We all know Byron Katie’s famous quote “argue with reality and you’ll lose…but only 100% of the time”. What does arguing with reality actually mean?
What does loving or accepting reality mean?
On the most simple level, it’s easy to see when there is an argument. That shouldn’t be that way! I hate her! He drives me crazy! They should change! There is something wrong with me! There’s not enough!
The feeling of an argument is probably familiar for most humans—angry energy, furious or irritated words, silence with tight body language, terror, sadness, hardness. One big “NOOOOOOOO!”
It doesn’t matter how loud or how quiet the experience, it is gripping, against, resisting, hating, running…people feel like punching, sobbing, panicking, escaping, judging, attacking internally or out loud.
Recently, several people have asked me something I’ve arrived at quite a few years ago after doing The Work for awhile: Does loving reality make you passive?
Why would I do anything if I was happy with what is? Why would I try to leave someone, move, take action, create, lose weight, quit drinking, research my disease, learn about my child’s disability, earn more money?
What I found, and continue to find with amazement really, is that loving powerfully is very active. Love is what is left after questioning stressful beliefs.
There is no need to “force” yourself to do anything, to “discipline” yourself to accomplish, to “push” yourself or others to get them to improve.
Love is actually always moving joyfully towards a magical kind of unfolding feeling, never static, always changing.
“Arguing with reality means arguing with the story of a past. It’s already over, and no thinking in the world can change it….The point is, how can you be most effective in this moment, given that what is, is? Seeing reality doesn’t mean you’re going to be passive. Why would you be passive when you can be clear and have a wonderful, sane life?…Seeing reality means that you can act in the kindest, most appropriate and most effective way.”~Byron Katie in Loving What Is
So in my past money situation, I had the belief that I MUST PUSH MYSELF to earn more money, ASAP. I noticed that was a very stressful belief.
I also believed in the past I needed to “set boundaries” with people or “go on a diet/food plan” and GET TOUGH, get disciplined, take out the whip….or nothing would happen.
I DID believe that if I didn’t PUSH….I wouldn’t do anything to change, grow, evolve, get unstuck. I’d stay the same….which by the way wasn’t good enough.
But now, after questioning stressful and painful thoughts, I notice that I follow the flow so much more. I do what I can, I have a spark of light energy….it’s just there. I think it always was.
When things are tough, difficult, painful, unhappy, these are the tricky places. Like learning you have cancer, or finding out your bank account was just cleaned out….but when you DO NOT HATE it, you start moving from that spot, right here in the present, with clarity, aliveness, passion.
You don’t have to LOVE it. That may be a bit much. But how Upset we are does not take over our whole experience.
You’ll notice you do things like call the police, consult a colleague, hire a lawyer, take medicine.
The most wonderful turnaround to practice, to find examples for, is “I have to relax to succeed”. I have to relax to make more money, lose weight, stop drinking, get healthy, end the war. You can’t relax and participate in a war, I notice.
Right in this scary, worrisome, awful, irritating, or uncomfortable situation…you will stay present with a sense of opening to What Is, right in the moment, under the surface.
I notice I write down what I hope to do this week, I schedule appointments and plans for the future, I write, I create new curriculums, I plan an awesome body workshop next summer, I pay all my bills, I open the mail, I sweep the kitchen floor, I work with clients.
I watch my thoughts rise and fall, I notice them when they are troubling, I write them down when they repeat themselves. If this was my last day on earth, it’s a good day. No worries about the future, and yet plans on the calendar. Fun.
“When I want what I have, thought and action aren’t separate; they move as one, without conflict. If you find anything lacking, ever, write down your thought and inquire. I find that life never falls short and doesn’t require a future. Everything I need is always supplied, and I don’t have to do anything for it…..There is nothing more exciting than loving what is.”~Byron Katie
Imagine what it would be like to not think you have to push yourself to achieve something? Imagine not thinking that if you loved what is, you would be passive, unloving, boring, stuck, inactive, unmoving, or crazy?
Who would you be without that thought?
Love, Grace