The other day a reader wrote to ask about how to deal with her jealousy of a close friend.
Funny, this experience of jealousy also came up with a client during an individual session this past week.
Jealousy is torturous to feel for the people who feel it. They’ll admit this openly, but oh that mind keeps fixating on the person out there who seems more perfect, fun, rich, beautiful, confident, athletic, lucky.
The greatest Shakespearean scenes are developed out of the Great Green Eyed Monster: JEALOUSY!
Green, the color of sickness, rot, mold, decay.
Jealousy is described as a most dreadful, terrible insecurity…it feels insane. It seems to drive people into vicious behavior, or taking action that is vengeful, not peaceful at all.
But who would we be without the story that other people shouldn’t do all the things we get jealous of in life?
What if everyone is being just as they are, so amazing, attractive, beautiful, successful….and it is fabulous that they are in our lives, being that way.
What is underneath this jealous feeling? For me, it’s “I am not enough“. Always.
Are you truly sure that you are not enough? Not enough for what? To keep your lover monogamous? Are you sure it’s got something to do with you?
What if you were absolutely 100% enough? What if you had enough, did enough, lived enough, accomplished enough? What if it is just right, the amount you are?
What if you can look at your situation and ask who you would be without the thought that you are not enough? Or that THEY are not enough?
The thing is, everyone already deeply knows that they themselves are the most fascinating, curious, fabulous person they’ve ever known!
Yes, you read that correctly.
But we’re not supposed to think of ourselves as sooooo wonderful! That would be egotistical! That would be narcissistic! Self-centered! Evil! Narrow-minded!
And yet, we KNOW we are the ones who are the most interesting of any people we’ve ever encountered. We ourselves are the only ones who have been here through everything we’ve ever been through. We’re the only ones we can truly depend on.
If you really sink into this self, this interesting entity that lives who you seem to embody…and you follow your curiosity about who you really are…you can sense a gratefulness for being alive, a core joy, an excitement about the mystery of ALL THIS…..
It’s unfathomable, amazing.
It doesn’t matter if other people come, go, stay, flirt, leave, achieve, or look different than YOU.
You don’t care, because you are the love of your life! No one else can do anything to change that!
“I have this amazing love affair with myself going on, because I realize what that Self is. There just cannot be another!” ~ Byron Katie
If this seems like a far stretch, and you are caught in the pain of jealousy or envy, or fear that you are not enough…then write down what is not enough about you, and inquire.
Too old, too saggy, too slow, too poor, too boring, too out of shape, too dull, too plain. Why are these bad things? Why would it be better to be young, firm, quick, rich, exciting, in shape, sharp, and gorgeous?
When you begin to see the crazy thinking, the absurdity, the way you’ve believed that you could miss out on something or not “get there”….when you turn your jealous thoughts around…
…you’ll be free!
Have an amazing love affair with yourself! I highly recommend it! It will be the best love affair you’ve ever ever had!
Love, Grace