I’d love to get to know you better by reading your honest responses (anonymous) to a few powerful survey questions about your fears and dreams. Please share with me here so I may of the highest service and understanding. In deep gratitude: Answer Questions Here.
Let’s do The Work again on Facebook Live today Friday 3/16 at NOON Pacific Time. I love those who send me a question beforehand, and today, our topic and stressful belief will be one that feel basic, harsh, but very persistent within the human experience:
I’m ugly.
Have you ever had this thought?
Oh so painful.
And on top of having the thought itself hurt, we also think “I shouldn’t be so hard on myself” or “I shouldn’t care about what I look like” or “I shouldn’t even have this thought in the first place!”
(What’s wrong with me!?)
How you get to a facebook live video, in case you don’t know, is you simply go to the usual Facebook page, and scroll down inside the posts section. I’ll be there on video at NOON Pacific time/3 pm Eastern time/9 pm Europe.
If you miss the live moment, you’ll see the recorded video later right there on the same Work With Grace facebook page.
Mistakes, goof-ups (inevitable) and surprises all etched in time on recording. That’s the fun (or horror) of facebook LIVE: it’s LIVE. No script, no edits, no cuts.
Who would we be without our stories of ugliness, needing to fix ourselves, or even fix our thinking (or change the video–LOL)?
Who would we be without the story of comparison, and measuring ourselves up against the other people we encounter in the world?
And as a special bow to Ireland and the Celtic traditions (part of my ancestry) I recently was touched by the beautiful way I heard John O’Donohue and Thomas Merton, two Christian mystics, offer their wisdom to this process of comparing ourselves and coming up short (or better than)….
You know how the other day, I shared inquiry on the belief about wanting things to go a certain way in the future?
Funny how thoughts shift, and sometimes so quickly through asking these four questions.
Today, I noticed feeling so happy and excited for upcoming retreats. Such incredible people attending spring retreat here in Seattle it makes me clap my hands (yes, you can commute daily).
AND Todd Smith, a long-time experienced Facilitator of The Work will be joining me for the Breitenbush Retreatt his year.
But mostly, I feel so joyful today with all the sweet inquiry I’ve had the privilege to witness in telegroups and individual sessions with such courageous inquirers.
It takes courage and willingness to question your thoughts.
Or, OK. It takes courage and willingness to even ADMIT your thoughts, which is the very first step.
The other day, for example, I worked with an amazing person who really touched me.
She was so unhappy because a love relationship had gone south quite dramatically, and ended.
She was so sad, she could hardly contain her grief and rage all mixed together. Her thoughts kept turning to herself, and how she was the one who screwed up and if she hadn’t said x, y, z or threatened to break up with him three months ago, this terrible ending wouldn’t have occurred.
I’ve known that voice that condemns the self. It’s dreadful.
But what if you paused before the beliefs come in about how rotten, stupid, and ugly you are?
Those thoughts only exist when you believe this situation shouldn’t have happened. It’s like we take out the whip and start beating ourselves with it mentally, for punishment of this crime of causing something to go wrong.
Are you sure a break-up or change or ending or move in another direction….IS wrong for you? For the other person? For the greater good?
Can you absolutely be sure it’s terrible?
Even if you say “yes” it’s a horrible thing….keep going with inquiry anyway.
How do you react when you believe the break-up, divorce, or getting fired is BAD BAD BAD?
Isn’t that when you begin to hate yourself, or think of yourself as unworthy?
Who would you be without this painful story?
I’m not saying a break-up isn’t shocking. It is sometimes. It’s unexpected, a surprise, and you may not have seen it coming. (And we could question that we should have).
“If we’re even one breath more or one breath less than anyone else, we’re not at home.” ~ Byron Katie
But what if the turnaround is just as true, or truer….that this ending, break-up, divorce, cut-off is good? Or interesting, fitting. Perhaps it has an important invitation.
When I was getting divorced, I sat with this turnaround for a very long time….many times, honestly. And I found examples of why it was good this had happened.
It brought me to know myself in a way previously impossible to reach. It gave the the beauty of becoming comfortable, and then ecstatic, with silence. It gave me so much time to meditate and read.
It gave me the power to question my thoughts like wildfire.
My thinking was the only thing that was painful. I got it.
“We do not need to go out and find love; rather, we need to be still and let love discover us.” ~ John O’Donohue
Much love,
Grace
P.S. a few more spots open for the next afternoon mini-retreat Sunday 3/18 from 2-6 pm. Register here.
This weekend I learned that for magicians, if they had to choose between audiences of adults or kids for who would be most easily and quickly fooled…..
…it would be adults.
The kids, apparently, are super curious, trying to figure out the trick, and able to think more outside the box.
Could you become more lightly curious about your troubles?
Wouldn’t it be great to have this approach when it comes to understanding stress, pain, and conflict in your life?I had a smile come across my face as I realized….
….that’s what self-inquiry and The Work offer.
A way to become curious about your problems, to study them with an open mind that knows there’s some other way to see this….
….you just don’t know what it is, yet.
When you have something deeply disturbing you….
….who would you be without the belief you have to figure it out, that this is serious, or that having no answer is frustrating, or terribly depressing?
What if you could trust, just a tad, that everything will be revealed at the right moment, in the right way, for your greatest peace, or enjoyment, or clarity?
I notice when I consider this question….
….I breath very deeply and pause.
Something within relaxes.
Maybe even becomes curious.
Without your stressful story….who, or what, would you be?
“You have traveled too fast over false ground; Now your soul has come to take you back. Take refuge in your senses, open up To all the small miracles you rushed through. Become inclined to watch the way of rain When it falls slow and free. Imitate the habit of twilight, Taking time to open the well of color That fostered the brightness of day. Draw alongside the silence of stone Until its calmness can claim you. Be excessively gentle with yourself.”
~ John O’Donohue
Could you be curious about your dilemma, like you are watching a magic show?
What is your stressful thought, the one you’re thinking over and over again?
Take it through inquiry.
A beautiful way to be gentle with yourself.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Peace Talk podcast speaks to stress and money starting today, and two more times this upcoming week. Subscribe and listenHERE. Submit a rating and a review on itunes–it really helps get the word out.
I have had so many questions about my little P.S. a couple of days ago in my Grace Note on Desire and The Work of Byron Katie (and yes, it’ll be a teleclass).
It seems to have struck a chord.
Desire is an amazing feeling when you feel alive, full of integrity, passionate, happy, full of zest and zip, committed, fascinated, following the breadcrumbs through the woods!
Joie de vivre!!
Desire can show up with a deep sincerity in spiritual practice, the spark you have for clarity and connection, the wonder to awaken.
But we really do get weird about desire….at least I sure did.
Stop it! Hold it back! It can get you into trouble!
You need to keep your head on straight!
Sometimes true.
There is the foolish human story of someone following their passion and rushing at a windmill, like Don Quixote.
Or the tragic human story of crimes of passion when someone murders their partner, and commits suicide.
What about desire for drugs, alcohol, food, cigarettes, something sexual, money.
Turning against desire, when following it led to hurt and pain, appears to be one strategy in this human dilemma.
I just won’t go there.
For me, this may offer some stability in a roller coaster of emotion, or relief when you stop hunting down and trying to grab….
….but it wasn’t really freedom.
How can we experience the joy of desire and moving towards what we love, celebrating whatever happens along the way?
Guest what my answer is.
Yah. That’s right.
Inquiry.
It’s all about the stress, ’bout the stress and trouble.
Here’s what I mean.
When you feel desire for something, for a change, for a situation, for an experience, for money, for a person….
….first, allow it to be there.
Why do you want that?
Instead of simply rushing towards it with your lance, riding your horse and wearing a helmet….pause.
What would you have, if you had that thing, person, situation?
I’d be secure! I’d be happy! I’d be free! Life would be easy! I’d be successful! I’d be proud! I’d be at peace! I’d be there!
Are you absolutely SURE you need that thing in order to have what you think you’d have?
As Byron Katie suggests….could you skip the middle man, and have that feeling RIGHT NOW?
Woah.
Have my desired feeling NOW?
You mean….feel peace, joy, happiness, freedom, ease, success, pride, or security….now?
I noticed, this is what began to happen as I did The Work and entered the turnarounds.
I did not need that thing or person or experience or situation to be the way I thought it should be in order to be happy.
And have you noticed what can happen when you discover the feeling you wanted all along is possible right now, here, in this situation, in this moment (without your demands for it to be different)?
You want to get up and dance.
Or bawl your eyes out.
Or express, share, celebrate, jump, rest, care, hug, honor, be very quiet in amazement.
“Perhaps your hunger to belong is always active and intense because you belonged so totally before you came here. This hunger to belong is the echo and reverberation of your invisible heritage. You are from somewhere else, where you were known, embraced and sheltered. This is also the secret root from which all longing grows. Something in you knows, perhaps remembers, that eternal belonging liberates longing into its surest and most potent creativity. This is why your longing is often wiser than your conventional sense of appropriateness, safety and truth… Your longing desires to take you towards the absolute realization of all the possibilities that sleep in the clay of your heart; it knows your eternal potential, and it will not rest until it is awakened.” ~ John O’Donohue
Today, I love my hunger (most of the time) and bump up against too much intensity in desire, or out-of-integrity desire in far less degrees than I once experienced.
No more damage to myself, no more violence.
Without stress, I notice desire present in unfettered freedom. Ready to sing, or make a cup of tea, or fall into bed after a great day’s work.
“For the thirst to possess your love, Is worth my blood a hundred times.” ~ Rumi
If you’d love to learn to live your turnarounds, feel your core desired feelings, then join me on a six week journey into new territory combining The Work and Desire.
We’ll start with what we complain about.
And what isn’t working in our lives in our opinion.
We’ll look at when we don’t feel generous, or we feel fearful.
We’ll take these to inquiry.
We’ll sit with the turnarounds and use our imagination to spend time there, and ask ourselves….
….if I lived with my deepest desire without terror….
….if I lived my turnaround with abandon….
….what would that look like?
What would I do, say, think, feel, be?
Can’t wait to follow this adventure into dissolving painful beliefs, and celebrating desire.
We’ll meet Thursdays 8:30-10 am Pacific Time for 6 weeks starting April 2nd.
“The point of life is happiness.” ~ The Dalai Lama
It was a long and fabulous time with friends and family yesterday, and I was off the computer.
Gasp!
But I did receive in the mail the day-before-yesterday a gorgeous card from a very sweet, sincere and grateful client who participated recently in the Relationship Hell To Heaven teleclass.
She had insights that changed her perspective in such a way, she was discovering a new lightness and healing that felt very unexpected.
She did it herself.
She inquired into beliefs she never thought to question before.
I so love these freedom stories.
She enclosed a little poem blessing from the late John O’Donohue, an inspiring Irish Catholic priest and author.
A beautiful blessing for you:
May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence. May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses. May you receive great encouragement when new frontiers beckon. May you respond to the call of your gift and find the courage to follow its path. May the flame of anger free you from falsity. May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame and may anxiety never linger about you. May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul. May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek no attention. May you be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul. May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.” ~ John O’Donohue
