Recently a client was telling me about their experience taking EST trainings in the 1980s.
(I took these trainings, too! Twice!)
There was a component at the beginning of the training where a list of agreements were given to all the participants.
Where to put your name badge, compliance around when to leave the room, how the structure of the program will unfold, the consequences of lateness.
The leader said that we would go over these “rules” but no one should agree to them unless they had all their questions answered, and were in total and complete 100% agreement at the core of their being with every rule on the list.
I can’t remember if that’s the exact way they put it, but you get the idea. Don’t agree to a commitment that you could break.
For my client who was looking back at her experience taking EST, that was noooooo problemo. It wasn’t for me either, at the time.
Those are the rules? OK then. I can do that. You got it. If that’s what you need, to get on with this, I have zero objection.
But then the Other People.
Good lord, seriously? Someone else is raising their hand to bring up a point about the stupidity of “having” to wear your name tag in the top right side quadrant of your torso?
Just put your name tag there, you moron, you’re making us all wait forever! I have to go to the bathroom, jeez!
(Internal eyes rolling. This would be over by now if not for all these petty objections, and we could get on with this and get into the actual program).
What I didn’t realize at the time, being one of the youngest, most immature people there, was that it WAS the program.
My strategy was already cemented in place about rules, regulations, control, patience, and waiting.
The most low-key, acceptable way to handle being in an environment where someone else wanted everything to be ordered, smooth, or controlled, where they were telling you what to do, and where someone had lots of expectations….
….was to Just Do It.
I thought of myself as the most patient wait-er. I was calm, collected and not a problem child. I was not selfish, I would be good and helpful.
If I had to wait until the world ended, fine.
Be that way!
Well….that approach has brought on some serious passivity in my life that has felt hopeless, unhappy, despairing and deadly. A kind of giving up.
But the other day, I recognized it as a very, very subtle but tricky little idea that still lived inside of me.
I realized that sometimes, I still believed the opposite of making an effort, pushing, grinding, pressing on, competing and trying to “win”….was to lie down on the floor.
Quit trying. The effort clearly doesn’t work. So give up. Wait for all the dorks to come to their senses. Maybe they’ll approach ME.
Now, before you think you can’t relate and you’re never compliant, or that you try to be a good team member, or are passive at your own expense (feeling superior to others) consider your spiritual path, your inner spiritual life.
I will sit in meditation and wait, since I am now practicing No Effort.
Since Reality, God, Bliss, Enlightenment, Money, Love or Joy do not show up and stick around forever….
….I guess I’ll just accept All This as a big chaotic mess. Kinda bummer. But that’s OK, I’m not complaining. Heh heh.
The awesome thing about doing The Work is that you are SUPPOSED to complain. What a relief. Finally you can go for it.
Time for some investigation!
Is it true that you have to wait? For that thing you want?
Holy Moly! What?!?!
Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?
Dang.
Pause.
YES! Show me the Money! Show me the Lightening Bolt! Unveil my clouded eyes! My phone isn’t ringing…hello?! (You can bang the phone on the table for extra dramatic effect while shaking your fist at the sky).
OK, but do you absolutely know that YOU have to WAIT? All of you? Your thinking? Your body? Is the silence you hear actually a form of waiting? Are you SURE?
Who would you be if you did not have to wait for what you really want?
Just pretend. If you couldn’t even have that thought, who would you be? What would you say, do, feel right now?
What if you aren’t missing something, or waiting to get to the real meat of the program?
Give it a moment. It’s just a suggestion.
You. Do. Not. Have. To. Wait.
See if it could be as true or truer than the original, stressful thought.
“You find yourself lying on the bottom of the ocean with your face in the sand, and even though all the sand is going up your nose and into your mouth and your eyes and ears, you stand up and you begin walking again. Then the next wave comes and knocks you down. The waves just keep coming, but each time you get knocked down, you stand up and keep walking. After a while, you’ll find that the waves appear to be getting smaller. That’s how karma works. If you keep lying down, you’ll drown.” ~ Pema Chodron
Wow, I do not have to lie down, hold back, reel it in, keep my cards as close to the chest as possible and stay in a hidey hole?
All I know is, right now in this moment, without waiting, a surge of excitement goes through me that’s so thrilling and unexplainable, I feel like Tigger towards the universe.
You know, the very enthusiastic almost annoying tiger in Winnie The Pooh?
JOY!
Turn the thought around again: my thinking has to wait.
Yes, it’s always sure it’s being left behind, or competing, or not given enough, you know? Never quite right. More, around the corner.
Boy, thinking loves to spin a good story.
“Have you ever felt that you really didn’t like being here very much and that you wanted some wonderful eternal experience? That’s what is often thought but not said when the teacher says, “Be here right now.” Inside you are feeling, “I am here, and I don’t like being here. I want to be there, where enlightenment is.”~ Adyashanti
Right here, in this waiting space, this moment with all those people asking all their questions and getting all their needs met…..maybe YOU have question, too?
And if you really don’t, how intriguing all theirs are, how fascinating. Is this moment NOW the wonderful, eternal experience you’ve been waiting for?
It might be.
Check to see.
If it isn’t, write down why not and get to work, don’t wait.
And if you’re ready to get into it with a group, come join us at Breitenbush. The fresh air, the warmth of the hot springs, the fabulous food, the mind getting to answer superb and expansive questions.
You can find your answers.
Get up again, don’t lie down!
Everything is waiting for YOU. Now that’s the ultimate turnaround!
TIGGER BOUNCE!
Much love, Grace