life!”
You might notice you are bursting with happiness. You might see that lots of people want to hang out with you (now that you love being alone, it’s hilarious). You might be happy to spend time with all the wonderful people you ever encounter on the planet.
You might even notice that the people who bring up a little spicy flavor, or edgy response, or disappointment, or sadness…you might feel appreciation for those people.
You can certainly relate to them, if they seem bothered by something you’re doing…after all, isn’t that just like one of the ways you’ve been, too? Haven’t you also been bothered and critical of yourself?
There is a term in Buddhist practice called “maitri”. It means to be unconditionally friendly with oneself.
Pema Chodron says that maitri is sticking with ourselves when we don’t have anything, even when we think we’re a loser.
What if just for today, just for five minutes even after you read this, you practice maitri towards your mind, your emotions, all parts of you.
What if YOU are the one you’ve been waiting for?
Your favorite, most wonderful, fabulous, exciting, fascinating, mind-blowing person has arrived in town today! YOU!
“Whatever you have, that’s it. There’s no better situation than the one you have. It’s made for you. It’ll show you everything you need to know about where your zipper’s stuck and where you can leap.”~Pema Chodron
Love, Grace