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Is eating a battle zone? If it is (it was a nuclear war for me) you can sign up for my free webinar offering here.

Then on November 4th a new experiment in sharing: an 8 day challenge in eating peace on facebook live. Sign up HERE to receive daily alerts via email for the live course and you can also find me on facebook here. I’ll send out the schedule very soon for everyone participating (we meet in mornings Pacific Time).

When my eating world seemed like a battle zone, one of the primary emotions propelling the ups and downs….

….was rage.

Rage Eating.

I was so furious at the rules, regulations, requirements, management, arguments, powerlessness, enforcements.

It sometimes felt like the whole thing, all of life really, was one big thing to “deal” with.

I’d hold my breath and take it, and do what was needed, and then something would snap and the anger would come out sideways like a geyser.

In the form of eating food.

Everything I ever wanted I ate that day, from one end of town to the other.

Then, of course, I’d feel absolute disgust, hatred and rage with myself.

Several years ago, I witnessed on video Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of non-violent communication, speak about facilitating raging mad prison inmates to find peace with others.

The inmates rebellious hatred of authority or “the man” had a similar feel to rage eating I had done.

The feeling of anger at What Is Greater, and the feeling of anger at ourselves at the same time.

I didn’t like myself when I raged against anything (even though partially it felt like a relief at first), and I’d isolate and hide from the world after the eating or raging was over, licking my wounds. Which is an interesting way of putting it using the word “licking”, right?

There’s something soothing about licking, what some animals literally do for their own wounds. It’s normal to find food and eating soothing, like medicine for the attack.

What Marshall Rosenberg did with these gangs of men who were so furious, was offer them a way to be heard and then speak, then listen, and use “I” statements instead of lashing out and making accusatory statements.

Rooms with hugely violent emotional energy in them completely softened, as men heard what others had to say and became willing to listen a moment and wonder what it was like to stand in the others’ shoes and consider who needed what, including themselves.

When no one felt cut off, hated, or disrespected… …something pretty remarkable began to happen. People found themselves able to relate to the other.

Then, in that space of connection and listening, dialogue could continue, and understanding.

What are we afraid of? What voice are we trying to shut down or cut off, because it’s frightening? Where do we feel we have no say, or no way to get our needs met? Where does it seem like you have no choice but to eat (or do some other kind of compulsive behavior)?

Was it really true that I was being pummeled by life, or that relationship, or this circumstance, or the rules about food, eating and being thin?

Who would I be without my thoughts, my story, about people, places, things, food, or my own mind coming at me?

Just today, a beautiful inquirer doing The Work on her feeling of compulsion with eating said that without the thoughts of fighting with something, fighting with others, fighting with the craving….she’d be aware of the vast nothingness around.

And suddenly, not so comfortable with it.

Sometimes, the wild mysterious vast expansive place we can experience when we wonder who we’d be without our story of arguing with reality…..

…..is a bit frightening.

But there’s one simple place to begin, when you notice you’re experiencing angry eating. You can at the very start question your thought that you shouldn’t be angry.

Is it true?

Without the belief I shouldn’t be angry, and I shouldn’t eat over my anger, I could ask myself what my rage is about? What does it have to say?

This would be a very kind thing to do, and a very loving-parent thing to do. It would be a respectful, clear, open-minded orientation to the experience of rage, and to feeling unmet needs, and to sharing life with others here in this world.

“To imagine that some little thing–food, sex, power, fame–will make you happy is to deceive oneself. Only something as vast and deep as your real self can make you truly and lastingly happy.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj

Maybe uncovering your real self begins with saying what you’re angry about, and listening closely, with respect.

I hope you’ll also join me in the Eating Peace webinar.

Much love,
Grace

Eating Peace Process 5 month Immersion starts November 13th. Short lessons each week, group calls every week, 3 live inquiry calls each week. Lots of contact and connection to dissolve isolation and share in honesty and freedom.

I’m resting flat on my bed while I write in this moment.

I’ve been getting ready for 2 days for the autumn retreat. Remembering what to put in the box, hauling things over to the beautiful property. Everything is prepared at the retreat house, the sun is shining brilliantly with a deep blue sky, and the forecast calls for more golden fall sun for several days.

We’ll be having some amazing silent walks in the Seattle area neighborhood, that’s for sure. I’ve done them in the drizzle, in the heavy rain, in crisp gray cold winter weather, and this time in the bright sun. Can’t wait.

I most can’t wait for retreat to begin because it’s for me. I’m ready for retreat just as much as those attending.

I have a few thoughts to question, and I know they’ll start unraveling themselves in the presence of other sincere inquirers.

It happened today earlier during the Year of Inquiry group call. Two incredible thoughts brought to me like thoughts handed on a platter built for awakening.

Here you go….question this, Grace.

One of the thoughts a courageous inquirer took to The Work?

I’m all on my own.

What a frightening, discouraging, painful thought. But mostly it’s so painful when you think it means no one is there for you, no one is helping you, no kindness is offered, no relief.

It’s the feeling of having to contend with reality, in whatever form.

How many times have I had this belief running in my mind?

He left me, she left me. She won’t talk to me. I don’t have enough. It hurts. I can’t handle it. No one is here. I’m the only one who cares, or tries. I ‘have to’.

From working at jobs where the boss felt difficult, to being physically injured, to cancer coming to visit, to all the money gone.

I’m on my own.

How do you react when you believe this thought?

Discouraged. Resigned.

Giving up.

Full of imagined future terrors. Picturing the next abusive moment that could potentially happen. Worry. Feeling so vulnerable. Full of self-criticism and self-attack.

So….who would you be without this thought you are on your own?

I see the moments I’ve had this thought when I think something unacceptable and horrifying happened, or something mean and violent happened, or something shocking and frightening happened.

Who am I in these moments, without the belief I am on my own, I was on my own, with no help, nothing else, no support?

Today, I was filled with the beauty of The Work and the power of love, as I listened. The inquirer questioning this thought in our group became still and felt the memory of a moment she was sure was so difficult.

Then she noticed reality: she’s in a bathtub as a child. The water is so nice, warm. It is surrounded by a bath that holds the water. Blood is being washed away. Her mother is there, having put her in the bath. There’s a room, a floor, a house with walls, a ceiling.

Can I stay with the moments I’ve been so sure were dreadful, when I thought I was all on my own, and notice?

In my cottage 12 years ago. No one else home. Children gone. Former husband gone. Family gone. Money gone. Cancer diagnosis.

Who would I be without the belief I am on my own?

Looking around the room. Noticing the couch holding me, the floor under the couch, the foundation hooked by gravity to the earth. Noticing a bookshelf, a rug, running water, a cupboard with crackers, a wall heater.

Things everywhere. Sure, perhaps no humans, but something better than other humans: a place to sit, in silence, without interruption.

And then the most marvelous sound.

The inquirer who is doing The Work today of this very thought begins to laugh.

“My thoughts are all alone. I am not alone.”

Laughter, and more laughter, and more. Rising like a bubbling burst of joy. I was laughing too.

All I know is, in this work today, and in this work about to happen for 4 days, and in The Work I’ve ever been a part of in the past….this kind of discovery is the most wonderful feeling in the entire world.

To see that life, and all its experiences, has been more kind, supportive, caring, quiet, gentle and filled with love than I ever, ever have imagined when I’ve believed my stressful thoughts.

I feel so very lucky, so full of appreciation to notice what’s actually true. Astonishing.

I thank every inquirer who does The Work with me, as I get to see the most remarkable clarity arise out of their own inquiry. Stunning.

“Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it.” ~ Byron Katie

Yes, even that story. Even that one.

Especially that one.

Much love,
Grace
P.S. This may seem a little crazy, but I have more room than I’ve had in awhile at this retreat. If you want to come, email me or text me 206-650-1230. You can join us. Several of the participants who were going to be here are signing up for the Breitenbush retreat instead. If you want to be there, it’s only $245 before 11/1 for 3 whole days.

There’s a great debate amongst people who have noticed eating issues in their lives: there’s a right way and a wrong way to eat. Right foods and wrong foods. Good. Bad. Allowed. Not allowed.

You don’t even have to feel compulsive about food, or that you’re a binge-eater, or call yourself someone with disordered eating or emotional eating to get into this debate.

You can be a fairly normal eater, and still feel anxious about when, what, how, where or what time to eat, right?

There’s even a fairly new (in the past couple of years) diagnosis for a type of eating problem, called Orthorexia. It simply means someone who is obsessed about eating the “right” food.

When you have this trouble, you can’t stop reading labels and feeling concern about getting the right food into your body.

So how do we think about (or feel about) what’s right for us when it comes to dieting, following a food plan, having structure?

For me, there are two things you want to look at closely, holding them central to whatever you’re choosing around food and eating: 1) kindness and support and 2) fear.

Here’s what I mean.

1) When it comes to kindness and support and what, when and how to eat….are your ideas, or what you’ve learned, or how you are eating supporting you? Is it kind? Or does it have a punishing, restrictive, dictator-like feel to it–where your thoughts about yourself are that you can’t be trusted and you can’t do it right and you’re no good, wrong, and always out of control?

If this is your belief about yourself, then you may not be willing and open to see why you eat off-balance in the first place, and what your reaching for food actually is trying to teach or show you.

When I used to binge eat, I was grabbing for comfort, expressing my rage, and trying to escape, all at once. There were many deeply traumatic emotional disruptions inside of me that were being expressed by the way I ate.

I didn’t binge ALL THE TIME either. It was NOT constant. I had some more relaxed days, and some chaotic ones. As I began to listen to my cravings and manic attacks about food, I could find other alternate support, or sit and wonder what was going on within.

My craving and reaching were powerful experiences showing me where my mind was off-balance and my thinking was panicked.

Which brings me to the other element or experience to look at and hold closely when it comes to the project of “how shall I eat?” and that is, as I mentioned, fear.

2) Here’s what you can ask yourself when it comes to awareness of fear: What’s the worst that could happen? What are you afraid of most of all? What frightens you about eating x or not eating y? Is there something you believe you have to live without (besides food)? Is there something you believe you’ve lost, forever? Are you scared of something happening again that happened before, and it was terrifying?

What is most scary about this whole eating thing?

I used to be so frightened of being heavy, or “fat”. I was also frightened of being greedy, or having huge desire for something. Having huge cravings or desire was BAD BAD BAD. Not just with food, but with anything; people, success, money, things.

In any case, in the middle of wondering how to eat, and taking a look at what will help you calm down (not be so scared) AND what is most kind for you….

….notice that even if you’re never sure exactly how to eat for the rest of your life, you can be kind to yourself today, now, with hunger and fullness and eating. AND you can feel safe, here, even without being perfect, and without being an expert.

Much love,
Grace

Eating Peace Immersion starts in November. Registration will open at the end of October. Read about it here.

Eating Peace Annual Retreat taking enrollments. Limited to 14 people. Learn more here.

Much love,
Grace

We all know what emotional eating in general is: eating because you feel uncomfortable emotionally, and you’re not physically hungry.

Sometimes, it feels like a huge cloud of discomfort…and it’s hard to identify what’s even going on.

We just gallop towards the food, in a panic of “feeling” without asking ourselves what’s up?

The other day, I had a surge of something that felt very sad and the voice within said “I need something”….

….like I need love, attention, distraction, soothing, clarity, peace.

I felt anxious.

I know when this happens, the thing to do is to quietly notice my own anxious thinking.

Instead of only being aware of the voice that says I need something and to quick go get something that would help alter my mood….

….I can ask with a listening and open ear to myself and my heart: what’s bothering you sweetheart?

It’s so much more loving AND exciting and interesting.

I suddenly realized a bunch of things that had crossed my world in a short period of time that all added up quickly to the belief and the proof that “they abandoned me!”

They left, they broke up, they dismissed me, they didn’t listen, they died.

Here’s how I handled the moment of troubled feelings within:

I might take credit for having the idea of doing it this other different and more effective way (vs eating, drinking, smoking, escaping) except that I think this reaction came from practicing The Work.

It’s just simply a by-product of wanting to become my own best friend and wanting to understand my own feelings and wanting, most of all, to question my thoughts.

Much love,
Grace

Life can be hard. Tough things happen, to all of us.

Surprises, confusion, shock, upset, pain, loss. Sometimes we can see how the difficulties we’ve gone through have created greater strength and awareness and lots of learning….and sometimes….

….not so much.

Yikes!

When we feel confused or troubled about how things are, we often wind up suffering after something’s happened, maybe for years, every time we recall it. We don’t know how to deal with our thoughts and feelings about it, or find resolve.

Maybe we get a defensive posture towards life, or certain people, or we feel nervous or anxious about the future. Maybe we’re dreadfully unhappy about some relationships, and carry an inner sense of resentment or loneliness. Maybe we feel deep disappointment about the way things have gone so we lose our enthusiasm for trying something different, or making a change.

When I felt upset about various experiences or relationships in my life, I often found others would try to pick me up and suggest I have a more positive attitude. Or be encouraging, or be good cheerleaders for me.

Positive thinking! Change your mindset! Focus on happiness!

It didn’t really work, despite good intentions.

Then, after many years of doing various therapies, self-help, trainings, retreats (all useful) I learned The Work of Byron Katie or Inquiry Based Stress Reduction (IBSR).

If you’ve tried The Work you probably already know it’s a powerful way to address a troubling mindset, and find clarity about anything that’s ever happened that hurt or disturbed you.

We all know what it’s like to have an Ah-Ha moment where a lightbulb goes on, and you see something new about a stressful experience or perspective you thought you’d ALWAYS find troubling.

Wow! I didn’t see that before! Holy Smokes!

The Work, which is four questions and finding turnarounds, is one of the greatest ways to achieve this kind of insight…and the fastest.

But you do have to DO it (LOL) and practice it regularly, like meditation.

Which is where Year of Inquiry comes in: it was first and foremost invented for people like me. People who knew it was good, like vitamins, but forgot to take them.

I found insights every time I sat down and actually completed the process from start to finish. But I got busy, put the Work second to chores and tasks, and let things build up without turning to my inner life to give it peaceful attention.

Year of Inquiry was created to have a regular group who would journey together for an entire year, looking at new shared topics every single month (including: money, relationships, family, body, turnarounds, shame, hurt, anger, career).

We laugh, we cry, we answer the questions, we watch our worlds begin to shift and change because we’re responding differently, making small changes without even planning them. We feel happier. We feel lighter.

Things that used to bother us, no longer do.

We begin to catch ourselves and watch our minds as it shouts “Something’s going wrong!” or “I shouldn’t have to experience this!” or “I’m not good enough!”

Practicing The Work unravels stressful thinking. It unravels suffering. It ends addiction, neediness, scarcity, resentment.

Who would we be without our stories? About others, and most importantly about ourselves?

What I have found, is we would be loving, peaceful, and free. We’d be the best version of ourselves possible (and that’s always true, and we’d know it).

If you want to do The Work in a dedicated, committed group of inquirers for an entire year, then join me in this gift of inquiry.

This week there are 3 information sessions (they’ll be recorded) to answer your questions about the format, expectations, curriculum and fees. Please see the facebook events on this page to connect to the correct webinar here.

All About Year of Inquiry:
*Tuesday, Aug 28 8:00 am PT
*Weds, Aug 29 Noon PT
*Thurs, Aug 30 4:00 pm PT

The first week of September is Orientation Week where you’ll watch training presentations to get on board our private secret forum in slack, and get set up for a successful year.

There are two full months to decide if Year Of Inquiry is right for you–no questions asked.

What I know is, YOI is a very inexpensive way to get and stay connected to dedicated time for self-inquiry through every season of an entire year.

Everyone in Year of Inquiry has sixty days to fully participate in the experience before making a final decision. You’ll pay in full, or choose the 12 month payment plan—but if you withdraw there’s only a fee of $100 for the first month, or another $100 for the second month of the program (everything else will be refunded) if you choose to withdraw….even if you didn’t decide to withdraw until Halloween you’d only pay $200. The first two months will also be included a solo session with Grace so we get to know each other right from the start (normal fee $125).

I have this refund policy on purpose because I want only people to continue through the year who deeply know they like the process of inquiry, not just the idea of inquiry.
After two months of seeing what it’s like, most people get the sense of what doing The Work regularly, every week, may do for their inner world and their lives. If it’s not for you now, it’s OK.

What I know is….when I came into The Work all I wanted to do was question thoughts about myself and what I had done wrong (not what I had encountered in life that bothered me).

Then I followed the simple invitation from Byron Katie and the steps of The Work to identify judgments I had about other people, the world, money, bodies, being alive, love, and what I thought of as reality.

Looking at all of these, I myself began to change. And amazingly, so did everything else in my life. Circumstances became more peaceful, less dramatic, less intense, and more vibrant and exciting.

Freedom didn’t happen in an instant. It unfolds daily, with every time I ask “is it true?”

This Work gives the mind something it loves to do: rest.

To not rely so heavily on “figuring” everything out. But instead, to wonder what it’s like without thinking.

How fun is that?

“To have a way to see beyond illusion is the greatest gift.” ~ Byron Katie

To read about Year of Inquiry, which begins in September, head over to here: https://workwithgrace.com/year-of-inquiry/

So, it happened again.

OK, not the worst thing. Fine. Little exaggeration on the disappointment.

But not fun, not favorable, not what was initially wanted (if it went perfectly).

At least, that’s the way the mind’s commentary went.

It may be kind of dumb, when you hear it. It’s so small, in a way.

When I was first doing my webinar online retreat last Tuesday, the whole beginning 3 minutes was bizarre sound, tech failure, robot voice, nothing I was communicating was heard.

People were writing saying “I can’t hear anything” and “you sound like you’re from outer-space” and “I don’t understand anything”.

I’m sure some people turned off their computers immediately.

Funny, but on the internal level of feeling, I was honestly barely bothered. It was like “oh”. I stopped the recording, refreshed my internet connection, and voila, all was “normal”. I’m not even sure what went “wrong”.

And it so happened I remembered to start the recording again, even though we were about five slides into the beginning, so as a complete course recording there’s no intro or welcome.

The most important thing about this story, is simply that it’s a moment of stress. The mind says “this sucks”. (And it also says “again” like this same thing has happened a zillion times, even though that’s not true).

Things like this happen every day.

I want it to go like x, but it goes like y.

The volume on the stress gets turned up, the more and more you believe what you’re thinking is true, and it goes from technology whackiness, to something a little more threatening.

Like perhaps the way my mind might have gone (which it’s done before)….turning it into “I can’t do tech. This never works out. I shouldn’t even try. Who am I to think I can run a business?”

A little seed grows into a gigantic mushroom in 5 seconds, internally. We see images of it getting worse.

Examples:

We think someone said something really bitter or mean or critical to us. We feel cut off, or separated. Life is hard.

We fall down the stairs. Or someone we love does. The world is a dangerous place.

The air and sky is filled with forest fire smoke, and we start thinking about global warming and the end of the world. We are doomed.

The line is too long, the lobby is crowded, the freeway is filled with traffic, the clerk didn’t give us the correct change, we left our bag at school, our water bottle seems to have disappeared, we bang into the edge of the table, the keys are not where they should be.

Huff. Sad. Deflate. Rage.

It’s like there’s a small collapse on the inside (or a big one).

Something that says “NOOOOOOO!”

“This shouldn’t be happening”.

Is it true?

Yes, you can do this work with anything.

You really can ask if it’s absolutely true that what is happening, shouldn’t be. Are you sure?

One of the barriers to self-inquiry I talk about in the online retreat that apparently did mostly happen on Tuesday (and will happen for the final time today at 4 pm PT) is believing about a situation of concern: THIS IS REAL.

In other words, no inquiry or wondering or open-mindedness can occur in THIS situation. It’s REAL. It’s a THREAT. It’s BAD NEWS. It’s SERIOUS.

We’ll think if we even question this thought, then we’ll be passive and fake-ish and pollyanna. How could you not think that having a tech failure where no one can even hear you during an online course is NOT a bad thing?

How can you think getting sick is NOT a bad thing? How can you think forest fires are NOT a bad thing?

Of course they are! Jeez!

With these extremely serious experiences we humans have…how could we not be upset?

For me, inquiry is not about suppressing being upset, or being fake. It is never about flipping into some kind of weird positive or false thinking about things not being bad that really do seem bad.

Self-inquiry is actually the complete opposite.

It’s turning and facing reality as it is with a head-on look. It’s responding, responsive, responsible. I am able to respond, without freaking out and making it bigger than it is. I am able to work with reality as an equal and not thinking it shouldn’t exist the way it’s existing.

I might decide to do something pretty big, pretty bold, pretty loving because I’ve questioned “this shouldn’t be happening”.

Maybe the thing should be happening because I’m being called to wake up, pay attention, take action in a new and different way. Or let go, stop paying so much attention, and stop taking action.

I’ll know where the movement goes, with loving kindness, as I question my thinking.

But I have to actually follow the simple directions, and answer the four questions, and wonder about my answers.

Who would I be without my story that x shouldn’t be happening, whether a weird tech glitch in my online webinar retreat, or the death of someone really close (which I’ve experienced twice this year)?

Turning the thought around: it should be happening.

Could this be just as true? Are there any reasons it should happen that actually work for me? Even if they are tiny?

*I saw how many people so kindly shared with me they couldn’t hear–they truly cared

*I got to remember how I used to freak out on the inside, and noticed how something was completely untriggered, in a good way–progress in reaction

*I didn’t feel bad after the whole thing was over, I felt happy about all the volume of information gathered for the program

*A bunch of people have still signed up for Year of Inquiry anyway, where we continue the adventure pretty soon starting in September

And I can continue the list for other things that have happened, that I initially thought shouldn’t have happened.

Even aging, sickness, separation and death–the big ones.

Turning it around again: my thinking shouldn’t have happened in that situation. It got a riled up, over something unimportant, or something I have zero control over. Life went on.

My thinking about the horrors is what shouldn’t have happened. Even the death of people I love and adore, and miss today, brought many other humans together and made my heart fill with connection and breaking with the love and learning involved.

Who would we be without the belief it shouldn’t have happened?

Alive, connected, sharing, carrying on, rising up, grateful, heart-broken, OK, peaceful.

“The end of war with the mind, is the end of war.”

“Everything that you saw as a handicap, turns out to be the extreme opposite.”

~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

Register for Ten Barriers Retreat today right here.

Today I want to talk about one of the barriers.

Barrier Seven, to be specific.

I call it “GIVING IN, GIVING UP”.

Failure.

Yikes. It’s unfortunately one of my mind’s favorite Go-To barriers to inquiry. I actually got a whiff of it this past weekend.

But first, what does this even really mean….”barrier” to inquiry?

For me, it means all the ways the genius brilliant mind can get tricky, get side-tracked, get serious, get certain that the way it is seeing and perceiving reality….is true.

There is no inquiry present. There is no beginner’s mind when a barrier is alive and running. There is no wonder.

Inquiry, for me, means having an open, flexible mind.

There’s a part of us that wonders, or is curious, or interested in contemplating, debating, looking, examining, investigating, feeling or sensing something new, something added, something different around What Is or anything we perceive.

We all recognize that we don’t know everything. We all basically know we have a limited perspective, and a unique one that comes only from what we’ve individually experienced during our lives.

Which leaves us also knowing we’ve got more to learn, and our minds are ready to take it all in like a sponge.

So in a barrier to inquiry, we feel like the innocence of wonderment and curiosity and humor have vanished into the background….almost as if this way of opening to the world in some stressful moment is not possible.

We’re closed, worried, angry, terrified, or suppressed.

If you’re like me, when inquiry fades into the distance, I’m either hyper-analytic and everything in the mind gets blown out of proportion into the Most Important Thing (Thinking) OR everything in mind gets whacked aside and there’s NO thinking and I’m All Feelings.

Which is where Barrier Seven comes in.

Barrier Seven: Giving Up, Giving In.

In short….Quitting. (Or, threatening to quit, because I notice, I can’t actually completely QUIT–more on that in a minute).

So this past weekend, I had this rebellious, pissy feeling after 3 days of errands, surprise schedule changes, medical concerns of family members, and a growing list of to-do tasks that weren’t getting done.

I felt like Doing Nothing.

In what felt like a “bad” way, not a fun, open-minded light way.

What does the voice within say when I begin to feel this stubborn sense of doing NADA, zilch, nothing?

Let’s quit.

Let’s give up. You win (whomever “you” is–the greater reality, life, the moment). I lost. I give in. Fine.

But it’s not that surrendered, on-my-knees sense of heart-breaking openness that comes from truly and completely being knocked down into a different reality….

….it’s more like a waiting in-between zone. Digging my heals in, like the donkey refusing to get up and walk.

So I knew I was in this barrier when my mind actually said “I’m not doing Year of Inquiry after all” and “this is my last year” and “I’m too old for this” and “I can’t even keep my own calendar straight”.

Yep.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the bathroom that added to my proof that this thing is going down. The hair is rapidly turning grey with all hair coloring having been ditched 3 months ago.

Like a balloon being deflated.

It’s funny that this belief “GIVING UP, GIVING IN” is sad, discouraging, even depressing. But at least you don’t have to work anymore, or “try”.

This is when people with compulsion issues might pause awhile, then say “let’s eat!” or “let’s drink!” or “let’s smoke!” or “let’s buy something!” (As you probably know, my favorite was always eating).

Instead, I lay silently flat on my bed in my quiet, empty house (all activity and people and family miraculously gone).

After awhile I felt the joy of silence.

And deep self-compassion.

Who would you be if you honored the Giving Up Giving In feeling, but didn’t believe it was entirely True?

A very dear friend texted me “it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, check in with how you feel.”

LOL.

Who would you be without the GIVE UP GIVE IN strategy for managing life, in whatever situation you notice you enlist this barrier?

Who would you be without that story?

I’d rest, and wait. I’d remember I feel tired and discouraged only for now, and only because I’m thinking it’s unbearable or impossible or too hard, at the moment.

I’d notice all is well.

Turning the thought around: There is no Giving Up, Giving In. “I” does not quit. I quit my thinking. My thinking quits.

Heart beating, lungs breathing, bed holding me, mind running, earth spinning, deep inhale, quietly nothing required. Life going on. Something continuing, persisting. Nothing required.

“Own all the beautiful parts of you. So many of us we just deny it. Reality is; ‘you’re good, and there’s nothing you can do about it’. And every thought opposing that feels like stress….Those of you who like to get high? Try this.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

Yesterday, as I have many times before in my life, I had a moment of Whelm.

The word whelm comes from middle English and means to submerge completely.

It’s a wonderfully watery oceanic word, certainly from people who lived on and near the sea.

I was washed with a wave of overwhelm for a moment, when someone who is already registered wrote to ask about lodging for the fall retreat. I suddenly realized it’s only two months away. October 17-21.

Gulp.

I should stop doing what I’m doing today, and focus on details for the retreat. Right?

I’ve shared often on having many things to do. Getting things done. Happiness being sure to happen when x happens or y is complete.

I really should cancel everything I’ve got going today and focus on a, b, c. No vacations. No rest. No free-time.

Stay on track. 

And by the way….no time for The Work itself.

I had two hours scheduled with a good friend who’s a facilitator. There’s no time for The Work, just sitting and mulling over thoughts and seeing if they’re true or not!?!

Who has the time?

What was I thinking??!

Not only is there fall retreat, but there’s Year of Inquiry which starts in (yikes) a month! Orientation Sessions are Sept 4 and Sept 6th.

I really, really, really can’t do The Work right now!

“BOIINNNGGGG!”

(Did you hear the coiled boing spring noise go off? Kinda like Homer Simpson’s “DOH!” or The Gong Show “GONNNNGGG!”)

Because. Is it true The Work is a luxurious exercise? Is it really more important to “work” on my business or putting together schedules and announcements and web page updates?

Am I sure I don’t have the time to pause today, now, and question my thinking about what’s required for a happy day?

Like sleep, I have found quiet contemplation to be necessary for inner peace.

Isn’t this exactly why I created Year of Inquiry in the first place—for people gather together to question their thinking and reflect upon life and inquiry, including me? For doing The Work, and being with others telling the truth, no matter what my objections?

Isn’t the resistance, the thought that there isn’t enough time, one of the concepts I talk about in the Ten Barriers To Deepening The Work webinar (which is next week)?

So yesterday, in the middle of what I could call a huge list of Things To Do….I stopped for two hours and did The Work with another human being. I meditated. 

As I was in that inquiry session, I suddenly remembered a wonderful old priest at the church I grew up in, when I met with him one-to-one as a very young adult filled with questions and some agony about God, religion, spirituality, love, life.

He said he himself always remembered something a kind priest had told him: When you have very little time, pray longer.

In other words, if you pray or meditate five or thirty minutes every morning, and it’s extra special busy this day and you feel stressed….double it. Meditate for an ten minutes, or an hour, instead.

Right in the middle of having a bazillion things to do, I went to my garage and sat quietly, talking to a companion in The Work, questioning just one thought each and sharing in the journey.

Now, I’m so much less concerned after questioning my beliefs about time, accomplishment, quitting, finishing everything, doing “stuff”.

I’m above water.

I’m still noticing the list, and yet trust that what gets finished will, and what doesn’t won’t.

What I see is when I’m believing thoughts about what needs to be accomplished, finished, or ready….when it is not “ready” yet….then I suffer.

When I don’t believe these thoughts, it’s way more fun.

Who would you be without the belief that anything NEEDS to get done today? Who would you be without the belief you’ll be better off if it’s marked “done”? Who would you be without the thought that resting is not an option, or relaxing, in whatever you’re doing today?

Who would I be without the thought I need to offer, format, create, plan anything at all, if it’s not a joy?

Wow.

Turning the thought around: I DO have time for The Work. I have time for contemplation of my own life and my mind, and connecting with others. I have time for realization.

I don’t have time for my thinking a bazillion things “need” to get done. I don’t have time to argue with unfinished plans, or to argue with having a temporary or limited amount of time in a day, or a life.

As a way of considering our barriers to doing The Work, like “I don’t have enough time” and deepening our practice, which is really what Year of Inquiry is all about, I’m offering my online retreat for free: Ten Barriers to The Work and How To Dissolve Them. It’s two whole hours. At the end, I answer questions about Year of Inquiry. To save your seat, sign up HERE.

And as far as I’m concerned…no one needs to do anything. Not even one single one of these programs or offerings. It’s only if you’re drawn, and you love the idea of making and sharing time together to sit quietly and reflect on peace.

All I know is, if today was my last day on planet earth, I’d want most of to be peaceful within, not anxious and racing around worried about the things that aren’t done.

If I had a stressful thought, I’d want to pause and ask “is it really true?”

Much love,

Grace

P.S. All About Year of Inquiry, a short info webinar, will be offered three times. Save this email and click on the date to be taken directly to the session at the time it begins. I’ll give a quick overview of YOI for those interested in signing up, and anyone can ask anything!

• Tuesday, August 28 8:00 am PT
• Weds, August 29 Noon PT
• Thursday, August 30 4:00 pm PT 

Oh my.

How many times did I start thinking; I know. I’ll move. If I just changed up my environment, I’d calm down, feel safe, be OK, have more fun, be successful, be entertained. 

In the Twelve Step programs they sometimes refer to the concept “Geographical Cure”.

I moved something like 28 times before I was 30, and then even after I purchased a home (so privileged to be able to) with my first husband, I couldn’t stop imagining Other Places to move to.

Which we did. After 8 years, we moved. Then after 5, we moved. Then 3, we moved.

Now, I’ve lived in one cute little cottage for 12 years. This is a world record in my life.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with moving, striving to find “home”, trying on different places, hunting, looking, searching and re-searching.

I still sometimes imagine creating an adventure, taking trips, getting into motion, ‘going on an explore’ as Winnie The Pooh says.

But. The low-level sense of being restlessly on the move and hunting for home (not here), however, seems to have fallen away. What a relief.

It’s because of questioning my thinking. Seriously.

So let’s do The Work. Because the other day, I had the thought “this place is too small and crowded”. Followed by laughter, then me filling two bags with clothing and other stuff and taking it all to Goodwill donation center.

Someplace else is home. This isn’t “it”.

Is that true?

Yes. Will you look at this place? When anyone comes over, we’re squeezed. It’s not right because of (fill in the blanks, you can make your list).

Can you absolutely know it’s true that where you are is not home? That it’s not possible to settle in, and rest in this moment?

No.

How do you react when you believe “this isn’t it”?

OMG.

I am engrossed in gathering information about Other Places like a crazy person. If only I had x passport, if only my husband had different work, if only I had x money, if only I was younger/older, if only my kids were x, if only the neighbors were y, if only my roommates were z, if only I could go live in the monastery….

In the past, I’d set to work on Project Go.

So who would you be without the thought “this isn’t it?”

“Enjoy the changing scenery around you. Reality improves when you’re rooted in the timeless within. It improves because you no longer place demands on it that it cannot meet, the demand being ‘you should satisfy me. Things should be the way I want them to be.’ When you don’t place demands anymore on what a place or person or circumstance should give you, you can enjoy them much more. The little birds chirping outside don’t have a problem.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Without the thought “this isn’t it” I pause, I wait. I wonder. I move more slowly. I don’t have the feeling “RUNNNNNN!!!!” (LOL).

I don’t feel compulsively like an addict imagining the future constantly, with pictures of how it will be. Later.

I look around more closely, with curiosity, at what’s presenting itself in this environment I seem to be surrounded by. These people. These circumstances. This place.

Turning the thought around: This IS it. 

How could that be just as true, or truer?

Look around. Can you find what you appreciate about your situation–whether it’s the environment, the people, the place?

Being here in this moment now, I always notice is rather exciting. There’s no future. There’s no past. Or if there is, they are both flashes of memory or images in the mind, and here is vibrant and alive.

It’s safer, kinder, more colorful than I expected.

I notice what I thought was crowded and small (and loud) is now entirely silent except for the tap tap of my fingers on a keyboard. No one is here, but me. There’s all kinds of space in this living room. All the stuff that was piled here before is gone.

It’s just so fun to notice what’s actually true. And that at one moment, my judgment of a situation passing through changes completely.

How is this situation wonderful for you? How are you supported? What’s working for you, in this situation you thought wasn’t “it”?

Turning it around again: My thinking isn’t it. 

Haha. Enough said.

“The Work wakes us up to reality. When we take it on as a practice, it leaves us as flawless, innocent, a figment of pure imagination. Practicing inquiry takes a Buddha-mind, where everything, without exception, is realized as good. It leads to total freedom.” ~ Byron Katie in A Mind At Home With Itself

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you’d like regular practice with like-minded friends all interested in questioning our thinking as a way of life, you might love enrolling in Year of Inquiry. Join one of the upcoming webinars (see above) or visit the page here to learn more. People have already started signing up. I can already tell, it will be a very good year.

In these summer months of heat in the hemisphere where I live, I’ve heard from many about their urge to cover their bodies, never go to the beach, and hide themselves from the world and all those critical eyes.

The other day, I received a note from an Eating Peacer that she closed her blinds and stayed inside all day because the only cool place outside was the lake, and she was never, ever, ever going to be “caught alive” (she said) wearing a bathing suit in public.

I remembered this kind of shame about the body, and how it actually escalated my eating behaviors and turned them into crazed eating instead of normal teen eating.

My thoughts were constantly filled with stress, as I tried to get a more perfect body. I starved myself, then binge-ate, then starved again, then worked out for hours, then ran five miles, then ate, then vomited….

….and repeated the swinging flip-flop back and forth with enormous pain.

I believed something was desperately wrong with me.

I always aimed to try harder, use more willpower, get it right.

Which, actually, I finally sort of did. Although, I’m not sure “I” did it (I’m pretty sure nothing actually happened because of my plans, honestly). But my failures did lead to giving up, in a good way, and stopping the pursuit of a perfect body.

I just wanted peace.

If you’ve felt the pull to peace, and it’s become the most important jewel in your relationship with food….then peace tends to rise above all plans, controls, or management of eating and your body and dieting.

The upcoming Eating Peace 101 telecourse is a good place to focus more openly and deeply on peace when it comes to eating, to food, to our bodies (no matter what weight) and to our feelings and thoughts.

We’ll be looking at our belief system, our ideas, our screaming internal thoughts and voices, and investigating our moments of following a craving, or overeating food, or pursuing at all costs the perfect body.

Who or what would we be like without our stories?

In today’s Eating Peace video, I talk about one key important belief everyone can question who’s ever had trouble with compulsive or dependent behavior of any kind, not just with food: there’s something wrong with me.

Why do The Work?

Because when we do, we unlearn all the decades, centuries of beliefs about thin, fat, full, hungry, good, bad, need, emptiness, control, power, eating, food, attraction, should, shouldn’t.

You are not your mind. You are not your weight or your appearance. You are not your personality. You are not the food you just ate, or the way you ate it. You are much, much vaster than that. (Thank you, Adyashanti).