Tag: surrender

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Thinking of quitting? It’s probably not up to you. Drop the probably.

The other afternoon, a thought popped into my head. It wasn’t exactly peaceful.

“You should just quit.”

The thought was about working. Running my business, doing The Work for a living.

Right in the middle of an afternoon.

  • this will go on forever
  • I’ll never have any savings (or enough of ‘x’)
  • you haven’t amounted to much
  • so what (referring to just about anything)
  • I can’t retire like other people
I thought about canceling my noon yoga class, and the plan to work on the chapter I’m writing for an upcoming book on The Work, and definitely let’s not think about another podcast.
Who cares! 
The funny thing was, it was probably my brain trying to get me to take a break, go outside, relax. Or it was just a random suggestion. I love how the mind will recommend quitting when things seem a little bit hard, or very hard.
I notice these “So What” kinds of thoughts about work and projects come in only when I’m pushing hard, not taking any breaks, skipping meditation, not pausing to do The Work, avoiding rest.
But people, including me, frequently have this thought about quitting when they get upset with someone, feel pushed in between a rock and a hard place, and don’t know another way out. In an extreme way, “quitting” is what people are doing who feel suicidal and imagine exiting life here on planet earth.
Do you have anything you’ve thought about quitting recently?
You should.
Is it true?
No.
How do I react when I have the thought I should quit?
I have pictures of a future where I am no longer doing the thing. No longer in that relationship. No longer going to that location. No longer doing that work.
It is really amazing how powerful the urge to LEAVE is. Cut ’em off! I’m never speaking to her again! Goodbye forever! I quit!
Who would I be without the story of quitting?
Noticing I continue. I stick with the person, situation, circumstance, activity, or not. And it may have little to do with the thought of quitting.
Or nothing at all to do with it.
Turning the thought around: I don’t quit. I quit my thinking. “It” quit me.
All of these options have been true….and now that I think about it and do The Work on this idea of quitting….
….I’m not sure I’ve ever been the one that made quitting happen. I either just knew it was time to stop, or not. Perhaps fatigue and exhaustion caused quitting. Perhaps an awareness the thing wasn’t required resulted in quitting. Perhaps doing The Work caused quitting.
Perhaps there was no quitting whatsoever, even though the idea ran so loudly through my mind.
Here I am writing down the thoughts, sharing them with other people, doing The Work right in front of everyone (as a reader once said to me).
“I follow the way of it, which is always revealed in the moment. It’s God’s will, and it’s always crystal clear. When you no longer have a will of your own, there is no time and space. It all becomes a flow. You don’t decide, you flow from one happening to the next, and everything is decided for you…..This morning I had the thought to shower, and I notice that I stayed with the email. I find that fascinating. Showering was a wonderful idea. Will it move to that, or not? It’s exciting to wait and watch and allow life to move at its own pace as it continues to do what it does.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names for Joy
 
I have the idea to quit. I don’t quit. I have the idea to quit. One day I do.
Is it happening because I’ve decided so?
Never.
There are so many beautiful complexities to the life, the flow, the world. They include this mind, sometimes talking it seems to no one.
The ultimate full-blown complete opposite turnaround: I should just begin. But it’s already happening.
  • this will go on forever YAY!
  • I’ll always have enough of everything I need! WOOHOO!
  • you haven’t amounted to much, which is PERFECT
  • so what (referring to just about anything) HOORAY!
  • I can’t retire like other people. SO LUCKY!
Every new moment, beginning fresh. Looking around at the unknown, the mysterious, the shape of this room, the going for a walk, returning home, writing. Activities did change today. Nothing quit. Life is still here, continuing, never-ending. Always more possibilities, always room for The Work, always life just here, being.

Much love,

Grace

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Give Everything Up, Be Hopeless, Be Given Everything

Update on Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat June 25-29: For those of you still wishing you could come and thought there was no hope, there are a few spots left for lodging, if you’re open to sharing (very inexpensive that way):

There is a female dorm bed still free, one entire cabin available after all, without plumbing (they are very cute, cozy and private and bath facilities are a short walk away), and one free bed inside a cabin with plumbing that is occupied by a woman who is enrolled already (open to female roommate).

Our workshop only can fit two more in our gorgeous Forest Shelter meeting house….so call Breitenbush soon if you’re ready to go for it.

This is a marvelous, sincere group of truly amazing inquirers, and we have fabulous exercises planned to create an incredible opportunity for you to free yourself, literally, from your troubled thinking.

If you’ve struggled with inquiry, feeling at war….and ready to declare peace on an important situation, join us. Why not now? We can’t wait to meet everyone. Call 503-854-7174.

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Speaking of No Hope…..or Hope…..the experience of being with or without it is extremely powerful.

Every human has times of hopelessness, and times of great hope.

But it’s a tricky concept, the idea of hopefulness or hopelessness. Because it can set you off into the future very, very easily, or into the past with the blink of an eye (the blink of a thought).

Here’s what I mean.

I’m going about my day, living my life, moving from here to there. This is the present, what is happening. And inside my head there are thoughts flashing, pictures of what could be, or what was.

When a difficult or scary thing occurs, the natural experience of the mind, projecting into the future, is to prefer to avoid it repeating.

I hope that won’t ever happen again.

When a wonderful thing happens, or you hear an enticing story filled with good news, your mind naturally wants to generate that story for itself.

I hope that happens to me, I hope I can do that!

There are also reflections the mind has of the past and what should have happened or should NOT have happened, that can never be rewound, never re-lived, never a do-over.

Totally hopeless.

The thing is, you know when you’re going off into a stressful land of stories when you feel anxious, worried, sad, despairing, or unhappy about any event, whether you hope for it or hope against it.

The most simple thing to do then, I have found, is inquiry.

“This situation is hopeless” (and I am so disappointed, regretful, horrified, sad).

Is it true?

Yes. I thought I was going on that retreat, that adventure, I thought I would have succeeded with “x” by now, I thought I’d be with that person, I didn’t think I’d lose, I can’t figure it out, I failed, I can’t….

Are you sure?

No. I’m never sure. I know things can change at any moment. But careful now. Notice the ease with which the mind could slip into hoping and grabbing on and pushing forward, without rest.

How do you react when you think your situation is hopeless, and this is a terrible thing?

Rage, fury, depression, sinking into inaction, mute… OR running as fast as I can even though the timer already went off, the race is finished.

But who would you be without the thought that this hopeless situation is terrible, horrifying or eternally dark? Without the thought that you HAVE to get back to HOPING, or else?

Without the thought that all is hopeless is bad, hopeful is good….I notice something gently opens right here, in the middle of this hopeless situation.

I notice I’m alive, breathing, and there is something more here, present, without thought. Something that has nothing to do with THINKING.

How funny!

I turn the thought around: this situation is hopeless, and that is really, truly OK. All is well. No trying, manipulating, pushing, lashing out. 

Wow. Maybe there is something beyond me, beyond my own thoughts. Perhaps reality has other ideas besides the ones I myself think are best. Maybe rest is here, and love, and support.

Even out in the desert with no water left and only a few more breaths before death.

“When you’re having a relatively pleasant dream, you don’t mind so much dreaming on. But when your dream turns into a nightmare then you REALLY want to awaken from that, when you can’t stand it. That’s what happened to me. It drove me almost to suicide….When I was a child, my pain body grew very quickly…. But if this had not been the case, I would have never awakened. So retrospectively, one is grateful for one’s suffering, because eventually suffering will wake you up.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Welcome all hope being lost….and doing nothing. The greatest surrender.

“When the ancient masters say ‘If you want to be given everything, give everything up’ they weren’t using empty phrases. Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.” ~ Tao Te Ching #22

Much love, Grace

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Surrender Shows Up At A Dinner Party

There is nothing like a small gathering of thoughtful, kind, dynamic people meeting to explore Whatever This Is.

I am on retreat with fellow journeyers in Tucson, Arizona right now. The sky is wide open, cloudless, with a half moon hanging brightly in it.

We’ve all just eaten dinner together creating a big delicious meal in the house kitchen I’m renting with another participant in this sangha, which means, loosely, spiritual support group.

The word sangha comes from the Buddhist term for monks and nuns and the community they created together.

Following dinner, several of us sat around the table, talking for hours.

For me, a very introverted person (yes it’s true despite the rumors)….hanging out with fellow humans communicating in a meaningful, happy, simple way where we’re together allowing the conversation to flow is something I don’t often do with more than one person.

If you start getting into over two people, I get a little giddy, or nervous, or over-stimulated.

This is where I used to expect wine or beer to be involved, like it was an automatic part of connecting with bigger groups for meals.

But our kitchen was filled with eight people, just being together to eat, and I watched myself stir fry vegetables and help create a feast.

All my companions probably don’t realize how rare it was for me to cook and serve.

My thoughts about cooking and preparing food have been pretty rebellious, or pretty filled with aversion.

I have been known to say I don’t cook, won’t cook, don’t like it, don’t want to do it, and will never.

I’ve always brought loaves of bread or salad to potlucks.

If someone starts talking about a recipe, I’m yawning in one minute.

And yet, here it was my turn, it turned out, to create with food for others, and there was no Should, Have To, Won’t. The mind amazingly did not have much to say about it.

An ordinary gathering, and yet not so ordinary.

Because I am different than I once was.

Through self-inquiry, investigation of thoughts, using the incredible tool called The Work, the way I interact with the world is completely changed.

What is deeply on the inside, that I perhaps kept buried or didn’t think was safe to share, is now out in the open or close to the surface.

I find myself curious and interested in what I do….I’m looking at this person called me and saying “oh look, what will she do now?” like it’s fun and entertaining.

And there are no stories that are set in stone, ever, anymore. Like “I hate to cook” or “I’m very shy” or “I need to sleep longer” or “life is hard” or “I don’t get what’s going on here, on planet earth”.

During our group time earlier in the day, with our teacher Stephen Bodian, something he said sparked me to think about dropping my stories of even awakening, enlightenment, awareness, what it takes to discover peace.

It can happen now. Or today. Or during a dinner party. Or cleaning your house. Or sitting quietly in the morning.

In an instant. Not in a lifetime of struggle and work.

It an happen the minute you ask yourself “is it true?”

I love The Work as it has given my mind steps to walk through, one by one, in order. Simple, simple, simple. Following the very simple directions.

And here I am, in pure easy gratitude, for this quiet moment, the smell of desert air, for the voices and people and eating dinner together before, feeling absolute joy.

“And when all the struggle ceases, we realize that the prison of our mind cannot hold us in anymore, because the prison was all along something we imagined into existence. And imagined things aren’t real, they don’t exist. But we could never really see this as long as we were fighting the phantoms of our minds. We needed the one thing that our imaginary minds could not bring about, could not fake or create: the genuine surrender of all struggle.” ~ Adyashanti

No need to control, plan, organize, push against, resist, be bolder than I am, less shy, different. No need to hope, grab, give up in a despairing way. No need to make sure other people are OK, or safe, or comfortable.

No need to have a huge epiphany, or change.

Over time, doing The Work and questioning thoughts of struggle, relaxation happens.

Surrender can show up at a dinner party.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you find you’re struggling with fear of death and physical pain, those can be biggies. I’d love for you to join me in the 6 week class Pain, Sickness and Death exploring our beliefs about these, about physical threats, starting in a couple of weeks on Tuesdays 5:15-6:45 pm.