Author: Grace

Grace Bell is author of Grace Notes and facilitates individuals, groups, retreats and courses in The Work of Byron Katie. She supports people with eating issues, divorce, difficult feelings and relationship trouble to find peace.
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Your Ancestors Judgments Were Perfect For You

Yesterday I gathered with many family members to share, celebrate, and uphold tradition that has been a part of our family for many generations.

Everyone’s got traditions like that. We get together (or we don’t) and it happens like this.

One thing I love about my amazing and very big family is how much they’ve changed since I began to question my thinking.

Ha ha!

I used to think they were critical, competitive and harsh. I knew they loved me, and cared about me deeply.

But I’d get sort of “prepared” when on the way to family events.

You know, kind of bolster up for probing questions, uncomfortable exchanges, annoying mannerisms.

People get hurt at those big family dinners, have you noticed?

The thing is….now, when I observe my family both in the present and in the past….they come out looking pretty freakin’ incredible.

They are generous, caring, creative, fascinating, supportive, curious, kind, direct and hilarious….just about everything I ever wanted a family to be.

And these are the SAME PEOPLE I used to feel a little frightened of, as a “group”.

Gosh. What changed?

Uh, yah. That would be me.

Family is one of the most intriguing places for inquiry ever.

People come to work with me all the time on family, and specific members of the family. These people drive them bonkers.

Here is a very common thought about family, that I used to believe, whole-heartedly 100%!

“My family judges me”…..and they shouldn’t.

“Honey, this is insanity. People should stop judging people? What planet do you think you’re on? Make yourself at home here, it’s the opposite. You come to planet earth, you judge. It’s a nice place to visit once you get the ground rules down…..who would you be without the thought that you want your parents (family) to stop judging? Playing with a full deck.” ~ Byron Katie 

Who would you be without that thought?

Stunned, it’s so different.

Not opposing what is.

There they are, being that way, being who they are and saying what they say, asking those questions, making those statements, sounding judgmental, worried, skeptical, doubtful, critical….

….without the ability to think they shouldn’t be?

Oh how exciting!

Seriously.

My family is so incredible, they have prepared me for the most perfect journey through this lifetime.

“When you find yourself being challenged, you will find yourself becoming more alert – like the light is being turned up. That’s wonderful, because then it means that whatever the challenge may be, its function is to push you into intensified Presence.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Even my ancestor’s history, generations back, without the belief that they should be any different than they have been?

Relaxed, unencumbered, unburdened.

“Finally, you realize that you really don’t want to change anybody, not because you shouldn’t want to change them, because you just don’t. You might not want to be around everyone, but still you don’t want to change them.” ~ Adyashanti

Right now, in this moment, I turn the thoughts around: I judge my family, I judge myself….okay. 

That’s the way of it. Judging happens. Opinions happen.

Love happens….unconditionally. Once I dropped my expectations, things became better than I ever imagined possible.

And hanging out with family became a highlight of my life. They rock.

Much love,

Grace

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Procrastination Exists Only In The Mind

Have you ever noticed considering something new, different, exciting, interesting, even healing and beneficial for you…

….sometimes an inclination appears to put off trying it, or doing it, or finishing it?

You get introduced to a new dance class, someone invites you to an event, you drive by a big state-of-the-art new gym every day and wonder what its like inside, he tells you about changing his diet, you hear about The Work or a supportive kind of therapy, you’ve always wanted to learn a creative art form, you’d love to have that closet all cleaned out and new shelves….

All these ideas come along and you might think “that sounds great, I could use that, I’m sure it would be fun, it could change my life”.

And then you keep going about your business, your life, your day-to-day activity.

Without trying the thing you heard about.

Even though something inside said “yes”. A little tug inside saying “go that way”. An intuition. Attraction. Interest.

For a year now I’ve had a thought appear: go to yoga. I’ve googled yoga studios in my neighborhood. I love stretching. You stretch in yoga. It could help my hamstring.

Fairly frequently, someone comes to do The Work with me because of their procrastination. They know what to do, how to do it, and yet….they don’t.

Oh the mental torment that can rise up out of the non-doing.

You should stop doing what you’re doing and go complete that task. You should get this done. What’s wrong with you? Are you lazy? Is there something missing here? Why aren’t you movin, dang-it?! Just do it.

But let’s stop and take a look at this experience and see what can be discovered, without all that noisy judgment.

Because that mean voice, even when very critical, doesn’t really seem to make much difference….in case you haven’t noticed.

You should be doing that other thing, you should be doing it by now, you’re waiting too long. 

Is that really true?

No. I’m not doing yoga (yet). Nor have I finished my book proposal that I said I’d have done by March. But I really can’t know that it should have been done by now.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that it shouldn’t be done by now. Because it isn’t! Ha ha.

Even if you said “yes” and you’re SURE you should have done that thing by today, this moment, when you’re reading this….

….answer this next question….

Who would you be without this belief?

Without thinking it’s true that you should have done “x” by now, or there is something WRONG because you haven’t?

Wow, it feels spacious. Empty. Open and accepting.

Without the thought that it is better to do it than not do it….there is simply this moment, with activity inside of it, and vast space permeating through everything, even thoughts.

“Spiritual people can be some of the most violent people you will ever meet. Mostly, they are violent to themselves. They violently try to control their minds, their emotions, and their bodies. They become upset with themselves and beat themselves up for not rising up to the conditioned mind’s idea of what it believes enlightenment to be. No one ever became free through such violence.” ~ Adyashanti

Noticing that the voice that lists what you should have accomplished by now, or done yesterday, or push yourself to do tomorrow, has a bossy tone.

Violence.

Turn the thoughts around about so-called procrastination. There is nothing that needs to be done by me right now, or before, or later. There is nothing required. There are no MUST DOs in this moment.

Here now is good enough, with or without action.

“If you want to understand stress, begin by realizing that you carry around with you your own set of preconceived notions of how things should be.” ~ Michael Singer

You, and me, and every living thing is here, good enough, right now…without having to add anything more, or finish a task.

“Only a huge ego could say that you’re supposed to be doing something that you’re not doing. If it’s required, just start moving toward it–get the job done. And if you can’t get the job done, it’s because it’s not required.” ~ Byron Katie

In this moment now, I feel so free about what I try or don’t try, no books necessary to read anymore in this moment, nothing expected to get done, no new thing important to add, no grabbing, no plans, no goals….

….and strange, there is writing happening, and a book getting finished, appointments being made, sweet client connections happening, applications being completed, gas tanks getting filled, grocery stores entered, water drunk, marketing plan created, kitchen swept…

All in a very great stillness. Nothing necessary.

Isn’t it exciting to have none of that stuff done yet, if it isn’t?

Much love, Grace

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No One Knows What Death Is–So Question Your Thoughts About It

Recently a sincere inquirer contacted me to do some work on her sadness and depression about death.

Powerful topic, to say the least.

“I’m not afraid of death….I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ~ Woody Allen

The funny thing about death is that it appears to be something that occurs to every living entity. An end of sorts, with no turning back. And from a very early age, this mystery is often spoken and taught about as…… terrible.

Horrible images of absence, violence, blood, gore, hell, a dark abyss, vacant silence and fear arise in stories we hear, in conversation around us. When we’re kids, we see the grownups around us cry or mourn, sometimes desperately, for someone gone.

We think….”Oh, death must be the worst thing that could ever happen!”

But who would you be without that belief? 

It’s strange to imagine. However, notice the argument with reality to believe death is bad, wrong, incorrect. An argument with something greater than yourself.

An argument that says “this should not be that way, we should live forever, we shouldn’t die, whoever set this up (God) must be a masochist or a sadist, I can’t stand it, it hurts too much…”

“Argue with reality and you lose, but only 100% of the time.” ~ Byron Katie 

Turning around your thoughts, ideas, beliefs and turmoil about death, what if you considered these opposites?

LIFE is terrible….is it possible I’m upset with my life? What if Death is as good as life (which is really wonderful)? What if Death is a birth, a beginning, a transition, a metamorphosis?

What if I can stand it, it doesn’t hurt too much, we should die? Perhaps my thinking is the masochist or sadist, no one should live forever….or maybe we do.

Could it be that when I imagine death to be so frightening and threatening and awful….that I’m really imagining things, with this brilliant and creative mind?

“Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore 

I may even consider death to be appealing because my life is not so pleasant.

But can you know death is any better than life?

What if you even just considered the possibility that it’s all equal, no state better or worse than the other?

What if you simply do not know, can’t really know (with your thinking at least), and gave yourself a break trying to know?

I find this…….very exciting.

“The Unknown is more vast, more open, more peaceful, and more freeing than you ever imagined it would be. If you don’t experience it that way, it means you’re not resting there; you’re still trying to know. That will cause you to suffer because you’re choosing security over Freedom.” ~ Adyashanti 

I know the pain of losing someone, losing an adorable furry friend, saying goodbye to a home, a way of life, a town, a country, a special precious item…..is, well, pain.

Dreadful pain.

You are not wrong to feel the separation, the deep cut of grief.

But who, or what, would you be without your beliefs about death?

No one knows what death is. Maybe it’s not a something; maybe it’s not even a nothing. It’s the pure unknown, and I love that. We imagine death is a state of being or a state of nothingness, and we frighten ourselves with our own concepts.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

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Come To Breitenbush

 

We’re filling up and expect to sell out.

The event listing is now up on Byron Katie’s website. Please visit the link to read all about it there:

Click Here to read about The Work at Breitenbush.

Come join us to feel the beauty, ease, and grace of inquiry in your life…..the results may sink in, just like the waters of Breitenbush are healing.

We’d love to have you join us.

Much love,

Grace

 

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The Truth About Parenting: You’re Outta Control

If you couldn’t successfully click the other day on the link for all the scoop about the Money class that starts tomorrow, that was me the techno-dork.

Click Here to learn more and to register, or reply back to this email to write. If you’re already signed up, you’ll get all the information in your Inbox this evening.

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I’ve heard from several people, and clients, in the past month working on their stressful experiences while parenting.

One of my favorite subjects, because it brings up so very much about care-taking other humans, and care-taking yourself all at the same time.

Mission Impossible?

Recently a wonderful inquirer wrote to me asking me some fantastic questions about being with his kids, staying in your own business (as Byron Katie suggests) and handling regular everyday “situations”. 

The clock says 7:55 am. You need to leave the house at 8:00 am. The kids are not getting ready, they aren’t getting their shoes on. 

Sound familiar?

Or, they are not going to bed. Bed time is 9:00 pm. It is 9:15 pm. (For some reason, this is hilarious to me in this moment….and not exactly hilarious in the past).

What about the mess…the piles of stuff on the couch, when you would prefer it were in a drawer in their bedroom?

Byron Katie speaks about there being three kinds of business: God’s business (all that you clearly cannot control, or is run without your understanding or consent), Other Peoples’ business (their life path, their choices, their personal experiences) and Your business (your own actions, your words, what you do, think, or say). 

It works best if you stay in your business. 

Trying to be in Other Peoples’ business or God’s business will make you cray-cray. Including with your kids.

So what are your thoughts in that moment, when in five minutes, you plan on departing for the bus, but shoes are not on feet?

  • they should be getting ready
  • they are ignoring me
  • we can’t be late
  • they don’t go fast enough
  • my kids are an imposition, impossible, loud, too boisterous
  • they don’t listen to me (which means, they don’t do what I say)

Usually there are ideas about what should or should not happen living inside the parent’s mind. It doesn’t look good. It should go that other way, not this way.

Help!

If you hold that situation right in your mind and answer all the questions on the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, you might find more than what I’ve listed here. But let’s look at these.  

Is it true that they should be “x” (getting ready, getting up, moving faster, helping)? Should they be doing what I say? Does this scene MEAN that they don’t respect or listen to me?

Argggh! Yes!!!!!

Are you sure?

No. 

How do you react when you believe this situation is troubling? That these kids are impossible, difficult, hard to raise, or they don’t listen?

If you could see a short one-minute film of my life fifteen years ago, you would see how I reacted. Raised voice. Slammed door. Boiling blood, from the inside. Torn up about lateness, “losing” it. Yelling.

I was definitely in my kids’ business. THEY should be doing what I dictate. 

I love The Work, though…because its a way of seeing what you actually believe in those heightened energy moments, slowing everything down into very slow motion, and examining it.

Who would you be without those thoughts? If you just arrived from another planet, and you are the parent, it turns out. And you must leave the house in five minutes. Shoes would be nice. 

Without the thought that lateness is the worst that could happen, or that sock feet are a disaster, or that you are being disrespected or ignored?

“The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” ~ Bill Cosby

I have found such freedom as I returned again, and again, to this exciting view of who I would be without these thoughts.

Without thinking that I KNOW what should be happening. Without understanding what is going on, or being afraid that something terrible will happen (no shoes, lateness, cut fingers, judgments from teachers, or other parents, or your boss).

Without these thoughts about parenting, and staying in my business, which means taking care of myself and saying “yes” or saying “no” when it is the truth for me, I relax. 

No expectations. Open hands. Surrender. 

I remember my sense of humor, which is really big and brings up the laughter. Not so serious at all. Not bracing against the noise, or the commotion, or the lack of action. I feel rooted, and I repeat my requests and hear what is said back and feel very alive and connected. 

“I lost my children. They died to me. I don’t share my life with them. I invite them, they say “yes” or “no”. They invite me and I say “yes” or “no”. All their lives, I separated them and said Don’t Fight, and I noticed they did it anyway….The more you try to change their path, the more depressed you’ll become. Manipulation and control is not love….’I don’t have any control’ is much more real than ‘I have control’.” ~ Byron Katie

I turn the thoughts all around: those kids should be doing what they’re doing, being how they are in that situation. Without shoes.

How could that be as true, or truer? 

Much love, Grace

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No Thing (Including Money) Will Give You What You Want

Very last day to enroll in Money: I Love This Story the newest version of my teleclass where we get down into the thoughts and beliefs we have about money, the way it comes and goes, and what it symbolizes for us.

Wednesdays 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm Pacific Time. Click Here for more.

The thing is, you CAN love this story about money, work, payments, income, creativity, security, safety, and the mysterious future.

Even with a mind (if yours is like mine) where you tend to get a little freaked out at times.

Yes, I said freaked out.

These are the thoughts that will pop into my head sometimes:

  • I shouldn’t have wasted time in school on subjects that went nowhere
  • I am not confident enough or decisive enough
  • I’ll never be super rich, super leader, or super influential
  • Everyone’s on their own, including me
  • Life is a lot easier with buckets of money

I saw an interview that fascinated me the other morning. A very successful entrepreneur whose company makes millions per year internationally in sales said that at one point after he was already successful….he kinda wished he was just waiting tables again.

He said when he waited tables, he went to work, served people, made excellent money, and then went home and had a life and enjoyed himself because he left all his “work” activity at the restaurant.

I had to chuckle.

All that work to break out of a life where he had “enough” money and into a life where he had “more than enough” money….

….and he wasn’t exactly totally thrilled.

Sometimes, people will think you need to stop the drive for money in order to get back to peace.

And that’s not true, either.

In both situations, there’s an interest, a pull in something different, something more…and it’s probably not money, or a change in work.

Let’s do The Work on my little stressful list and see what can be discovered.

Is it true that life is easier with buckets of money? Is it true that confidence and decisiveness lead to more money (so they lead to more ease)? Did I waste time in school, am I really on my own, is it true that I’ll never be super rich (whatever that is)?

No.

None of these are true.

How do I react when I’m believing one of them, or all of them within five minutes?

Crushed. Like a failure. Or somehow not enough, inadequate, not making it.

Like there’s just not enough clarity, good ideas, creativity, positivity, good thoughts, energy to be someone who can get buckets of money—which I’m not even sure is required for maturity, peace or love in the first place.

It seems futile and sort of bonkers, quite honestly.

So who would I be without the thought that more money is good and I must be more than I am to get more of it?

Ha ha, laughing with the absurdity of wanting a ghost image of “more” that doesn’t even exist.

I would feel free. Excited. Of service. I would keep going….and notice that even when I take a break or do something different for awhile….I wind up carrying on.

I do keep going.

I feel confident.

I turn the thoughts around that money is tied to feeling that there is “enough” of anything: I have enough life, enough energy, enough confidence, enough purpose, enough joy, enough love, enough support, enough ease.

“Nothing outside of you is ever going to give you what you want. No thing gives you what you want….You have nothing to do with your wealth. You have nothing to do with your poverty. Your wealth and your poverty is in your thinking, not your finances. You have money, you tell the story of how you had something to do with it. You don’t have money, you tell the story of how you had something to do with it. It’s all just a story to keep you amused so you can narrate nothing.” ~ Byron Katie

  • I should have spent time in school on subjects that went everywhere
  • I am confident enough or decisive enough
  • I’ll always be super rich, super leader, or super influential
  • Everyone’s together, including me
  • Life is not a lot easier with buckets of money

Once again, I remember that I really don’t have answers, and it’s good. It’s wonderful.

Not knowing and not grabbing and knowing there is enough now, here, is all I can do.

I can skip the need to acquire that thing, called Money, or some other imagined thing that would bring me ease……..and sink into this mysterious joy.

Now.

Much love, Grace

 

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Money – Gathering Money Like A Bee Gathers Honey

Oh so excited to begin the 8-week journey with Money starting Wednesdays 4/16.

Details: 5:15 pm – 6:45 pm Pacific Time. Click Here for more.

There are no guarantees of course for any “cures” about anything in life….like lack of money or painful relationships or ways to prevent traumas from occurring.

But I love that with The Work of Byron Katie one can first identify what it is running in their minds, that they never even thought of questioning before….and then take it into a personal, deep investigation to see if its really true.

Just because you investigate doesn’t always mean you find out it isn’t true for you, ever ever, or that suddenly all is supremely well and you never think about that issue again.

When I had no money left, no money coming in, a negative balance because of debt, and was ready to give up entirely….

….I couldn’t do some kind of mind trick, or The Work, and create a full bank account and freedom from debt in one day.

Affirmations or positive thinking were not the answer, that’s for sure.

This internal work is not about snapping your fingers, magic, instant wealth (unless it is). It is about looking, deeply, carefully, steadily at what is the truth and what is being called for in your life.

What are you being invited to see? What are you being invited to do? What have you believed about money and the flow in and out of resources in your life….maybe since you were a kid?

These are big, wide questions.

When I was panicking and with so very little money in my life at a time of great change, I had to answer these questions if I really wanted to take a good look.

I felt like I was on the Titanic. There was a humongous leak in my thinking, and I was going down fast. My ship prior to that time had looked like there wasn’t really a major problem. I had been in calm, shallow seas.

(Notice the word “shallow”).

I had not been forced to look at how I viewed money, until there was a major crisis in my life.

Not everyone gets the excitement, adventure and powerful possibilities for change that I got. It took a dramatic shock for me to wake up and stop pretending that I didn’t need, want or care about money….or find it all that valuable.

And here’s the funny thing that happened: when I really investigated, when I lost just about everything (all that was necessary to wake me up) I cared in a very deep, abiding, wonderful way.

I started a joyful love affair with money where I trusted it by loving and trusting myself.

And money began to trust me. I became a good caretaker of it.

As I did The Work, with the help of a wonderful facilitator by the way (I couldn’t sit and do that work on my own, my mind raced too quickly with fear) I was able to find a new kind of energy from within.

It didn’t really have to do with money. Money was a manifestation of the loving energy I had found.

I was able to be honest, clear, and kind…..with my own mind, with my own thinking.

If you find that you have distrust, fear, anxiety, worry about the future, discomfort with your past around money….and you’re ready to take a look at some of your stressful thoughts and money….

….consider joining our group on Wednesday this week via phone or skype. There are 3 more spots available.

“The wise who are trained and disciplined Shine out like beacon-lights. They earn money just as a bee gathers honey without harming the flowers, and they let it grow as an ant-hill slowly gains in heights. With wealth wisely gained they use it for the benefit of all.” ~ Digha Nikaya

Life with money is fascinating, mysterious, and sometimes very unsettling.

The good news: your thinking is the unsettled thing, not so much money. It does what it does.

But if you question your own thinking, you may see money differently, feel differently, notice differently.

“If people are living their lives for security and comfort and pleasure, then mind’s every waking moment will be plotting those things. That’s how it stays identified – as a body, as a you. The moment it begins to question itself, the mind becomes so clear that it starts working with itself rather than with the body’s identification.” ~ Byron Katie

Honey Money. Money Honey. You are a fabulous bee.

What a fun, thrilling investigation.

Much love, Grace

 

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The Futile Search For What You Want

I love getting a bird’s eye view of the story of Something Wanted.

There’s the dreamy thing I want. Mmmm. Fabulous. Can’t wait. Reaching for it. Almost got it.

Or maybe it’s far away, very elusive, in the distant future. Frustrated, never getting there. Been trying for years.

People feel this way about finding a mate, success in their career, money, achieving enlightenment.

Not quite having it, or not having it for a very long time….both could generate a little stress.

Or become very aggravating.

But getting that broad, expansive, all-inclusive view from a higher altitude where you can see the whole landscape, can be a great relief.

Doing The Work is a way to get that view.

Is it true that I want it?

Is it true that I don’t have it yet? What do I want it for, anyway? Why do I imagine that I don’t have this thing? What terrible thing will happen if I never get it?

The mind is very interested in these questions.

It is very interested in the potential failure, the absence of this wanted thing, how to prevent lack of achievement, what should be done next, and how to fix this situation, improve it, or make a plan.

The mind has the vision.

Fabulous partner. One Million Dollars. Applause From Audience. Liberation.

People do all kinds of crazy stuff….well, OK…I myself have done all kinds of crazy stuff in order to GET that desired state in the future.

Spent money. Gone on retreats. Hired specialists.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. In fact everything I’ve ever been drawn to has been a beautiful step or experience in whatever needed to come next.

But without that push, that focused, sometimes grabby, demanding energy that really believes it needs that thing…..who would you be?

“What” would you be, without that thought of the Something Wanted?

“It is the nature of all dreams that the characters therein are so busy being–well, dream characters–that the bigger reality of what lies outside the dream state eludes them……ultimately it is ignorance (the belief in things that are untrue) that imprisons us within a trance state, which is induced by taking the conditioned stream of thinking within one’s mind to be true. If we are to awaken from the mind’s hypnotic embrace, we must question all of our beliefs and assumptions down to the very source of our being until that which is true, real, and everlasting reveals itself.” ~ Adyashanti
Stunning to think of who I would be without that thought. Or that one. Without the thoughts that I want, need or am headed towards something where I’ll have More.
Turning the thought around that there is Something Wanted?
There is NOT anything wanted, in any future.
How could that be true, for me….cosmic as it sounds?
Because I notice right now, I am alive, feeling, being. I have no idea what anything is for. I do not know why anything is the way it is. I never will.
Now that is absolutely hilarious.
There is no need for a mate, more money, enlightenment, success. Because right now this here is enough and beyond enough.
“When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.” ~ Byron Katie 

That means, there is nothing required of you. Can you feel how amazing that is?

“Seek not outside yourself, for all your pain comes simply from a futile search for what you want, insisting where it must be found.” ~ Course In Miracles

If you’re interested in changing your Money Story…a group will begin on Weds 5:15 pm Pacific time to investigate the truth. Your answers only. You get to see who you’d be without your thoughts.

Much love, Grace

 

 

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Create A Safe Place Inside You, Investigating Money

Next week another wonderful group is going to begin to examine beliefs that are upsetting about money.

If you’re really worried about not having enough, for example….it could be very liberating to question.

You also may be opposed to giving money for a class about money, even though you’re aware that “spending” some time taking a deeper look at your relationship and thoughts about money might be REALLY powerful.

(If that’s the case, and you’re really low on income right now, write to me by the way. I don’t refuse people if they want this work, there is room in the class, and they happen to be unemployed or some other difficult circumstance).

Thoughts about money are often that it is limited, there isn’t enough, and you may hurt….later….unless you’re really careful. So it’s hard to let it go.

Trouble is, if it’s hard to let go of, it may be also hard to receive.

Let’s take a look today at one of my favorite investigations on money.

Why do you want more? 

What would more money give you, if you had it?

Even just a wee bit, but perhaps a LOT more, it doesn’t matter. You have your dream, and it involves more money. Maybe for you, you’d like more money that is all clearly yours, your bank account, your own resources, a fund just for YOU and no one else. 

You earned it, you deserve it, your ideas created it.

Now, don’t you go and start feeling guilty. Don’t think you’re a selfish first-world nervous ninny, or that you should feel grateful instead of grabby.

You feel the way you feel. 

There are no rules. We’re entering this work from the point of view of reality. All things possible. Everything capable of change, right in this second. Nothing static. No guarantees. Wild mystery. 

And money, it appears, is a form of exchange here on planet earth. You trade it for other things. You express what you care about with it. You use it for what serves you.

So what would more money give you? Or different money, if you’re clear that simply more isn’t that interesting?

In sitting with this deeply over time, I found the following qualities I believed would be present, with ample money: assurance, support, safety, comfort, insurance against difficult times in the future, fun, adventure, happiness, generosity, excitement, joy.

Yowser, that’s a lot of expectations on money.

Without any money, the opposite qualities come to mind, in this world of duality:hunger, pain, sickness, abandonment, threat, discomfort, worse times in the future, seriousness, boredom, narrow life, unhappiness, not able to be generous, neediness, panic, grief.

Time for inquiry.

Is it true that with money….the good stuff…..without money….the bad stuff? 

No. I’ve seen very wealthy people who are totally worried and anxious and insecure. I’ve seen very poor people who are excited, joyful and open. I’ve been both myself! (What a trip).

How do I react when I believe my thoughts about money?

My body is flooded with stress, anxiety. I begin planning. I work until midnight. I feel competitive with time…like I’m racing against a limited amount. 

Must. Get. There. Before. I. Die. 

I remember being a child, who didn’t have to worry about money or food or loss. It seems so long ago. I think of the world as a hard-ass, complicated, tricky place when it comes to money, work, payments, receipts, calculations, amounts moving from here to there.

I want to give up. Deflated. Worth less. 

Who would I be without these thoughts about wanting more money, needing a certain amount of money, or that money represents safety, security, ease in the future?

Really. This is a huge big incredible leap into another paradigm. A world without negative, busy, anxious thought. A world with room to breath and look around.  

Without the thought that I want more “money” (safety, joy, excitement, adventure, comfort, insurance) or that I don’t have enough?

Instead of nerves, my body is flooded with sweetness. 

Eyes wide open. I see my hands, the edges of the frames of my new purple reading glasses, I feel the chair beneath my thighs, my heart beating. 

Without the idea that more would be better….I would be stunning really. I take the deepest breath and notice it’s enough. Something is very exciting here. This moment. 

“On the surface, this is about finances. But beneath that, this question comes from the feeling that your life can be taken away from you. You think that money protects you from total loss of control and if there isn’t enough of it, unseen forces will overwhelm you. Rather than tackling the money issue, it’s time to create a safe place inside you.” ~ Deepak Chopra

If little piles of colored paper with faces on it, and round metal pieces of various sizes, had nothing to do with my future security, my happiness, a sense of adventure, comfort, care, worthiness or safety….

….I notice the joy of having what I have. Starting with lungs that can breathe. A house, a beautiful office, a driveway, a yard, an entire world full of adventures right in my own neighborhood. I have connection, intimacy, joy and fun.

And within, within, a vast space of silence, vibrating emptiness, thrill, ease, fearlessness, courage, creativity in this colorful moment.

Unlimited.

Without any rules about money or beliefs about money, I can get up and walk and knock on the next door and ask for work. I can ask people questions who have a whole lot of money or who have very little money. I can lie in the sun on the grass and stay there as long as I like. I can find a place to live where there is no need to give money in exchange. I can feel the spectacular energy of artistic creativity pouring out of me in the form of service, writing my book, ideas for inquiry.

I turn the thoughts around. 

I want more of me, here now. I want myself. All my thinking, all my feelings, everything welcome. I want my thoughts…I love my thoughts. My thoughts bring me assurance about myself. 

Maybe money wants more of me, too. Maybe it’s waiting for my next move, with joyous anticipation.

How can I bring myself assurance, with my own thinking, instead of wanting this thing called money to bring assurance to me? 

Wow. I can give myself adventure, support, safety, comfort, generosity, happiness, joy. 

“When you are concerned with making money you want the future more than the present. Whenever you want the future more than you want the present, true intelligence cannot flow into what you do, because it can do so only when you are totally aligned with the present moment. So, instead, what you do is ego, or it comes from ego……Whatever you do in your daily life – driving from here to there, trying to reach someone on the phone, doing this or that – you always are going toward somewhere. That’s inevitable. But the question is: Is that purpose in the future more important to you than what you are doing in the present? If it is, then it is a form of ego. The ego always looks toward the next moment for some kind of fulfillment.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

In this moment, I give abundantly to myself by staying here, with this sparkling, peaceful, mysterious present moment.

“We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move. We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want. We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable. We work with being, but non-being is what we use.” ~ Tao Te Ching #11 

If you’d like to join a group on the phone or skype, look at an exercise each week to help uncover those fascinating and sometimes exceptionally painful concerns about money, then write to me at grace@workwithgrace.com. We start next Wednesday 4/16 at 5:15 pm Pacific time.

The emptiness inside holds whatever you want. 

When you know this to be true (and you do) then who knows what can happen, right now, with money. 

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Not Wanting Death is A Recipe For Unhappiness

Deep in the middle of a dark, rainy day last winter, I noticed one of my neighbors limping.

We had many talks over the fence during summer lawn-mowing days. We took in each other’s mail if we were ever on vacation. I borrowed their ladder.

I had the thought at the time to joke with him because I myself was on crutches, not able to sit, and mostly lying in bed, healing.

I’ll talk with him once I’m back on my feet, I thought. 

He and his partner left their usual holiday goodies tin at our door. They made them together for everyone in the neighborhood every year. I had heard them knock, but couldn’t get up to answer. 

Then it just seemed quieter over there. Much quieter. I never saw my neighbor with the limp. I had the thought that he was gone.

Yesterday, I finally went over to their house to check in, say hello. No answer, so I left a card in their mailbox. 

It turned out, he recently died. 

His limp was cancer riddling his leg and then his whole body. 

I talked for a long time with his life partner, more than we ever have in 8 years of being neighbors. I heard about both their families, the story of the disease, the funeral. 

I can hear the mind get fired up, begin to make comments here and there in the background. 

I should have gone over there sooner. I could have had them come by for tea during the holidays. We never shared a meal. There’s nothing I can do now. I missed my chance. He’s gone. He was younger than me. Everything’s temporary.

I know its not true. But a melancholy sense of the briefness of life. 

How do I react when I believe he died and I’ll never get the chance to deepen the relationship, see him, do happy neighborly things, share more?

Sad, concerned, aware of how brief This all seems sometimes. Then I also have a voice that thinks it doesn’t matter, we weren’t very close. People die every day. 

The reactive mind sorts, categorizes, evaluates, chatters. Trying to reduce pain, manage information, protect, alert. 

So who would I be without the belief that I missed my chance to connect? Without the thought that it went less than the way it could have gone, that I should have gone over there sooner?

Here in the present, simply taking in this information. 

“Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder where the ‘younger you’ went? That is the unchanging sense of being noticing the changing world. Change can only be noticed against a background of stillness. There can be stillness without change, but there cannot be change without stillness.” ~ Fred Davis

Turning the thoughts around that my neighbor died, that it was a surprise, that it’s troubling to be unaware of when the ‘end’ will come, that I missed a chance for greater connection….

….an sense of the unknown fills the room, an alive pulsing mystery.

The wind blows a wind chime, the heater kicks on and hums, the lights glow. I look around and there are pictures, colors, shapes absolutely everywhere.

There is memory of my dear neighbors, one now without a body, one still in a body, also here in this present moment.

I shouldn’t have done anything sooner. It was perfect not to have them over for tea. We shared all that was needed to share. There’s anything and everything I can do now. I gained my chance for connection. He’s here. He was younger than me, how wonderful. 

Everything’s temporary.

Now, today, in this moment I notice the change in everything, every moment. The movement of all things. Energy and stillness. 

Today, I am here, tomorrow perhaps not. Halleluia.

“No argument in the world can make the slightest dent in what has already happened. Prayer can’t change it, begging and pleading can’t change it, punishing yourself can’t change it, your will has no power at all………nothing less than an open mind is creative enough to free you from the pain of arguing with what is. An open mind is the only way to peace. As long as you think that you know what should and shouldn’t happen, you’re trying to manipulate God. This is a recipe for unhappiness.” ~ Byron Katie

Today, I love being reminded through my dear neighbor’s passing, of even being willing to consider what is wonderful about everything being temporary, including my life.

What is wonderful about death for you, today? 

Much love, Grace