group support – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

September 8, 2018

It’d be better to be there now. Is that absolutely true?

a whole year of practicing inquiry, learning to facilitate others, get a hand-up, starts now

Anything that’s ever been a huge accomplishment, a major transformation, a profound turnaround in most humans’ lives….has not come along in an instant.

Almost never.

Sure, for me there have been light-bulb awakening moments when I suddenly see something I didn’t before.
Yes, there have been deep life-altering conversations, or wisdom I bumped into from others, stories I heard, something inspirational I witnessed….

….but never some medicine that skyrocketed me out of myself into a whole new existence where what was previously difficult no longer existed in 1 second flat.

Never have I successfully wiped out all suffering around some issue in one fell swoop.

There has not been a finger-snap and VOILA….change.

No super pill, no wild immediate shift, no shocking moment- gasping enlightenment that eliminated all suffering or stress.

I once heard someone ask Byron Katie this question: “I want to be like you! I want to have a huge awakening and no longer have this depression and anxiety! What can I do?!”

Katie paused a moment and said: “you’ve been spared”.

What?

When our relationships are not working well, or falling apart, when we feel depressed and shut down, when we’re angry and tired, when we’re addicted and stuck….

….then sometimes all we want is someone to slap us and wake us up out of the nightmare or tell us what to do or think or just leave ourselves behind and become someone else instead.

But do we really want it that way?

The biggest changes I’ve ever experienced that have been permanent, unwavering, and solid have been made slowly but surely. And I’ve remained here, a part of it all.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

There’s actually a kindness and wisdom to this way.

A flower unfolds one petal at a time, and it’s not abrupt.

Katie went on to speak about reality unfolding just right for each one of us, and that self-inquiry is a practice of meditation offering us the gift of awareness….right on time.

The Tao Te Ching #15 (translated by Katie’s husband Stephen Mitchell) says this:

The ancient Masters were profound and subtle.
Their wisdom was unfathomable.
There is no way to describe it;
all we can describe is their appearance.
They were careful as someone crossing an iced-over stream.
Alert as a warrior in enemy territory.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Shapeable as a block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Clear as a glass of water.
Do you have the patience to wait til your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving tll the right action arises by itself?
The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting, she is present, and can welcome all things.

To practice The Work regularly, steadily, is to naturally become careful, alert, courteous, fluid, shapeable, receptive, and clear. Waiting until right action arises by itself.

Which is why in Year of Inquiry we gather for an entire year….patiently (or not) working with our thinking, feeling and being human with what we’ve encountered.

Who knows what can happen as we ask and answer the four questions for an entire year, in the company of our small group of friends all going on this amazing adventure together?

Painful beliefs dissolve, our stories become lighter, our humor returns, our capacity to be our true selves becomes easier and easier. Relationships in our lives change, sometimes massively.

One moment at a time.

We look back and say “Wow”.

This brilliant journey started with the first time I asked “is it true?”

And now look.

If you’re wanting to address stress, worry, fear, a difficult relationship, some kind of change you feel nervous about, feeling like a failure, scarcity, compulsive behavior, an unexpected disappointment, the angst of a busy mind….

….then join us in a Year of Inquiry where you’ll do The Work of Byron Katie steadily, regularly, in a group online every week, with the same supportive people, and even in retreats (optional for those who can travel). This is our 8th group.

Three spaces left.

The Work does not promise instant transformation. It’s better than that. You’re at the top of the mountain because you climbed the mountain.

The journey IS the way.

Read about it here, and sign up soon so you don’t miss a thing. We’ll be underway and into it by the end of this month, and doors will close.

Let’s bring The Work on home in our lives as a regular practice. It’s where the rubber meets the road, and what we’re seeking becomes possible.

“Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Much love,
Grace

February 17, 2016

What if you’re stuck? In Africa? And it’s getting dark?

South African adventure 1976....before the mud — South African adventure 1976….before the mud

I was 15 years old and on the most daring adventure my academic traveling parents had taken yet.

They liked exploring the world, the inner and outer.

Despite being able to identify a few imperfections about my parents (LOL, I’ve had the privilege of doing The Work)….

….my mom and dad both rocked the house when it came to love of learning.

They had rented a van, referred to as a kombi, in South Africa, and we joined another family with three kids (ours had four) in their own car, making a caravan to a fascinating place all the adults wanted to see.

We were in the tiny country of Lesotho (you say it “Lahsootoo”).

We had been driving for hours. Days, actually.

It had been raining just as long.

Even though I was 15, I notice now I didn’t question or ask how my parents and the other parents picked the village we were trying to drive to, or why.

They loved seeing places.

We were traveling a completely unpaved road at this point.

Well, things had been unpaved for a very long time, come to think of it.

Far, far, far into the deep heart of this small country.

We passed only people on foot, pretty rarely, carrying items on their heads. They would stop and stare at us as we bumped by like a gigantic turtle splattered with mud, going ten miles per hour. Maybe.

We could see the back of our friends up ahead also in their mud-covered car, the color now unknown as I remember only…..mud.

Then, I heard the spin.

The alert of tires, turning wildly in the thick mud.

I sat up straight and looked up at my dad from the back seat.

Would this be yet another time when he’d jump out, my mom would take the wheel, and he’d run alongside and push the van?

Spin, spin, spin.

Cough.

The engine died.

He turned it on again….success, motor engaged.

A moment later he called “everyone out!”

Our friends were up ahead, also spinning in place. Tires whirring and splatting mud in shooting streams.

They beckoned up to us as we all unloaded and moved to their car.

Everyone’s clothes were also, basically, mud-colored. At least our trousers.

Me and every other kid had bare feet. It was easier than trying to actually pull on mud-coated shoes.

We leaned, shoved, and in one big lunge, their car moved forward and up to more solid less liquified ground.

Then came the project of getting the kombi unstuck, and also up to solid ground.

I could tell my dad was getting anxious. It would be dark eventually.

They tried putting paper under the tires for traction. Everyone was offering solutions. A few men walking together along the road, who spoke no English at all, also began talking, waving their arms around, gesturing. It soon became clear, we will all set to gather piles of plants, grass, flowers, sticks, and make something solid in the road.

After a very long time, with shouting, and lots of rocking the kombi, lightening the load by unpacking some of it, and gathering everything we could pick, carry or throw under the wheels….

….there came that moment.

Just like when the space ship breaks through the last leg and the astronauts make it.

Cheers went up! The van was unstuck!

Hooray! All these people, some of whom didn’t speak the same language, shouting Hooray!

We then made our way only 30 minutes farther down the mountain as the day began to fade, entering a remote little village of maybe eight rondavels (small round lovely huts).

We made it.

Nothing like the thrill of Team Work.

Even though we traveled for an entire year, none of us ever forget that moment of the Lesotho mud road.

That village was the most beautiful place, ever, and my memory is the sun came out the next day….although I don’t actually know if that’s true. It was the sunny feeling on the inside of making it through a difficult problem, everyone pitching in and taking part, everyone having a role. Relief. Success.

The feeling of going at it together.

The other day, during a Year of Inquiry weekly call, someone in our group got stuck with her turnarounds.

“I absolutely can’t see”, she said, “how I could find any examples at all for why my ex shouldn’t work with me to help our teenage son.”

There was a pause, and then she asked everyone…..”can you all help me? Does anyone else see an example for my turnaround?”

Someone “raised their hand” (I get to see it on my screen, after someone pushes *2) and I called their name.

Then someone else offered a suggestion, and someone else.

It reminded me of Byron Katie here in Seattle several weeks ago, when a man sat on stage after the suicide of his son, looking at the turnaround on his worksheet and shaking his head “no”…..

…..”he should be dead”?

Katie turned to the audience.

Can anyone find an example?

One by one, people raised their hands and shared: He doesn’t have to live into old age, sickness or decay, he’s no longer suffering in this life, he’s free of a body, he’ll never have to go through other hardship and loss again like we all do while here on planet earth.

The point is not to try to feel better, if you don’t.

It’s not to be in denial.

It’s not pretending that what breaks your heart into a million pieces, didn’t.

For me, it’s about understanding this thinking, that I call “my” thinking (which can be questioned)….and being here, together with reality, instead of separated and in pain.

This work is about investigating the human condition, our thoughts, our suffering, what we believe that’s so agonizing.

And when it’s really difficult, and we can’t see any peace, we can get help from others.

Team Work.

And maybe we are all working together, all the time, all along, in every moment–no matter what has happened or is happening–and you always have available for you the question “can you help me get unstuck?”

“We seek because we feel separate – from each other, from life itself, from The One we love. We feel separate, but are we actually separate? To whom does ‘the sense of being separate’ appear? Does anybody own this ‘sense of being separate’? Even ‘the sense of being separate’ is inseparable from what you are. It does not belong to you. It arises in total intimacy. What you are allows every sense, every feeling, every thought to arise and fall, in a vast open space that cannot be fathomed by mind. Freedom from separation within that very sense of separation. Stunning!” ~ Jeff Foster

Ask for help. Yes, from the person you just thought of, from the group you know of that helps people in your situation.

You feel separate, but you aren’t.

Even if you’re far, far away in Africa, with no stores, or food, or gas stations or places that can help you in sight….

….and it’s getting dark….and darker….

….I guarantee you, you aren’t alone.

Air is filling your lungs, you’re here.

Team Work is happening.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’d like the collective energy of people gathering together to question stressful thinking, come to retreat. The next retreat: Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. We’ll look at what we wish was here now (desire, abundance, love, excitement, the thing) and examine this longing for the truth. March 18-20.

June 28, 2014

Houston, There’s A Problem: How To Get Back Home

When I was in graduate school studying Applied Behavioral Science one thing I loved learning about was the very beginning first steps to approaching a “problem”.

Houston, there’s a problem.

OK….now what?

You have a certain (apparently limited) amount of time, you’re over THERE (outer space, for example) and you’d prefer to be back HERE instead (like, on earth).

Or you feel very frightened or anxious, you’d like to feel free before you die (your limited amount of time in years) and you’re not sure how to get from THERE (imprisoned) to HERE (liberated).

Hmmm.

In classes that I took on group work, group processes, and organizational development, the first thing we learned to do was to understand what was presently happening right in that moment, in that situation.

No trying to change it.

That may happen five seconds from now, depending on how speedy you’re trying to be, but first there must be a moment of taking in information and seeing what’s going on.

It’s an Intake Session in the world of health care, or mental health, or change efforts in a group.

This information gathering, the state of affairs in the NOW, is super powerful. That’s why I have people who work with me on food and eating issues keep a journal of their feelings around food, so they can see what’s going on without control, without any efforts to change it.

When you’re reviewing like a researcher your own mind, you may need a little (or a lot ) of help from friends.

Just like the Space Shuttle returning to earth, a team of people all thinking about something together, all discussing, looking, offering ideas, listening, brainstorming….

….these kinds of group connections and interactions and think tanks have always offered me profound, bubbling, powerful insights into PROBLEMS.

Not one of those brilliant engineers alone, all by themselves, could have gotten the astronauts home.

That’s why I love inquiry with a group.

You stay, through your connection to others and the combined power of the group energy….you stay, listen, clarify.

You hear things that make light bulbs go off.

I’ve been on a lot of meditation retreats. Everyone there doesn’t speak hardly one word, and yet we’re gathering with others intentionally.

We’re not in a room all alone (even though that might offer something amazing too).

“It’s important to realize that inquiry is about noticing, not about dropping the thought… Inquiry is not about getting rid of thoughts; it’s about realizing what’s true for you, through awareness and unconditional self-love. Once you see the truth, the thought lets go of you, not the other way around.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’ve been looking for a community, some might call it a sangha, to examine the mind and question your thoughts at a high, repetitive, deeply committed level, then this coming Year of Inquiry may be for you.

We begin in September together, on the phone, and with an in-person retreat for a weekend.

We travel together for an entire year, looking and noticing, and come together again in May for 5 more days in Seattle.

Every month there’s a new problem, to find our way home from.

We all do The Work together and separately, collectively waking up and returning again and again to planet earth.

If you’re ready to read more about a Year of Inquiry, click HERE.

“I feel like I’m tapping into such a good group, all these people with all this experience. I’m ready to learn fast, I feel like it’s on the fast track.” ~ YOI 2013-2014

“I feel I’ve made life-long friends but people who oddly don’t have to know any details about my life, but instead my inner life. This is what is most important to me. I am closer to this group than my regular friends. I feel I have a place of power to question what I believe.” ~ YOI 2013-2014

“I so appreciate this work, and this group. I love this group. I’m so happy that after going to The School, I have a community to keep on track in such a beautiful way.” ~ YOI 2013-2014

If you’re trying to get back to Houston, and you notice you have a problem with your thinking, join this group to question your mind, and change your life.

You can get assistance finding your way back home.

If you’d like to experience telecalls now, to get a feel for how this process might work for you, join us in Summer Camp for July.

Click to see it in action: Houston, There’s A Problem Here

Much Love, Grace

December 26, 2013

Bad Neighborhood Becomes Worth The Risk

I love that the very next day after Christmas, whether people were honoring it as a holy holiday or not, most of the participants in the current money class dialed in, same day, same time.

There is nothing like a joining with a group to take the plunge into personal inquiry.

It can seem counter-intuitive to say that gathering with others actually directs you towards your own unique, personal insight…

…you might think instead that a meditation retreat, very quiet uninterrupted time, silence, writing, journaling, thinking, getting away, being completely alone with no distractions…

…these are the elements you might believe would guide you most ultimately into personal awareness.

And yet what were the moments in my own life where I had the biggest lightbulbs turn on?

Telling the absolute truth, as best as I possibly could…and listening to others tell the truth to their greatest capacity…in an environment where EVERYONE could hear!

Being genuine, honest, open. Asking questions, telling what my opinion really is, expressing what’s real.

Today I received the sweetest email.

A man who has his own business said that when he has gathered together with others to share their fears….

….even if reality does not change at all the fears are diminished.

Like going into a dark room, or a bad neighborhood (as Annie Lamott the wonderful author jokes about her own mind), bringing at least one other person along changes the feeling you have about the darkness.

It is still dark, it may still be considered to be a less-than-safe neighborhood…

…but you are excited, curious, loving, trusting, and you may see a light on in the distance and have fun holding the hand of the person you’re with.

If you’re considering a journey together with a group for an whole year, a new group of inquirers will start together on Fridays, January 10th. We meet by skype or phone at 9:00 am for 90 minutes 3 Fridays per month, and there is no requirement to come to Seattle for the two optional retreats (although you’ll love it if you do)!

Join us!

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead

With love,

Grace

P.S. Free guidebook to peaceful eating, is right HERE. You’ll enter your email again, and be added to the Peaceful Eating list along with receiving the new guide in your Inbox.