Category: Eating Peace Videos

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The Hunger-Fullness Scale: A Guide to Get You Back to Your Natural Way of Eating

So what is the hunger-fullness scale and why should we use it as a guide or a stepping stone to eating freedom?

Well for one thing, my favorite thing of all about this scale is that it’s really a felt sense within. Not another thing you have to read about and follow by studying a book.

This scale is something that’s felt in the body, with no absolute definition. It’s subjective.

It means you are the one in the driver’s seat…or really, your body is. Your mind and your “plans” are not in charge.

Your physical feeling sense of empty and full is the one in charge. Not your EMOTIONAL FEELINGS, either.

This contact with physical sensation has to include the part of you willing to slow down, check in with your inner sense of satiation, and honor it deeply.

In today’s video I answer a few questions I get about the Hunger-Fullness scale and talk about it a little more.

The Hunger-Fullness Scale can hold all diet plans, ways of eating (vegetarian, vegan, meat-eater, and any kind of format for eating, weight watchers or a diet if that’s where you are right now).

It can accompany any way of eating that eliminates some foods and adds in others. Always, the body and the sense of honoring it’s guidance leads the way.

You don’t have to be there instantly.

Just know about this scale of awareness, and practice.

You may have had your head, or counting, measuring, weighing and other methods of portioning food or following rules lead the way and be in charge for a very long time.

This is about seeing the freedom built into you as a human. This freedom and feeling gives you exactly what you need when it comes to boundaries and guidance with eating, if you’re willing to feel it.

And if you are not willing….you might ask yourself why not? What would override your hunger-fullness boundaries?

Whatever would override this scale is deeply worthy of exploring. It’s difficult to do at first, but oh so possible.

It’s so powerful, that turning towards it to look and understand whatever would override NOT EATING when you aren’t hungry and EATING when you are, can result in immense insight and awareness.

If you follow this hunger-fullness scale, you automatically return to the simplicity of eating when hungry, and stopping when full. No diet or control of any kind is necessary.

And as for inquiry…..this is very, very important. You have to know how to identify what takes you away from the natural process of the hunger-fullness scale within, and then question it.

If you’d like with guidance through the tool called The Work of Byron Katie for this process of inquiry, you might love the Seven Day Course for Dingalings. It’s helping people go through this profound practice one bite-sized amount at a time, for a week. Sign up for it here.

Much love,

Grace

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Gratitude Eating (and not because you should be)

I’ve created a course just for brand new beginners to The Work called The Work for Dingalings (LOL).

It’s a Complete Idiots or The Work for Dummies Course where you’ll receive an email per day for a week. You’ll need 20-30 minutes per day to complete your homework.

To enroll (it’s entirely free) sign up here.

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We’ve heard about the power of gratitude.

But sometimes, it’s very difficult to find gratitude when it comes to our relationship with eating, food and our bodies.

These have caused so much strife, hell, stress, desperation, self-criticism.

How can we find gratitude for the weird diet foods we’ve eaten, or the ugly foods we’ve placed before us, or the sick feelings we’ve had when it comes to eating, or the disappointment about our weight, or worst of all, the compulsion to eat when not hungry?

This is NOT a “should”.

But it’s worth trying anyway. The power of appreciation is immense–and maybe more magnificent than you ever imagined.

Take a moment today, and think about the service this relating to food, eating food has been for you.

When I think about my truly whacky disordered eating, it almost seems nutty to consider that experience in my life with gratitude.

But I can find examples of feeling appreciation for the wayI I’ve eaten:

  • It led me to explore psychology, peace, relating to other people, learning about all relationships, and improving my communication
  • it gave me a way to be different from my family, to rebel dramatically, to find freedom from rigid rules about life
  • it gave me a big Left Turn in my own life–I dropped out, I worked on a ship, I went to therapy
  • it brought me to my knees and put me on a spiritual path of acceptance, including myself and my emotions
  • I love the very taste, texture, joy of emptying and filling up every single day–I love eating
  • it’s helped me learn how to support other people also suffering from the same craziness with food

Today, you can try to simply find a sense of gratitude, of appreciation, for something about food, eating, and your body.

Feel it.

Especially before eating. Practice “thank you” and see what happens.

EVEN if you think you’re overeating, binge-eating, doing it wrong.

Without our stories, we are not only able to eat and act clearly and fearlessly, we are also a friend and listener to ourselves, our own bodies, our fullness and our hunger. We are people living happy lives when it comes to eating. We are appreciation and gratitude that have become as natural as breath, and eating, itself.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Eating Peace 101 is coming: a six session class on Thursday mornings 8:00-9:30 am PT starting July 26th and will meet every two weeks (every other week) until October 4th. $295. Everything will be recorded. To learn more, visit HERE.
P.P.S. Eating Peace Process, the immersion, will begin again in November 2018 and meet through April 2019. This is an in-depth program for those who are serious about transforming their relationship with food from the inside out. Stay tuned or learn more (not taking registrations yet) by visiting HERE.
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Do you wish you did MORE? Do you think you HAVE TO?

Room in the half-day retreat Seattle Sunday 6/10 2-6 pm (that’s today). Last half-day in The Work before summer break. Join us here. Or write grace@workwithgrace.com for directions.

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If you want to be a part of a private, secret, free facebook group of people from all over the world who are interested in healing eating battles applying self-inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie (plus body-feeling awareness)….send me an individual email grace@workwithgrace.com or a facebook friend request, and I’ll add you.

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Have you ever run around cleaning everything in your house because someone texted they’ll be knocking on your door in five minutes (someone like your mother, perhaps)?

You have to make it perfect. You have to make it look right. They have to see you as organized, clean, tidy, a good hostess. You have to work. You have to do laundry. You have to clean the bathroom. You have to mow the lawn. You have to weed the garden.

You have to.

If you don’t finish it…if you don’t at least put in a very good effort and get MOST of the job done (see list in head) then you’re a failure.

Is that true?

“Have to” is a push, a demand, a command, an order. And what do we do with someone who is extremely controlling and bossy?

We rebel, or ditch them.

And if WE are the dictator….then you may very well EAT.

Who wouldn’t want to escape from that voice?

Who would you be without that thought you HAVE TO?

Perhaps a normal, mediocre, addiction-free, relaxed person enjoying this moment in life…not trying to get to the moment when everything’s done and clean and the list is checked off.

Instead, just here now. Unfinished. But absolutely fine, just as we are. Ahhh……

Much love,

Grace

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Where did some key eating woes begin? Do this exercise and see.

We all know the way we think is influenced by the reality we noticed happening around us, often from an early age.

Even if it’s in the long-ago past, we remember. Sometimes it’s in the file cabinet in our mind without even being super conscious of it, and locked away with a key.

What does this have to do with eating?

Well just like any behavior, many ways we’re influenced appear to start really early in our lives, as we experience the world.

We absorb what’s appearing around us, often without question.

It just becomes “this is the way it is.”

I certainly had this when it came to food and eating, and body image. Thoughts and beliefs appeared in my consciousness that I heard, observed, picked up from those around me: mom, dad, grandparents, peers.

So what did your mother, your father, or other important adults believed about food, body image or eating when you were a kid?

What was your dinner time like? What was happening at the dinner eating event? Who was talking, who was eating, who was cooking? What were people feeling?

Remember well, and notice the beliefs, the ideas, the concepts present around food and the emotional life of your experience in that moment.

Sometimes the awareness of what happened around eating in your earliest memories brings unexpected clarity.

 

Why do this exercise?

Because when we identify the thinking, the mindset, the characters, the feelings that were pouring out around that typical eating event….we can then inquire more deeply into what’s really true for us now.

We can actually change the foundation we’ve built some of our behaviors on, by turning the way we’re seeing around.

It’s such a huge relief.

And it’s important work. You have to know what you think in order to dissolve it, right?

Try this exercise this week. Take a look at what you came to know, or be aware of in your early life with eating.

The most important place to begin?

Mother.

You were nurtured by your mother’s body from the very start, in the simple process of becoming human.

When we identify our thoughts about beliefs about mothering, our unique experiences of mother, we can begin our self-inquiry.

Self-inquiry leads to freedom, in every way.

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.” ~ Byron Katie

I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I ate, I fretted, I over-exercised, I under and over-ate, I binged, I dieted, I hated my looks.

So let’s see what these suffering-inducing thoughts are.

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: Believe this Fairy Tale Horror Movie, and Battle Food

Many of us grow up with rules.

Sometimes, there’s great fear put forth about why the rules are in place: Don’t go there! Watch out! Be careful! Never, ever, ever go down that street! Worry about this! Be afraid, very afraid!

This is the attitude I heard, and began to adopt starting pretty young (childhood): Be afraid. Be very afraid of food. Certain types of food are bad and evil. Sugar, candy, bit-o-honey, bread, chicken skin.

People are easily susceptible to overeating, gaining weight, being fat, being ugly, being rejected, appearing as weak.

WATCH OUT.

You must be very, very, very careful NEVER to go down that road, and control yourself…..lest you fall into rejection and have a black mark on your soul.

Yikes.

But I’m not kidding.

In this mindset, we get fixated on needing to appear successful and show up beautiful and forever eat the “right” and “good” foods.

The comparison becomes intense. It’s vital I look a certain way, in order to be safe and connected and seen as a good citizen, good family member, good daughter.

The problem is, it’s a fairy tale, and no way to live when it comes to food and eating, if you want to enjoy yourself.

It’s so important to question this bitter and frightening story that food is a dangerous mine field, and put it to rest.

You can regain your sense of inner peace and personal authority.

Who would you be without the belief that some foods are against the law, you need willpower, you have to control what you eat, or there’s something horrifying about eating? What if there was no Law Book or Bible of Eating and dieting?

What I discovered, is as I remained calm and questioned what I most feared about eating, about food, and about life outside of food and eating….I found laughter, curiosity, peace, and power (in a good way).

Without our stories about food, eating, emotions and ourselves and our potential (to fail, especially) we find eating peace.

It’s here, now.

Much love,

Grace

 

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Fear. One of the most powerful parts of the equation that keeps eating from being peaceful.

Fear.

We all know what it is.

There’s very mild fear, exciting fear (amusement park fear) and there’s horrifying fear.

Some of us are fans of the first type of fear while others are not, but none of us really enjoy the second type of fear, when the volume is turned up to a ten on the emotional level.

I used to be so against fear, I’d do anything to set the world up so I wouldn’t feel it. Including not leave my house.

The problem is, something wise within knows you can’t ever be guaranteed to be “safe” if you define safety as not feeling strong emotions, not feeling threatened, and not every getting sick, hurt, or dying.

All those things will happen. They mostly already have.

And why is fear so very important to study when it comes to our strange or off-balance eating behavior?

Because it’s present more often than we realize when we eat in ways that don’t feel peaceful. Fear, in many forms. It could be anxiety, worry, upset, nerves, discomfort–large or small.

It arises out of our fearful thoughts about eating (and really about life).

Fear-inducing thoughts go like this:

  • I’ll never get to eat this again
  • I might be hungry later
  • I’ll miss out on something pleasurable
  • I’m too fat
  • Stopping is sad, disappointing
  • I don’t want to think about “x” and I will think about it if I stop eating
  • Thinness isn’t safe
  • The world is a dangerous place
  • people can hurt me
  • I need more sweetness in my life–this moment is sour
  • there’s no easy way to find rest
  • I hate that there’s no guaranteed safety
  • I have to store for a “rainy day” (bad things happening)
  • I am not safe
  • If I stop eating, I’ll have to do things I don’t want to do
  • I need to grab it while I can–pleasure is scarce

These are thoughts distilled down to basic commentary in the mind we have going about food, eating and our bodies.

And they don’t feel good.

But here’s the good news: they’re not even true.

That’s why they’re creating FEAR in the first place!

Step One: look and see the fear. Become aware of how your thinking is creating a sensation or experience, no matter how small and fleeting, of fear.

When we question our thinking, we can see other ways of thinking and being with food that aren’t threatening.

Ahhhhhhh.

Much love,

Grace

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What does an abiding, loving, no-brainer “promise” look like? Not one you could break in 15 mins.

We’ve all said to ourselves: I’m never going to do that again. We make resolutions. We vow. We promise.

I’m never going to smoke again. I’m never going to binge again. I’m never going to drink again. I’m never going to eat “x” again.

Then the following week (or okay, a few hours later) we’re doing it. Again.

Someone asked me recently how you could ever make a single promise and keep it?

While you can never know the future, it made me reflect on when I’ve known a promise was keep-able.

What an interesting question, because a positive, supportive and enduring “promise” is very different than a promise made out of fear, anxiety, desperation or rage.

It’s not a “diet” promise. It’s not a violent promise. It’s not a promise that feels forceful and like imprisonment.

It’s important to give foundation and support to a deep commitment and do it with a mind that’s clear, and a heart that’s understanding.

Much love,

Grace

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The day I lost control and felt suicidal because of eating

One of the most painful experiences I had in my early days of trying to find peace with eating (and with life) was my efforts to control the chaos.

I attempted to control my food, my exercise, my cravings, my thoughts, my emotions, and my experiences.

I had recognized the insanity of my thoughts and my eating, so one of my first solutions was to apply MORE force, control and rigidity to my behavior and plans with food. Food was frightening and should be kept at bay.

This is not uncommon. It’s the mindset where “dieting” comes from. Activate willpower, discipline and control, and you’ll find peace.

The problem was, I was so at war internally….I was full of anxiety, even when I no longer binge-ate for a couple of years.

One day, I cracked. I ate for hours, like a wild rebellion cut loose like a geyser. I felt so awful, I wanted to die.

This is when I decided there has to be another way besides dieting or controlling what I’m eating. Because even though I had been “abstinent” from binge-eating for a couple of years, I was miserable.

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained 
by letting things go their own way. 
It can’t be gained by interfering. 
~ Tao Te Ching #48

 

Much love,

Grace

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When you quit eating off-balance, you might feel worse.

The debate about following food and eating plans or not following a plan is strong.

Some say if you’ve been a compulsive overeater, you’ll always be one. You can’t take “one bite” kinda like an alcoholic can’t take one drink.

So you need to follow a plan that’s given to you by someone else. Because left to your own devices, you’re a mess and you’ll screw it up. You need boundaries given to you.

Others notice greater anxiety WITH a food plan. They feel boxed in, rebellious, or sad, and like they’re missing an important journey in restoring a sense of self-trust.

I think there are two key questions you might contemplate around your relationship with eating;

1) What’s your ultimate goal, feeling, purpose in balancing your relationship with eating? Is your goal to be thin or at a certain weight? Do you want to quit binge-eating, quit dieting, and stop any sort of eating that’s whacky or unnatural? Or do you want inner peace, beyond this predicament of eating or even thinking about food or your weight?

2) What is the most kind and gentle thing you can do for yourself right now in your relationship with food, eating or your body? This may seem like an obvious or trick question (doesn’t anyone want kindness?)…but it’s not.

In the past, I thought change occurred through control or discipline, not love. Without rules telling me what was “good” I felt really lost because my self-esteem was shot to hell. If this is the case for you, it’s OK to have an eating and food plan that you follow for awhile.

Very early on in my wonderings about eating, weight, and food….I knew I wanted to understand ultimately why I was doing what I did.

I wanted to address the compulsion at the root.

I knew I wasn’t born with something missing. I was born a full human being, capable of eating normally. I could feel this was true. I knew something was going on that led me to eat wildly, then starve myself, then stuff myself again, then look for diets endlessly.

It wasn’t really about food.

But since this is a healing process, that takes time, there may be some ways you can have your hand held before walking on alone.

Under compulsive eating or an urge to engage in any addictive process, if you want to call it that, is something that’s upset, troubled, unresolved, off-balance.

Feelings. Beliefs. Memories. Mind. Thinking.

To get to the bottom of it, you’ll have to deal with messy, chaotic things like emotions. You may have to refuse to keep eating when you aren’t hungry and wonder why it feels so hard.

You may have to see how you look at the world, and life, at a very deep core level….

….your attitude towards being here on planet earth….

….and question it.

Much love,

Grace

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Feeling powerless? You can access your power….like this.

Thank you all of you who answered the survey questions I sent last week. So, so much.

Now, we’re taking it a level deeper. Another 4 questions.

Even if you’ve never answered a survey, or filled out anything I’ve sent before, I’d love to read your answers to these four questions.

I find communicating and hearing and reading what you deeply have to say about your experience as an eater….can clarify for me and ultimately for all of us our needs, our emotions, our experiences we’re wondering about and wanting to understand when it comes to eating.

Answer the questions here (and yes, if you answered the first survey, this is a new one and I’d love your answers to these questions, too–thank you):

Share with me HERE.

Communicating has a strong energy in it. It’s wondering with words out loud, or in writing. Making contact. Being honest. Telling the truth.

Speaking and clarifying, and telling the truth about our experiences and our perspectives–even if they aren’t necessarily “True” for all time–is so powerful.

Accessing strength, clarity, or power in a really solid, energetic, sharp, beautiful way is sometimes what is called for as we seek peace with eating and compulsive behavior.

The feeling of powerlessness is so harsh and difficult. Sometimes when we feel like there’s no power anywhere in sight, we feel completely resigned and in prison with this eating thing. No way out.

But there is a way out.

We can say “No more!”

We can pause, and not hit the drive-through fast food places, or eat a whole bag of something. We can stop.

There is another way.

Today, I’m sharing a simple way to access power. You can find your own touchstone or inner picture or word or name that helps you notice power.

This is the good kind of power, where you stand up for what feels true for you. Where you can listen, be, and hold your love and integrity clearly.

Much love,

Grace