Tag: silence

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Silence, screaming thoughts, and the process of discovering what works and what doesn’t

I love that learning anything is a process.

By definition, a process is a series of actions, steps, adjustments, movements….all working together towards an end or a direction. A procession is a collection of people moving as a part of a greater whole, towards the same destination.

There’s an awareness of “time” with a process, but also action, movement, motion, flow. Going from there, to here. Or here, to there.

I love that eating peace is a process, just like “thinking” peace.

We’re identifying our stressful thoughts, watching what happens when we believe them (including the way we eat) and wondering what it would be like to not believe those thoughts.

It can be a vast and wonderful experience, this process. It’s life unfolding before us. We’re learning all the way.

And guess what?

I just offered an Eating Peace webinar training this most recent Saturday morning….and learned something.

I had added a segment, and it turned out to be waaaay too big a bite to chew. (I love those eating metaphors).

I learned that I need to remove the extra I wanted to offer–I get so excited about supporting people to enter an eating peace process–and leave it as “plenty” or “enough”. There’s always more we can learn, you know? And we don’t have to learn it all at once.

Just like meals. We don’t have to eat it all at once.

Food will be there again for us to enjoy when the body is once again ready. No need to pack it all in now.

If you missed the too-long Saturday webinar, join me for Tuesday’s webinar at 4 pm PT OR Thursday’s at 8 am PT. I love offering this webinar live and sharing it with you. I’ll answer questions about the Eating Peace Process and share about the content of the in-depth program at the very end.

Let’s question our thinking, watch what gets adjusted naturally….notice what works, what doesn’t. We’re refining our perceptions of reality, we’re dropping our stressful thinking (which doesn’t work) by investigating it closely. We’re opening up to movement in the direction of peace without blame, violence, control, or self-hatred.

What I notice is as we question our thoughts, find our own answers, we become deep experts in our own inner world.

When you have an inner world you’re open to exploring….peace arises in the mind.

Thinking peace leads to eating peace. No other option really.

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They’re giving me the Silent Treatment!

LIVE Facebook Friday (today!) at 11:30 am Pacific Time. The topic this time is why not to do The Work on YOURSELF….why look outside yourself to judgment (which we’re taught NEVER to do). I’ll share at the end about the upcoming Year of Inquiry program which is starting in a month.

If you don’t know about how to watch a facebook live event, it’s a simple way to use a phone video camera to connect with everyone right on facebook. It’s completely LIVE, as in Real Time. The way you can participate and watch, while it’s happening, is on my facebook page: Head over to WorkWithGrace on Facebook. (Like the page while you’re there, it helps spread the word).

Year of Inquiry is a remarkable program where you get to question your stressful beliefs for an entire year, with an amazing group of people. We learn to “be” our honest selves, and question what we think is wrong with life, in any way whatsoever. Including ourselves.

As a preview to help with deepening our internal work, I’m offering my free masterclass immersion: TEN BARRIERS that BLOCK THE WORK on August 22nd at 8:30 am Pacific Time (like, for example, feeling horribly embarrassed and ashamed you’ve screwed up–that would be Barrier #8). The class is 2 hours long with a huge amount of information.

There will be a Q & A at the very end of the Immersion Class on 8/22 about the new Year of Inquiry starting September 5th. Register for the free immersion class right HERE. It will be recorded, so if you can’t attend, you’ll receive the link for the replay. Feel free to share this with anyone you know who may be interested.

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Speaking of feeling ashamed that you’ve done something wrong….I noticed this appeared twice in recent group inquiries in Summer Camp for The Mind which is underway right now.

And then, it appeared again when working with a lovely inquirer only yesterday.

The situation: someone didn’t show up, someone said “no” in a harsh way, someone gave you the silent treatment.

You’re upset with them, even angry. And you’re also wondering if YOU are the kind of person who does something to deserve being stood up.

The mind moves into thoughts like “this always happens to me” or “I must be communicating poorly” or “I’m obviously an idiot” or “I make arrangements with the wrong kinds of people”.

You just get an overall feeling you’re wrong, bad, off, screwing up.

Even if you also blame that other person over there for not being responsible or reliable, there’s an attack on the self.

What I appreciate noticing about the Attack of The Self, is it comes out of a stressful thought about someone else. So, it’s a reaction to another stressful belief you’re assuming is true. If you were happily going about your business with absolutely no one else around, you wouldn’t feel this cutting self-criticism.

They’re giving me the silent treatment (no show, no response, no communication). 

It means lots of bad things, including this thing about me that I must be asking for it or creating it somehow.

But let’s take a look at the original thought, that this silent non-communicative experience is terrible….and that other person is giving it to me.

Is it true they’re giving you the silent treatment?

YES!!

I’ve reached out. I’ve left messages. I’ve emailed. Nada.

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

Well….they could be frightened, or not know what to say, or be too angry to return my call. There’s that. It wouldn’t exactly be “giving” me the silent treatment on purpose, just for the heck of it. There’s a reason this silence is happening, and it may have something to do with them, not just me.

It might not be such a bad thing, compared to the alternative. It might not mean what I think it means.

How do you react when you believe they’re giving you the silent treatment?

Depressed. Self-condemning. Furious.

Going over the exchanges prior to the silence–what was said, or expected, in the past? Deciding that person is rude, obnoxious, screwed up. Ripping them to shreds in my mind.

Not enjoying the moment, that’s for sure.

So who would you be without this very stressful belief that they are giving you the silent treatment, and it’s awful? Without the thought it means something bad about you, or about anyone, or about life?

Huh?

You mean the silent treatment could be fine, or not a problem, or not so big a deal?

Who would I be, what would I be, how would I sit with that moment of No Person showing up, No Phone call coming in, No Text, No Email, No Letter, No Knock On The Door? What would that be like, to not fret about this thing called Silent Treatment?

I’d notice the present moment. The room I’m surrounded by, the chair I’m sitting in, the brightness of the day, the great quiet of the moment. Except in my thoughts, everything is very sweet and quiet.

Without the thought, I’d be free, and peaceful, and curious about that person I’m wondering about from time to time.

I’d trust that not everyone is supposed to be in communication with me at every moment. It’s better that way. Pausing, sabbaticals, rest, total silence is highly desirable, honestly. Why not right now?

Turning the thought around: I am giving myself the silent treatment (no show, no response, no communication). 

Haha! Yes. I’m locked in on the stories of being ignored, or shunned, or avoided, or abandoned. My mind is full of horror stories of sadness, disappointment, loss, rejection. I’m feeding myself these images. I’m believing they’re true. I’m not communicating any love, responsiveness. I’m not showing up for me.

Turning it around again: That person is NOT giving me the silent treatment.

How could this be just as true, or truer?

Well, I see how wonderful my life, and how full, in this very moment. No absence, no abandonment, unless I believe in it. I’m sitting in my favorite chair, in my gorgeous little cottage. I have friends and family to connect with who are super cool and very supportive.

Perhaps noise, or conversation, is not required in the moment.

It isn’t.

How do I know?

That’s what is happening. It’s reality.

Turning it around again: I am giving that other person the silent treatment.

I know this can feel untrue, given you have reached out and that other person is not responding.

How could it be just as true that YOU are being silent? What are you being silent about? What have you not shared? What have you withheld? Where have you not communicated, or shown up, or responded freely and honestly?

Oooooh.

I have not said the truth to that person many times. I haven’t reached out when I’ve been upset. I haven’t said when I’m genuinely angry. I haven’t spoken up about my own preferences, I haven’t spoken up or asked questions when I’m curious or confused. I haven’t said what scares me, or what I’d prefer to change about our relationship.

I haven’t shared honestly.

Who’s the person who’s given the Silent Treatment?

Oh. That would be me.

To myself, to the other person.

“This is the end of the war inside you. I’m a lover of reality. How do I know I’m better off with what is? It’s what is.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

We’ve been taught we’re being given the Silent Treatment and that this is VERY BAD.

But that’s a very fearful story.

Without this story, you may notice the reality that whatever is happening is Reality’s way: Support. A break. Quiet. Time to do The Work.

Without my story of being stood up, forgotten, given silence (oh bad)….I love reality.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Come see how the problem is not you….it’s only your stressful thinking. Join me in the Immersion Class on August 22nd 8:30 am Ten Barriers to The Work and How To Dissolve Them. Click HEREto register.

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Being With Byron Katie

Have you ever wanted to spend an official retreat in The Work with Byron Katie, the founder, herself?

Not everyone who learns of The Work are able to fly to another continent, sign up for the 9 Day School, or make all the arrangements and use resources to get themselves to an event with Katie, who has been teaching and sharing The Work for over 30 years and is now in her 70s.

Two years ago, for the first time, Katie offered a four day retreat live via streaming video. She’s in Switzerland, we’re located wherever we are with internet connection and a way to view a screen.

It’s pretty remarkable technology that allows such a thing these days.

And the fees are astronomically lower than attending a live event, getting yourself there with airplane tickets, trains or automobiles and paying for lodging and meals. Not to mention the tuition.

Signing up for watching something via the internet for hours on your own doesn’t always appeal to everyone. You still appear to need to take the time out to sit to watch, have quiet down time, and not be cluttered with your usual tasks like laundry or responding to your kids.

However, we’re making this really powerful and easy in Seattle, by collecting as a group to watch together.

It’s the next best thing to “live”.

People have been asking me a ton of questions about this upcoming streamed event with Byron Katie, and how to participate in Seattle, the fees, what the rooms are like if you need a place to sleep (we have them) and what to expect.

Here’s the low down:

Q: Do I have to attend all four days July 8-11th?

A: No. You can come to only one day to watch with us all, if that’s what works best with your schedule. You would have access then, until September 30th, to all the recordings….through a special log-in with our group account (no extra fee) to watch what you miss on your own time with your own computer. You would still submit the same flat fee ($185) as everyone else to participate for fewer sessions live with us, but have access to every recording just like everyone else. You won’t miss a thing.

Q: Why would I watch this with others, if I can watch it all on my own at home?

A: The power of gathering in the group for four days is quite astonishing for keeping silence, which is what the participants in Switzerland who are attending the retreat in person will be doing. Being supported by the energy of the group, and truly disconnecting from your daily routine and people you live with so you sink into the silence between every streamed session is a remarkable experience. When everyone is committed to the silence together, it’s a truly transformative energy. Plus, I don’t know about you, but do you actually keep silence when left to your own devices? This also means no social media scrolling or other technical distractions. Bring your journal. Be with you.

Q: Won’t I spend more money, if I come to Seattle to watch?

A: The fee for participation in our group event here in Seattle is $55 US less than you’d spend if you registered and paid for this event on your own. And, the fee you pay gives you access to all the recordings (on a sign-up schedule) through September 30th, 2017 which is the same length of time as if you registered for full access to the program on your own.

Q: What about lodging?

A: If you live far away and want to book a room in our private retreat house (the owner doesn’t live there) the rooms are set up as very modestly priced so those staying just chip in extra for sleeping over, far lower than typical Seattle housing rates on gorgeous Capital Hill (our location). The master bedroom with king bed is $80 per night, a queen room upstairs on the main level is $65 per night, and two large queen rooms downstairs (sharing a bathroom) are $55 per night. Share them, or ask me if you need to pay less in order to be able to participate easily. The peace and quiet of remaining onsite creates an incredible opportunity for you to truly relax into silence, uninterrupted, with others holding the very same energy. You’ll make meals and move about your time there, all in silence. There’s plenty of space for cooking, filling the fridge with your food, and venturing off to find good meals or walks in the parks nearby.

Q: What does my fee support?

A: The fee is based on planning for 12 participants, with each of the four rooms also reserved separately, to “break even” for all expenses including the registration as a group to view the event, the entire house rental in this highly popular neighborhood, plus supplies and promotional expenses.

Q: How many people are already coming?

A: We’ve got seven people, and two staying onsite so far. Anyone wanting the master bedroom is in luck as it’s still open (with it’s own private bathroom). It’s easiest and most relaxed if you take a room all 5 nights, checking in on Friday, July 7th any time after 4 pm, and checking out Wednesday, July 12th by noon. We’ll start early Saturday morning July 8th and end late-ish on Tuesday, July 11th.

Q: What is the exact schedule?

A: We gather at 9:00 am on Saturday, July 8th. Grace Bell (that’s me) will offer an Orientation to keeping silence, share what she knows about the neighborhood (which is fabulous and teaming with beauty of old Seattle near Roanoke Park, my stomping grounds growing up). I’ll also cover how to do your own work during the program and answer your questions before we begin. Everyone will get the chance to speak of their needs to others in our group before we begin.

  • Saturday July 8th after our own Orientation at 9:00 am, we’ll then view the opening Welcome in Switzerland with the staff there from 10:00-11:30 am, our first full session with Katie from 1:00-4:00 pm, and the second session with Katie from 6:30-9:30 pm.
  • Sunday July 9th Morning Silent Walk 9:00 am (optional), Session One 10:00 am-1:00 pm, Session Two 4:00-7:00 pm
  • Monday July 10th Session One 10:00 am-1:00 pm, Afternoon Silent Walk (optional) 3:00 pm, Session Two 4:00-7:00 pm
  • Tuesday July 11th Session One 9:00 am-Noon, Session Two 2:30-5:30 pm, Closing Session 7:00-9:30 We will view the closing session in Switzerland (ending approx 8:30 pm) then end our own silent session with a powerful brief closing sharing circle with everyone.
(All exact times are subject to change slightly based on adjustments from Switzerland schedule shifts).

Q: If I’m not staying overnight, what’s open to me in the retreat house?

A: The whole place, except for the private bedrooms, is for us all. This is a vacation house rented to visitors to Seattle, and highly popular (it’s rented for the entire summer every single day, and we’re lucky to have it). Professional cleaning staff care for it between every customer. You’ll have access to storing anything you want to bring for your comfort including food, cooking your meals in the lovely kitchen, comfy clothing. You can take a midday shower in the upper or downstairs bathrooms even if you’re not remaining onsite for the nights.

Q: What will the viewing area be like?

A: The reason I selected this house first and foremost is because the living room is equipped with a huge big-screen TV set up high above the fireplace. Excellent and comfortable chairs will be available for everyone, and a very large couch. We’ll have it set up for us all theater style and people can easily come and go, listen, and be in the room with great sound and excellent viewing.

Q: What if I have simple questions and logistics, or questions about The Work, I’m moved by the content of the retreat, or stirred up by what I hear? How can I communicate?

A: Anyone can pass me a note in the silence and I will be available during any break to meet with you and support you in your work and your questions if you’d like to talk. Everyone will receive handouts at the retreat and there will be plenty of worksheets supplied for anyone to use (Judge Your Neighbor worksheets and One Belief At A Time worksheets). You can also email or text me at absolutely any time during the course of the retreat, and I’ll respond.

A white board will be prominently located with pens for people to write messages, post questions, and share answers. While the orientation of the retreat is to remain in silence, sometimes there are needs to communicate and I’m very happy to receive your written words and be there in service to you.

Our group in Seattle is also invited to send emails to the retreat staff in Switzerland, share photos and questions, and Katie may respond to your message. Our photos may be shared with everyone viewing the retreat. If you’re good at taking pics or short videos….let me know!

Q: What is available to do during the breaks, and where do I get meals? Should I keep the silence if I’m interacting with people out in the world?

A: This is entirely up to you, and, I encourage you to adopt the commitment, as the participants in Switzerland, which is to maintain complete silence the entire time. Everyone will have name tags on which you can write “IN SILENCE” to wear out into the world. There is an incredible array of city restaurants, grocery stores, like Trader Jo’s, a local beautiful little grocery store within walking distance, and tons of places you can get a lovely meal to-go, or an elegant meal, and sit and watch the world in silence. You can bring a note for the person waiting your table, to let them know you’re in silence to communicate your order. You can also bring all your own food supplies and cook in our kitchen in silence.

And, it’s perfectly OK to break silence when you leave the retreat house. There is no wrong way to do this. It’s an experiment in being with yourself, without words, in the hustle and bustle of life….and to relax in the beauty of inquiry.

Q: Can I earn credit if I’m in the Institute for The Work?

A: Yes! You can earn 24 credits for hours directly with Byron Katie as if you were spending time with her in person. There will be a small fee for your credit registration (still paying less than if you signed up independently for the whole thing). You can earn 12 credits with me if you need those kinds of credits inside ITW for no additional fee.

What an amazing way to be in The Work, to participate in this most restful way, requiring nothing, and to allow the process of the live retreat to unfold for us as it’s unfolding in Switzerland.

I hope you’ll join me. (Five more spots open for participation, and three rooms still available for over-nighters).

Sign up HERE.

If you want lodging, please let me know right away by hitting reply to this email. You’ll submit payment for your room separately.

We hope everything is provided for you to support your peace. That’s true about this event, and true about all of life. Come connect and find your answers.

“Anything you want to ask a teacher, ask yourself. And wait for the answer in silence.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Where is Home Sweet Home?

Question Three in The Work of Byron Katie is: How do you react when you think that thought?

I often laugh and say “I ate”.

I don’t usually share my Eating Peace videos with anyone but the dear people who seek peace with food, eating, hunger, fullness, or body image.

But this one, after it came out, I thought….is really all about finding peace from compulsion.

Compulsive thinking, pushing, pulling, forcing, trying, reaching

Everyone who is human has done it….it might be with food or substances like I did, but maybe also with relationships, tasks, goals

It feels so good to find peace from the urge to get control–even though control can feel temporarily right and good (and is sometimes a huge relief)

Peace from the fear of Not Knowing what to do (or eat)

Who would you be without the belief you need someone to tell you what to do because you’re out of control or flailing about in panic?

You might still research good steps to take, or ask for advice or help, but you wouldn’t feel like it was an emergency.

I’m sharing a story here today that I find hilarious now, although at the time I was having a total hissy fit of despair and panic.

This story appears to be about finding an answer to my eating issues and food problems….

….but it was really a story about finding freedom from my deeply disturbed thinking.

Eating off-balance and in a crazy way was only a symptom of my fears and anxieties. It really wasn’t about the food.

Much love,
Grace
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Who would you be without the internet?

I’m off to the wild, lush and incredibly nurturing Breitenbush Hotsprings for our sold-out retreat doing The Work of Byron Katie for 4 days.

Breitenbush is deep in the Cascade Mountain Range. Snowed in during winter. Old huge trees and stunning air. Tucked away. A true magical retreat center.

internet
who would you be without the internet?

But it’s kind of weird having no internet connection, or cell phone service. Nada. Zip. Zero. Even if you hike waaaaaay up to Devil’s Peak during lunch break and take your cell phone with you, just in case there’s a signal up there.

Not that I’ve ever thought of that or anything.

OK! OK! I know you love No Internet and that all the cool detached people can give it up in 2 seconds.

It IS kinda weird feeling so sure I might miss something.

How did that happen? I used to have no phone and no internet. Like, for several decades of my life. Perfectly happy. No concern.

I don’t think I ever said, like some people did….”I wish I could call so-n-so right now on a special sci-fi device” and have a dream vision of a future when this might happen.

Yet now….there’s a weird sense of concern about how long to go before getting in a car to drive to cell service to check emails.

I admit it.

I have a program to run, though! Stop calling me an internet addict! People are signing up for Summer Camp for The Mind on July 5th and Being With Byron Katie on July 9th. I can’t miss their requests and registrations!

This is IMPORTANT.

And who would I be without the belief I have to check my emails?

Now….really.

It’s not that bad.

We don’t need to do The Work on THAT, it’s not really that stressful.

But.

Visions of myself at last December’s silent retreat with Adyashanti. I snuck my phone out of my room, walked off campus far away from where someone might see me, and turned it on, holding it in my pocket.

I pressed the circle-spinning button to update emails. I could hardly wait for them to load.

Then the quick thumb movement of scrolling. Delete. Delete. Delete. Ooooh, this is an important one. Oh gosh. Must call that person back. OK, just one call.

I look around. Look left. Look right. Scan for people who might see me. I imagine the teacher or other leaders walking by. What if someone comes down this same trail?

Later in the meditation hall, someone jokes that there are probably some people here, always are, who can’t even stand to go without checking their emails, they’re so uncomfortable with silence.

Drat.

What IS going on, with this strange compulsive concern to stay connected, to check emails, to catch up, to delete, to not let the Inbox get too long, to stay on top of it?

I have friends who are very critical of internet contact. They don’t go on Facebook. They put their phones away when out. They make fun of people holding their mugs in one hand, phone in the other.

I’m sometimes one of those people.

Who would I really be without the thought I need to check emails, or have an internet connection, in those times I think I need to (there are plenty of times I don’t, FYI, just in case you think I have a problem–heh heh)?

Sitting in the empty space of *here*.

I don’t always like it.

And yet only if I struggle, or fight, or argue with the silence.

As I relax with silence, I always notice I’m almost afraid of it at first, in these kinds of moments when I haven’t wanted to sink into it. Like there’s a tightening before the full rest. Grabbing on to something solid.

Like some part of me still wants to yell….NO! Not Wild Mysterious Nothingness! NO! Not Empty Brilliant Stillness!

(Have you ever seen the Monty Python skit where a comfy chair is the punishment against a crime? NO! Not the Comfy Chair! NO! NO!)

Who or what would you be without the belief the empty, silent, mysterious, brilliant, wild nothingness is…..DANGEROUS?

Turning it all around:

I don’t need to check emails. I don’t need to find out what’s happening on the internet. I need to check my thinking. I need to check my own connection to the world wide web through this life force that needs no internet (not that there’s anything wrong with internet). I need to connect with myself. I need to connect with absolute silence. I need to relax. I need to connect with Reality, with my thoughts, with what is NOT thinking.

Ahhhhh.

“Compassion is but another word for the refusal to suffer for imaginary reasons.” ~ Nisargadatta Mahara

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Because someone is switching their place AND their friend’s accommodations, all three bedrooms are available during Being With Byron Katie silent retreat ($50 per night). Can’t wait to be with you all.

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Everything is held in Silence

support
Sit with others to question your stressful thoughts, enter Silence, feel the peace

Ahhhhh, I’ve been in retreat all weekend.

Beautiful people (some I’ve known for years, some brand new friends) have been in and out of little Goldilocks Cottage, where I live and work, for three days.

A dear friend, mentor, teacher, companion along the road of life has been staying with me (or I should say “us”) all weekend.

He’s been the “leader” of the retreat.

I’ve been the “host”.

Isn’t it funny how I’m writing quotations marks around all these roles being played?

But it is a wonderful thing to realize how the mind distinguishes people, who they are, why they’re there, and what they’re doing by defining their positions.

Really…..everyone who attended and gathered together was both teacher and student and host.

Everyone who came contributed, connected, felt the sweetness of being there. Some asked questions, some expressed their difficulties with silence or life, some shared their joys with silence or life.

Dialogues happened, conversations about death and love.

What I notice this morning, as life lives itself forward in this beautiful, strange and heart-breaking world….

….is that within this room where I sit, there is thought….

….and no thought.

That’s what we get to do as we feel the pain our thinking produces, and we turn toward Inquiry instead of assuming what we’re thinking is true.

We get to notice. Everything.

We get to notice more than thought!

Finding peace is not so very difficult.

Not anywhere near as difficult as the mind makes it.

The mind says “it is not here”.

Hard things happen by being a human being including loss, grief, death, disappointment, worry, loneliness, terror.

When I’ve focused on these experiences, without inquiry, they sit and repeat themselves like broken records.

When I wonder if what I’m believing is really true….

….the pain doesn’t necessarily vanish, but there is more here than only pain.

What could be possible without your story?

What story are you swimming in, if you feel sad, despair, anger, or disgust?

I love the four questions.

They are a meditation.

They have led me to sit silently, and contentedly, with people all weekend in my home, without feeling invasion, stress, a need to escape.

The questions have led me like breadcrumbs down a path of peace with life that was here all along.

I just couldn’t see it before.

If you don’t know what to do with your thoughts and it’s very difficult to sit still….

….start taking them through The Work.

No, you don’t have to analyze every single thought, or improve, fix, change or adjust your situation with the perfect solution.

You can be your own teacher and advisor and student and leader as you go back and forth asking and answering the questions.

Or even just the first one: “Is it true?”

“You’re believing someone and something to be you, and it’s not. The truth of your perception is silence. All that commentary, and yet, you are the silent witness. You have never been, not for one second, the mind’s perception. You have never been that your whole life.” ~ Ross Oldenstadt (in conversation with “me” a couple of years ago, followed by great laughter)

Much love,

Grace

if you have thoughts and ideas about LOVE and couple-ness and romance you find irritating, disturbing, sad or difficult….join the online Friday afternoon retreat to question your love stories. We’ll meet for three hours (you can come in and drop off any time) and it’s all audio. You can be anonymous or speak up. Click HERE to register ($37).

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Spiritual Joys come only from solitude

Inquiry Into Dark, Destructive, Fearful Thinking
sweet to know: entering the cave of solitude leads to a joyful place

In yesterday’s Grace Note was a beautiful poem Dream Song written by John Berryman–I forgot to include his name.

It seems, as a writer myself, like a big omission! Jeez!

Yesterday felt scattered, chaotic, with a big list of what needed to get done according to the plans for business and work and personal basics like going to the gym and buying greens for dinner.

It’s funny the wide gap that can happen between what’s expected, and what actually happens.

By 7 pm yesterday, I had my presentation ready for Eating Peace, I had my curriculum done for Money: Loving This Story (it starts in January on Thursdays), my daily blog was finalized, and I had three hours of evening, an empty open gap of time, for doing whatever I pleased.

What to do?

Instead of actually relaxing, though….

….an old familiar feeling entered the scene.

The night was dark, blustery, cold. Things felt quiet and contained in the environment, like staying in was natural.

And yet, my mind kept thinking about December plans, the need to make copies, get items ready for this weekend’s meetup and first session of the 8 Month group, buy tea, arrange a ride for my daughter for Saturday, write the check for the school thing, call the airline reservations to make the change, take the computer to the old computer graveyard (remember?) and clean out my too-old summer clothes so I never have to look at them again.

But I don’t WANT to do any of those things.

I want to be entertained. I want to be excited. I want to connect. I want to. I want to. I want. I want. I want.

I chat messaged a friend “what movie should I watch?”

Husband was busy, daughter was busy.

The restless energy felt like a small flutter in the pancreas area, or behind my back.

Right then….another dear friend skyped me.

I talked with her for an hour or more. This is exceptionally rare.

Especially rare to have this happen fairly spontaneously. My schedule is usually mapped out and I’m quite organized or disciplined with what I’m doing and when.

At least it appears that’s what I am.

Who knows.

But who would you be, when you got that restless feeling of wanting, without starting to demand you need entertainment?

Without believing you “want”?

Without believing you need to go get something so you can become satisfied? (Like food, movie, friend, whatever you use to fill yourself).

I’d be still.

I’d feel very, very quiet.

I’d allow the mind to jump and fuss and screech around like a hoot owl, but something else would stay steady, relaxed.

Silent.

If loneliness appears….OK.

If wanting appears….OK.

But it doesn’t have to be believed, it doesn’t have to be followed.

I don’t have to “do” anything. I can quiet down, I can quiet.

The thinking is not important, the lonely restless feeling is not all that is here.

I wait a moment, just a short moment, and notice I’m back with myself.

The solitude and being here with yourself….maybe not as bad as you think.

Spiritual joys come only from solitude,
So the wise choose the bottom of the well,
For the darkness down there beats
The darkness up here.
He who follows at the heels of the world
Never saves his head.
~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

P.S. Drop in meetup Saturday 11/21 from 2-4 pm, 8 month group has room for one person Sundays (once a month) starting 11/22 from 3-6 pm. Both in Seattle, hit reply if interested.

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Poetry For Weekend Worship

To feel the beauty, the ecstasy and joy, in what is here.
Today, and this weekend….pause.
Go much slower.
Light Worship
Let silence show you the way….nothing else is required.
Notice the sky, the light.

“Sunlight made visible
the whole length of sky,
movement of wind,
leaf, flower, all six colours
on tree, bush and creeper:
all this
is the day’s worship.

The light of moon, star and fire,
lightnings and all things
that go by the name of light
are the night’s worship.

Night and day
in your worship
I forget myself

O lord white as jasmine.”

~ A K Ramanujan

Much love, Grace

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Are You Separate Or Connected? Take A Moment And See, Right Now

One of my very closest friends texted me yesterday “Is there some kind of video thing you’re doing? And a webinar on eating?”

I cracked up.

Uh, that would be YES.

Major, huge project it feels like. Gathering, collecting, formulating what I’ve learned in the clearest way possible.

She reads Grace Notes, not the Eating Peace notes…so it makes sense she had no idea what was going on behind the scenes.

Isn’t that so true about everyone we encounter? Even when we think we know people really well?

It feels like this mind has a whole inner world that’s “behind the scenes”.

Busy, busy, busy.

But today…whether it’s morning, afternoon, dusk, dark night when you read this…

…take a moment now and imagine who you would be without the belief that you are separated somehow by your own mind doing it’s busy thing?

Without the belief that you are alone, even thought it appears you are a complete, contained entity with your own body, mind, desires, plans, and unique life story?

Who would you be without the thought that there are divisions and boundaries and borders between you….

….and the universe?

The universe that includes other people, streets, cars, mountains, plants, tables, chairs, horns, birds, pencils, televisions, music.

Can you feel how you are aware of all of it, in bits and pieces, taking it in through your mind and through your heart, your feelings, your awareness?

Who would you be without the thought that you are disconnected from all that is?

I notice how much I love my friend, and she doesn’t need to know anything about these details of preparing my new program or videos or whatever.

They don’t matter.

In the silence, we’re connected.

“But I’ll tell you what hermits realize. If you go off into a far, far forest and get very quiet, you’ll come to understand that you’re connected with everything.” ~ Alan Watts

Strange that it is easier to access this connection, often, when in silence, without words, without details, without a story.

Take a small moment of silence today and wait.

Don’t even try hard.

See what happens.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you DO want to receive weekly notes on changing your relationship with food, eating and the body….click the little tiny link at the bottom of this email to update your subscription and add Eating Peace to your Inbox.

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How To Practice The Work As Meditation

The first time I ever meditated, it partially drove me crazy and partially thrilled me.

I had to set the alarm to meditate 15 minutes from start to finish, because before using the alarm, I would keep peeking at the clock to see how much time had gone by.

I took a meditation class about 25 years ago. I only showed up once.

And yet, I was quite interested. Someone gave me a book about meditation and its wonders.

I wasn’t sure what the fuss was all about….but I was still curious.

I would decide “I’m going to meditate every morning!” and strangely, never do it. Or do it for a few days, then never again.

It seemed like it would pop right out of my mind, or get stuffed under the rug because other things were more important…like getting kids to school.

I knew I needed support. Just to DO it!

So I registered again for another meditation class, and this time, I went every single week. We meditated for about 30 minutes every time in silence. I always closed my eyes and sat with my classmates in the circle, holding quite still.

I rarely meditated in between classes, but oh, that time in silence during class was peaceful, sometimes full of thinking, curious and frustrating all at once.

After the class was over, can you guess how often I meditated?

Yah, you got it.

Never.

A friend of mine at a party said she was going on a silent meditation retreat. We had our young children, playing in the grass around our feet.

I felt envious.

Dang…I still want to meditate!

I signed up for a different class, and then a retreat with the same teacher where we meditated a whole lot, for two-hour silent sessions several times a day for five days.

After that, for quite some time I meditated an hour a day by myself at home, every morning.

I didn’t question it, or get distracted, or decide it wasn’t important. I never missed my morning sitting.

It’s funny how something interesting and desired can be “hard” to practice if it’s new.

Like a new habit, one day it becomes vital to you. Instead of just thinking about doing it, you do it.

Then you get to see how it really works for YOU. You’re not doing it because you should, or other people think you should, or it’s the right thing to do.

You’re doing it because you love doing it, it fits who you are.

This same thing happened to me with doing The Work of Byron Katie.

At the beginning, after reading Loving What Is….I got up and walked away from my couch after five minutes of trying to answer the questions in a notebook.

There was laundry to do! I don’t have time for this!

Then I went to one evening lecture by Byron Katie in my home town. Then I signed up for a weekend workshop with Katie.

Even though I loved reading Loving What Is and doing The Work in those sessions with Katie, I never seemed to sit down and do it on my own at home.

I finally went to The School for The Work…there wasn’t anyone else offering classes in The Work that I knew of in my city, or practice sessions in The Work (this was almost ten years ago).

The School lasts 9 days, and you do The Work every single day, all day long, with various exercises to help identify your thoughts and investigate your stressful beliefs.

Finally, by doing The Work, I really got the power of The Work.

And guess what happened after I went to The School?

I’d find myself upset, sad, frightened and remember to do The Work…..but not always take the full amount of time out to complete it.

The only way I kept going with it, steadily, was to find partners who would facilitate me and I would facilitate them.

We made appointments.

I had one wonderful partner for two years, every single Monday, and we did The Work for nearly two hours every time we traded facilitations.

The Work, just like meditation (it is actually a form of meditation on the mind and what its doing) is not so easy to begin to do as a practice, if you’re busy living a full life like so many people are.

You may need to get the hang of it before it sticks.

You may need to schedule it in as a top priority, right into your calendar, so you make the time to do it.

That’s what Summer Camp for The Mind is for.

It’s an easy way to begin putting The Work into your schedule, for a fraction of the cost of a full course or individual sessions.

It’s a way to pick a time, just two days per month are necessary (but more are available for no extra charge if you want them).

You call in at the appointed time, for 90 minutes, and the group does The Work.

I’ll facilitate you. You don’t have to do it “right” or know anything fancy.

Experienced people and beginners will all be there, everyone is welcome.

You’ll pick a situation you’ve found uncomfortable, or terrifying, and write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on it (you’ll learn separately all about how to fill this out if you don’t know already) and then we’ll practice The Work.

Like meditation, all you need is willingness, an eagerness to understand yourself, and an open mind.

If I could do this, anyone can. You can too. You can question your mind and change your world.

June Summer Camp starts in two days.

You’ll join an online forum immediately (I’ll set you up in a googlegroup) and then live calls will begin on Monday.

You pick your favorite call-in group: (Monday 4 pm, Tuesday 8 am, or Thursday 9:30 am).

Each group is limited to 20 people maximum live participants. But you can listen to all the groups, all three days, at any time if you are enrolled in Summer Camp.

You only pay $97 for one whole month.

The savings to facilitated inquiry in this unique Summer Camp format is extensive. Normal classes are $395 for two months, and the equivalent fee for solo sessions would be far more.

If you’re ready to give The Work more time in your life in a light, easy way through the summer (like camp!) then Join Me.

Let’s do this together.

I can’t wait to meet you.

To sign up now for June, click here: undefined

To learn more about it, click HERE.

“Do The Work for breakfast” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace