I loved hearing yesterday that many of you did indeed pick that one thought, situation, or person that has been disturbing in some way lately, and that you took note of it.
Maybe you wrote down a bunch of troubling ideas, in a wild fit of a brainstorm.
The thing that helps the most, I have found over and over again, is writing a short, simple sentence that sums up what is distressing. Not that I myself would have a whole LIST…but if you wanted an example, here we go:
“She should explain herself more clearly, they are very sad, he is so immature, sick and mentally ill I can’t believe I liked him, I should have taken care of the roof leak earlier, it will take every waking extra moment of my day to finish my book to get it done by the deadline, I should move to a sunny place during the winter, addicts make me angry, I haven’t fed my children enough raw veggies during their childhood, I should be better at home repair, I don’t ever want to get cancer again, why did I make that plane reservation for 4 am…”
It’s kind of hilarious really, and appears sort of random and ridiculous. The mind skips around with its commentary.
When something is particularly upsetting, then it appears to overwhelm the mind. More of the thoughts will get focused on that one problem, person, or situation.
One thing that is wonderful to know, is that if there is stress, especially in the body, then you know you are believing something that isn’t really true for you. You’re not in your truest, clear self. You’re maybe a little confused. It’s OK…you don’t know any better.
After you have your list, or even only one painful thought, written down, you can bring it to inquiry. Maybe you have bigger, broader thoughts that the chatter that is relating to your personal life. “This shouldn’t be happening, people shouldn’t hurt other people, war is horrendous, global warming is killing us, I am alone.”
Start with just one.
Now, you can question it and investigate everything about it. You can ask the four questions.
Yesterday a reader wrote to ask “what are those four questions again?” I love this question! The mind is so funny, isn’t it? It will space out, forget, become confused, grow foggy, distract itself, move on to other ideas and thoughts.
When I first encountered The Work I would forget the questions constantly and have to go find them written down again to see exactly how they were worded.
The first question: Is It True? I have written down the thought “I should have taken care of the leak in the roof sooner”.
Answer with a Yes or a No. Not with waffling around. If there’s waffling around, then you’re probably answering with a NO. But if your answer is yes, then move to question 2.
Can I absolutely know that this is true?
For my thought, that I should have taken care of the leak sooner? Heck, I don’t really know if it would have been better if I did it before or not. Not really. So no, it’s not 100% true beyond a shadow of a doubt. NO.
Third question: How do you react when you believe that thought?
I get MAD at myself! Jeez you stupid dope! Do you want to be a home owner or not?! What were you thinking? You’ll never amount to much.
The barrage of insults is not pretty. If someone ever spoke to me this way I would run for the hills! Many of us think we’ll get motivated to handle the situation best if we’re as mean as possible to ourselves. We start with one bad idea about ourselves and a second later we’re the worst human to have ever walked the face of the earth…and we will never amount to much.
I laugh now when I start talking that way, most of the time. So very, very serious. So dramatic. So extreme. Where’s the theater?
Except when you ask yourself the fourth question: Who would you be without the thought?If you couldn’t actually believe it right now? If you came from another country or another planet and you just landed here? Or if you were a tree? Or if you were happy?
Then the final step is to turn the thought around to the opposite, and there may be several ways you can do this…it can be the trickiest part for people starting The Work.
Turn Around: “I should NOT have taken care of the roof leak any sooner.” Find examples of the truth of this. Real, authentic, believable examples, no matter how small.
For me, Now is as good a time as any for repairing the roof. Like any situation in life, the time for it to unfold appears to be right now, today. Who am I to dictate to the world, to anyone else, or to ME exactly when something should or should not have taken place?
I mean really, who made me the manager of the universe and the boss of house repairs and when they are allowed to happen and when I myself should have responded to them?
Byron Katie says “Who needs God when we have you?!”
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”~Pema Chodron
Love, Grace
Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. $215. To register click HERE now and then send me an email grace@workwithgrace.com.
Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.
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