Tag: frustration

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Tech Support Nightmares…To Sweet Dreams

Facebook Live at 6 pm today Pacific Time for anyone and everyone who wants to join me for inquiry on wanting to control what’s happening. Facebook page is here and you simply go to that page for these live shares, and you’ll see me visible in a post area. If you miss it live, it’ll be recorded and stay right there on the page to watch later, including any mistakes or goofiness that happens. Live, unedited inquiry.

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And so for the seventh morning in a row, I checked to see if my websites were acting “normally”.

As in, you type in the name of the site, and voila, you arrive there on your computer. It’s what we tend to expect when exploring or finding something online.

But no.

My daily call to Tech Support is the next step so yet another tech support person might help address this problem of why my sites say they are “not secure” when they in fact are.

No one can visit them. Including me.

All the people in Eating Peace Process can’t access their presentations and recordings at the eatingpeace.com. Anyone wanting to read or comment on Grace Notes or look up the spring retreat dates can’t see them at workwithgrace.com. Seattle folks who want to dance on Saturdays can’t find driving directions at freeformdancedance.com.

This is a disaster! (LOL, you know where this is going, right?)

What I love about The Work is you get to start at the beginning with question one, instead of wildly romping through how you react without pause. You’re already reacting, when you feel upset, frustrated, depressed, disappointed.

The Work let’s you slow it all down, name your belief in the form of a statement, and look objectively at what you’re thinking.

My websites should be working. They should be accessible. They should NOT show weird error warnings that they aren’t ‘safe’.

Is it true?

Yes!!

What is going on?!

I pay for these sites to work! They have something-or-other called an SSL installed for security. They are “safe”! They don’t have viruses. They haven’t been hacked. The support people should fix this NOW.

Can you absolutely know this is true?

Ugh.

No.

What I notice in reality is that something funky happened with a migration of hosting–in other words, moving my three sites to a different place in the great big network of the internet (don’t worry, you don’t have to be technical to get the point).

Can I absolutely know it’s true something shouldn’t have gone wrong? Everything “should” be the way it used to be? That I shouldn’t need to wait, or call, or have this so-called problem?

No. What’s the reality of it?

There are no working sites for these three information spots. Are these sites really necessary for world peace? No. Is it really a disaster? No. Am I sure it should go differently than the way it’s going? No. Is it really a hassle to make phone calls to Technical Support? No.

How do I react when I believe this “problem” is happening, and it shouldn’t be?

OMG.

I sigh deeply. I think about ending this relationship with the company that hosts my sites. I go back and forth between aggression and helplessness.

Divorce! Cut off! Good riddance! I’m never gonna be your friend again! Anger! Disappointment! Complaining!

But who would you be without this belief, that it shouldn’t be going the way it’s going and these sites should be “working” and accessible?

Haha.

Almost funny to think of this wondering.

Without this belief, I’d be goofy dancing to the On Hold music which is now becoming very familiar.

Feeling interested in each new individual I speak with, marveling at all the different voices, questions, and at how  everyone is to try to do the best they can to help and take lots of notes and send the problem on to another higher level expert (their idea).

Kind of excited by my own awareness that when I see things aren’t resolved yet, I wait and I get interested myself in the problem solving. I read and learn things on the internet about what could be wrong. I’m super curious. It’s actually fun.

Like figuring out what’s happening in any machine or system….how fascinating. This approach applies to all things technical and internet, but also a flat tire, the broken dishwasher, the drivers-license renewal queue, the clogged drain, a science experiment, something hurting in the body, money, and relationships.

Yes, even relationships.

Because this feels like a new attitude, when I question my thinking.

Without my beliefs of how it shouldn’t be the way it actually is, I continue on with the process, the dance, the intrigue. I keep going with the project. I wonder “wow, this will be interesting to see what happens next!”

Maybe I do shut down everything and move on to other adventures that don’t involve websites, but who knows?

What lightness, without these beliefs that what I’m focusing on should be any different. I still have the vision of participating with change, the curiosity, being connected and involved in this predicament.

And it’s fun instead of aggravating.

Turning the thoughts around:

My websites should NOT be working. They should NOT be accessible. They should show weird error warnings that they aren’t ‘safe’.

My thinking should be working. My thinking should be accessible. My thinking should should show weird error warnings that these thoughts aren’t ‘safe’.

Aren’t these turnarounds a delight to find?

How could these turnarounds be just as true, or truer?

I’m learning some interesting things about the backend of websites. I’m aware of my commitment to understanding.

I get to respond to emails that have been forgotten as I wait on hold, and write this very inquiry out. I get to see how it doesn’t really matter, in a good way, that a website can’t or can be seen on the web. Everyone who needs access to something on one of the websites has written me via email and I’ve been able to solve or find answers for everyone, 100% of the time.

And oh boy, the turnarounds to the thinking….so great:

My thinking IS showing weird error warnings that my thoughts aren’t safe. I was noticing stress, nervousness, frustration. But now, it’s all kind of collapsed as I felt the red lights flashing (in the form of emotions) and stopped to question.

My thinking is now working for me. Open to the next step, which is to await someone to email me back as they dive more deeply into this issue. I picture several experts all putting their heads together to see how to solve this.

My attention turns to working with a client, then the money teleclass in a few hours, then more clients.

There is no emergency, and in many ways (in every way), no issue whatsoever.

Ahhhhh.

Much love,

Grace

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When he said that….I did The Work and remembered my job: to love my thoughts.

Could he be saying what I’m already telling myself? Wow, maybe I could turn it around!

Has someone ever given you advice you didn’t ask for?

There they go, on and on telling you about their lawyer, or their vitamin plan, their stress-reduction method of inquiry (LOL), their daily exercise routine.

Recently, an inquirer told me she received the advice, for the umpteenth time….”why don’t you just stop thinking about it?!” when telling someone about her thoughts.

Well, she did say it was yet another MAN giving her advice to stop thinking about it.

So maybe a few thoughts about men and what they in particular have to say to her about “thinking”.

But let’s look at advice.

The kind where someone is making suggestions, giving you ideas, offering solutions to the problem, saying “try this!” or saying “just stop!” or getting out a piece of paper to write some important items down….

….and all you really wanted was a listener.

He shouldn’t say that. He should stop giving advice. He should listen, without problem-solving. In fact, he should stop talking. I’m outta here!

Is it true he shouldn’t be like that?

Yes! I was already annoyed, wanting to talk about a few things and shake it out a little, and he had to start asserting his opinion! So flippant! Just telling me to STOP worrying about the thing I’m worrying about? Jeez, I wish I thoughta that, what a genius!

Oh. You asked a question?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true, he shouldn’t say those words? Act like that? Be that way?

No.

I can’t find that I absolutely 100% know it’s true. He’s saying words, based on his point of view. He can say whatever he wants. I really don’t know he shouldn’t say what he says. I’m not a dictator of his words. Heh heh.

So how do you react when you think someone shouldn’t say what they say? When they already said it?

It’s like a volcanic tantrum. Anger. Fury. Cut-off. Disconnect.

Some people yell back, immediately (maybe on the inside)! How dare you say that to me!?! Who do you think you are? 

But who would you be if you couldn’t think the thought, like if it couldn’t even go through your mind, that someone shouldn’t say what they said.

Because first of all, it happened. They said it.

Like so many of the events and situations that happened that we still think about and replay in our heads, and really didn’t like….

….they happened.

Now, they’re over.

So without the thought they shouldn’t have said what they did say, I notice the silence, the emptiness in that moment. I notice the words floated from that mouth into my ear, and that’s all that happened.

I love how Byron Katie once gave an example of her former husband Paul yelling at her, swearing and cussing and upset with a red face, and she listened and heard his words and asked herself silently….”yes, where the hell DO I think I’m going?” and noticed she had no idea, and that maybe it was a valid question.

Why don’t you just stop thinking about it?

Hmmm. Good question. I’ve been wondering the very same thing! For about 40 years!

Without the thought he shouldn’t say what he said, I’d have a genuine sense of humor, not that poking, mean kind. I’d hear the question, or the words, and really hear them, without offense.

I’d notice he’s trying to help, or stop my anxiety, or stop his anxiety.

I wouldn’t have to defend myself or take it personally.

Turning it around: he should say that to me. I shouldn’t say it to him (the stuff in my head I’ve been saying every since he said it). I shouldn’t say this to myself!

Ooooh, I shouldn’t say to myself “Why don’t I just stop thinking about it” (whatever IT is)?

I shouldn’t beat myself into a pulp for….thinking.

Because instead, I can notice how amazing, brilliant, prolific, wild, chaotic, exciting, crazy my thoughts are….

….and how wonderful it has become to question them! I should keep on thinking and thinking! Until I don’t!

What an amazing puzzle, a sweet adventure, a mind-blowing experience to have THOUGHT these thoughts, and yes, notice how painful many of the stories are….

….but then to open up to a new world, through The Work.

A world where I love my thinking, even if it’s very childish, even if it’s impossible (like believing someone shouldn’t have said something they ALREADY said). A world where I get really smart messages I apparently needed to hear in a different voice besides my own.

“One of the things that I understood about the thoughts appearing inside me was that I was someone to be trusted with them. I was the vessel that they could appear in and finally be met with unconditional love. The same thoughts also came to me through my children [and others]. I treated them as what they were: visiting friends, neighbors I had misunderstood, who were kind enough to knock on m door again. Everyone is welcome here.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,

Grace

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I quit

hcpemachodronquoteYou know when you have those days where you thought you had time to do your list, but no?

Sometimes….argggghhhh.

So frustrating.

Yesterday, I had quite the list of tasks and appointments and writing time planned. These involved being out at the library, or driving in my car to visit the post office and office supply store. Only two clients scheduled on purpose, and the last week of every month has no Year of Inquiry calls….

….time to sit down and map out the full Eating Peace Process which will start in January, the upcoming Relationships retreat at Breitenbush in early December….

….and really make progress in writing and outlining some of the new updated curriculum.

But then, a doctor’s appointment turned into an hour of waiting before it even began.

And suddenly I was going to be late for a client whose number I didn’t write down in my calendar (never good).

Racing home, everything was bumped an hour late.

My mom left a message saying “call me today, I need to book flights for spring ASAP!”

My email Inbox was a mile long.

The home phone cable line stopped working. And the internet disconnected twice.

Then knock-knock on the door and new internet equipment has arrived after 3 months (or a year) of trying to figure out what would help.

Attention turned to putting the new modem and router together (which went surprisingly well) but I needed a special part for my computer, and to return an old part to the internet store so I stopped “renting” it month after month.

Five hours later….

No writing done on programs, probably the most important thing I could have been doing (in my opinion). No Grace Note written (which is one way I “do” The Work).

And the thought “this is too much effort. I quit.”

When I say this kind of thing, I mean the Whole Thing is too much effort. Like, even having this business I seem to do in the first place.

I quit.

What an interesting thought.

It’s like the mind comes up with this idea and it feels pretty good for a minute, right?

This relationship is over! Take this job and shove it! I’m outta here! Sell it all! I’ll never speak to him again! Give all the books away!

I QUIT!

Pictures of no longer paying for internet service, ever, and moving off the grid. (LOL).

What’s really kind of funny is how it’s not possible to actually “quit” most of the things you think you can quit.

But let’s look. Because it sure it enticing and sort of has a wild passionate fire-energy inducing feel to it.

Quitting what I do for a living is a good idea.

Is it true?

Maybe you can find something you think of quitting from time to time. Your primary relationship. Moving to a new house. Moving to a different country. Quitting your job.

It’s what you want to do, really….is it true?

No. It’s almost funny, for me, it’s so untrue. You may have noticed, though, depending on your situation, the feeling of wanting to “quit” something many times.

How do you react when you think this thought in earnest? What happens when you imagine you want to quit, you say in your head “I am so leaving this” or you feel the urge to walk away?

Sometimes, people with this thought begin to imagine what it will look like AFTER they quit, and get scared.

Yesterday when I was doing the zip-zip around of unexpected movement of the day, I had an old CD in my car audio player. It was Byron Katie doing The Work with a young woman who felt she couldn’t read certain books in her house because her husband would throw them out.

“He’s controlling me” said the woman.

I was fascinated with how and why someone would stay in a relationship situation like that….and I listened closely. I remembered hearing this work long ago, but I was so intrigued at the thoughts in my own head basically saying “Why doesn’t she quit?!!!”

Hmmmm. Maybe the mind loves coming up with this quitting solution, but it’s not necessarily the best one, or the easiest, or the most efficient.

Who would I be without the belief that quitting is the solution? That quitting is the way to not have to deal with something or someone anymore? That moving, leaving, shutting down is the best or primary answer to a difficult relationship or schedule?

Who would I be without the story of “I QUIT!”

Wow.

Even if there’s a furious little 2 year old having a fit in the background (the one who loves quitting)….

….I would notice it’s not possible to quit.

This way of thinking, the furious mind that loves to try to control situations, and make big grandiose statements, and jump to conclusions, and protect from further uncomfortable feelings….

….doesn’t quit.

Ha ha.

But it doesn’t mean I have to “do” what that Quitter Voice says.

I can look more closely at what I object to in the first place, that inspired the quitter to come forward.

Usually….fear, lack of freedom, sadness.

Turning the thoughts around: “I” don’t quit.

I notice the thoughts sometimes can yell about quitting, but the body does what it does and life moves as it does.

The relationship continues to be very important, even in my own head, whether the person is in the room or not. The activity continues to draw me, whether I know why I’m doing it or not. The movement of love continues to happen, whether I’m resisting it or not. Rest occurs whether I think I should be working harder, or not.

“It is possible to choose awareness instead of resistance. Switching attention from the resistance of ego-identity to the intelligence that animates us is a skill we can learn. And it takes practice.” ~ Cheri Huber

Resistance arises as a thought, and I follow it or believe it, or I don’t. I notice another turnaround is truer: thinking quits. 

It’s here, then it isn’t. Poof! It’s gone.

Another turnaround: “it” quit me. The relationship, the job, the business, the location, the activity.

When it does. Not really me in control and dictator of this situation, I notice.

Again….laughter.

“Do you choose to actively or passively change your life? Good; you made the right choice. Why? With or without you, you seem to change, and with or without you, something always seems to happen. It isn’t necessary that you do it.” ~ Byron Katie

Notice, notice, notice. Awareness.

The power of noticing, becoming aware, seeing it from a greater perspective….far bigger than the little mind will ever know.

I stay.

(Until I don’t).

Much love,

Grace

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Flitting About Like A Fool For Sherlock Holmes

It was a sweet weekend evening, time at home with nothing on the agenda. A rare moment after a good day of work, clients, a morning class, and a solid two hours of writing…and a mind ready to read for fun, or watch a great movie.

My 16 year old daughter May is the only other person home.

“Let’s watch Sherlock Holmes!” my daughter exclaims.

Turns out there is a wonderful BBC modern version of the tales.

My daughter knows exactly where and how to watch them on the computer. She’s a huge fan.

We’re sharing a blanket on the living room couch, leaning back, the laptop on a chair, the speakers hooked up for high quality sound.

We’re 30 minutes into the show.

It’s getting exciting. I love this Sherlock portrayal. Brilliant, blunt, hysterical, says exactly what he thinks.

Suddenly, my daughter says “Oh wait! This is NOT the right episode” and reaches for the computer, pushes a button, the whole thing shuts down before my eyes and she’s tap-tapping her fingers on the keyboard.

AAAAHHHHH!! WAIT! STOP! 

The inner sensation is like a rug has been pulled out from under me.

“Hey! What are you doing?!?” I say with a frustrated tone. “You’ve already seen them all…and I liked that! I don’t want to change to another one! Put it back where it was!” 

Inside, I am screaming. Outside I am gritting my teeth.

My daughter looks up, noticing my reaction.

Let’s see what was going on in that moment. Heh Heh.

My story is yanked away! I want to see what happens next! I love being lost in the show! She shouldn’t get me all interested and excited and then stop the movie!   

I felt FURIOUS!

Yes. About a TV show getting interrupted.

The first movie I ever went to, I was five years old. Mary Poppins.

It was the most spectacular, mind-boggling experience I ever had.

Leaving the movie theater, I can remember the dark red carpet, the gorgeous golden lights glowing softly on the theater walls, and holding my mother’s hand.

Out on the street, it was Kansas. Seriously.

As in Not London. Or singing, dancing and magic.

Glaring late afternoon sun. A sidewalk. People departing and scattering in various directions.

My mom says at that moment, I put my head back and screamed, mouth wide open, crying from the bottom of my soul.

What I remember is feeling like all my pleasure and joy were suddenly ripped away, destroyed, the channel changed….just like that. 

Like a switch was flipped. The electricity unplugged.

Not unlike (in a less intense version) this same moment of anticipation watching Sherlock, being lost in the trance of a very exciting story on the screen, and having the trance END.

Time for some honest investigation.

You may have something you’ve thought of as “over” that you wish wasn’t. Not just a show, but a relationship, your youth, someone else’s life, your job, a vacation.

Is it true that the story is over, unplugged, brought to a sudden halt….and that it shouldn’t be? 

Can I be absolutely sure that this switch to a new and different channel is a bad idea? Am I sure it’s actually “sudden”? 

Hmmm. Seems true that it’s over. But I’m not sure 100%.

And I know it isn’t absolutely true that it should keep going and never end.

Can I be sure that it was sudden, ripped out from under me, shocking, frightening, maddening?

Strange to even question this, but it does seem true that it was sudden. Although I realize it’s my version of sudden, and I’m not sure it was sudden until I gave it that evaluation later.

In the moment, it may not have been sudden at all…..it was there, then not there.

Things were like this….then like that.

So who on earth would I be without my story that what I was engrossed in suddenly ended….and shouldn’t have?

Without the thought that my opinion is the most important one? Or that my trance state is extremely important to maintain, uninterrupted?

I would be relaxed. Breathing. Watching my adorable daughter focus on her own ideas.

Roll with the flow and the scenery.

I would notice that this story, the one without a Sherlock movie running anymore, is quiet, tender, sweet.

Silent house, daughter tapping fingers, a moment to pause, no emergencies, curious about what is next, no need to actually ever know what is next.

Something ends. And then there is something right here, in its place.

I would be rooted, solid in the earth, allowing what I see to change, come, go….and trusting reality.

“Why should the lord of the country flit about like a fool? If you let yourself be blown to and fro, you lose touch with your root. If you let restlessness move you, you lose touch with who you are.”  ~ Tao Te Ching #26

I turn the thoughts around:
My story continues! I am already seeing what happens next! I love being found in the present! She should get me all interested and excited and then stop the movie!  
Yes. Because in these turnarounds, I expand and grow up from age five into an adult.
With love,
Grace