Since the Love, Romance and Sexuality telecourse is underway….
….I’ve had the wonderful privilege of being with others investigating moments of criticism, disappointment, tension about nakedness, concerns when it comes to physical contact with others.
So many thoughts in one split second.
At least 50!
And speaking of romance and sexuality….
….I’ve ALSO been noticing, under the same topic, outcries, conversations, heated discussions, and an occasional note zipping by on facebook about that movie.
You know, that movie.
(Fifty Shades of Gray).
What surprised me recently was when I heard about some people who were into culturally experimental views around sexuality and sexual ethics….
….and even THEY were up-in-arms about the movie.
I thought they wouldn’t care, or have no opinion, or be in favor of everyone doing whatever they want….but no.
They had some pretty strong opinions about the whole thing.
I started noticing a little bubbling up of stress, and a typical reaction I’ve had when things gain a lot of controversy and everyone gets very worked up in the media.
They should calm down, stop getting so aggravated!
What is everyone getting so excited about, I mean for Gawd Sakes!?
Chill!
And I am NOT going write about some pop culture thing like 50 Shades in my Grace Note either! Jeez!
Ha ha!
Who would I be without my story about 50 shades and 50 opinions and 50 controversies and 50 ways to calm down?
I might actually connect. Ask questions. Ask people about what’s disturbing them, why they care.
I might listen.
Turning my high-fallutin’ thoughts around about how I can’t be bothered….
….I remember I myself am investigating every single week in my own telecourse the great topic of sexuality, romance, and passion.
We’re looking at our ideas about what hurts, and what doesn’t.
Everyone has thoughts about what is right, what is threatening, what is a solution, what is wrong, what works, what doesn’t work!
To look deeply and with an open mind at human sexuality is caring.
It’s a privilege, a wonderful exploration.
I do care about 50 thoughts, 50 ideas, 50 inquiries, 50 stressful beliefs, 50 ways to freedom, 50 turnarounds, 50 feelings.
“To exclude anything that appears in your universe is not love. Love joins with everything. It doesn’t exclude the monster. It doesn’t avoid the nightmare–it looks forward to it.” ~ Byron Katie
And I notice right now I’m feeling the joy of silence, writing only this sentence, remembering the sweet inquiring in the class the other day on sexuality, getting ready to stand up, gather keys, head for the gym.
Full of celebration about this world of people all singing their songs, full of life, being themselves, and feeling sexual, or not.
It has to be good, it must go the way I want, I want it to unfold like this (not that), this needs to be fun, it better be right.
Nervous about romance? Teleclass starting Thursday 1/22 to question your stressful thinking, and change your life when it comes to partners—long term, broken-up, dating, divorced, confused—every difficult situation can be lightened through The Work of Byron Katie
Have you ever had these ideas about something coming up on your calendar?
Oh boy.
When it goes well, it’s awesome! Hand clapping! Yay! I must be doing something right!
And if it doesn’t.
Oh rats.
This is terrible. A sinking feeling. Depressed, disappointed, worried, unhappy. I must be doing something wrong!
Last week I had many people writing to me about the upcoming teleclass on “sexuality”, but few people committing to join.
This is the ONLY teleclass where people are so hesitant, in comparison to the other teleclasses I teach on food, parenting, relationships, illness/death and money.
People are skittish, nervous.
Do we have to say everything out loud, someone asked?
Once during the very first session, someone said they wrote in their notebook today’s date, and The “S” Teleclass.
She couldn’t write “Sexuality”.
I might need to name it something different….like The Work of Byron Katie on attraction, touch, romance and lovers.
In fact, that sounds pretty good!
Why didn’t I think of that before??!!
But even as I consider new names for the class, or new ways to offer or help on this topic, or new ways to show up as a guide on the road to the end of suffering around romance, lust and attraction…
….I can even do The Work on the idea that changing this teleclass neeeeeeeds to happen.
What if the way it is going is just right?
Who would I be without the belief that it needs to go “well”, be full of participants sooner than later, be popular, that people should get how awesome this class is, people shouldn’t feel worried about talking about *s–*?
How would I really feel without the thought that the way its going is wrong, or it could be better another way than this?
Woah.
What an eye-opener.
Suddenly…without the belief that the class should be filling sooner, people should jump at the chance to speak openly about sexual feelings, I remember how it feels to not think anything should be any different than it is.
Quite stunning really.
Not one thing out of place. Can you get a taste of it?
What if the pain, the things you don’t like, your daily routines or people you feel out of sorts with, are really allowed to be as they are?
What if you didn’t resist them, or argue about them, or complain, or fight? What if it could all be here?
Even my resistance itself, what if that was OK, too?
“It isn’t getting what we want that makes us happy. It’s being happy with whatever we experience–or perhaps I should say, being happy regardless what we experience. To some people this will sound like a defeatist attitude, settling for mediocrity rather than striving for more. Yet nothing in the statement says that we can’t strive, or create any number of activities or experiences. Simply that we are happy with whatever we experience, even the striving.” ~ Peter Ralston in The Book of Not Knowing
I turn the beliefs around to try them on: It does NOT have to be “good”, it must go the way it goes, I want it to unfold like this and no other way, this needs to NOT be fun, if it isn’t.
How could I find just a drop of openness to these thoughts, instead of their opposites that I was automatically thinking before?
Well.
I certainly notice it’s more fun to lighten up about the way this thing is going, that’s for dang sure.
The way it’s going shows me what not to pursue, what to drop, if there’s a turn needed along the path.
The way my class is going, for example, shows me there’s something not yet understood about the laughter and lightness possible when doing The Work on romance, or who-is-doing-what- in-the-bedroom…..
…..and I can express what its like more clearly, or make it safer.
Can you find examples of why the way your thing is going is just perfect (even your romantic relationship status) how there might be advantages (even if it doesn’t seem like it) or how you benefit by the way its unfolding?
Share them with me, I’d love to hear.
And meanwhile….
….if you have a broken heart, or struggle, or sadness about something that’s gone down around romance or physical touch, or your expectations about it are getting shattered….
….then you may want to consider joining a small group of journeyers along the path to deeply question your thoughts about sexuality and romance.
This includes people sleeping with you, people sleeping with other people, people making that strange move you didn’t get, you not being happy or thrilled, you feeling bereft or anxious, him acting weird, her acting weird, you feeling worried about what to say.
Anything stressful is the perfect situation for inquiry.
If you can un-do your painful beliefs (notice I said painful beliefs–you can keep the fun, exciting ones) then you may find a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to partnership and love, right in front of you.
We’re starting this coming Thursday at 10 am Pacific Time for 90 minutes. We meet 8 weeks. This class MAY be for Women Only, if enough interested women really want that boundary. I do have interested men, so speak up today (write grace@workwithgrace.com) to ask questions or find out more.
I give you time, respect and attention as a facilitator of The Work.
