Here in the U.S. it’s a holiday, honoring the birthday of Martin Luther King.
In my school years growing up, every January there were assemblies, plays, speeches and lessons about MLK. A major thoroughfare in many US cities, including mine here in Seattle, is “Martin Luther King Boulevard”.
Even though I never knew him personally, and wasn’t old enough to be aware of him at the time he was practicing and speaking love….
….we all recognize him as someone who questioned his beliefs.
About race, hate, love, sharing, safety, law, prejudice, change, transformation, change, war, peace, communication.
For me, to question my violent thoughts (I’ve had many)….against others, and most importantly against myself….
….has been a pivot point of change.
Who would you be without your story of inner violence? This means thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I screwed up” or “I made a mistake” or “No one cares about me”.
There is nothing wrong with anyone who has “violent” thoughts. What are they, anyway? Forms of energy, a feeling of fear, worry that we are not supported by reality and the universe, scared of being hurt.
This is a deep cry of human suffering, and we all do the absolute best we can with our minds, feelings, actions.
What I’ve seen over and over, as I question my stressed out, violent, aggressive thoughts that arise–and I didn’t “make” them appear–is once they are investigated, an open, wild, mysterious, unidentifiable sense of peace remains. A peace that feels like the real truth.
Thank you all the speakers and leaders who questioned their thoughts, to show us how to live freely in the world, without fear.
I see every time, when I question my thinking, those stressful thoughts I had came only out of fear, confusion, and doubt in the mind.
Otherwise, all is very well indeed. And very, very peaceful.
Even if you don’t “know” it for sure.
“Non-violence and truth are inseparable and presuppose one another.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” ~ Martin Luther King
Thanks for being on this journey of wondering about thought….
….and exploring it, with an open mind. A journey of not needing to “bear” one ounce of hatred or violence, not even towards you.
What a relief. How very beautifully, brilliantly, quietly exciting.
And this journey to love….maybe “you” don’t even have to “decide” on sticking with it.
In the fourth month of Year of Inquiry, we look at our complaints.
We use an awesome exercise that I first did at Byron Katie’s School for The Work, a 9 day program with Katie where everyone gets to question their thoughts every day, all day long, about the world.
I’ve been to three schools, either as participant or staff.
The first time I did this exercise, it felt like I would never stop writing.
I actually didn’t.
Stop writing, that is.
The group process needed to move on, even though some us felt like our lists were unfinished.
The prompt?
What do you complain about, and why?
I complain about _____ because _____.
You can give it five minutes right now, in your journal.
It’s a little overwhelming, once you get started, right?
At least this was my experience.
(And still is, by the way….if that mind gets started on complaints, they are never-ending: war, greed, betrayal, disparity, overpopulation, climate change, partners, disease, dandelions, addiction, complainers, garbage, chores, marriage, time, divorce, money, laundry. OK I will actually stop now).
But there are always some people who have very few complaints.
Which is really sweet.
And you only need one.
You don’t have to get all hyper aware of all the troubles of the world, life, my life, your life, everyone’s life, the entire history of everything….
….like I sometimes do.
But my favorite part is wondering WHY I have any complaint in particular.
It’s the part where you say….
….I complain about ____ BECAUSE.…
That complainer voice wants to say “I have my reasons!”
It’s pretty defensive, full of grief, or despair.
But one day, I noticed that really, all my reasons for why I complained were because of one thing.
Fear.
I was scared, if I thought about whatever it was I was complaining about.
If I encountered it live in living color (as opposed to on the news or in the movies) even worse.
It was like I was running around as if being chased…..like a cartoon character.
Help! Help! The Sky Is Falling! The Sky! Help! See Over There? See Over Here? Help! Sky! Falling! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!
OK. Shhhhh.
Really?
(That’s my very wise very funny fairy godmother talkin’. Come here child, she says, with her big arms open wide. Stop your fussing.)
The other day our Year of Inquiry group looked at the thought “he’s getting violent” after spending a short time writing our answers to the prompt above.
One of our members noticed someone she loved (her brother) escalating his voice, his words, his volume recently when she was present.
We could all find our own situations, even if the violence we pictured was in far away places in the world, where we really believed “this situation is getting violent”.
It IS violent.
(Shivering with fear, deciding I will never go there again, angry at the threat).
But who would you be without the belief that it is absolutely violent, all of it is violence, all of it destructive and devastating and all leading to nothing good?
This is NOT ABOUT DENIAL.
It is simply noticing what happens when you imagine NOT labeling things as severely dangerous (or mildly dangerous for that matter).
With the label “violent”….
…I avoid, I close and shut down, I don’t make the phone call, I do not act, I hide, I feel small, I act small, I swear, I call people names, I don’t trust.
It’s a kind of fake prison space, like purgatory, an in-between zone of non-action and closing the world off.
This place feels small and trapped, and suffocating.
Time to take a breath.
A deep one.
And ask “who would I be without the belief that it is violent and therefore must be avoided or shut down/destroyed?”
What if I simply could not tell a horrible story about what I see here, in this situation, where intense energy is bursting forth?
What if I couldn’t believe that life was absolutely dangerous in a fearful way?
Wow.
I almost don’t know how to describe it, it’s so weird and unusual and off the map and not of the mind….
….to consider being in this moment, let alone being around something loud (like shouting or guns) without the thought “this is dangerous, violent, fearsome, wrong.”
But I do notice a relaxing within, as the inquirer did who questioned the thought about her brother.
Without the belief, she could see her brother, terrified about what he was perceiving.
He was scared.
Without her own conclusions and label called “violent”, she would see his fear but not join it.
Without knowing what to do next, without needing to know.
Turning the thought around:
My thinking is violent, towards these other people, towards the news, towards this person I love (when I think they are the violent one).
My thoughts rip the entire world to shreds and use events to prove my point….
….”this world is dangerous, sad, lost, horrible, a disaster.”
(Shhhh, Says Godmother).
I am violent to myself, never feeling satisfied with who I am, never thinking I am enough.
I am violent to myself in the very situation when I think another person is violent….
…..because right in the middle of it, I consider myself too small to make a difference, too small to stay there, too impossible to connect with the ones acting out, too insignificant to speak up, to stand up, to rise up.
Without the belief that they are violent….
….you might be a voice for peace, rather than hatred, anger, apathy, giving up or depression.
This does not mean you should walk directly into an angry mob, or not move away from someone who starts yelling in a cafe, or feel the heartbreak of learning about people killing other people.
But without the labeling, the black-and-white thinking….
….I might work to help change the roots of the violence. I may think of more interesting and creative possibilities. I may start a movement.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
“No one can be more aware than they are in the moment. If I have the thoughts someone should be more aware….in that moment I’m asleep. I’m unaware. One of us can be more aware, and it’s not them.” ~ Byron Katie
What can you do, today, to help bring peace into your life?
Not with a “should” (which would be violent) but with the powerful energy of activated love, not fear.
Here in the U.S. it’s a holiday, honoring the birthday of Martin Luther King.