Tag: rumi

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No One Is Immune–So Invite It In

A couple of years ago, I attended a huge conference for mental health professionals in San Francisco.

One of my favorite teachers, Irving Yalom, was the keynote speaker, in his 80s.

Most people have never heard of him.

But he is famous in the world of mental health, a beloved psychotherapist who has taught at Stanford and practiced his profession for more than 40 years.

Irving Yalom wrote in one of his many books that the capacity to tolerate uncertainty is a prerequisite for becoming a therapist, and that really we are all in this together.

Like, we’re all going to die.

“We are all in this together and there is no therapist and no person immune to the inherent tragedies of existence.” ~ Irving Yalom

This reminded me of Byron Katie saying “there are no new thoughts!”

When I first read Loving What Is, I realized that I had so many objections I could write the book Upset With What Is.

And I really did want there to be some kind of way out of this predicament. I wanted immunity to the “tragedies” of existence.

I didn’t want bad stuff to happen.

Please!?

But now, even though I’ve gone through so many of these inherent tragedies of existence at this point (death, loss, addiction, fear, despair, grief) there is truly a strange acceptance of uncertainty.

Complete and total uncertainty.

So fabulous to question the belief “I need to be certain…I need to find out…I need to know…I need to immunize myself against tragedy!”

Without the belief I need to be certain….

….without the thought that I need to know anything, have answers, give advice, or help anyone (including myself) avoid pain….

….it is indeed a strange, wild, wonderful existence.

Turning it all around: I do not need to know, I don’t need to be certain of anything, I need to NOT know, I do not need to immunize myself against anything.

Strange and unusual for the mind to sit with.

And yet….exciting. Thrilling! Brilliant!

Instantly aware of the pulse below the surface even in this moment of life, of hearing noises of cars, tapping of fingers on laptop, checking clock for the hour, the slight ache in the back, the pale light of the room, heart beating, body warm.

Awesome surroundings. Miraculous.

I wouldn’t trade any of it.

And if I would, I’ve got The Work.

“The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes. Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” ~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

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Be A Star Without A Name

One of my all-time favorite experiences in my life is connecting with my fascinating family. I have an awesome father (who hasn’t been alive in physical form for 24 years), a dynamic, enthusiastic mother who travels the world, and three truly amazing sisters.

And there have been moments. Shall we say.

Every single person in my family of origin (FOO as we call it) has had their thoughts, little irritations, bigger arguments, concerns, sadness, and fears about other members of the family.

Dang, those people close to us, related to us, are powerful teachers.

When I’ve spent time with my family in large gatherings, I love noticing the small eddies and zaps of thought that arise inside as commentary, or sensations: I like that, I don’t like this, I want more of that, I don’t care about this, she thinks, he says, they should….

So quick the movements towards and away, back and forth, here and there, thinking, feeling.

When you go to a group event, who would you be without the belief that there was anything missing in your family or those people gathered in the room?

Without the belief that what you think about any of the people around you, if you’re thinking something stressful, is true?

“In each moment of every day, Truth is not lacking or held in abeyance for some later date; it is given in full measure, and abundantly so. Do not be afraid of what appears to be chaos or dissolution–embrace the full measure of your life at any cost. Bare your heart to the Unknown and never look back.” ~ Adyashanti

Without the belief that what I’m thinking is absolute and real and complete about the people around me, I look around with intense curiosity. What a fascinating place!

Could Truth be right here, right now, no matter what my mind has to say about it?

Yes. Oh! Of course! Wow! Sparkles!

Turning the thought around: I move away or toward in perfect timing, liking and not liking comes and goes, nothing is missing in anyone here, nothing is wrong, nothing is lacking in this moment full of many people….and that includes me.

I take a very deep breath, drinking in the environment.

So gentle, restful, and kind.

Like a point of light inside the stomach and chest, glowing, spreading through the air and the sky, and along the floor under the legs of the chairs, permeating all these bodies of my family, the people at the barbecue, the people at the party, the dancers, the music playing, like an invisible energy force.

Reality tells me when it’s time to show up somewhere, when it’s time to leave the gathering, ask, talk, sit, delight, go, watch, listen, sleep, wake up.

Without the belief that stressful thoughts are true, who would I be, who would you be?

Pure joy. Amazed.

Like a shining star playing with other twinkling stars in the heavens, recognizing all the people and life I love.

When a baby is taken from the wet nurse,

it easily forgets her

and starts eating solid food.

Seeds feed awhile on ground,

then lift up into the sun.

Taste the filtered light

and work your way toward wisdom

with no personal covering.

That’s how you came here, like a star

without a name. Move across the night sky

with those anonymous lights.

~ Rumi

Much love, Grace

 

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I Love Wanting Vs I Hate Not Having

It was a very hot summer day in August, with green lush watered grass in the back yard and a cool white cement patio, with the picnic table set for my sister’s birthday party.

She was turning 8. I was 9.

I had been aware of party preparations all morning. My mom had returned with a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake in a big pink box. 

My feelings were very unsettled. Back then, as a kid, it never would have occurred to me to see my own feelings as a part of me. They were ALL of me.

As guests began to arrive, I started frowning. How come she gets an ice cream cake? I’ve never had one of those for MY birthday.

She’s getting a lot of presents, too. All shapes and sizes. Some of them are really big. They’re starting to take up space at the end of the patio table.

I went into my room and picked up the book I was part way through, sitting on my bedside table.

Three minutes later I went back out again. I could hardly stand watching all the guests and presents and activity building, and yet I could hardly stand NOT watching all the guest and presents and activity building.

I didn’t know what this was called at the time. Envy. 

These feelings were the result of some very stressful thoughts. The kinds of thoughts I would never admit to later on, as an adult, not even to myself.

  • she gets more than me
  • I’m missing out and there is no way for me to get what she has
  • there is not enough attention, love, care for me
  • I have nothing by comparison
  • I’m not good enough
  • I must do something, change this situation, win
  • I am very selfish for having these thoughts and feelings
  • there is something wrong with me

Ooooh. Double Bad. Not Enough and Something Wrong all at once.

The whole afternoon I went back and forth between my bedroom and the party, never participating in any of the games, and not taking a place at the beautifully decorated table with place names and little cups of candy.

The way I felt inside you would think I was watching  a horror movie. Especially as my sister opened all the presents. 

Oh god, not a BARBIE doll….oh no, a complete new outfit? Oh jeez, not a Partridge Family poster. 

She is so, so lucky lucky lucky and I am NOT.

And then. The worst. 

She unwrapped a medium sized box shape of gorgeous white paper with yellow, pink and blue streamers on it. A tape recorder. And a package of blank tapes. 

I stamped my foot from the edge of the patio, turned on my heel, and left in a huge fury. 

I WANT THAT!!!!!!!

Oh if only I had a way to stop and question my thinking at the time. But I can do it now, from the future (which is now the present).

Is it true that my sister has, and I have not, in that situation? Is it true that I am going without, and that it is terrible that today is not my birthday?

Yes. That’s how I felt. Yes. It is TERRIBLE.

Can I absolutely know that this is true, that I have nothing, that these gifts mean I am not receiving, that I don’t have something wonderful, and that I could never get it?

Oh. Now that you put it that way….not at all true. 

The way I react when I notice, with a vengeance, that I am lacking something is that I want to scream and I feel hopeless, frightened, full of pure comparison. It’s like fear of Not Having and Never Getting.

Who would I be without the thought that I am bereft, without, less than? Without the thought that there’s a competition going on?

This is a very important question. To truly imagine NO LACK in this moment. 

Who would I be without the thought that someone else has more, and that it MEANS I’m not getting it?

I allow this moment, this memory, to melt in without the thought that there is anything wrong….I smile so wide. I notice flashing images of many other moments, later in life, even as an adult (Yes, I confess!) when I saw someone else who apparently had much more, and felt uncomfortable.

But now, here, without that thought that any of this means anything, that it means I’m not getting something EVER, or that I’m not good enough, or unlucky, or being forced to go without.  

It is so very exciting, without the thought! The colors, the beauty, the joy, the buzz, the creativity, the wonder, the excitement, the possibilities!

  • we get the same of what is truly important and valuable, the same
  • I’m gaining awareness and I am getting everything I need and beyond, I am getting new ideas, I am seeing the pleasure of this world
  • there is enough attention, love, care for me
  • I have everything! This comparison is thrilling!
  • I am good enough to be here, being myself, without it being MY birthday
  • I must do nothing, enjoy this situation, lose
  • I am normal for having these thoughts and feelings
  • there is something right with me, as an observer

“Come, seek, for search is the foundation of fortune:  every success depends upon focusing the heart.” ~ Rumi

 

If you are interested in celebrating the joy of desire, and investigating your thoughts of lack or having less….come join the 8 week MONEY teleclass starting Tuesday morning! You’ll be glad you did! 

Write grace@workwithgrace.com if you want to talk about partial scholarship help or have other questions or are ready to register. Just hit Reply to this email.

“We all move at our own speed.” ~ Byron Katie

With Love, Grace

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Welcome The Friend Who Brings Difficulties

This morning I am beaming with gratitude for all the beautiful inquirers who flew on airplanes, rode bikes, drove cars and arrived here in northeast Seattle to question our thinking for the weekend of YOI (Year of Inquiry) Groups.

We’re gathering together, to do this work. Investigating our suffering in life.

You’re doing it too.

We are all IN this together, no matter where you are located in place and time as you are reading this. As you go about your day or evening.

The poem for our weekend is the powerful Checkmate by the beloved Jalaluddin Rumi. I’ve read it twice, and will read it again.

It begins “Borrow the Beloved’s eyes…”

Inviting us to see through the eyes of reality, through the eyes of these other sweet people, through eyes that are beyond stressful beliefs, but including those stressful beliefs.

Everything welcome.

And who would you be without that stressful, sad, worried, nervous, angry thought?

What a strange, fabulous question….

If it’s hard to imagine being without stressful thoughts, don’t worry. The spark is alive in you to investigate….you know you can!

“If you can’t do this work yourself, don’t worry. You don’t even have to make a decision one way or another. The Friend, who knows a lot more than you do, will bring difficulties, and grief and sickness, as medicine, as happiness, as the essence of the moment when you’re beaten, when you hear Checkmate, and can finally say, with Hallaj’s voice, I trust you to kill me.” ~ Rumi  

Much Love, Grace

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Mean, Depressed Guests Welcome

Yesterday a fabulous group gathered during a very rainy April-shower afternoon to expose their inner painful beliefs about one situation or person….and get to “work” on it by asking themselves the most amazing questions:

  • is it true?
  • can I absolutely know that this belief is true, this thought that I’m repeating to myself?
  • how do I react when I think this thought, what happens in that moment?
  • who would I be without the thought? if I couldn’t even think it?
  • what if I believed the opposite instead—could that also be as true? 

These questions are simple, yet sometimes not so easy to grasp. To some, they seem like a mental mind-game when first looking at it. Or, if you’re like I was, you might think “Huh? what does that question mean? 

Pausing for a moment to answer to the best of your ability, allowing the question to sink in with respect to that stressful concept you repeat over and over in your mind, can offer the most freeing, fabulous experience in the most unexpected way.

The light-bulb A-HA moment we’ve all had one time or another!!

One absolutely powerful experience of doing The Work in a small group of inquirers is that when your own mind is going off on a tangent in answering the questions…or you’re not sure you get how to answer the question…someone else’s answer zings in like a lazer beam and you can so relate.

Yesterday people came with stressful thoughts about the following relationships in their lives: their husband or wife, their lover, their son, their daughter, money, their mother, their boss, their sister.

Even if the people gathered had issues in several areas, they focused on only one.

One never knows….when you do The Work on your mother, you may find that all the issues you have with your boss disappear. When you do The Work on money, all the issues with dating, or sexuality, may change.

Who knows what doing The Work on that one relationship can lead to…it might change your entire life, as you shift your perception from feeling upset to feeling peaceful and accepting.

At the end of the workshop, I read the famous Rumi poem that so many of you dear readers already know.

I read this poem because these thoughts are our guests. They come in to visit. They dwell in our minds for a reason, even if they have been painful. They are here to be acknowledged.

Well, I have found, if they are not acknowledged then they start to get louder. Ignoring them doesn’t work. For me, doing The Work does.

Thank you all, you inquiring minds out there in the world, for questioning your beliefs.

The exciting world of inviting it all in, even if it’s a little frightening, may be changing not only your life….but your neighbor’s life, your family’s life….anyone you can think of.

Yes, even THAT person (the one you prefer not to think of). They are welcome too, just like all the difficult and troubling thoughts.

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor. 
 
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
 
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet the at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
 
Be grateful for whoever comes, 
because each has been sent 
as a guide from beyond.
~Rumi

Love, Grace

P.S. We’ll do the mini-retreat again on May 18th. This is doing The Work starting from scratch. Beginners and experienced all welcome. We start with step one and move right through the whole process. From darkness to lightbulb moment.