Tag: stress

Posted on

How do want nothing, other than what is?

Work With Grace
“Inquiry is grace. It wakes up inside you, and it’s alive, and there’s no suffering that can stand against it.” ~ Byron Katie

We’re in Month #10 of Year of Inquiry. The final quarter of the year.

Our topic is to go to your worst fears, your deepest stressful beliefs, your experience of loss, endings, death, goodbyes.

You don’t have to conjure up a horrible scenario (although this can be really fascinating to do with The Work–to look at what frightens you most and take it to inquiry).

We’re looking sincerely at what’s occurring in life, how we’re feeling about All This, and writing down what we think about it.

Now here’s a weird thing going on with people in Year of Inquiry, and it’s happened before.

Some are facing the illness of people they love, or recent near-death of someone they know, or a slightly new chapter on a life situation like a job ending, a decision looming, separation from their partner. Someone even began yesterday with a one-month sabbatical from their work, coinciding with this topic of change, fear, loss, or worry.

Maybe, it’s just that people when doing The Work as a regular practice month to month begin to get to the core underlying beliefs they really, truly, honestly want to question.

Our greatest worries and fears.

One incredibly powerful expression uttered by Byron Katie is the following saying that knocked my mind open the first time I heard it, and it still blows me away: “The only problem, is an unquestioned thought.”

Wait….what?

With all the difficulty, sadness, grief, shock and horrifying things that happen in the world….

….can it really be true that the thoughts about what’s happening is what causes the most pain?

The mind will race around, ready to argue that if you accept what is, you won’t “fight” for what’s right, or help change the world, or change your own life for the better.

Surely, says the mind, it’s the event, the way something happened, the way that person acted, the words I heard, the thing I lost….

….that created pain.

Right?

If it had not happened that way, then I’d be fine.

Are you sure, though?

Are you positive you can’t be fine, even with all the sh*t that went down? Are you absolutely sure you can’t be happy, even though you lost him or her or that?

Who would you be without your story that when “x” happens (death, pain, cancer, bankruptcy, divorce, injury, conflict, mental illness)….

….It. Is. Awful.

What if the opposite was true?

What if something, at least one thing, came out of whatever happened……that served me, or someone else?

What if it simply wasn’t as devastating as I thought? What if, even though people die, or I will die, I can trust the way it goes?

I notice death and endings and loss happen.

What if this is the way of it, reality…..and it’s OK? Even good? Or atleast undetermined and unknown?

Can I really know as much as God or the whole totality of the universal plan? Can I be sure of what I’m seeing when using only my mind to decide what’s good and what’s bad?

Can I really know the things I’ve learned, or believed, to be terrible…..ARE terrible?

No. I can’t answer “yes” honestly.

I do not know that what I believe to be horrific, or devastating, or terrifying eternally fundamentally is horrific.

When something seriously difficult has happened, I’ve hated it at first maybe, or been afraid, but I’ve lived through it (so far)….

….and I can’t find a time I didn’t learn something, grow in some way, change for the better, find connection with others, become amazed by the support available, or find love at the bottom of the fear.

Try it for yourself.

Find the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Write it down, so you don’t switch around the words or get tricky or decide you’d rather not look at this troubling thought.

Take it to inquiry.

It may be the best thing you ever did for yourself….to question your mind.

“And then the full horror of the situation appeared…..Immediately inquiry arose: ‘I am this’–is it true? Is it true that I am this forever? How do I react when I believe that? What would I be without the thought?….Thought and questions arose at the same instant and canceled each other out. The horror was equivalent to a deep gentleness, a caressing, a full, immovable acceptance. There was no discomfort….I wanted nothing other than what is.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

If you’d like to sit in the presence of Byron Katie via live video as they stream her silent retreat from Switzerland July 9-12 (only 6 weeks away) then please join me for only $165 to attend the entire event in a large, very comfortable, private retreat lodge in far northeast Seattle area. Already half full, there is space for you if you need/want to spend the night (for a very reasonable additional fee–please let me know if you’re interested).

Last year we filled to the max (24) so I encourage you to sign up now. If you can only attend a part of the retreat, you will still have individual access to the videos of Katie for a minimum of one day (everyone will get to sign up for their favorite additional personal viewing time–when they can log-in by themselves in their own home through August 31st.)

Being With Byron Katie retreat is a once-a-year experience and no other retreats are like it. Our local Seattle event will be held in silence in between all sessions with Katie, and we’ll watch all sessions on a huge flat screen, and listening together.

To sign up for this amazing (and remarkably inexpensive way to be with Katie for 4 days) please click HERE.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Your Stressful Thoughts Are Knocking–Open The Door

One spot left for Saturday’s mini-retreat doing The Work. Two days away! This is doing The Work starting from scratch. You don’t need to know anything about self-inquiry….just bring yourself and your amazing MIND.

I will walk you through the steps one-by-one. No experience needed. (Write grace@workwithgrace.com if that last spot is yours).

If you are NOT new to The Work, then you’ll know that this process of doing The Work is a contemplative, focused practice that gives your busy mind time the chance to be heard…and questioned.

No issue is too big or too small for The Work. Kinda like an ad in the newspaper for odd-jobs or handy-work.

Who knows….you may think all you have is a small leak in the roof when it rains hard, and it turns out the whole attic is saturated, once you open up the area that looks slightly damaged.

It’s like when I work with someone who comes to me because they feel a little dowdy or overweight, a little unhappy about their body…even though it’s also not a big deal in the big scheme of things.

We may look at all the beliefs they have about why it would be “better” to have a different body, a more improved body, or what is going on in the moment they eat too much or reach for food. Those are interesting to question.

And THEN I might ask “so…what else brings on stress in your life? What else feels disappointing or uncomfortable?”

Oh. You mean, my unpleasant relationship with my body or eating might be related to stressful thinking, doubt, grief, sadness, rage, or terror?

The process of thinking is so fast, speedy, busy, winding and semi-logical (ha) that it’s hard to even KNOW what thoughts we have that we believe that we’re running on.

All we know is, we feel anxious, nervous, angry, irritated, sad, depressed….a whole slew of stressful feelings.

The Work is a ticket, if you like to “think” and work with this fast, brilliant mind, into how to address these feelings.

I find that feelings and thoughts line up every time. If I’m afraid, or upset, or angry, I’m believing something unpleasant, I’m worried about the future, I’m imagining bad thing occurring, I’m replaying a distant (or not-so-distant) memory.

But it moves so fast, almost like those subliminal messages we once heard about in advertising, flashing on our consciousness. We don’t register our thoughts clearly.

They’re there, then gone.

Suddenly, we feel like overeating, or drinking, or we make a caustic remark, or we tell a lie or gossip about someone, or we decide its time to move to another town, or another job, or we can’t sleep, or we feel jealous.

With The Work, we enter at the place that hurts, even if it’s only a sunburn, or a hang nail, or a pulled muscle, or a feeling of total annoyance at the traffic, or some doubt or worry about our childhood, or money, or our business, or being chronically late, or wanting endlessly to lose ten pounds.

We enter at the doorway that’s offered to us that says “YOUR STRESSFUL THOUGHTS” on it.

When we open that door, we may find quite a few thoughts inside. That may be an understatement of the century!

With The Work, or any powerful self-inquiry method of looking, watching, observing and relaxing….those stressful beliefs become very questionable.

And when you don’t believe those thoughts anymore….amazing things can occur.

You may see the beauty in that person who bugs you, you may find your body is quite lovely the way it is, you may not be compelled to eat or drink so much, you may remember your childhood with compassion, you may not be afraid of not having money, or getting sick.

You may find you begin to sleep well, or lose weight without trying, or start liking your job again, or open up a flow of money. You may be filled with a deep gratitude.

All things are possible.

Love, Grace