It appears to be the nature of being human to experience trials and difficulties, pain and death and loss.
Even when our troubles are not the WORST that can happen, we get upset.
Someone is short with us, cuts us off in traffic, frowns, or doesn’t say hello. That may be the low end of the scale, if there is an imaginary scale, of stressful experiences.
Higher level stress may happen when then someone we love steals from us, leaves us, or dies…or our lives change with job loss, an accident, moving to a different town, a war breaking out in our country.
Researchers have written Stress Scales giving points to various occurrences. You can score yourself on how much stress you might be experiencing in your life and this can help explain your predicament.
But the thing is, it doesn’t matter what the level is, really. Big, small, grand scale, tiny passing moment….when we’re batted around by life circumstances like a flag flapping in the wind then life is a bit rough.
When we react to situations with stress and we are 100% against certain situations happening, we live our lives a bit on edge.
At least I sure have lived like that.
I have to worry about what COULD happen, and never forget what DID happen, and I have to build a fortress or good sound structure, (as best I can) to help get this ship from point A to point B, birth to death, without much ado.
It’s a lot of work, a lot of being careful.
It dawned on me yet again, while thinking about “identity” recently, that many spiritual teachers and wise mentors speak of this anxiety, this worry about situations, this effort, and this focus as VERY PAINFUL.
To get a good identity built nice and strong, you really have to work hard to keep it intact.
Part of my identity has been The One Who Is Tackling Life, Reducing Anxiety, Becoming Free and Helping Others.
If something looks outside of that definition, like if I look like The One Who Is Lazy, Apathetic, Generating Anxiety, Imprisoned, and Not Caring About Others….oh no!
EMERGENCY! Do whatever it takes to repair and rebuild the “good” identity.
As I sat with this awareness of identity, how I might be seen by others, how I look at other people myself…I had the idea “what if I gave up even this?”
What if I gave up worrying about whether or not I am a good person, who is liked, respected, special?
What if I didn’t hope for any outcome, or EVER wish anything was truly different than it is?
What if I didn’t wish anyone I’ve ever met was different? What if I let go of trying to grab on to good situations, or balance, or happiness?
I always notice that when I am grabbing, or against a situation, then something un-true is happening in my mind.
To put it bluntly, I’m believing a lie.
I have my opinion about how things should be (not this) and I am Something. I have something to say, offer, correct, defend, attack, or write a discourse on.
It’s interesting to watch that little worried mind do its thing. It apparently is a part of this experience, it’s apparently there for a reason. Nothing wrong with any of us for having that part of the mind in operation.
Watching it go off, though, can be incredible when you tap into another part of you, or a different part, that I often ignored in the past….
This is the Observer. It’s the one who stops and watches. The part that has no agenda. The part that knows this little incident that appears unpleasant couldn’t matter less in the big scheme of things (except as a jewel for your own journey).
Who would I be without the thought that I need to build a good identity, to try to be as perfect or helpful as possible? Who would I be without the thought that I need to work at being as healthy, kind, generous, alive, joyful, or enlightened as I could ever be?
A thousand times more relaxed. Not pushing in life, not driven, not forcing myself to be any way. Accepting, easy-going, naturally kind or silent, no expectations.
Letting everything go, letting your situation be the way it is, not grabbing and trying to redefine it or make it fit into your special identity….you may taste a freedom beyond imagination.
“A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on Earth. We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace inside and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is. We are waiting for just one teacher. You’re the one.”~Byron Katie
Today in this moment I notice who I am without stressful thinking.
I relax and stop focusing on building my structure, the definition of ME. I rest and watch, leaving everything alone. WAIT! But…I start to try to change something….but then I stop. I remember not to defend, build up, push, pull, assert.
“You just decide, once and for all, to take the journey by constantly letting go…..if you’re willing to let go, you will fall back and it will open into an ocean of energy. You will become filled with light.”~Michael Singer
Love, Grace