Grace, Author at Question with Grace

July 18, 2018

Gratitude Eating (and not because you should be)

I’ve created a course just for brand new beginners to The Work called The Work for Dingalings (LOL).

It’s a Complete Idiots or The Work for Dummies Course where you’ll receive an email per day for a week. You’ll need 20-30 minutes per day to complete your homework.

To enroll (it’s entirely free) sign up here.

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We’ve heard about the power of gratitude.

But sometimes, it’s very difficult to find gratitude when it comes to our relationship with eating, food and our bodies.

These have caused so much strife, hell, stress, desperation, self-criticism.

How can we find gratitude for the weird diet foods we’ve eaten, or the ugly foods we’ve placed before us, or the sick feelings we’ve had when it comes to eating, or the disappointment about our weight, or worst of all, the compulsion to eat when not hungry?

This is NOT a “should”.

But it’s worth trying anyway. The power of appreciation is immense–and maybe more magnificent than you ever imagined.

Take a moment today, and think about the service this relating to food, eating food has been for you.

When I think about my truly whacky disordered eating, it almost seems nutty to consider that experience in my life with gratitude.

But I can find examples of feeling appreciation for the wayI I’ve eaten:

It led me to explore psychology, peace, relating to other people, learning about all relationships, and improving my communication
it gave me a way to be different from my family, to rebel dramatically, to find freedom from rigid rules about life
it gave me a big Left Turn in my own life–I dropped out, I worked on a ship, I went to therapy
it brought me to my knees and put me on a spiritual path of acceptance, including myself and my emotions
I love the very taste, texture, joy of emptying and filling up every single day–I love eating
it’s helped me learn how to support other people also suffering from the same craziness with food

Today, you can try to simply find a sense of gratitude, of appreciation, for something about food, eating, and your body.

Feel it.

Especially before eating. Practice “thank you” and see what happens.

EVEN if you think you’re overeating, binge-eating, doing it wrong.

Without our stories, we are not only able to eat and act clearly and fearlessly, we are also a friend and listener to ourselves, our own bodies, our fullness and our hunger. We are people living happy lives when it comes to eating. We are appreciation and gratitude that have become as natural as breath, and eating, itself.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace 101 is coming: a six session class on Thursday mornings 8:00-9:30 am PT starting July 26th and will meet every two weeks (every other week) until October 4th. $295. Everything will be recorded. To learn more, visit HERE.

P.P.S. Eating Peace Process, the immersion, will begin again in November 2018 and meet through April 2019. This is an in-depth program for those who are serious about transforming their relationship with food from the inside out. Stay tuned or learn more (not taking registrations yet) by visiting HERE.

July 10, 2018

Violent Thinking Leads to Violent Eating

Long ago, I heard Byron Katie say something that caused my ears to perk up: “Victims are vicious”.

Yikes!

I didn’t want to be a “victim”. They don’t have a good reputation.

And yet, what I had to admit was….I was very vicious. Mostly, to myself in my own thinking.

When I ate a lot, or binge-ate, or grazed from one end of town to the other, or looked in the mirror, or thought about what I should or shouldn’t be eating, I had a running voice that also said “you are lower than dirt.”

It was harsh, bitter, hopeless, and very mean.

So one of the very first things any of us must do, who experience an addictive behavioral process of any kind, is to relax and recognize the presence of something that is a lie.

Harshness doesn’t solve the problem. You can kill the thing you think you “hate” but it doesn’t end the war. It will rear its ugly head again if all you do is repress or condemn something or destroy it.

Kindness is what changes things at a permanent level. Love is what alters the experience of compulsion to one of understanding and awareness.

Let’s be kind to ourselves.

If you hear the voice that shouts and condemns you in your head, question it.

Remember to ask….is it true?

Do you really need to build this angry energy and use it to FIGHT food, cravings, people, relationships, reality? Are you sure you’re all alone, by yourself, against The World?

Let’s do The Work on this concept.

Is it true that you need to improve, change, or fix yourself….and that the way you are is wrong?

Yes. I’m too critical. My mind is full of harshness. I want to escape. I want to feel better, to get out of here. It’s me against the world (especially in this particular area).

Can you absolutely know that this is true that you need to change, snap out of it, get over it, stop being who you are?

Hmmm. Strange. But I can’t know it’s true.

How do you react when you believe you’ve got to change, especially when it comes to eating?

Ugh. I try everything and anything that addresses diet change. I feel very alone and discouraged. I hate my eating, my body, my attitude, my life.

Who would you be without this belief that you must change ASAP, especially with eating?

WHAT???!!!

But.

I’ve been trying to fix, adjust, improve or change myself when it comes to eating for “x” years (long time)! How could I NOT be wanting change?

Try it on for a moment here now. Just right now. Relax without having a single drop of a future, or need to change. Rest a moment. Notice how connected you are to everything in your environment, sharing the air, the furniture, the space, the people (if there are any). Sharing your environment with this thing called “food”.

What would it really be like if you did not ever go to war with yourself to improve?

Wow.

It can be exciting. Peacefully thrilling. Restful. Simple. Open. Mysterious.

Turning this belief around: I do not have to change. My thinking has to change. Change has to come to “me”.

Could any of these turnarounds be just as true, or truer?

Yes. I can find how I am still alive, studying life and the world and myself in it and I’m not “done” even though some part of me believes I haven’t changed, or that I need to. I can notice life has it’s own timing. That even though I’ve eaten in crazy ways, I’ve also experienced joy, gratitude, peace and happiness here on earth.

Yes. I’m busy questioning my thinking. I’m learning by turning things around. I’m learning that what I’ve assumed to be true….often isn’t.

Yes. I can hold still and be open to transformation meeting me, not think of myself as needing to chase after it. I can make friends with life, my environment, my mind, my body.

Love is here in the present. Here I am with all my imperfection, a human being.

Who would you be without your story of yourself, especially when it comes to eating, food, your feelings, your body?

Can you feel it just for this moment, now?

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Experience Introduction is coming: a six week class on Thursday mornings starting July 26th and will meet every two weeks (every other week) until October 4th. $295 and we meet live 8-9:30 am PT. Everything will be recorded. To learn more, visit HERE.

P.P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind just started–a daily inquiry practice using The Work of Byron Katie– read more about it HERE and you can still sign up. We meet July 9-Aug 17.

July 6, 2018

Can this be love? (+ summer camp opening day recording link for you)

Summer Camp for The Mind starts on Monday, July 9th. Anyone who joins and decides at the end of the summer to continue on into Year of Inquiry will receive a credit of their Summer Camp contribution towards YOI. Pay what you can for Summer Camp. Nothing is required. CLICK the image to join us.

I’m so touched by the online mini-retreat just shared by many this morning. It was magical and heart-breaking.

To get the link of the recording and listen-in, visit this Summer Camp information page HERE. Scroll down to the Opening Day recording link.

I was so moved by the beautiful, genuine inquiry and sharing people brought–from the people who spoke, but also from those who commented in the chat and shared their thoughts and questions.

Those who listen are also a significant part of this inquiry. The energy is alive and somehow palpable, like when a whole hall of people sit in meditative silence together.

Words are not required.

The inquiries brought to the call today were such beautiful examples of human awareness of change, loss, agony, feeling left or criticized….and working with these hurt feelings, opening up to understanding our pain and suffering.

Oddly, we’re not trying to get to any special place, or find that one missing answer, or figure out exactly what to do about this predicament….we’re bringing clear awareness to the story we’re telling ourselves. We’re not looking for advice.

We’re looking at the pain through the mind, the one that “thinks”, that sees pictures and images of loss or fear or anger or disappointment and never-ending unhappiness.

Strange, but it’s as if the inquiries brought to the Opening Day First Friday mini-retreat were perfectly placed, in just the right order, for opening up the story of separation.

I could relate to each and every story. I’ve done The Work on all three. All so painful. All incredibly powerful moments to question.

First, someone shared about a moment with someone close where the relationship was uncertainly defined. Are we friends or more than friends? Where is this going? I wanted something more. This is disappointing. I feel so hurt.

Next, a longer-term partnership (marriage) potentially moving into divorce. One person is moving out into another place to live. We feel crushed. He’s constantly criticizing me. He focuses on my flaws. I need him to say loving, kind things to me and notice what’s wonderful about me.

Finally, a family member has died tragically from cancer. So many people suffering, missing him. I want him to live. He shouldn’t die.

What is this suffering we’re experiencing in these situations? Does it mean, if I don’t suffer, that I won’t care about this person, or recall them? I won’t be close, or love? I won’t cry?

For me, this never turned out to be true.

In fact, as I’ve done The Work and even do The Work today with all these beautiful inquirers on the call, I find that without my thought that I should be with this person, or they should be alive….

….I stop resisting my thoughts of them. I talk to them, even out loud.

I might even listen to them when I ask “Why are you leaving? Why did you go? Do you know how much I love you?”

I hear their answers, with inquiry, even in my own head. I feel it all. I’m not holding back anymore.

NOT suffering does not mean my heart isn’t breaking and swelling into a million pieces. NOT suffering doesn’t mean being numb, or disconnected, or never thinking of them. NOT suffering doesn’t mean pretending things are OK when they actually aren’t, or trying to be a different person with a different reaction.

For me, what I find NOT Suffering actually looks like is being more connected with these people I adore than ever. At least that’s what I keep finding with The Work.

Instead of repeating the exact same painful thoughts about what’s happening with that person over and over again, I’m sitting with the difficult thought and looking at it from every possible angle.

I’m realizing, by doing this Q and A with my story, that I actually can’t confirm or deny that love is not present in this relationship, in this situation.

Most recently, in fact, when my former husband died, I felt the most strong, big, wide love for him I’ve felt in a long time.

I’ve reflected (and still am reflecting) on some of the unfinished wonderings not taken to the deepest inquiry yet about our parting, and separation, and divorce, and continued connection and friendship and co-parenting and deep support for one another through all these 31 years since we met.

These moments of having the heart pierced with grief and love (they are both there) can only happen with people who are significant and important to us.

“Your story is your identity, and you’d do almost anything to prove that it’s true. Inquiry into self is the only thing that has the power to penetrate such ancient concepts….When I learned to meet my thinking as a friend, I noticed that I could meet every human as a friend. The end of the war with myself and my thinking is the end of the war with you.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is pg. 294

Someone asked today on the call how long registration is open for Summer Camp and I responded…Oh wow, I don’t know. LOL.

You can really join any time, and my thought is, you’ll probably enjoy more time, attention, practice and care for yourself and your thinking if you come on board sooner than later. Plus you’ll get to participate in our Pop-Up private summer camp forum for a greater amount of time. I’d suggest joining this weekend sometime.

But does longer mean better? Do you really have to attend all seven weeks to get the best results? Does more minutes in inquiry add up to more clarity in the mind? Is it better to spend more time in a marriage? Is it better to be partnered than not? Is more life better than less life? Is it better to live until age 95 than 35?

I can’t absolutely know that it’s true.

Maybe one profoundly powerful inquiry can open us to unknown worlds we never thought possible. Maybe asking ourselves “is that really true?” just once about a thought that something shouldn’t happen….can end our suffering and angst about life.

What I notice is that life is passionately, profoundly on the move in the form of people coming, and then going. When there is this experience called loss, or disappointment, or sadness, or rage about people coming or going, perhaps it is not as terrible as I am thinking and believing is it.

I notice I am filled with a startling sense of feeling when these incidents happen. I’m brought to my knees in the present moment. Tears flow. Heart breaks open. Is it not the ordinary. It brings me to The Work.

Could this be true love?

Much love,

Grace

July 2, 2018

Opening Day Free First Friday July 6th 7:45-9:45 am PT….and Unexpected Death

Summer Camp for The Mind starts in a week.

But actually, there’s Opening Day this coming Friday July 6th for everyone and anyone. You don’t have to sign up for Summer Camp until the weekend, if you like.

By attending only on Opening Day, you can get a taste of an online inquiry group, or use it as a stand-alone experience of The Work.

In other words, you can attend Friday’s Opening Day from 7:45-9:45 am Pacific Time, and then decide over the weekend if you want to jump on board for all summer through August 17th.

For Opening Day of Summer Camp, head to the Summer Camp webpage and find the direct link right there. Opening Day will be recorded. You can listen later if that works better for you.

Read more details about Summer Camp, or go ahead and sign up, right HERE.

ITW folks: If you’re getting credits in Institute for The Work of Byron Katie, you’ll need to commit to attending 7 sessions live during the summer to make sure you get 10 hours credit. I’ll take attendance.

Speaking of Summer Camp, it’s actually kind of odd and supportive and wonderful and strange for me to get ready for this Summer Camp program.

Because a huge and major transition has just occurred in my life and the lives of my children and extended family: the passing of my first husband, loving father of our two young-adults children (ages 21 and 24). He died early Saturday morning, June 30th.

He had not been considered well for 8 years, tackling cancer, treatments, stem cell transplant, chemo rounds and finally….death.

Sitting with someone I love and know for so long as they navigate through illness and dying, gazing at a familiar face in permanent sleep, feeling the body grow cold, is not new for me.

But this time there was a deep melancholy within and heart-breaking tears, watching the children we had together sob their eyes out. My father also died at the very same age, almost exactly to the day.

My former husband’s sweet and supportive companion of five years, (and they just got married in the hospital), was incredible through the last several years of his journey with cancer. She’s been there for him in a most remarkable way.

Not long ago, when my current husband and I visited her and my former husband bringing pizza, she shook her head “no” when Tom suggested the hardship she’s been through in taking care of him.

“It’s a privilege” she said.

I’m so grateful for being so included in any part of this journey of relating to the man who just died, and all the chapters of being in relationship with him. Any and every heart-breaking part.

If I had been able to see 15 years ago, before divorce, a picture of June 30, 2018….I would have been shocked beyond belief. Stunned.

How do you react when you believe a story of the way it should be….and it doesn’t turn out the way you hoped or planned or expected?

I agonize. I feel sad. I have images of regret, missed conversations, confusion. I have anxiety within. I can’t sleep. I feel ungrounded, shaky. I might feel like I don’t belong. Discouraged.

Who would you be without this very stressful thought that the way it’s gone is horrible, worse than expected? Without the thought that it should be different than it is?

Without the belief, I notice I’m lying here on my soft bed, typing, and I’ve done this 1000 times without worrying about the way the future should go, will go, must go.

Without the thought it should have gone differently….

….I’m able to notice the precious space of this moment here, and that I have no idea of the entire picture or story.

I notice how well I’m doing here now, and how well I’ve done so, so, so often in life without someone being around or without something going as I expected or dreamed.

Without the thought “it shouldn’t be like this” there is no regret. There are tears flowing, and they feel like immense love and gratitude.

Turning the thought around: It should have gone this way.

As Byron Katie asks: How is it good for you that it went the way it did? How is it good for the other person, or the community? How is it good for the world?

Wow. I know this doesn’t mean I have to love it, or wish for it, or say thumbs-up to it, or vote for it.

I notice, I didn’t get a vote.

Reality went the way it did. Can I find something supportive about that? Can I find the love, the care? Can I be willing to see with more expansive eyes and heart?

It’s not to make something fake sweet and easy, that isn’t.

It’s an invitation to give weight to this other side of duality, the one I often miss when I’m upset or troubled. The side that says “maybe you’ve missed something” rather than assuming what’s happened absolutely shouldn’t have.

I begin to find turnaround examples for it being OK, interesting, beautiful or supportive that it went way it did:

I found an internal power of willing-to-do-what-it-takes, after the divorce from this man who has now died, that I never thought was possible when it comes to career, earning, ability to pay my monthly mortgage and not foreclose on my house

I learned I can love, even if I rarely see someone, and appreciate sharing their life with me

my children and I were laughing and joking as we took a little road trip together yesterday, the day after their dad died. I was amazed and touched by seeing what life looks like when it’s not filled with constant desperate suffering. It looks like people playing the road-trip games we’ve always played. “Those are my cows!”

we’ve spent the last three winter holiday seasons doing blended family things which were super fun, loving, joyful and abundant

I’m getting to spend many hours with my kids, hear from friends I haven’t heard from in many years, share deep conversations with others who loved my former husband, replay amazing memories

A sense of openness to Reality comes alive in this work on death. Isn’t that what I always dreamed of? Feeling friendly about the world, life, reality?

The list goes on. And will keep going on.

Who would I be without my story of endings?

Someone able to write this Grace Note today, and feel very excited about sharing inquiry with other people in the world as we dial in together Friday, and into Summer Camp next week.

Someone who can still imagine summer within, even through tears and a swelling heart.

“Until we know that death is as good as life, and that it always comes at just the right time, we’re going to take on the role of God without the awareness of it, and it’s always going to hurt. Whenever you mentally oppose what is, when you think that you know what should and shouldn’t happen, you’re going to experience sadness and apparent separation. There’s no sadness without an unquestioned story. What is is, because it is. You are it.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. To find out more about Summer Camp, click the photo here.

June 26, 2018

Start Here to End Emotional Eating From The Inside Out

I’ve been off traveling again, but while away I received lots of emails–a surprising number–about where to begin when it comes to ending this whole crazy eating-weight-food-craving concern?

Today, I’m sharing three things that you can do to start your journey to end this weird eating thing that I know is very frustrating and agonizing:

1) Questioning your thoughts is a relief, and can change your behaviors with food, entirely. If you want the simple, lazer-sharp, quickest version of self-inquiry I’ve ever encountered (and I’ve seen a lot of ways to inquire and dissolve your thoughts) then I highly, deeply, sincerely recommend The Work of Byron Katie. Read “Loving What Is” to understand this method and get the full and complete instructions on how to do The Work.

2) Question these two thoughts:

a) I MUST stop this eating thing, I MUST lose weight, I MUST change NOW!! Immediately! This is WRONG! I must control myself! I must WIN this BATTLE!! (notice there are lots of exclamation points with this energy, and these thoughts).

Why should you question this thought?

Because when you do, you have the opportunity to open up to understanding what’s going on in the first place. You can quit pushing, or controlling this situation with such vengeance. Diets are not necessary any longer.

b) I must suffer in order to end this problem. I must not EVER accept myself and relax with what is or I will remain fat or addicted, and never change.

Why should you question this thought?

Because when you do, you get to feel supported by the world, by life, by food, by eating….even when you are not perfectly “thin”. You have a body, but you are NOT your body. You don’t need to get somewhere else that is not here. What a relief. This never means you won’t lose weight, because as you shift your thoughts, you likely will (if you find you’re overweight). Many people balance to their natural normal weight.

How do you question your thinking?

As I mentioned…use the four questions and turnarounds and question just one thought at a time. The Work is the best and most simple way I’ve ever found to follow this process.

FINALLY, do this third exercise:

It will seem too easy, but you might be surprised: practice the 60 second wait-period. This means, instead of starting to eat when you want to eat, wait 60 seconds and take three very deep breaths, slowly.

As you wait sixty seconds, ask yourself “Do I really need food right now?” If you’re hungry, then be kind and give yourself some food.

If you notice you aren’t hungry, literally see if you can imagine eating peace instead of food. Like a pale pinkish purple cloud of lightly glowing peace that you fill up your body with through your mouth.

Let it go into your stomach, then spread it through your legs to your feet and all the way up your body, filling your arms, torso, neck, head. Relax your skin and let peace sink in–see what colors it changes to and see the peace filling your entire being.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. I’m creating an Eating Peace Experience 101 Introductory class. It begins July 26 and runs for 2 months, with 6 class sessions on Thursdays at 8 am pacific time. Stay tuned for more coming soon.

P.S. If you’d like to join Summer Camp for The Mind, a 7 week program of practicing The Work for anyone and everyone (not specifically for eating issues–although they can be brought to these sessions)– read more about it HERE.

June 26, 2018

Feel summer on the inside, with inquiry (+ Summer Camp for The Mind starts July 6th)

It’s that time of year where I live where the days are long, there’s a looseness in some daily activities, the schedule is changed, some travel takes place, we’re outside.

During this season where I live, and all the time I grew up, kids went to Summer Camp. No regular school.

Summer holidays are often a time of travel, rest, cleaning-out, home projects, classes, art, learning fun things, lazy days swimming in the lake, gardening, a change-of-pace, a summer job.

Right now when I write, I’m sitting by an open window smelling fresh air after a morning summer rain, and the sun has been up for hours already.

My favorite thing of all about summer is feeling the sweetness of summer on the inside: rest, relaxation, calm, enough time, growth, quiet, an inner change-of-pace.

This inner quiet couldn’t happen without self-inquiry as a practice.

How so, you might ask?

Well for me, to question a troubling worry, or an angry or frightened thought about life, has to come before I open up to peace, in general. Inquiry offers insight in the most soft, sweet, kind way I’ve ever experienced.

When I was filled with anxiety, or anger (even rage) or sharp opinions I knew were RIGHT, I sought peace and had a lot of advice given to me over the years. I read tons of books (many of which were brilliant and helpful). I took classes and programs. I went on retreats and had loads of psychotherapy.

I tried to think “positive”.

I set up my daily life schedule to be productive and NOT upset and I focused on the advice and support I heard.

(Not that there’s anything wrong with that–people have some amazing and good ideas about how to live, right?)

But when I used my own mind to inquire, wonder, consider, contemplate and meditate….hunting for no one’s answers but my own….that’s when my inner world started to truly shift.

To be honest, I didn’t like finding my own answers that much at first.

Can’t someone just tell me how to live well, what works and what doesn’t, how to be successful, how I should think….

….so that I have some peace for crying out loud?

I know. I’ll just copy someone. Like Byron Katie. Or Jesus. Or the Buddha. Or Gandhi. Or Adya. (And many, many more people who I encountered).

But.

It just never worked at a deeper, permanent level. Not ever.

Yes, I love the wisdom I gather from sacred texts, silence and the wise words of others. But the powerful, juicy, vital and deepest insights come from this mind actually identifying and questioning beliefs when it becomes confused or upset, and then continuing to connect, watch and be open to the world and reality.

Which is how summer got paired with The Work to form this fun program called Summer Camp for The Mind.

You stay where you are physically (your body doesn’t need to go anywhere) and you dial-in to share with others in The Work.

There’s no homework, no lessons or classes or requirements….which is like camp, right?

Summer Camp is simply people gathered together to bring some dilemma or problem to inquiry. Live. There’s a meeting every day, from Monday through Friday. And every single meeting is optional. Every day has it’s own special meeting time.

If you’ve been trying to keep a daily practice of The Work, or do it just a little more often since it can bring such interesting personal insights….then this may be a perfect way to try inquiry more regularly.

Here’s how Summer Camp for The Mind works:

Everyone joins live or watches the replay of Opening Day (July 6th).
Everyone gets the same dial-in number for all calls for the summer.
Everyone marks their calendar for the daily time-slots when we meet on the days you can attend.
You bring your one-liner (a stressful concept) or your Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on anything that’s bothered you if you want.
You can listen-only and simply be there with us all in inquiry, if you want.
No one has to speak out loud, but there’s time for feedback, questions and sharing after every single inquiry

And guess what?

It’s sliding scale pay-what-you-can to join (recommended $150 – $500 for the program). You could calculate about $30 per session you’ll plan to attend if you wanted to cover all costs for the program.

There are many costs to run summer camp, and time and study put into it….and having said that, this is summer camp. It’s loose. Time for me to give, personally, and do my own work, honestly.

It’s also a time for people who have been curious but unable or too shy to come to any other more substantive program during the year to hop in and see if it works for you.

You can decide what works in your schedule and budget and what doesn’t. It’s a time when people can join who need the financial support of pay-what-you-can if you’ve been reading Grace Notes and want to go deeper.

You don’t have to be smart, or know The Work, or “get” the full process of inquiry, or know what you’re doing.

You can be a complete beginner.

We always have so much fun. A great group gathers. People from all over the world connect, and we just “go” and see where the inquiry takes us. Sometimes people find facilitation partners they adore and continue with in inquiry beyond Summer Camp.

Everyone joining Summer Camp can bring whatever ails them. People have so many kinds of problems and concerns that can be addressed with this powerful inquiry work: relationships, money, career, friendships, family of origin (FOO), love, decision-making, parenting, addictive patterns, worries, betrayals, fear, job changes, divorce, marriage, dating, moving homes, physical pain, sickness, loss.

Everything is welcome at Summer Camp.

Wondering what the actual schedule is? All calls are 90 minutes and listed here in Pacific Time first.

Summer Camp runs July 6th – August 17th, 2018. The very first day, Friday July 6th, will be 2 hours long and open to absolutely anyone for free.

For Opening Day of Summer Camp, click HERE to join on July 6th.

Then, for the rest of the Summer Camp, we’ll meet like this:

Mondays Noon-1:30 pm PT/ 3-4:30 ET/ 9:00-10:30 pm Europe
Tuesdays 8-9:30 am PT/ 11-12:30 ET/ 5-6:30 pm Europe
Wednesdays 2-3:30 pm PT/ 5-6:30 pm ET/ 10-11:30 pm London
Thursdays 4-5:30 pm PT/ 7-8:30 pm ET/ 7-8:30 am Australia on Fridays
Fridays 7:45-9:15 am PT/ 10:45-12:15 ET/ 4:45-6:15 Europe

You pick the days that work best for your time zone. You might come to Summer Camp once a week, or every single day. You get to choose! There are no requirements.

I can’t wait to begin and see where the summer takes us.

Read more details about Summer Camp, or go ahead and sign up, right HERE.

“It was the best thing I’ve done for many a summer, or maybe any summer for the past several decades. All I can say is….it started to change everything for me. Every relationship in my immediate family. All the people I thought were a disaster (and I include myself). Summer Camp I thought was going to be a way to try The Work, and it turned out to show me a way to living with The Work as a practice (as you know I joined Year of Inquiry). I just wanted to tell you, it all started with Summer Camp for The Mind”. ~ Participant Summer 2017

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind has always been seven weeks of jamming with inquiry without recording one single session. That’s changing this year. We record unless you request it NOT to be recorded (which is A-OK). This way, people can listen and listen, even if they can’t attend live.

P.P.S. For those seeking ITW credit (Institute for The Work) for Summer Camp you need to attend at least 10 classes to receive ten credits (attendance will be taken for you).

June 24, 2018

When you get nervous on your way to an event with (gasp) people

I met this friend yesterday on my adventure in Yosemite. I didn’t have the thought this tree could judge me. I love imagining having the very same thought about all people.

Have you ever felt nervous when you’re going to a social gathering because you don’t know many of the people who will be there?

A dinner, a big party, a birthday, a memorial service, a shared meal of any kind, a book club discussion, a dance, a workshop or retreat, a training program.

Fluttery nerves descend just thinking about it. What if you don’t enjoy yourself? What if HE is there? What if SHE is there? You could make a fool of yourself possibly. They might not be your people. Maybe you shouldn’t go after all?

Several days ago I boarded a plane to fly to Yosemite to attend the memorial service of my cousin’s husband. While I’m a Bell and part of the family, I knew there would be many people I’d never met. Extended family of the beautiful man who passed away, and many friends of the couple.

I was excited and always had an immediate “yes” within from the moment I heard about what was planned. I wanted to honor these kind, generous people and my cousin.

If you’ve ever had anticipatory nervousness about an event though, it can be sweet to sit down and look more closely at the thoughts and beliefs running in the background, and inquire.

What are you really nervous about? What images do you see that would lead you to believe you won’t enjoy it?

They’re looking at me and judging me
I’ll get stuck talking to someone annoying or scary
They won’t like me
The conversation or activity will be something I don’t understand
I’ll do or say something that will cause them to dislike me; say no, leave, talk too much, talk too little, stay too long, ask stupid questions, ask nothing at all

I notice most of these thoughts have to do with feeling separate from others and most importantly, not being OK with that.

In other words, it’s natural to feel separate from others from time to time–a group wants to stay up late talking, but we’re tired so we go to bed. Without a thought about this being a problem….there isn’t one.

Let’s do The Work.

Is it true that people could judge you, or talk “too much”, or not like you, or do things you don’t really get, or even things that freak you out?

Yes.

Can you absolutely know it’s true?

Well…er…yes. People judge. That’s what we do.

But is it true that it’s stressful and would cause separation?

Oh. Wow. No.

How do you react when you believe your contact with other human beings could result in unpleasant feelings, or separation (at any upcoming event)?

I don’t go! Or I get nervous beforehand. Or if one little thing seems “off” when I arrive, I might say “I knew I shouldn’t have come!”

I don’t have an open mind. I don’t approach the event like it’s a new adventure, with joyful excitement. I’m not so curious. Perhaps I feel protective. My guard is up.

But who would you be without the thought that something unpleasant might happen, or other people could cause you upset, or you might get “stuck” in a conversation, or that people won’t like you and you won’t like people?

I’d have so much fun coming and going, into and out of, the company of others.

I’d feel curious about the adventure of connecting with people, or equally curious about connecting with myself. I’d enjoy crowds, or special occasions, or total silence with only me. It wouldn’t really matter if I was with bunches of people, or alone.

I’d be loving my thoughts, wherever I was–with anyone.

When I need to leave, I do. When I love to stay, I do. When I’m all alone, it’s good. When I’m with others, it’s equally as good.

This is a never-ending development, and thrilling process.

I once was so introverted, my preference was to be entirely alone. Except not really–because I didn’t even like my own company a lot of the time. I suppose my preference was to not be wherever I was. LOL. It was misery.

Then, as I grew more comfortable with others, I grew more comfortable with myself. As I learned to take care of my own needs completely (I’m not saying I’m perfect at this) then my sense of trust for myself grew and I knew I couldn’t get “stuck” talking to anyone. I could come and go as truly needed, without fear of others’ opinions.

The strange thing is, when I feel really free to come and go without caring what anyone thinks or does or says or feels….I love going to gatherings with other people more and more. (And also, now that I think about it, loving silence more).

What do I really love more?

Wow. What I love more are my thoughts about what’s happening in my environment, with or without other people.

I see it could be just as true or truer that:

They’re looking at me and loving me
I’ll get free talking to someone annoying or scary
They will like me
The conversation or activity will be something I don’t understand! Yippee! Learning!
I won’t do or say anything that could cause them to dislike me

“Who would you be in people’s presence without, for example, the story that anyone should care about you, ever? You would be love itself. When you believe the myth that people should care, you’re too needy to care about people or about yourself. The experience of love can’t come from anyone else: it can come only from inside you.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy pg. 71

If you’d like to question your thoughts about other people of any kind (or ANY stressful thinking at all), join me in Summer Camp for The Mind. Summer Camp is a program of daily inquiry sessions, live, from July 6th – August 17th. We come together online to do this work by identifying and then questioning what’s true.

I used to want to do The Work alone only, or with just one partner….but to gather with others has been one of the greatest gifts.

And even if you don’t do anything formal with others, you could find one partner to facilitate you, or trade with, in looking closely at beliefs about people, about life, about reality.

Do you hate your looks?

Breitenbush friends inquiring together in The Work of Byron Katie annual summer retreat 2018

We all have parts of our bodies we think are ugly, imperfect, wrong. Often the thoughts for people with eating issues about the body are that you must be thin. Keep staying thin. Get even thinner. Never be fat. Ever.

The obsession to be thin can actually backfire. Completely. We become so sure getting thin is BEST we’re totally identified with our goals for the body.

Here’s a powerful question to ask, if you notice you’ve got wishes, urges or hopes to be thinner–or something other than what you are right now:

What would I have, if I had this condition? (thin, muscular, smooth, strong, perfect).

What do you think “thinness” means? What qualities do you think you’d have, if you got thin? What would you experience, if you were thin?

When you identify your answers, you can then question the thought that Thin=Happy.

Who would you be without this story?

For me, I quit being vigilant around food. I quit obsessing about making sure I had enough, or the “right” amount of food. I quit going into the future about food.

The present became more peaceful.

Turning the thought around: Thin thinking is my success, I do not need this body to be thin in order to be happy.

Out beyond ideas of thin or fat, there lies a field (of peace, freedom). I’ll meet you there.

To join the secret, private Eating Peace facebook group for support, discussion and self-inquiry (completely free) please send an email or friend request through facebook to grace@workwithgrace.com or Grace Bell’s profile page. You’ll be privately invited to the group.

Much love

Grace

June 18, 2018

My body should be different!

I’ve just returned from five blissful days of The Work of Byron Katie with participants, and the lovely certified facilitator Todd Smith, all gathered to learn and practice questioning our stressful thoughts.

Breitenbush Hotspring Resort was our venue. We were surrounded by forest, the most glorious fresh air smelling of northwest pine and moss, three lovely vegetarian meals per day made from scratch….

….and separate mineral water pools with clothing-optional use.

Dit-dit-dit-dom. Did you say clothing-optional?(Beethoven’s Fourth Symphony opening line just played in the background).

The mineral pools are there for those who wish to soak on their own time during our program.

Some people have frightening thoughts about seeing naked bodies (which happens only right at the soaking pools–nowhere else). Some choose never to go near the pools or natural sauna for this very reason. Some happily wear bathing suits on their own bodies, but may be sitting in a pool with someone else who’s nude.

Not soaking in the waters is a perfectly fabulous way to be at Breitenbush. (I’m usually one of those people who doesn’t, as I spend my down-time writing, meditating, hiking and reading).

In our workshop sessions, we’re gathered in a special building called the River Yurt where we have three sessions per day, so in some ways, there’s a lot going on besides free time for soaking in between our workshop sessions.

But because of this lush, beautiful location that happens to also include hot springs with some people doing it in the buff….we invited people to do The Work on our bodies at this retreat, if so moved.

No one ever has to go in the pools, or go naked, or soak in the waters while spending time at Breitenbush, but the very fact that nudity is allowed on the land somewhere can make people nervous.

So yeah. We did The Work on the body.

Participants in the retreat brought up their concerns about how they looked in the world, or how they felt: too many scars, hips too big, weight too heavy, belly too large, skin too sagging or old, too out of shape, pain in the knee, too awkward in movement, skin tone wrong, cellulite too disgusting, burned skin too ugly.

People noticed how these thoughts can rule our lives when we assume them to be true, rather than inquiring.

What do you imagine people would think, if they saw your body, or body part, or shape or size or anything at all about that body you live in?

What do you think you’re unable to accomplish or enjoy or do or be, unless this body function or body part changes (like an injured leg)?

What would you have, if you had a body appearing or being that OTHER way–the better way?

I remember thinking my body was horrible when I was only 14. It’s too thick. I should be light as a feather, I should reduce my eating, I should be skinny. Skinny is better. Skinny is powerful, attractive, right, sexy, and shows I’m someone who has it together, accomplished, desirable, winning, a force of nature, strong.

Right?

Um, no.

Believing those thoughts was very stressful. I didn’t even realize where it would go at the time when I was so young. I didn’t realize my quest for a perfect and thin body would drive me literally crazy. Crazed with thinking only about this goal, and concentrating on the effort to Not Eat nearly all the time.

Let’s just say, it backfired.

My life was miserable.

I felt the need to control myself constantly. The desire to eat grew bigger, not smaller. I wanted to consume everything in sight sometimes. I felt desperately hungry….for more than just food, it seemed.

I was fighting, punching, hitting, kicking and At War with reality one hundred percent of the time when it came to the need for thinness, eating, food, perfect health and dangers looming just around the corner (like a piece of cake, or a trip to the beach).

What a nightmare.

Who would we be without our thoughts that this body, or body part, or body condition should be different than it is? Or that it needs to be maintained as it is at all costs?

(Wow. You’re allowed to question that thought? Aren’t we all supposed to be trying everything we can to be healthy, perfect, balanced, thin, pain-free, anti-aging, etc, etc?)

If I question the thought I should be thin and perfect, won’t that mean I’ll stop being motivated to be thin, and eat from one end of the country to the other without restraint?

My answer was “no”.

I never found this to be true. When I was “motivated” to be thin, I wound up eating in a frenzy at times. It was not peaceful at all. It was chaotic and painful. I got excessively full, then tried to starve myself. I felt angry and rebellious and then even more frightened. I felt completely out of control. Then swung to IN control (or trying to be).

The command to get thin and remain in control caused an equal and opposite desire to break out of prison and eat whatever the hell I wanted (which I didn’t actually want).

So who would you be without the story of your body needing to be different in order to be happy? Who would you be without the story of other people’s opinions mattering for you, when it comes to this body you live in?

What if you could relax and be still on the inside, focusing only on the inside to discover what is truly, truly wanted and needed in this very moment when it comes to nourishment, rest, movement, activity, sensations, and being in this body exactly the way it is?

I have found, as I question my thinking about body image, body pain, body function, body health….I am free to make changes without fear, or learn about new ways to be with the body, or to not eat too much or too little. I’m relaxed.

Without the nightmare story of “this body MUST be different in order for me to be happy” I’m so much lighter within.

Turning the thoughts around: I do not need this body to be different. Could this be just as true, or truer?

My thinking is shallow about these scars
These hips are supportive, my thinking is too wide (about these hips especially)
My weight just right, my thinking is too heavy
This belly is beautiful, my thinking is ugly
My thinking is too sagging or old, out of shape, awkward, wrong, disgusting

This body, I notice, is doing what it does.

Can I support the one I have, without attacking judgment?

I notice with my old hamstring injury when I don’t fight against the belief “it hurts”, then I take it to the body worker, I take it to yoga, I study this thing called “pain” without going to war with it. I take time to stretch and attend to this organism called a body, a hamstring, with loving care and attention.

I notice there’s a mind watching it all, conscious of this body, being with the body but not actually the body itself.

Something is here looking, observing, aware of it all.

Most important of all, I feel kind and soft and loving towards whatever’s happening in the body–relaxed and free from agonizing about it mentally, even if it “hurts” or doesn’t look right, in my opinion.

“Every story is about body-identification. Without a story, there’s no body.” ~ Byron Katie

Wheeeeeeeeee!

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind is coming. A blitz of live inquiry sessions for 7 weeks. Read about it here.

June 12, 2018

There are two ways to live this summer; one is loving what is, the other is to be at war with it.

Speaking of summer camp, I’m off to Breitenbush for the annual retreat there.

Time out for really digging in to The Work. No tasks, chores, laundry, admin, cooking, or doing anything else with the exception of coming to three gatherings each day with sincere people deepening self-inquiry, together.

In some ways…it’s not exactly “retreat” as we tend to call these times away.

It’s a “charge!”

(As the brilliant Stephen Jenkinson, one of my favorite mentors and authors, likes to say about group gatherings filled with questioning out loud).

I notice both Retreat and Charge seem to come from war references, as many of our communications do.

Funny to consider when we go on “retreat” that it’s our daily regular normal life we’re retreating from. We get away from it like it’s the front line, then regroup, plan, assess, rest, reset…and head back to the life.

If we think of our time away as a “Charge!” (a turnaround) then this fits for me when it comes to The Work.

As Byron Katie says herself: ‘I call it The Work because….it’s work.’

The other day I found myself having some defeated thoughts about the moment. Another “war” term, I notice, in this word “defeated”.

I felt tired, like doing very little, yet the mind was commenting about how if I give up I’ll never cross the finish line.

“Go, Go, Go!” shouts the mind. Never stop! Give it your all! Do the thing!

What finish line? Good grief.

So today, noticing the thoughts or sounds in the mind that suggest there’s something to fight, win, push against, grasp for, beat, crush, give-it-your-all, finish.

And noticing they are not ever true, not forever, not even now.

There are five birds in my cherry tree right outside my window, eating my cherries.

Those are MY cherries. The birds shouldn’t be eating them! Fight the birds!

Is that true?

LOL.

Who would I be without the thought I “have to” make them go away. I “have to” do the thing. I “have to” keep my nose to the grindstone. I “have to” get it done.

I’d be laughing.

This really is an incredible amusing, joy-filled life with craziness and zaniness and misery and cherry-eating-birds and lists that are never quite done.

And, I notice, time for doing something that shouts, gleefully….CHARGE!!! Then other moments that say RETREAT.

Without attacking anything or needing to go to war about any of This, or seeing any of what happens day to day as a problem. Simply questioning stressful stories. And loving life.

Turning it all around: No one has to do anything, or make anything happen, or accomplish, push, grab, press, finish, or get anything done, or stop birds from eating cherries.

Could that be just as true or truer?

Well it’s certainly entertaining and exciting, for me, to notice the examples I see in the world of this being true.

I notice there are at least five species and sizes of birds out there pecking and hopping and flying and eating away. Plus a squirrel.

What entertainment!

“Who would you be without the thought you want him to get up and do something more constructive? [And you can do this on wanting yourself to be more constructive.] There are two ways to live this out; one is loving what is, and the other is to be at war with it.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. I made a video on facebook about doing The Work on FEAR and what I’ve found very helpful for starters when wanting to question and understand anxiety-producing, or very traumatic and fearful events. Watch HERE. Leave a comment or question and “like” the page if you haven’t already.