Tag: craving

Very recently, a woman wrote me an email to sign up for some sessions in self-inquiry. She was intimately familiar with The Work. She had questioned her thinking many times, on many topics, and found great peace.

But there was this one particular area that had been present for many years that was VERY persistent.

It just wouldn’t go away.

She described it as like a screaming baby, in the other room.

All day long, she has thoughts about when to eat, what to eat, what not to eat, or what she should and shouldn’t be doing with food and exercise.

Using her own thinking to resolve this problem didn’t seem to be working very well, or very fast.

She wanted help.

As I have done myself, she could see her mind doing tailspins in this one particular area, without much change, without relief.

Oh the agony! The obsession! The powerlessness! The horror!

I remember obsessing about food, diet, eating, starving, exercising, burning calories, being thin, getting fat, controlling myself, feeling sad, feeling like a failure, fearing hunger, fearing fullness.

ARRRGGG. That was such a pain.

One thing I know for sure, the person busy obsessing is NOT damaged, broken or hopeless.

And it’s a very common human experience.

It’s like a battle is taking place, a raging, mind-melding battle, between the one who wants the item, and the one who doesn’t want it.

Between the one who is kind and accepting….and the one who is impatient, desperate or afraid.

Between the one who wants to grab, take-in, consume, get satisfied, pull towards itself…and the one who is content, peaceful, comfortable with the unknown and emptiness.

We’ve all had experiences with this battle, no matter what we’re obsessing about.

I love questioning cravings. This can be a first, wonderful examination in breaking apart that full-blown colorful story behind craving.

Let’s do it!

Find a situation when you were filled, overwhelmed, thinking of almost nothing else but the thing you want.

Food, wine, a cigarette, a cup of coffee, checking emails, going online, a person, an item in the store, a crush, sexual contact, buying it, porn, TV, chocolate, ice cream, whiskey.

“I want it.”

Is that true?

Yes. OMG. YES! I have to have that. It will bring me relief, pleasure!

Are you absolutely sure? Are you positive? Stand there in the craving and see if it is true.

You have to talk with that person, eat that pizza, breathe in that cigarette smoke, put that trinket in your purse, wear that new outfit, call your voicemail, drink that wine.

Is that absolutely true?

What do you believe you will have, if you get it?

I would have Satisfaction! Contentment! Peace!

Can you absolutely know that this is true?

Because I found, my cravings always returned. They were never altogether satisfied.

The craving was temporarily satisfied…sort of. There was a cycle, a repeating, over and over endlessly.

An intense craving, an intense break-down and demand to attend to the craving, a wild attempt to do nothing but satisfy the craving, and an intense hatred of myself, a sadness, a not-enoughness, an intense craving….

Maybe, there was a craving that was present, no matter what was happening.

A discontent, a longing, a hoping, a demand, a desire to change what is and reach for more, different, more, different.

Yikes. I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that if this craving were relieved, I would be satisfied.

I can’t know that if the baby stopped screaming, I would be totally and completely content and peaceful.

I might start thinking of something else, of other things to do, to seek.

Who would I be without the thought “I want it!”

Woah. But that thought is so big, sooooo all-consuming. So….

I asked who would you be without the thought?

You may have to take a moment to imagine this. To feel it. To see what it would be like to be you only not thinking ONLY of how you want something.

Like a tree, a cat, a person you know who doesn’t appear to believe they want something very often.

It may take a moment of imagination, because being without this thought is very foreign.

I know that when I stopped wanting food so much, and so frequently….when the obsession dropped away….I had other things I wanted, like money, happiness, a partner, enlightenment, adventure, excitement, fame, attention, success.

These would flow in and out, the dangling carrots.

Let yourself imagine. Let yourself see who you would be without the belief that you want it.

The thing is in your awareness, it is around. You’re in the same room (the same neighborhood). You know where this thing is.

But you don’t have the thought that you want it desperately. That you must have it.

You may find yourself first just willing to imagine….

….then interested in imagining….who you are without the belief that you want that thing.

Looking around at your world, and feeling in your body, catching the sense of who you really are without this thought.

You may become curious about what you notice. So curious that your craving sits down in a chair and stops screaming so loud.

(Tell the craving that it can stay as long as it wants, you are OK with it being there, you’re not trying to obliterate it).

Who are you without the thought that you want what you think you want?

“Please do not think of truth in mystical terms or even in spiritual terms. Truth refers to the whole of existence and beyond. Truth exists as much in your teacup as it does in your temples and churches. Truth is as present in shopping for your groceries as it is in chanting to God.” ~ Adyashanti

We are about to enter the season in many cultures of celebratory feasting. If you are ready to look at your cravings for food deeply, to look at your deep beliefs about what it means to feel hungry, full, fat, or thin….then come on over and join the 8 week teleclass Horrible Food Wonderful Food meeting on Fridays 9 – 10:30 am Pacific time.

I’ve never taught the class right at this time, during what many think of as food and eating season. This is gonna be good!

We start November 1^st and meet every Friday until December 20^th.  Yes, even the day after Thanksgiving (if you live in the USA).

Don’t wait until the usual time to start developing peace with food. Come now. Use your experience to investigate your urges, cravings, drive, obsessions.

I’d love you to join me. Hit reply if you’re interested and we’ll take it from there.

Love, Grace