I registered for The Cleanse today, the annual event in Los Angeles conducted by Byron Katie where she does The Work with people from morning til evening for 3-1/2 days, an incredible celebration for the New Year.
As I was clicking on plane ticket reservations and sorting through my calendar, I thought about the joy of being a part of the crowd, the people interested in exploring their thoughts and imagining their world without stressful beliefs.
I imagine just sitting near the front, listening, not taking notes, hearing whomever comes forward with such courage. Nothing to do but listen and Be.
Then I imagined jumping up in the chair and doing the Work with Katie and I had a huge jolt of adrenaline course through me. This was just from imagining. When all I do is raise my hand in a big audience, I usually feel tingly and nervous and my arm pits start sweating!
The people who get up on stage with Katie and sit there doing their intimate work seem so brave! Not only are they doing it in front of 300-500 people, but they usually agree to be filmed and recorded.
Many other human beings are assisted in the future by the people who are so willing to do The Work with Byron Katie…in public!
I remember realizing that my own personal spiritual journey happens in an atmosphere of willingness to let something be exposed. If I try to hide, it just works up so much more energy around whatever it is I think I need to keep hiding.
Sneaking, lying, withdrawing, ducking, keeping a low-profile, deflecting…you can feel it when it’s a lot of work. When it’s there to protect some inner part of the self, to make sure no one sees it so no one can criticize or reject us.
Long ago when I was in a therapy group and I was only in my twenties, when I had been in the group for at least 3 months, one of the co-therapists said “Grace, I need to talk with you in the group here.”
Uh oh. Scared. There’s that adrenaline.
“You never speak. When you don’t speak, it holds a certain power. No one can get close to you, and you keep us out. You are maintaining power with your silence”.
Gulp.
Eckhart Tolle writes that the ego believes that there has been a shrinking of the Self when it is blamed or criticized. It will immediately attempt to repair this damaged sense of self through justification, blaming back, or telling a big story that is defensive or shows it was victimized.
But notice how he calls the ego “it” all the time. Like it isn’t actually who we are. At all.
Adyashanti says “leave everything the way it is.”
So imagine that you are at a big event, and there is an offer of an open chair where you can come and get help (with hundreds of people watching) and you know you want that help. You have a spark inside you that says “yes”.
And you don’t stop yourself, or wait, or hesitate, or shut yourself down. You go for it, with love. You feel excitement, you may feel terror, but you feel love and willingness bigger than the fear.
Something inside you stops needing to do damage control, or keep yourself whole, or intact. Something is willing to break open and spill the dark stuff out into the atmosphere, with everyone around hearing it. Willing to risk it.
“You may then come to an amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non-reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize that nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less” you become more.”~Eckhart Tolle
People come to personal growth workshops or therapy groups often because they are so real, honest, authentic, genuine and alive. They are an amazing study of the the capacity of humans to be themselves and through this, simply transform.
The “it” that wants to keep safe is not really all of you. It is just a resistance device that wants to keep the fortress strong.
Back in that therapy group, that encouragement by that wonderful therapist was one of the biggest gifts I could have ever received.
Today, you may know that there is something inside you that makes you really nervous to bring out, but it might be important to expose it. You’ve been ruminating on it.
You may feel scared, but you know you need help.
There is nothing to lose, really. All is well, it is just that little “it” that is afraid most of the time (the ego) that does not want to change, and is not comfortable with questions or uncertainty.
Expressing the inner “demons” may not be as bad as we think. It may not be bad at all. Go for it today, and see what happens.
“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”~ Jesus of Nazareth
Love, Grace
*This workshop is FULL* Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven In-Person Intensive Seattle 12/1 10 am – 6 pm. Stay tuned for a future one-day event again in March 2013!
Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. $215. To register write grace@workwithgrace.com now.
Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.
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