Tag: The Work of Byron Katie on abortion

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My latest Peace Talk: the first time I did The Work (it made me sick)

sickdog
Listen to Peace Talk to hear my first time doing The Work, and feeling sick as a dog

Two people wrote to me yesterday and asked if they could get the masterclass replay Ten Barriers to The Work and How To Dissolve Them. Since I got asked twice, out it goes. Replay is now enabled.

To watch and listen to the MasterClass replay, click here. No opting-in. It’s yours, in service. This link will work until September 5th. This is the day before we start Year of Inquiry which I mention at the end of the masterclass–so it will be outdated after YOI begins.
So, if you want to look at it this weekend, or next long weekend in the United States, feel free.
Then it will go into review, revamp, update mode, or potentially be built into a longer series since there was just so much material to cover in two hours (yes, I know–two hours is a long time….so maybe listening to a part, then coming back later is the perfect way for you).

So speaking of those barriers (will she ever stop?) I was thinking about the Big Kahuna Number One Barrier again yesterday.

Which is doing The Work of Byron Katie on yourself. Not other people or things outside of you in your life. Just wanting to do it on YOU.
Now….here’s the funny thing.
I suddenly remembered that the very first time I did The Work ever in public was when Byron Katie came to my city and offered a weekend-long workshop. There were hundreds of people there.
And guess what I did The Work on?

Um. Yes. (After all this talk of not doing The Work on yourself).

Me.

That’s exactly who I filled out my Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on, even though we were invited to NOT fill it out on ourselves and instead consider someone else we might not have forgiven yet.

Me.

But here’s what I remember happened that amazing and horribly difficult weekend. I realized something profoundly important, even though I was “working” on myself.

That I might not be the awful monster I thought I was.

It was a huge beginning to an incredible journey of waking up out of a zombie trance of self-criticism.

So, can I really know it’s difficult or wrong, or even a barrier, to do The Work on oneself?

No.

If you’re one of the people who feels deeply compelled to question thoughts that bring you suffering about yourself, you might enjoy this latest Peace Talk Episode 120.

Even though I spoke on Peace Talk last time about doing The Work on yourself and what to do instead, or how to take it a bit deeper, in this episode I share what happened when I did The Work on myself, anyway.

During that first dreadful weekend workshop, I hardly spoke, I gave no one any eye contact, I never raised my hand (wouldn’t have dreamt of it), felt physically like death warmed over, hated what I wrote on that worksheet…..

…..but something shifted inside of me that was the beginning of the end of the pain…..

…..even though my worksheet appeared to be all about me. 

So even though I’ve gone on and on about Barrier #1 to deepening The Work being the way we want to do it on ourselves at first…..

…..there’s nowhere you can’t go with The Work and nothing that will prevent you from freedom, if you answer the questions.

(Peace Talk is also on IHeart Radio and Stitcher by the way, and it helps spread the word so much when you leave a review or subscribe).

“Thinking that people are supposed to do or be anything other than what they are is like saying that the tree over there should be the sky. I investigated that and found freedom.” ~ Byron Katie in I Need Your Love–Is That True?

This goes for ourselves, too. Thinking WE are supposed to do or be anything other than what we are is like saying something cray cray.

Investigate it.

Much love,

Grace

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You Never Did It Wrong

I’m having so much trouble…l can’t stop thinking I did something wrong. I googled the internet on abortion, and your name appeared.

I received this email and my heart went out to the author immediately.

She was struggling the way I had once struggled. Making what felt like a huge decision not to continue an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy.

When that happened for me many years ago, I was shocked by the sickness I felt, by the finality.

I had no idea I would be so horrified by my action. I was in favor of a woman’s right to choose. My mom had hosted abortion rights meetings at our home when I was a kid!

But all of the sudden, I wasn’t so sure. I suddenly understood why there were the debates. I thought I would go crazy with the suffering.

Six months later, I attended a special retreat program my mother had found called Rachel’s Vineyard. It was created as a non-profit to help especially Catholic women (and their partners) recover from abortion.

I was not Catholic. But raised Episcopalian, maybe it was close enough.

I had not been to anything with a religious overlay like that in many, many years.

It didn’t matter.

I thought…if anyone would feel like horse sh*t about having an abortion, it would be someone Catholic. I felt the same. Therefore, I’ll fit in.

The thing that was present at the core of that retreat was the message that I was not evil, I could forgive myself and find peace, and that there was normal life for me following an abortion.

And here, so many years later, I was talking with a lovely woman who also was not Catholic but who was also very surprised at the devastation she felt after making her choice.

“I went against reality” she said.

We set up a session to do The Work.

You may have something, too, that you feel terrible about doing.

That thing you feel ashamed of, that time you yelled and screamed at your kid, or your spouse, that time you lied, stole, cheated, schemed, held resentment, attacked.

You might feel like you acted against what was, you fought reality, you argued with reality, you debated, you forced, you pushed.

Find that moment…and let’s take a walk through that painful belief that brings much suffering.

You argued with reality.

Is that true?

Yes. (Deep sadness, regret, grief).

Are you positively sure? Did you go against reality?

Yes. I’m wrong. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have. I acted that way. I sinned. I was bad. I ate too much. I took the drugs. I drank. I smoked. I hurt someone else.

How do you react when you believe this?

Pure hell.

I picture the past over and over. I wish wish wish it could have gone differently. I’m so unhappy with me.

Regret. Regret. Regret. Horrible.

But who or what would you be without the belief that you went against reality, that you fought what was so and it should have turned out otherwise, that you made a mistake, that you were wrong?

Ugh. I can’t even find it. I have no idea. Impossible. I can’t feel OK about what happened, I just can’t. I can’t forgive myself.

Then.

A pause.

An opening, just a crack….without the thought. Without that belief in condemnation, punishment, wrong-ness, mistakes, unforgiveable-ness?

A deep breath.

I say “reality also included other children, a partner not ready, the existence of a procedure that was an option, your life in that moment in time.”

Reality included everything.

What happened was the best thing, the best way it could have gone.

Turning the thought around: I went with reality, I merged with reality, I was a part of reality with no separation. There was something right with me. There was no mistake. This is forgiveable. 

There was love.

Can you find that to be as true, or truer?

“It is only the illusion of a separate self (something that believes itself to be outside of life and living in other than the Now which is the only reality) who could believe it is possible to make mistakes. Because, in fact, there isn’t anything going on other than what IS.” ~ Cheri Huber

Who could you be today, as you go about your life, a person who has done nothing wrong, ever?

Try it on and see.

It’s OK. I promise.

Much love, Grace