As a counselor I have worked with some pretty extreme mental suffering in others. People who are what we all might consider a little crazy. They even consider themselves crazy.
Feeling so full of suffering that you feel crazy is tough, to put it mildly. Sometimes, people don’t make it out alive.
Nuts, bonkers, losing it, mad, whack-job, not all here, looney, round-the-bend!
And yet, I have noticed that in those moments of the most extreme pain within myself I felt pushed to an edge that demanded something.
Eckhart Tolle tells his story of sitting on a park bench, for several years, living in mental torture…and then one day the thought “I can’t live with myself”. Then another thought that there were two “minds” here. One that couldn’t be lived with, and the other that was noticing this.
Bang! There was a shift in his consciousness, and he never suffered as he previously had again. There was an observer there, he just hadn’t grasped the presence of this observer for long enough before.
Byron Katie has a similar story. Something happened after ten years of spiraling downward into the most terrible depression. And then a change, a huge change, but all within her own perception.
There is something amazing about this extreme edge. When we feel the most suffering, then we can’t ignore it, it is alive within us, the thoughts are SCREAMING!
I see this now as an incredibly good thing. An advantage. The natural way of it.
My uncle died of self-torture, and so did a dear friend of mine who I hadn’t spoken with for 15 years. They were both found in similar situations, their body shut down from alcohol poisoning. Their suffering went right to the limit, and then beyond…apparently.
I experienced this torture and very extreme behavior: starving myself, binge-eating huge quantities of food and then vomiting, running long distances, smoking cigarettes, drinking huge amounts of coffee, drinking alcohol to the point of blacking out, feeling suicidal, having anxiety and terror, fear of people hating me, thinking life is not worth living, that the earth is a terrible place, and that I can never be happy.
What if your strongest emotional experiences are what happens in Reality when you’re believing fearful, violence, abusive, painful and UNTRUE thoughts?
Maybe you’re about to experience a break-through! What if someone in this extreme mental suffering has the power to shift away from that forever, in a great and powerful way?
Joseph Campbell said “It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.”
Write out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and let it rip, being petty, babyish, abusive, judgmental, name-calling. Letting your pain spill itself out.
Let it be extreme. The more truly extreme, the better. This is that voice, that terrified part of the mind on paper.
Those who are not afraid to let this voice write itself down on paper can see the story, right there. In this extreme place, breaking out, breaking through, cracking open can happen.
“Express yourself completely, then keep quiet. Be like the forces of nature; when it blows, there is only wind; when it rains, there is only rain; when the clouds pass, the sun shines through.” –The Tao Te Ching #23
Doing The Work is meditation, it is quiet, silent. You watch as the Observer. Who knows what will happen, the shift might be like an earthquake…or a calm evening. Reality will bring you exactly what you need.
With love, Grace