Tag: breitenbush

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Is there any joy possible in this complaint-worthy moment? (+ Breitenbush in a month!)

I am sooooo excited today to learn that the Breitenbush Winter Retreat in The Work of Byron Katie is filling up beautifully. We have plenty of folks registered.

That’s not always the case. Last year the winter retreat got switched from Breitenbush to my house in Seattle with seven people attending.

What?!

But it’s not always an easy time of year to travel, and the resort is deep in the woods of the Oregon Cascades. One has to fly to Portland, then rent a car. It will take us six hours to drive there from Seattle. There’s no cell phone service, nor internet.

Perfect.

My husband Jon will be accompanying me. We made a little introductory video we shared on facebook. Sending it to you now with our joyful invitation to you to join us in this somewhat odd time (is it true?) for retreat, December 6-9.

And, there will be dancing on Saturday night.

See our video share here.

Sometimes, I’m so happy an event with The Work is on the horizon, my hands are clapping.

I forget, there’s also a part of the mind that’s so full of moaning and groaning, wailing and lamenting that says “Do I have to? I don’t wanna! Waaaaaah!”

That voice or resistant part of mind will complain about anything, even doing The Work. Even having such an amazing job as doing The Work.

It loves to complain.

Which happens to be our third month topic in Year of Inquiry: complaining.

I love looking up words, and their etymology.

Com is Latin for bringing together, merging, intensifying, pressing together. It shows up in the beginning of so many words, to emphasize the intensity of whatever follows.

And then “plaint” meant to beat one’s chest. Grieve, moan, bewail.

It’s quite dramatic, and yet we refer to complaints often as things we shouldn’t bother bringing up. Irritants. Unimportant. Unaccepting.

“Stop complaining about the weather!” we might say. As if there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, so stop. Pull it together and try to enjoy yourself for a change!

At least, this is what I discovered when I realized my complaints were most of all about……complainers.

Yup.

They’re so negative. Why don’t they stop?

I couldn’t see the plank (or is that “plaint”) in my own eye.

So here’s an exercise we all did in Year of Inquiry that you might find very helpful if you find yourself complaining, whether inside your own head or verbally speaking it to others:

What’s wrong with this thing you’re complaining about, for real? What don’t you like about it? What bothers you? What’s the very absolute worst that could happen if it never stops?

Traffic, lateness, time, work, money, weather, procrastination, mess, family, dirty dishes, tone of voice, inefficiency, taxes.

What’s one of your most common, persistent complaints?

The thing I love about The Work, and looking directly at this “problem” we perceive in reality, is instead of brushing it aside and trying to ignore it, we’re treating this complaint with some respect.

We’re turning towards it, to understand this predicament better.

As I looked at my old co-worker (the one I thought was the star complainer) I could see that as she spoke I became worried too. Her complaining was so discouraging.

I was upset about all the things she mentioned: her neighbor, her car, her health, the environment, her upbringing, poverty, this organization we worked for, mean people, liars, eating troubles.

It was like a big balloon within me let all the air out and I felt defeated, and unable to solve any of the terrible problems she shared. Sad, sad, sad. Bringing me down.

Bewailing! Groaning!

Underneath my belief she shouldn’t keep complaining all the time, was another more serious story to question: Reality is tough, life is hard, bad things happen, the world is harsh, people suffer terribly, you have to watch out.

Ah, but can I absolutely know that it’s true?

If I think these fearful thoughts, if I notice I keep saying the same upsetting comment to myself, if I keep feeling bothered by some life activity or a person I encounter….

….then the moment is worthy of inquiry. I want to investigate.

Is it really as bad as I think?

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.” ~ Byron Katie

That joy is in everyone, always?

Really? Hmmm.

But let’s see: the moment you’ve been complaining about, you know, that one?

There is no joy anywhere to be found in that moment, anywhere. It doesn’t exist. It’s not possible. No Joy. Ever.

Can you absolutely know that’s true?

Are you sure your perspective is the ONLY perspective in this complaint-worthy moment?

Are there other things in the environment, like a relaxed rug, a comfy chair, a quiet soft sofa? Is there oxygen dancing everywhere? Is there a pillow, a book, a happy mug of hot tea? Is there a desk ready to serve 24/7, a bright computer, a smooth cool notebook?

Are you sure every story is sad in this moment? Or is it just a thought?

Much love,
Grace

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Orchestrate your happiness. It’s not what you think.

Do you ever want the future to go a certain way?

LOL.

It’s almost considered odd NOT to think the future should go a certain way.

We so think we KNOW what would work best, what success looks like, or surviving well. I might lose what I have, or I might not get something I want.

The other day, my mind had the belief when I woke up in the morning: It would be bad if no one came to my retreats this spring. I need to make announcements about them. I wish there was only one, not two (because there are too many seats to fill). They’re too close together.  

I started dreaming of the work I’d do that day before I was even out of bed; posting the events to the free city events page for the general public, submitting to local publications, contacting the workshop postings for mental health practitioners.

And then, I chuckled.

The brilliant question hung in the air like a sweet melody, before I even started in on the tasks I had in mind:

Can I know it’s true not enough people will come to retreat if there are two right in a row? Can I really know it’s better if they’re “full”?

Is this really a scary scenario for me, this picture of “not enough”? Really?

This thought could be a story I’ve told a zillion times in my mind.

Later, soon, in the future….there won’t be enough support, there won’t be enough company, there won’t be enough money, there won’t be enough excitement, there won’t be enough time, there won’t be enough love, there won’t be enough health, there won’t be enough life.

What a nervous wreck to think these thoughts so regularly. The potential for things to go “wrong” always parading around. The desire for things to go “right” (and I know what it looks like) always hanging in the air.

What do you envision as successful in your future? What do you want to make sure NEVER happens?

How do you react when you think there’s a possibility for success or failure, and you want it to go the way you prefer?

I get all narrow-minded on the success track. I believe I ‘have to’ do certain things to make it go in that direction. I believe I’m the one running the show here. I work with urgency, or with a push. I don’t have fun. I’m determined in an intense way. I’m nervous about it going the “bad” way.

Everything becomes Not Fun.

Sometimes, I procrastinate. I think about doing something and say I should be doing it, but it feels so pressured I also rebel against it all, and go to yoga. I listen to youtubes. I watch The Crown on Netflix.

I get pictures in my head of other people thinking I’m a dork when it comes to marketing anything. Inefficient. Lousy at it. The people expecting incoming calls at Breitenbush to be disappointed, because…..crickets.

Who would I be without this stressful story that it would be bad if the two retreats coming up weren’t full?

A weight lifted.

I’d be happy. Today.

I’d notice the calendar has something on it in mid-May, and again in mid-June. I wouldn’t feel resistant to it, or concerned. It would be what it is.

I’d stop acting like I’m God the Dictator and I Know Everything. I’d let out a sigh (and a chuckle) of joy at how sure a thought flames up in a second about what needs to be avoided….but how I’ve also got the amazing and beautiful question “is it true?” (And it’s not even “mine”).

I’d feel the energy running through this very moment of aliveness. Hearing the dryer turn the clothes. See red sleeves near laptop keys. Gazing at wooden bowl next to a box of tissues. Hearing husband’s feet tap tap walking and opening a drawer.

This moment a poetry.

Every possible way the future goes….perfect.

Trusting what is. Letting life do it. Letting God do it (it is already). Noticing all the people already on the list for May. Feeling the happiness and peace whether events are full, or not full, or the worst turnout ever, or the best.

Noticing what is done today and very much enjoying the ride. I could die tomorrow, and what I did today to post information about these retreats would have still been interesting, even fun. Not annoying tasks.

Turning the thought around: It would be fantastic if no one came to my retreats this spring. I do not need to make announcements about them. I wish there was just the number there are (none in this moment as I am alone on my couch). There are not too many seats to fill. These retreats are perfectly spaced.

Turning the thoughts around again: It would be bad if I didn’t come to my own retreats this spring. If I didn’t approach my thinking with The Work. I need to announce my thinking, to expose it and share it with myself. There’s too much thinking to fill (yes, in my head). My thoughts are too close together. 

Good heavens. Is it my thinking that’s scary or the actual outcome I’m sure would be a disaster?

Only my thinking.

Can you find good reasons, interesting or helpful or advantageous reasons for it going the “wrong” way in the future, whatever it is you’re worried about?

Hmmm. If I have small retreat sizes, I can eliminate one next year. I can give lovely close attention and more time to each person who attends. I’ll have fewer supplies to put together. I’ll get to experience the joy that’s possible even if only ONE person is joining me in inquiry. If no one came at all, I’d get four days in silent inquiry with myself. I could further develop the curriculum. I’d relax knowing we have plenty of time for each exercise. I’d get to meditate.

“I invite you to look forward to an uncomfortable feeling, find clarity through investigation, and meet your own discomfort with understanding. Orchestrate your own happiness. Why wait for anything or anyone outside you to bring contentment and harmony?” ~ Byron Katie

What a beautiful retreat has arrived, after answering four questions. Like, right now.

Oh. Haha.

Who are you without the belief that something might not go right in the future?

Not believing your thoughts. Orchestrating your own happiness.

Feeling the harmony of what is.

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,

nothing is left undone.

True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can’t be gained by interfering.
~ Tao Te Ching #48 (translated by Stephen Mitchell)

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Retreat

P.P.S. Breitenbush Retreat

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Questioning every thought, step by step, brings freedom faster than a short-cut

The beauty of sitting with others connecting in inquiry for 4 days is remarkable. I love hearing each and every person’s story, and how magnificent each person is in unraveling it, so it’s not running their lives anymore.

Everyone got to open the retreat on our first evening together by filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, slowly, carefully, thoughtfully–like a meditation. Writing their unhappiness on paper, so it’s frozen there in ink and can’t sneak away or be temporarily forgotten.

We get to write: This is what hurts. These are my thoughts. This is my story.

I must confess.

When I first started doing The Work, it felt so great just to write out an angry, disappointed or frightened JYN, it was like a genuine honest cathartic experience. I could rage, scream, call the person names on paper. I remember once writing with such vengeance, the paper tore under the pen point as I made my list of what I believed that person was like in the situation I was remembering.

Then….I’d take one or two thoughts through inquiry using the four questions, and wind up leaving the paper somewhere in a notebook, or throwing it in the trash if I didn’t want someone to find it in the household.

I had many piles of worksheets that went unfinished. I never worked through all the concepts on the worksheet.

And guess what happened?

That person bugged me again, either in my own thoughts OR they actually said something new that I found disturbing all over.

In other words, it came back. It repeated itself. It wasn’t over.

So in our recent retreat, we had the luxury of working through that entire first worksheet everyone wrote for themselves on the first night–the situation we most wanted to question right then.

For the first few concepts on the worksheet, people had the looks people often begin to have when doing The Work: a lightbulb is going off. Some weight is lifted from the situation.

Then, as we worked our way through the “I wants” and “she or he should” and “I need” and “they are”, it was hilarious how participants said “ugh, groan, not this same situation!”

Can’t I move on to a new JYN??!

LOL. I’ve had the exact same experience.

I felt so good after questioning only one thought from a worksheet, why keep going?! Do we have to beat a dead horse?

(In fact there were some dead-horse-beating jokes murmuring through the lovely group of inquirers on retreat together, and laughter).

But then, moving all the way through a worksheet, taking breaks, plugging away, working with different facilitators….

….what a treat.

That’s when true, deeper transformation can happen.

I could hear it.

‘Wow thank you for keeping us on track with investigating one situation so deeply.”

“Amazing, I had called the divorce lawyer, and now after this worksheet….I’m calling off the entire plan for separation.”

“Wow, I realize this situation I’m so afraid of is just my mind imagining the worst…..but the way I’m envisioning a frightening moment is only in my mind, and it’s not true!”

“My entire worksheet is almost funny now. It IS funny! I’m laughing!”

“I came to this retreat to resolve in my primary relationship and I’ve found it honestly–it’s not the way I wanted it to go, but I understand now what I’m unable to do.”

I was filled with gratitude at what I heard and witnessed with everyone’s beautiful work.

Which was really MY beautiful work.

I’ve had the same thoughts, and I got to hear them run through me like a river. “Is it true?” I’d see a picture of something in my own life. I’d see a picture of what I imagined THEIR situation to look like.

So today, I continue feeling grateful for all the people who came to help me in my own work for four days of misty wet autumn, so that I can experience the peace of freedom from believing the mind that says “life is hard, life is painful, things can go wrong” and turn all this around to “life is easy, life is gentle, things can go right”.

Only in my thinking do things go wrong.

If you’d like to come do this brilliant freedom work–where you find your own answers, always–and question your suffering especially about anyone in your life you’ve found difficult to deal with….

….then consider coming to Breitenbush in early December.

We’ll be cozy in the magnificent old-growth woods, you’ll have quiet warm cabins to stay in, all meals will be served (organic, vegetarian, delicious) and there will be hot springs to soak in on your breaks in the crisp forest air all around.

We’ve got plenty of space still, and the early-bird fee for the winter Breitenbush retreat is only $295 for 3 days. Early bird fee ends on October 31st. We begin Thursday evening December 7 and end Sunday Dec 10th at lunch. November 1st, the fee jumps to $395. Call Breitenbush at 503-854-3320 if you want more information about lodging, travel or meals, and to sign up. They handle everything for this one.

And here’s one of my favorite things about this upcoming December retreat: my life partner Jon will be joining us, and he and I will be sharing some of the fun, hilarity, fear, and joy about inquiring on someone very close–like a husband or wife.

We can’t wait to be with everyone who shows up to do The Work with us.

Come have a quiet winter rejuvenating retreat, just in time before the holidays (which have been known to contain a stressful thought about loved ones…or two….or three).

“Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around. Who says that freedom has to be complicated?” ~ Byron Katie

What an exciting gift!

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Tonight, I’ll be serving on staff at the School for The Work in Ojai, California with Byron Katie. Can’t wait to share with you what I learn along the way. xo

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My thirty year old stressful thought about Breitenbush

Speaking of getting clear.

Someone texted me today to ask if there was space at Breitenbush. Oh yes. A handful of spaces are still available. You can call 503-854-3320 to find out all about it. Call, the old school way, with a phone.

I know the weirdness, by the way, of deciding to come to a group or event in person.

Jeez, so much effort. You have to buy plane tickets or bus tickets or train tickets, figure out the ride from the airport to the actual place, which sometimes seems to take hours, walk here, go there, wait here.

Then, you’re not sure if you’ll be able to sleep well, or who your roommate is, or what the environment will be like….and at Breitenbush, especially….don’t they have clothing-optional soaking pools?

And then what will The Work actually be like? Will I get somewhere and make progress understanding my stressful internal life? Will it make a difference, or be worth it?

So many stressful thoughts about getting from Point A to Point B. And stressful thoughts about what the destination will be like, once we’re there.

Will it be comfortable??! Because otherwise….(stressful thought, stressful image).

I remember hearing about Breitenbush when I was in high school. I don’t remember who told me. But it was definitely some kind of hippie naked wild place. Um. OK. I’m not so sure about the conditions of society, but that sounds a little too too. Not for me.

When Evergreen State College (part of the Washington state university system) came to present at my high school, they wore army pants and half-hippie half-grunge T-shirts. They probably hang out at Breitenbush. I will never go to that weirdo school where you invent your own program.

(I graduated from there later).

I never went to Breitenbush or found out much more about it.

Many years later, I was invited to teach The Work at Breitenbush by my friend Susan Beekman, who was closely connected with people who started Breitenbush for many years and who I met at The School for The Work in 2005.

So off I went, to this crazy place with its reputation of wildness in my mind for 30 years….to help facilitate a 4 day workshop.

I was surprised.

The place was extremely quiet, organized, respectful, private….and as gentle as imaginable.

Upon entering the parking lot after several miles of carefully graded gravel road through the forest, a beautiful check-in building awaited me, and every arriving visitor.

When you check in, everyone gets to pile their possessions and luggage into a big sturdy wheelbarrow with huge wide smooth wheels. You load your things into this giant cart which seems to move forward with the slightest touch, and make your way to your nest.

Many people stay in the little cabins (I always do as a presenter). Soft sheets, warm blankets await in your room in a bag delivered before your arrival. You’ll make your own bed, turn on the big beautiful old-fashioned heater filled with hot springs water (if you need it) and put away things in the built-in tall cupboards. I’m always reminded of Laura Ingalls Wilder, imagining my little cabin being the size of the one her Pa built in the 1800s. There are no locking doors. No keys. Nothing ever gets stolen.

A small desk with a lamp, reading lights above the beds, and a huge porcelain sink is in every cabin to greet you. For bathing, most people head to the shared large bath houses (womens or mens), for always-hot showers from the springs.

The air smells like cedar and pine, the soft earth below the feet makes little noise as you walk. The trees are gigantic, the air so fresh and sweet. Every night, even in hot summer days, its cool and dark and silent.

No cells phones work here. No internet is flying through the airwaves. This is an electronic-free zone. People need to drive about 10 miles to get cell service.

It’s un-hook time.

And oh what a brilliant place for The Work of Byron Katie.

We begin the evening of Wednesday, June 21 which is solstice this year.

Just saying.

Time for a break in the pattern, an interrupt in the usual story-telling inside the mind. A dissolving of the nightmare, if that’s what you’ve been having.

We sit, we write, we investigate the suffering we may have experienced for many years. Some people return to Breitenbush every summer, year after year. Some are brand new and ready to learn and DO The Work in earnest.

Apparently, I had a stressful thought. About Breitenbush. They’re a bunch of wild naked woo-woos. As someone said to me once…”tree huggers”. (I personally love trees and country and forest, so that particular label never sounded bad).

But I didn’t even have time to question that thought once I arrived. It simply wasn’t true.

Everything was perfectly cared for. The lanes and walking pathways were raked and lined, the people kind and respectful, the food absolutely delicious and filling. There’s no coffee served, so you have to bring your own or go caffein-free. No alcohol and drugs anywhere on the grounds.

And guess what? No one is required to go naked in the hot springs (some people happily wear bathing suits). The boundary for where people go nude is limited and set aside just for soaking. There’s one pool that is for silence only–no talking by anyone, ever.

Anyone could be at Breitenbush and never go into the hot mineral pools, if you were too nervous or weirded out about nudity. You’d still love the place. It’s built for retreat. For luscious relaxation and natural beauty.

No wonder they wanted The Work there. It’s about un-raveling and un-doing painful conditioning and stressful stories that repeat themselves in troubling ways in our lives.

If you’re wanting summer time to settle way down, take time out, completely unplug, and join with others to soak in inquiry….

….bring it to Breitenbush. You’ll literally have the chance to leave it there. We do a very special exercise on the last day that can only be done at Breitenbush (it’s a surprise). Perhaps you’ll leave something there you never imagined, something you’ve wanted to set down for years.

People have flown from New York, Florida, Kentucky, taken the train from California and Mexico, driven from Vancouver BC and New Mexico. From all corners, the most lovely folks assemble to really sink into this incredible physical setting, and incredible way of enlightening ourselves by questioning our beliefs.

You may find, like I did about Breitenbush, that your impression of reality and of life was a little off.

Who would you be, who could you be, without your story?

“You are the effect of your story, that’s all. And this is hard to hear unless you inquire…..Come to know for yourself what’s true for you, not for me. My words are of no value to you. You’re the one you’ve been waiting for. Be married to yourself. You’re the one you’ve been waiting for all your life.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,

Grace

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When believing lies leads to suffering

I was very touched recently. Several people in Year of Inquiry approached me with an offer that they’d like to start a scholarship fund for people who need financial help attending Year of Inquiry, especially the live retreats in Seattle.

The year long program has two options; telesessions only (which include all the webinar presentations I offer every month) or the full, live program for those who come to fall and spring retreats.

Sometimes people sign up for telesessions only and hope they can come up with the funds for the in-person retreats. This scholarship help may be one way they can do it.

Even though YOI (Year of Inquiry) doesn’t start until September, I felt such a deep sense of gratitude and acknowledgement that people collectively think doing this work together as a practice is so powerful, they want to help others do it too.

Almost at the very same time of hearing of these generous participants’ desire to contribute to others, I also learned Year of Inquiry will offer credits to people interested in becoming a part of the Institute for The Work (ITW).

The Institute trains people in facilitating and doing The Work and those meeting all the extensive credits required inside ITW become Certified Facilitators.

Anyone enrolling and completing Year of Inquiry would receive the equivalent credits of a whole School for The Work plus 80 hours of partnering in The Work.

It may seem like a foreign language to you, if you’re not aware of Institute for The Work or you aren’t interested in certification….

….but I felt very moved by the endorsement.

It means people can begin to taste the practice of The Work by joining in with our little group, and if they’re really into it, can use Year of Inquiry as a diving board for further training.

But the most important thing about doing The Work and questioning thoughts, in the end?

It’s not the credit earned.

The thing I love most about gathering with others to wonder about concepts we hold, the beliefs we find troubling and stressful: I don’t have to do this work alone and rely on my own thinking to bring me clarity.

When alone, I’m not always aware of my biggest blind spots. I get tired, or bored, or the inner voice in my head gets to loud to hear myself think clearly.

Getting together with other people to do the four questions and find turnarounds is ingenious. It keeps the connection to inquiry alive. We’re in it together. Other people can do The Work when I’m too hopeless, or fatigued, to do it myself. I’m listening, and I still learn.

And we’re practicing together, over and over again.

You just do it. Like learning to ride a bike. You try, you fall, you swerve, you fall, you try again, you fall, you get on again, you start to pedal, glide, and relax.

And you keep going.

Maybe it’s like joining a gym. You’re not done, even if you’ve been a gym member at the same place for 15 years (like me). You just keep going, on rainy days especially. It becomes a way of life, a way of continuously practicing the movement you need to feel healthy.

I’m not sure where I’d be without having created Year of Inquiry, or the other shorter classes, programs, solo sessions and retreats I keep offering.

Everyone showing up is here to help me stay true to my favorite experiences in human life: awareness, transformation, contribution, service.

Now, if an entire Year of Inquiry is hard to imagine, there are shorter experiences you can join to hit the reset button or sink into a deep mental tune-up in your thinking.

One of the most beautiful ways, is to come to Breitenbush Hotsprings Conference Center in Oregon on June 21-25. Deep in a pristine old-growth forest, this is one of the most magnificent settings for investigating where you feel stuck.

Everyone stays in a beautiful warm cabin, or you can camp, stay in a tent platform, or reserve a dorm room in the lodge. Three meals a day are home-cooked, all vegetarian and exquisite. Get massage or body work, hike in the woods, visit the hot pools for a soak in the mineral waters. The air is fresh, the atmosphere quiet and profoundly peaceful, and the relaxation beyond measure.

Breitenbush has become a regular highlight of some peoples’ summers who return year after year to sit in their life-changing inquiry. We always have a whole handful of people who have been once or more to the School for The Work with Byron Katie in the past year.

But no matter where you live, what you’re able to do or join, how you’re able to travel or not travel….

….it appears my job is to continuously put Inquiry Practice on the calendar.

In just about every which way possible. Phone, computer link, donation-based monthly call, free meetups, in-person immersions, mini retreats, groups, videos, podcast, Grace Notes, recovery and eating peace process work, writing.

What I notice is, it’s not a requirement to question your thoughts in order to live.

But is it a requirement to question your thoughts in order to be peaceful, or joyful?

I don’t even know the answer to that question, at least not for anyone else.

For me, however, it appears that without investigating what’s running through my mind, if I’m just swallowing everything I’ve learned or been exposed to without curiosity….I’m living a very stressful life, full of suffering.

I’m almost putting salt in the wound, as they say. I’m practically giving fuel to my own suffering….repeating a conversation over in my head, assuming what someone else is thinking, imagining my demise whether sickness or death, feeling sharp, or bitter, or angry, or very sad.

What a nutty mind–so funny the way it keeps worrying about my survival, and getting anxious, or delivering “warning” messages.

But with The Work also running through my mind, heart and soul….

…I’ve got the best set of questions ever if my head replays that horror film from 1990.

Is it true? Can you absolutely KNOW it’s true? How do you react, what happens, when you believe what you think? Who would you be without this thought? What if you turned your belief around to the opposite?

Why am I experiencing so much pain? Because I’m believing a lie. If you’re lying in bed in the morning and you think ‘I want to get up, I should get up!’ and you then begin to experience fear and guilt…I invite you to just be there and try to make yourself NOT get up. It’s not possible. When it is time to get up, you get up. Not one second too early or too late. There are two ways to lie there, or get up, and one is in peace and the other is in stress.” ~ Byron Katie

If you want to move into this way of inquiry, without anyone telling you what to think whatsoever, and without any rules or regulations, or how you “should” be thinking or not thinking….

….step into this process called The Work. Your way. Your answers.

It couldn’t be anything but your own answers, if you want true peace.

Join me in this fascinating unknown mysterious adventure where we’re wondering what’s true and contemplating life and all it’s hardship and pain, and beauty.

Where we can question our stressful stories, and find, we just might be able to love what is, now.

Much love,

Grace

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Summer Inquiry, Summer Love

Summer loving had me a blast….

If you recognize the famous first line from the musical Grease song, you might start singing it in your head.

I love summers in the Pacific Northwest. Fresh nights where you need a sweater, warm enough days for swimming in lakes and maybe a dip in the cold ocean or campfire on the wild beach.

And the time for a deeper immersion in self-inquiry with others, relaxing with the long light.

So many choices, so many ways, so much beautiful possibility!

Breitenbush Hot Springs Summer Retreat June 21-25, 2017 is only open for early bird rate for another 2.5 weeks. $395 until May 1st and very popular, the lodging sells out quickly (they set aside some of the best for us, but you need to book it soon). We are already filling.

I would love to have you join me in this gorgeous setting with no internet, no phone service (yes, astonishing), amazing fresh organic home cooked meals, deep forest hiking, soaking in hot springs at leisure outside of session hours, massage, and absolutely beautiful cabins.

And that’s not even the best in-session part. Together, as a part of this annual retreat, we’ll gather and walk through the inquiry journey, one simple step at a time, investigating our stressful thinking.

Beginners and experienced journeyers are all invited and welcome. We start at the very beginning, with our own stressful relationships or worries, our frustrations and places we wish would change.

The Work is a process of inquiry that dissolves all the suffering in life. At least it has offered this to me. As I inquire, and stay with my exploration (so much easier to do in a group) I find the personal freedom I always used to long for and think was impossible.

To read more about Breitenbush, or if you have questions, please reply back to this email and I’ll personally answer. If you have special questions about the meals or lodging, or travel to Breitenbush, those questions are best answered by the good staff at Breitenbush. You can call them at 503-854-3320. This is also how you sign up. The old fashioned way over the phone.

And as if that much summer loving wasn’t enough….I’ll be facilitating Being With Byron Katie in Seattle July 8-11, a completely silent retreat where we watch Byron Katie speak and work with her audience streaming live from Switzerland (technically, it’s a 9 hour delay).

We get to send questions, photos, and share in the event all the way from our little spot in Seattle. Room for 20 maximum attendees, there are 4 bedrooms for weary travelers for a reduced fee. Our house is a modest older Seattle house in the midst of the beautiful Portage Bay neighborhood. Our retreat house will remain in silence for the entire time.

The fee for this 4 full day event? Only $185. Truly the most inexpensive event with Byron Katie you could ever attend. Worth 24 credits for Institute for The Work candidates with Byron Katie directly, as if you were attending live with Katie, for a small extra fee (still less than if you registered for it on your own).

And lastly, to continue your summer love….Summer Camp for The Mind Virtual Inquiry Jam.

July 5-August 18, 2017. Monday-Friday daily inquiry telecalls simply doing The Work with Grace. This is an annual daily dial-in where we all fill out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and the first volunteer in the hot seat does The Work. As many people do The Work who are able–each session is 90 minutes. Q & A time included. Every day, the inquiry jam is at a different hour, so you can join when it works for your time zone and schedule. Come to one or all the calls. You get to pick. Summer Camp for The Mind is sliding scale, for everyone.

Hope you’ll join me in deepening your Love this summer, and being a part of the Peace Movement.

Much love,

Grace

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Emptying Misty Mind of Stressful Thoughts

inside the beautiful misty land of Oregon, the beautiful misty land of the inner world....& seeing clearly
inside the beautiful misty land of Oregon, the beautiful misty land of the inner world….& seeing clearly

Here I am deep in the tall woods, rain pitter-patting on leaves. The morning is very still. I’m at Breitenbush Hotsprings. A low bell in the distance sounds, signaling a half hour until breakfast is served in the lodge.

I hear my husband breathing deeply as he still sleeps.
The cabins here are incredibly cozy, heated by the mineral hotsprings with big pretty old-fashioned looking radiators. A small soft lamp sits on a little wooden desk, sending a quiet yellow light into the cabin. Once again I think of Laura Ingalls Wilder, only there’s plumbing.
My annual Breitenbush retreat began Wednesday night.
When a circle of people gather to learn and do The Work together, a part of me feels strangely unable to convey with words the freedom possible through questioning your suffering.
It’s hard to describe what it means to catch yourself thinking something painful, to believe you’re doomed, to feel terrified or nervous…..
….and to suddenly remember in the middle of the flow of reacting…..
…. is what I’m thinking actually true? Who would I be without this belief?
Before I knew how to inquire and investigate into the nature of “thinking”, my immediate interpretation of things that felt scary or hard, was that it was TRUE that they were scary or hard.
It went like this:
Something happened. It’s bad news. I ran. I fought. I cried. I felt hurt. I felt stress.
I then walked around a little shell-shocked or upset the thing might happen again. I consider life to be a bit dangerous (or very dangerous). I made plans to fix the bad thing, incident, or relationship (or myself, endlessly).
Now, there’s nothing really wrong with this. It’s normal.
It’s sort of brilliant we have these brains set up to be aware of danger, and move away from it. Kind of like the hot stove analogy we’ve always heard growing up “Don’t put your hand on a hot stove-you’ll get burned!”
Got it. No hands on stoves. Check.
But what if your mom or dad or caregiver shouted at you that you’d get burned….every time you walked past the stove?
What if they screamed “Watch out! Remember the stove?! You have NO IDEA if it’s ON or OFF, you could get burned!! BE CAREFUL!! OMG!!!”
You might have an extra big ALERT in yourself about stoves. You’d always feel a little nervous in kitchens.
It’s like the awareness of what works and what doesn’t (stoves burn) would have a sort of instant anxiety-producing result, rather than being filed in the mind as simple data, which the mind is so brilliant at doing.
If it even looks like a stove, you’d feel cautious. If you heard the word “stove” you might have a flash of adrenaline inside. You may decide not to cook.
What I love about The Work is, you get to take what’s already happened inside of YOU, your own basic day-to-day life experiences in the real world, and explore how a disturbance in the past (an event, a word, a conversation, an incident) might still be affecting you in a limiting way.
In a way you don’t feel free.
I wanted to feel free to come and go in life, and have stoves be in the room, without running away, or getting all defensive, or worrying about getting burned.
Now, I get to sit with all these dear people in our retreat and already witness them tasting this freedom.
I don’t really have to explain anything.
When they answer the four questions, and find turnarounds….
….the sweetness of them finding new ways to be with “problem” people, the awareness they are not victims but can feel empowered in any situation, the tears and the relief I see….
….it’s sooooo inspiring.
I love doing this work.
How did this happen, that I get to be a part of a retreat such as this?
So inspirational, so profound, so full of a sense of the greatness of humanity and the awe of how people can transform simply by seeing something or someone disturbing….differently?
 
Empty your mind of all thoughts. Let your heart be at peace. Watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return. Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity. ~ Tao Te Ching #16
Thank you so much for being here on this journey with me, whether we’ve met in person or connected on emails or shared through the phone or audio….I love that you’re here.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. One bedroom left at Being With Byron Katie and space for you on a sleeping mat on the floor or commuting each day (which is what I’ll be doing).
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Money left me….is that true?

money left me, and it's a crying shame....is that true?
money left me, and it’s a crying shame….is that true?

As I get ready for a full new beautiful telecourse of people gathering for eight weeks starting this afternoon on MONEY, I’m already feeling the freedom of who I would be without my current beliefs about it.

(Sorry the class is indeed all the way full, but you can join it again in the future–maybe even this spring if I can–write me with your favorite times or days).

If you’ve read Grace Notes for awhile, you’ll know where I came from (having $10.16 left in the bank and a $2000 mortgage bill due in 3 days).

It sucked.

Or so I thought.

I still have the feelings sometimes that it should never be like that again….when I get scared.

If I really go back and sit on my couch in my mind, stressing about having no money left, agony about not having enough money to put gas in my car, or buy groceries….

….it seems the same as looking back on the time I was in the war.

No, I wasn’t really ever in an actual “war” in history.

But I’ve heard people talk about being in the war, whether my grandpa in World War II, or my dad in the Korean War, or guys who were a little bit older and cooler than me who were in the Vietnam War (which horrified me as a kid).

These are all wars associated with the United States where I mostly grew up.

Well….I look on that time without money as The War. The money war.

Watching money fly away from me and feeling like I was the Titanic, sinking.

In my head, it was a war zone.

My own private war, with money.

With the universe.

At that time, in that situation sitting on my couch looking at my bank statement, with no current job and nowhere else to borrow from….

….I felt so ashamed.

I was volleying shots directly at myself, kicking myself.

When I look back, I can see that even though it was pretty straightforward when it came to money….

….I Would Not Stop Kicking.

I would not stop kicking MYSELF.

I screamed and demanded that money show itself to me, come to me, be with me, stay with me, not abandon me, rescue me.

Jeez, get a grip woman! Stand on your own two feet!

Nope, wouldn’t do it.

I insisted that I was too small, lost, incapable, and unworthy.

Until I lost all of it.

Fine.

I noticed I was still breathing, even as I said “fine” with total surrender and defeat and anger.

And I wasn’t dead.

Actually….I had a fridge with food in it, a car in the driveway, and clothes in my tiny closet. I had a mom saying she’d take me in if I needed it.

If I had had no mother, I know a friend would probably have volunteered or invited me to stay for awhile.

Just because you have debt, even colossal debt….

….just because you have spent addictively, or felt you MUST HAVE some item….

….just because you’ve been weird with money (and I mean this with people who have tons, and people who have none)….

….doesn’t mean it’s over.

Have you noticed?

If you’re alive, you have the capability of standing on your feet and being cared for.

In the Year of Inquiry group we’re in Month Five.

Money Month!

Yesterday, we looked at the most basic and very stressful belief about money…..

…..when you see it walkin’ away (pull out the strings, this is the basis of a good sad heart-break song).

Money Is Leaving!!!! Oh no!!!!

It doesn’t seem so funny in the moment, though, right?

How do you react when you see money flying AWAY from you, moving to other people, debts you owe, bills?

One inquirer in YOI noticed how vulnerable she felt. Total exposure.

I have to ask for help, I have to connect with people. I have to call and ask why a check hasn’t arrived yet, or call and tell someone I can’t pay my bill this month.

So embarrassing.

But what if you didn’t believe it’s wrong to be vulnerable, or dangerous to not have money? What if you didn’t think you were guilty, or a sinner, for being without money?

What if you just got here from another planet, today. And you never heard of money before. You were here for an adventure, for joy, for excitement, for learning, for riding a rollercoaster (that’s life, right?)

Who would you be without the belief that money is leaving you, when it moves from your pocket or bank account or hand or debit card…..

…..to somewhere else?

Turning the thought around: money is arriving, money is staying, my thinking is the one that’s leaving (wandering off after the money), I am leaving myself….in the name of money.

Some people become super poor and never go to work because of fear about money. Some people become super rich and work all the time because of money.

Who would YOU be if money didn’t matter? Just for today?

What would happen if you stayed with you, your own best friend, knowing how worthy and awesome you are?

Best of all, for me in my “disaster-lose-everything” situation, was being without money and realizing…..

…..wow oh wow…..

…..the inner center juicy peaceful glorious place within has never been absent, has never left, will never leave.

This present moment is alive, and pulsing and rich with creativity, rest, and No War.

Astonishing.

I thought I needed money to be happy, in that moment on the couch with $10.16 left in my bank account.

After I did The Work that day, a little over 7 years ago, I picked up the phone and called my mom.

We had the best conversation we had had in years, about me moving in with her and bringing my two kids with me and all the worries and anger I had about her trying to run my life and order me around if I moved in.

It was a truce conversation, in my own heart.

I knew it might be hard if I moved in with her, but it would be an incredible adventure and I could trust the universe to have brought me into it.

Except, right after THAT like the next day…..I got a job offer and a secret donation from friends and family for my birthday which covered a whole month of expenses, including that mortgage payment.

Who would you be without your war stories with money?

Could they actually be peace stories underway?

And I don’t care how much money you have.

It really doesn’t matter.

Much love, Grace

 

P.P.S. Join me at Breitenbush! To get all the information and learn how to register, click HERE.

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I Don’t Get The Work

I don’t get this. 

breitenbushinnerpath
Breitenbush: The Inner Path….In The Woods and in The Work

A woman brand new to The Work had come to the Breitenbush retreat that just ended yesterday.

She made this remark at the end of Day #1.

I had guided everyone very slowly through the process of filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on one particularly stressful situation in their lives.

Someone who really disturbed them, recently or in the distant past. The state of their health. Worries about money. A painful divorce. A difficult child. An irritating boss.

Everyone had identified beautifully what they really thought about the troubling situation or person in their lives….

….the one they really wanted to resolve.

I facilitated several people in the morning, with the whole group together in a big circle. We had then moved into other exercises and done inquiry all day. Everyone staying with the same worksheet, the same situation they began the retreat with.

And now….

….at the end of this full day….

….she was feeling frustrated.

I don’t understand how to answer these questions. I don’t understand the structure here. I don’t understand why you pause to wait for answers. The gap, the silence is uncomfortable. I want this to go faster.

She went on…

…I’ve read the book (Loving What Is). I had never even known exactly who Byron Katie a little while ago. I’ve tried everything. I was hoping this would work. But now, I’m not so sure.

I remembered feeling that way, even after reading Loving What Is.

What?? How do I answer these questions??!!

“OK. Let’s do something different,” I said.

This wasn’t what I had planned on doing right then. A request had been made, through this beautiful confused person who was trying to understand this powerful and deep way of ending suffering through questioning thought.

I stood up and walked to the white board.

“No worksheet. Just say out loud a very painful thought you believe. You think this about life, about you, about others, about God. What hurts?”

People started to speak slowly.

I am all alone. It’s my fault. Something terrible is going to happen.

And then….

….they were coming in faster than I could write them all, filling up the board.

He abandoned me. She hated me. I don’t deserve to be happy. My body is too old. I’ll never be peaceful. God must be punishing me. She died. I am not enough. I don’t have enough. Nobody loves me. My life has been wasted. He shouldn’t have suffered. He should have stayed. There’s not enough time. The world is a dangerous place. People hurt me. I am no good. She should have gone to jail.

“Everyone stand up! And close your eyes!” I said, putting the cap on the pen.

“Pick your thought. The one that hurts. The one you secretly worry about.”

“Now, silently answer these questions….”

“Is it true? (silent moment) Are you positively sure it is true? (silent moment).

“How do you react when you think this thought?….

….Begin to walk around slowly. Walk around the room, feeling this thought. Where do your eyes want to go? Where do they want to gaze? How do you move when you have this thought running through your mind? What happens in your body?”

Everyone started moving.

We moved and milled about and felt for a long while, maybe fifteen minutes.

“Now, pause,” I said….”Move into a pose that reflects how you feel with this thought.”

People crunched down into little balls. People put their foreheads against the wall and stood as still as a cement statue. They lay down on the floor. They squeezed their eyes tightly shut.

I myself hunched over looking at the ground. I felt sullen, listless, sunken in.

“So who would you be without your thought?”

“Slowly begin to move again, without your story. How would you move without this thought? What do you want to look at now? What is it like to be in your body? How do you feel about the other people in the room, without your stressful belief?”

I took a moment to straighten up. I had my own eyes closed, but softly without tension. It took me a moment to feel it.

I opened my eyes and turned towards the room to see people with smiles, people jumping, hugging. Hugs everywhere! Tears streaming down cheeks. People looking up, into each other’s eyes. Connecting.

The one who had said “I don’t get this” was trembling and I put my arm around her.

Back in our circle of chairs, seated once again….

….the woman who wasn’t getting it shared that for the first time, she began to feel what it was like that her father committed suicide when she was only a child.

And what it would really mean to be without that story, which she had told all her life.

And me?

I was feeling what it was like to be without the thought that I need to help anyone get it, that I must explain The Work well enough, that people should have breakthroughs and be free to change their lives with this self-inquiry….

….the way it has changed mine.

I knew it didn’t matter if no one got it, ever.

But I could move in the moment, as called for. I could switch the plan. I could ditch the plan altogether. I could follow the deepest voice of love that knows what to do, even if it doesn’t.

I knew that this life of self-inquiry and waking up is so unbelievable (literally) and magnificent, so astonishing and loving, so frightening at times and yet so supportive….

….that I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to.

I invite people to do The Work with me because somehow, it’s become my job. But I’m not even sure I thought of this job, ever (actually, I’m sure I didn’t).

It just appeared as the thing to do, and people show up to join me.

It’s the greatest gift and greatest work I’ve ever had. I love that people appear to help me wake up, every day, every retreat, every class, every workshop.

Thank you so much for being here. You are part of the whole package, even if I haven’t met you in person.

Thanks for helping us all wake up.

“Let your feelings tell you when the first lie begins. Then inquire. Otherwise, you get lost in the feelings and in the stories that lead to them, and all you know is that you hurt and that your mind won’t stop racing. And if you inquire, you catch the first lie through noticing your feelings. And you can just stop the mind by putting the story you’re attached to on paper. There’s a portion of your stressful mind stopped, even though it may still be screaming in your head.” Byron Katie in Loving What Is

Much love,
Grace
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Now That Was Awesome! Breitenbush Live

Last day of June Summer Camp. Which means…tomorrow July Session starts!

If you want to connect to live calls in The Work for July, check it out and sign up HERE.

You can start at 8 am Pacific time on Tuesday, July 1st! Lots of calls to choose from. I hope to meet you in Summer Camp this month!

*******

I’ve come out of the luscious green old-growth forest to write to you!

It took me six hours to drive home. There was an exciting moment along the way where the wheel fell off on a car right in front of me.

More about that soon (I saw no cars crash, although I did see sparks flying)!

Before entering freeway world….we went deep into The Work at Breitenbush Hotsprings in Oregon in the annual 4.5 day retreat, for the fourth year.

There was a misty, soft rain pattering down most of the time this year, but of course the weather doesn’t matter one bit.

Inside our gorgeous round yurt with stained glass window up above, and soft carpeted floor, we have 28 minds doing their “work” between ages 17 and 77. They’ve come from far and wide, Florida, New York, California, and all around the Pacific Northwest.

One loving inquirer volunteered to go first last Thursday morning.

His worksheet was on the frustrations in teaching someone how to drive.

I thought of teaching my own son just within the past couple of years. The nervousness. Deciding not to hit the freeway yet….

….because I am the one who is too anxious, if he is the one driving.

The wonderful thought brought to the surface in our retreat: she should stop!

Everyone could find that thought. Everyone could feel that moment in their lives, in some situation, where they might have even been saying, or shouting, STOP!!!

And it wasn’t stopping.

You know what it’s like to want something or someone to stop, and they don’t.

Sometimes it can feel like you look around in the world, in your life…..and there is so much you’d prefer stopped.

Noise, traffic, talking, the grind of working, messiness, confusion, big feelings, addiction, depressive thinking, mean people, that troubling person who keeps accusing you of crazy things.

They should stop!

It’s true! I absolutely know that it’s true!

In our retreat we did an exercise I have begun introducing in most retreats or workshops I teach that are one day or longer, as a way to really contemplate and feel what your thoughts are like inside your body, how they affect the whole of you, this life force within you.

You can do it now:

Write down a thought that is disturbing, something you believe.

Maybe you have the same thought “that person (or thing) should stop”.

Now stand up and walk about, in the room you’re in, and feel what it’s like to believe this thought. Let you mind flash images, pictures, memories.

Let yourself feel the feelings…..

…..THAT PERSON SHOULD STOP!

In our beautiful yurt here at Breitenbush, all the inquirers walked about, heads down. Some backed up against the wall, rigid. Some felt like punching the air with fists.

Feel what the room is like, what your environment is like, how you feel about other people, when you’re believing it should stop.

Now pause. Take a deep breath.

Who would you be without the belief? If you couldn’t even think it, or have it cross through your mind?

It’s not stopping…..but you’re not believing it should, either.

I know it’s bizarre, especially if the activity happening (that you’d prefer would end) feels painful and hurtful.

But how do you move, without the thinking about it? How do you feel? What’s happening right now, in this moment?

In our retreat group, people noticed they felt suddenly INSIDE their bodies, they looked up, they wanted to smile. The room burst open with living-color, they could see everyone around them.

People hugged. Felt like jumping up and down, and running. Some felt their energy could hardly be contained inside this room.

What changed?

A thought.

I am beyond words today with the sense of gratitude, awe, reverence and inspiration found in the collective gathering of a beautiful group all doing The Work together.

Every person was such a gem.

They looked the most remarkable but not uncommon thoughts: the sudden death of a spouse, the pain from terrible trauma years ago at age ten, the fear of aging, the wish for someone loved to quit drinking.

That was the best Breitenbush retreat yet. I can’t wait until next year.

“Our true nature is not some ideal that we have to live up to. It’s who we are right now, and that’s what we can make friends with and celebrate.” ~ Pema Chodron

If you’d like to see Grace Notes on Facebook so you can share them with friends (yay!) then please click here and like my page.

Much Love, Grace