Grace, Author at Question with Grace

May 24, 2014

Summer Camp Freedom!

Summer Camp For The Mind is coming soon!

You can join for one month, or two, or all three…any months you choose for June, July, August.

What’s Summer Camp For The Mind?

It’s a program to support your inner enlightenment, give you community of other like-minded inquirers, make time to connect with others, refine your practice in self-inquiry using The Work, and keep awareness alive of questioning who you are and what you believe that creates stress.

Instead of nodding off to sleep, like I’ve done so often.

We do all this with live sessions and sharing online in a private forum.

Whether your primary issue right now is a partner, being single, money, job, boss, mother, father, overeating, sister, child, neighbor, pain, addiction, death…

…all of the above (so many encounters have perhaps created confusion, worry or discomfort in the past)…

…you get to look very deeply at your thinking, and you might discover what you’re looking at changes.

I’ve offered so many call-in times for Summer Camp For The Mind that you are almost certain to get some individual attention at a fraction of the cost of solo sessions.

There will be live 90 minute dial-in sessions on Monday late afternoons, Tuesday mornings, and Thursday later mornings, all Pacific time.

Plus a private email web forum for posting your work and sharing insights and finding partners to work with.

Check out the Summer Camp for The Mind page for more information by clicking right HERE.

A rare opportunity unlike anything I’ve ever offered.

Each month is only $97 for everything available during that entire month: live calls, online written exercises, forum sharing.

You just write to me and say which month you want to participate, or you can click here now if you’re joining for June:

You don’t even need to pack your bags, or bring your toothbrush…all you need to bring is an open mind.

Woohoo! Summer Camp! Freedom!

Much love, Grace

May 24, 2014

Get Over Them Not Getting Over It

Yesterday I was enrolled in an all-day course in Suicide Assessment and Prevention that is required now for my credential of Certified Counselor where I live in Washington state in the USA.

Lucky me, the course was taught by a wonderful friend of mine.

He showed us a film of a therapy session between a very depressed suicidal client and a loving, direct therapist. We saw the whole session in chunks. He’d pause the film for discussion time….then he’d show the next 15 minutes of the session, followed by more discussion.

I had a few thoughts I kept to myself…you’ll see why in a second.

Because now, I get to reveal them to you.

They’re sort of like the sediment at the bottom of a lake, the real drudge of judgment that sits down there that’s childish, mean and nasty.

So there the client was, suffering terribly because her husband had died of cancer. She quit her job to nurse him through it for two years, and then he died four months ago. She was listless, apathetic, weeping, sort-of zombieville, depressed…..obviously in agony.

This little voice in my head, that one on the bottom under water, said “Jeez what a whiner, get over it! You have nothing to live for because one person died? Thousands of people die everyday, get a grip!”

We were then asked to look at our own feelings about the people in the film.

Oh.

Not exactly compassionate. It’s sort of embarrassing. I notice how I want to explain, justify or defend, apologize.

But thoughts like these are some of the best for inquiry.

Maybe you can find a moment when you thought you should have been compassionate and understanding, but you just weren’t.

Instead you were rolling your eyes or whispering under your breath.

She or he should get over it.….is that true?

Yes. Good grief! Get out the violins!

Can you absolutely know its true though, 100%, that right now, right here, that person should SNAP get over it?

No. They aren’t over it. That’s reality. And who am I to say who should or should not be “over” things in their life.

How do you react when you think the thought she (or he) should get over it, get a grip, buck up, pull it together?

I’m very dismissive. I feel like getting away from that person. I want them to STOP crying!

Suddenly I remember my daughter sobbing her eyes out because I gave her hand-me-down clothes to the little neighbor girl.

At that time, my impatience inside was on fire. Twelve years ago…I went into my room and closed the door and hit the bed with my fists.

(Who should snap out of it…ahem?)

So who would you be without the belief that the person in question should get over that issue?

I’d look at them and see a person in great pain. Believing their very difficult thoughts about life, and their circumstances.

I’ve been there.

“It couldn’t be simpler, though people feel that there’s got to be something hidden behind it. It’s user-friendly: what you see is what you get. Whatever happens is good, and if you don’t think so, you can question your mind.” ~ Byron Katie

It doesn’t mean I have to rush in and help, or run away from the scene. Without me having any story, in fact, I take in that person in the film….I take in any person with a heavy, sad, anguished story, including sad daughters for example, and I rest, I relax in their presence.

I hear their sounds, I understand their plight, I breathe deeply, I let them be who they are.

I should get over it.

That’s more true. I should get over them getting over it.

Unclench the fists, quit the attack-on-sobbing philosophy I seem to repeat over and over again.

“Not knowing is true knowledge.” ~ Tao Te Ching #71

Much love, Grace

May 23, 2014

See Through Your Fear And Be Safe

My husband just reminded me that one year ago, we were on an airplane to Bali.

What a spectacular adventure, a luscious and very, very different place from where I call home in the Pacific Northwest. It was an entertaining series of connections, hilarious events, and profound beauty and adventure.

I must admit….I was nervous as we got on the airplane. Even the plane was unusual. Many of the people didn’t speak English, a humongous jet plane with 500+ people flying half way across the globe to Taipei.

And then another plane for yet another six hours or so all the way to the island of Bali in Indonesia.

I will never forget that very first night someplace brand new. People have them from time to time in their lives. The first night on a vacation, the first night in a new home, the first night after a huge change has occurred in life.

Before life was one way, now life is another way.

Our first night in Bali, as we climbed into the beautiful bed very tired after a huge number of hours traveling….

….there were sounds.

I mean, not just a bird call through the tall jungle trees. I’m talking SOUNDS.

Chirps, hums, hoots, howls, scampers, thumps, flapping.

We turned the light back on.

I glanced toward the bedside table at the half-eaten chocolate bar a good friend gave us for the journey. It was covered with swarming ants.

I had no idea, in a million years, that I would have the thought, almost like a feeling without thought….

….I am not safe.

Logically, I already knew I was safe. We’re in a gorgeous wood-carved elegant grass-roofed bungalow, the windows are unlatched and open to an inky warm night.

I chuckled to my husband and we tried connecting to internet but knew there wasn’t any.

We turned the light off again.

I was perhaps just barely drifting off, finally, when all of the sudden a loud sound kind of like a kazoo blasting through our room, followed by the call being repeated softer, softer, softer, then silence.

Was that a bird? What the heck?

Light on again. My heart beating fast.

Fortunately for me (and for my husband) I have The Work. I felt very anxious and was having a hard time going to sleep. I asked myself….is it true that I am not safe?

I’m not sure. My heart is beating. This is very different. So, yes.

Can you be absolutely certain, that you aren’t safe in that situation?

No. Humans live here.

How do I react when I think something isn’t safe?

This doesn’t have to be visiting another country. The wave of nervousness or anxiety might come over you some time. What happens when you believe it is true? That it means something real?

RUN! HELP! PANIC! HIDE!

Often, after the initial fearful experience, the mind kicks in trying to take over running, analyzing, and understanding the situation.

But who would you be without the thought that you are not safe? That you are threatened? That you need a solution, NOW?

“It is easy to be swept away by some overwhelming feeling, so it’s helpful to remember that any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, ‘You’re caught in the dream’.” ~ Byron Katie

This is truly profound to consider, just in your own imagination, who you would be without the belief that you are not safe.

You might go to sleep (that’s what I did!)

You might laugh, you might sob, you’d feel alive, full of peace, powerful, direct, in the flow, receptive, open, clear, connected, awed, friendly, expectant, still.

I continue to practice recognizing this deep, underlying belief that I am not safe, wasn’t safe before, and will not be safe again in the future.

I turn the thought around: I am safe.

What does “safe” even mean? What do I think is threatened here? Who is this “I” who is unsafe or safe?

Some days later after that first night, we met with good friends from Seattle and were staying in another area. We saw a big lizard about 8 inches long on the wall, with little suction feet.

Someone said, “oh, you hear those guys all the time with their big one-time call at night like a big warning bell that starts loud and gets softer and softer.”

WOW! THAT was what startled me so wildly I couldn’t sleep? It’s so tame looking, it doesn’t bite people, and they even have stories about the interpretation of how many beats the sounds last and what those might mean.

Enchanting!

And I notice I was safe, whether I “knew” what the sound was or not.

Remembering that incredible adventure now, the exotic, unusual, wonderful air, the smells, the land, the feel….

….I delight in seeing that whatever I imagine needs protection is not exactly “mine” (or even “real”) in the first place: my body, my identity, my country, my relationship, my money, my home.

Traveling to Bali offered the experience of swimming in the sea of this reality, without knowing what it means.

That can happen right here, right now, no matter where you are, familiar or new.

“There is no greater illusion than fear, no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself, no greater misfortune than having an enemy. Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.” ~ Tao Te Ching #46

In this moment, I look around with fresh new eyes at the computer screen, the leaves in the wind through the glass window, I feel the chair beneath me, I hear the murmur of people outside walking by.

Feeling the safety of only one important thing, the only thing that’s ever always been here without change, this center within.

Much love, Grace

May 22, 2014

Be Intimate With Those Who Think Badly Of You

Last night the Money class met and we looked at such a simple and very common thought….

….that person should appreciate my work.

There you are, doing what you do to earn money, receive money, or be supported by money, like go to a job, and in the middle of that activity you are not appreciated.

Oh boy. Not only to I “have” to go to this job, but I even have to deal with so-and-so the unappreciative one.

I remember having a job long ago where the person I interacted with the most of all I considered to be harsh, judgmental, critical, fakey, false and needy. She had complained about me and ever since then, I felt like I was in trouble and needed to be vigilant.

Heh heh. She was so upsetting!

It was true!

How did I react when I believed that she was all those things, and totally and completely unappreciative of my work?

I gave her the silent treatment.

Of course, inside, I was scared to death. I felt nervous around her, I wanted to retreat. I was afraid because she had criticized me once in a pretty big way….and it lingered. I thought of her as dangerous. She might hurt me again.

Like a cute little bulldog that would bite my hand off if I reached out to pet it.

But who would I be without that belief that she never appreciated me, or my work, and she should?

Sometimes with this question, people will think….WAIT! I need that thought! Otherwise, I’ll forget, I’ll reach out to pet her, and SNAP, no more hand!

I have found that it’s very stressful to continue to believe you must be cautious and careful.

But it’s not always easy to drop the thought that someone should appreciate you, who doesn’t.

It has a sort of edgy drama that can be dark, secretive, victim-y.

Oh, poor little me, she was such a &@*$% to me, and I will NEVER let her get close EVER and I dare her to try to get close to ME!

I mean, without the thought that she didn’t appreciate me, I couldn’t write my musical drama and perform it every day (on the inside of course) with her playing the villain role, and me playing the heroine.

Sigh.

If I really gave all that up, and imagined what it would be like to be in that person’s presence without the belief that I need her appreciation, ever…..

…..its entirely different, a world apart. Laughing, bouncing, peaceful to the core, imagining new possibilities, noticing so much more in my environment, feeling joy, moving on to other interests, noticing her attributes, her gentleness, how non-threatening she really is.

I feel MORE creative!

Turning the thought around: she should NOT have appreciated my work, in fact, I should have appreciated HER work, and I most of all should have appreciated myself.

Her being who she was offered an invitation to me to speak up, ask for what I wanted, detach (in a good way), simply be myself, express appreciation to her, shift fear into power.

Even though that happened many years ago, in this moment now I am still appreciating that exchange I had with that woman who sparked passion, confusion and clarity in me.

In fact, she helped me take my next steps in the world of work, I was inspired to contemplate myself, to resolve. I became aware of my own insecurity. I became clear about how much appreciation it appeared that I needed at all times in order to feel safe or happy.

No wonder I was so anxious!

Most of all, I loved how in our class last night one wise inquirer commented about this word “appreciation” and how it actually is used in financial terminology all the time.

Appreciation is gaining in value, getting lifted up, lifted higher in worth.

Can I do that for others, and for myself?

Yes.

“If a criticism hurts you, that means you’re defending against it. Your body will let you know very clearly when you’re feeling hurt or defensive. If you don’t pay attention, the feeling rises and becomes anger and attack, in the form of defense or justification….Criticism is an immense gift for those who are interested in self-realization. For those who aren’t, welcome to hell, welcome to being at war with your partner, your neighbors, your children, your boss….until you can be intimate with us however badly we think of you, you Work isn’t done.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

May 21, 2014

Is Saying Goodbye Hard?

Yesterday was the very last session of the first Year of Inquiry group that’s been meeting since June last year.

Wow, what a spectacular experience.

During our last month together, the topic has been Death, Endings, Parting Ways, Goodbyes.

Today we looked at the belief “goodbyes are hard”.

Such a simple thought, and so full of sadness, drama, memories, anticipation.

Questioning the thought doesn’t mean you arrive and land on a new belief that goodbyes are easy….maybe they are hard and that’s actually completely OK with you, with life, with reality.

But it’s very powerful to look at why you think they are hard, and who is this “you” who believes so resolutely that goodbyes (especially in death) are dreadful.

One wonderful inquirer had a situation where he was alone in the house, concerned that his wife may not return. Another inquirer considered the loss of her ego, her own identity. Someone else had already experienced a shocking sudden death of her partner in the past.

What if there MIGHT be a goodbye? What if something terrible happens?

Let’s look.

Goodbyes are hard…..is that true?

Yes. I’d do anything to talk with my dad again. Accidents, illness, death, break-ups, loss, time passing, friendships ending, people moving away.

Sad! Horrible! Painful! Confusing! WHY?!

But can you absolutely KNOW that it’s true that Goodbyes are hard?

No. Not in every part of me. My mind may think so, but I also notice that I don’t think about my father 24/7. At all. Thoughts appear, then they dissolve.

I don’t really know if they are “hard” at all. Grief pours out, then it passes.

How do you react when you believe that Goodbyes are hard?

People have many reactions: avoid connecting too deeply, stay connected even though its time to move on, fail to notice that all is very well even when someone leaves, pine, cry, feel hopeless.

Now….who would you be without that belief that Goodbyes are hard?

What if Goodbyes are easy? What if Goodbyes are soft?

Bizarre, right?

But I notice that it’s profound to not believe, right here in this moment, that endings are terrible. Shakespeare said “parting is such sweet sorrow.”

In my life, it is beautiful to let go of all the control, allow reality to include both goodbyes and hellos. (All the inquirers had a chuckle thinking about the turnaround “Hello’s are hard”….good to see why and explore THAT one a bit!)

Because I notice I have zero control over all this coming and going anyway. Trusting it might be a good idea.

“If I were to tell the story of reality, it would have to be a love story. The story would be told as life lives itself out, always kinder and kinder, with twists and turns that cannot be projected into the distance. For example, if my daughter dies, I realize that there is no self to be affected. It’s not about me. This is about her life, my child’s life, and I celebrate her freedom, because I know the freedom of unidentified mind–the unceasing body-less mind that is finally awake to itself, the mind that never existed as a her, and the her that can never die.” ~ Byron Katie

In the end on our touching, deep and astounding call yesterday, I felt such gratitude for the hellos and goodbyes I’ve encountered with every single YOI member, and every human I’ve ever met.

And how astonishing to consider and sit in awe of these turnarounds: I am willing to say goodbye, I am willing to have the thought that goodbyes are hard, to feel separated, to part ways, to die, to have others die who I love.

I look forward to all the ways in my life to come when I will say goodbye, I look forward to when I will have the thought that it’s hard, when I may feel separated, when I part ways, to die, to have others die who I love.

The weight that is lifted in being open to all change, five minutes from now, five years from now, fifteen years from now, fifty years from now….is a weight worth putting down.

If you’d like to join the next Year of Inquiry and really begin a regular practice with a guaranteed fabulous group, we’ll begin again in September 2014. Registration is not open yet for YOI, but you can write to me if you’re interested as it is by application only by hitting reply.

“Seeing into darkness is clarity. Knowing how to yield is strength. Use your own light and return to the source of light. This is called practicing eternity.” ~ Tao Te Ching #52

Much love, Grace

May 20, 2014

When No One Shows Up, Question Your Thoughts

Breitenbush does still have one cabin (without plumbing) left with two beds. You can register for our workshop and take only one bed, knowing the other may be filled, or find a friend to join us! A very inexpensive way to come to Breitenbush.

These are the last two spots and it’s going to be a fabulous four days of immersion in The Work, the healing summer forest, natural hot springs, and simple delicious food. June 25-29. Call Breitenbush to make your reservation 503-854-7174.

*****

Speaking of workshops, planning, programs and goals….

….just about everyone organizes something for the future fairly regularly in their lives.

A vacation for yourself and a pack of friends, a special trip for you and your partner, a surprise party for your best friend, a fundraiser at your job, signing up for a new class, offering a class yourself, putting on a big event where people will be coming to gather, learn, have fun, find meaning.

The other day, a friend of mine shared how he had decided to have a one-day meditation and movement workshop in his city (which is not mine).

He posted it on facebook, sent emails, prepared folders for people, put up flyers at coffee houses and got excited for this special day…his first workshop offered ever!

The day of the session he arrived very early and prepared the space, setting up a circle of about twenty chairs.

Then he waited, and waited, and waited.

Not one person showed up.

He stayed the entire length of the workshop, sitting quietly even though sometimes, he was panicking. He kept writing down his thoughts, and then answering the four questions.

I’ve had these kinds of thoughts. Ooooh boy, they can be deeply stressful, and they can also be incredible to bring to inquiry.

nobody is coming
this was a terrible idea
no one cares about this topic
I’m doing something wrong
I’m not good enough

It’s not very difficult for even the most easy-going person to feel embarrassed, or wrong, or very disappointed. Just like if you planned a party, invited people, and nobody showed up.

How do you react when you believe there’s something wrong with you, or you aren’t good enough, or it means no one cares, or you had a terrible idea?

Once I had a “meetup”…that online site where you can create a gathering after registering.

The first one was fantastic, many people came and I was thrilled. I’m not even sure how that happened, how it was so successful, because I didn’t post it anywhere except the meetup site!

So I scheduled another meetup about 3 months later, in a different location. Only 4 people came. One of them said “I love doing The Work, but I’m not in the market for anything where I have to pay, so don’t try to sell me anything.”

Gulp.

Who would you be without the belief that this means something about YOU? And it’s bad?

Here’s what I found, without the thought….and it’s really spectacular news: a feeling of incredible energy and curiosity about what else to do, learning what’s missing, studying how others achieve attendance, learning how to deeply connect with others, serve, make genuine contact.

Now that’s exciting. And has nothing to do with me as a personality.

Let’s turn the thoughts all around:

I am coming (I am not nobody)…and everybody is coming
this was a fantastic idea
everyone cares about this topic
I’m doing something right
I am good enough

Can you find real, authentic examples of how you know these turnarounds to be true, or truer?

And from this place……the excited, anticipating, joyful, creative place of knowing you have a fantastic idea?

You may find one of my favorite questions for imagining anything coming in the future, that begins with…..HOW?

“How CAN I get this party hoppin’, how CAN I fill this retreat, how CAN I share myself with others, how CAN I learn to do this?”

Because you can, if you want to. You are good enough.

Do The Work, find your answers. No rush, just right timing.

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

I notice every single time there have been fewer people than anticipated for something I help create, there have been beautiful advantages for the exact number actually present.

Great intimacy, silence, trust, peace.

And funny thing….the fewer painful beliefs I have about what should or should not happen with upcoming events….the bigger they become.

“Rushing into action, you fail. Trying to grasp things, you lose them. Forcing a project to completion, you ruin what was almost ripe. Therefore the Master takes action by letting things take their course. He remains as calm at the end as the beginning. He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.” ~ Tao Te Ching #64

Much love, Grace

May 19, 2014

The Teacher You Need Is The One You’re Living With

The spring air was sweet, the rhododendrons bursting with ecstatic pink and red colors, the green everywhere all vivid and boisterous.

I went to a special event with my 17 year old daughter where someone showed up in the row in front of us who I went to college with, someone else in the same row recognized me from a long ferry ride six years ago, an old neighbor ran into me at the end in the aisle. I loved being there, the air was happy.

My daughter and I grocery-shopped and exchanged comments on how much we loved that store, everybody smiles there! So homey!

All was well!

Until…

….a little after returning home.

After happily unpacking groceries, checking emails, and doing a few other tasks, I went out to the garage looking for my husband, to say hello and see how his morning went.

When I opened the door of the garage, the loud sound of hockey on the TV, a container of friend chicken mostly eaten, an empty bottle of coke on the desk.

Instant thought: this is a waste of time and health.

Heh heh.

The moment washed through me and left as quick as a flash flood, but I remember a time when I would enter this kind of scene and act like I was under some kind of attack in the middle of a war zone, my judgment and defense was so up.

On the inside of course, I wouldn’t run screaming from the room and hide under a table. But you would think I’d been very seriously threatened, the way I was all fuming up on the inside with anti-TV and anti-junk-food commentary.

Here are some questions to ask yourself, to dissect that irritated moment and look more closely: When you see that situation, why is it bad? What’s wrong with that behavior, that scene, that person doing those things? What’s the worse that could happen, if it continues? What does it mean for you?

In my situation, it meant nothing creative is occurring, health is being jeopardized, time is being “wasted”.

Why should that person change? How would it make your life easier? Don’t immediately feel embarrassed for being selfish or hyper-critical…listen to yourself closely.

Then investigate with The Work.

The lists of needs that people have for their partners can be insanely long. People get really squirrelly about this, like even if they are seeking a mate and they are single.

I need my partner to never waste time, have good taste in music, clothes and art, eat well, maintain excellent health, be patient at all times, be creative, be successful, be wise, wealthy, unusual, spiritual, cutting edge, good conversationalist….you may have your list unconsciously placed in your mind and not even know it.

But that’s what you need…..is it true?

No.

If you answered “yes”, see if it’s absolutely 100% true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

How do you react when you think someone should be like “x” and they are not? Or you can’t even find a person who is “x”?

Annoyed, irritable, fuming, critical and vicious. Maybe even sad, disappointed and isolating.

Once I knew a woman who had complained about her husband for 15 years. Every time I talked with her, she confided in me the same complaint.

He was always passive, not romantic enough, a workaholic, bland and lacked passion.

Who would you be without the thought that the behavior you’re witnessing is bothersome, in any way whatsoever?

Yes, really.

If you never thought that was wrong, a waste, troubling or bad…for you or for them.

Pretty amazing, pretty fun. No need to control, harp, get upset, and a lightness within, a return to your own inner self.

Without the thought, I get to come back to me and simply see what I prefer in this moment. I don’t need to make anyone agree with me, I just move out of the room, or the thoughts unravel themselves and I notice how fun this game is, how playful the atmosphere.

Turning the thought around…

My thinking is a waste of time and health, not his behavior.

Yikes!

“The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~ Byron Katie

The thing is, I can love with all my heart, and it doesn’t mean I need to watch hockey. But if I do, I could be surprised and curious, and enjoy it or learn something new.

Without any time and joy-wasting thoughts that I need to see certain qualities (or, I demand certain qualities) the freedom is so immense, it’s incredible.

I give up the imaginary person and notice the real one instead.

The real husband in my particular situation is one of the most happy, loving, joyful, accepting, wise people I’ve ever known. And he shows me what playing, relaxing and being looks like.

“Sanity doesn’t suffer, ever. A clear mind is beautiful and sees only its own reflection. It bows in humility to itself; it falls at its own feet. It doesn’t add anything or subtract anything; it simply knows the difference between what’s real and what’s not. And because of this, danger isn’t a possibility.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

May 18, 2014

When You Think You Don’t Have Enough Money

One of my favorite topics for The Work has been Money.

So many thoughts about money, so many sticky areas of concern, so many feelings about buying, selling, getting, accumulating, or losing money.

Many of the beliefs we have about money are like broken records, repeating themselves over and over, and we don’t even realize it.

Well, I sure didn’t realize it.

The beliefs went by so fast and were so nerve-wracking, my usual way was to ignore, avoid and not get involved with money if at all possible. I didn’t really like even noticing my beliefs. They were so stressful!

Trouble is, when you ignore an uncomfortable situation….it tends to build up and get more pronounced over time.

So when I found myself about to lose my home to foreclosure, out of work, unexpectedly divorced, without health insurance, and unable to pay for my children’s music lessons any longer (in fact, they went on the reduced lunch program at school for families with low income)….

….I HAD to look at my beliefs about money.

It all began with one.

I don’t have enough money.

Now, it’s helpful to review with yourself what you don’t have enough money for. You probably have enough money to eat, have a home, sleep, drink water, get your basic needs met.

Maybe you couldn’t buy that car for sale down the block, maybe you can’t go shopping this afternoon and buy lots of clothes. Or maybe you don’t have enough money for guaranteed security, in case something happens? Medical fees in case you have some, later?

Or maybe you don’t have enough money to keep your house, or to stay home instead of going to work at a job you don’t like that much.

So once you see what you don’t have enough money for….

….hold your disappointment and your situation vividly in your mind and answer the four questions.

I don’t have enough money (in my case, to pay off my entire house loan).

Is that true?

Yes, it’s a fact. It’s absolutely true.

But notice how quickly there’s an emotional reaction….it will always be true, this is terrible, I’m stuck, I hate debts and this mortgage is a big one, I HAFTA get more money, this is urgent, I’ll work harder.

Worry, worry. Push, push. Harder, harder!

For some people, this can get exhausting.

So who would you be without the thought? Without the belief that right now you don’t have enough money?

Look around wherever you are, noticing your environment. See if you’re safe, comfortable, supported.

I notice I am.

It’s even exciting, to feel what it’s like without that belief that there’s not enough of something. To trust this moment, not by thinking positively but by actually noticing what is here, right now, in the present.

Turn the thought around: I do have enough money.

It’s so easy for me to see. I have enough to be here in this house right now (even though I owe money on it). I love living here. Every month I send extra to the mortgage company. I’m paying the most I can. It’s actually fun, it’s a game. The balance drops lower every time I open a statement.

Another turnaround: I don’t have enough of myself….and neither does money.

Yes…..I see how in the past I haven’t shared myself, I’ve been self-critical, I haven’t been a very nice companion to myself, and I haven’t been very kind to money. I’ve yelled at it for leaving me. I’ve felt both inferior and superior to those other people who have a lot of it, or none of it.

I’ve avoided learning about money, I’ve gasped at items that cost huge amounts of money, I’ve been hyper-worried about money, I’ve been disrespectful towards money.

Kinda love/hate.

After that work on money, I began to make friends with money and to trust that I had just the right amount of it at any given moment.

Funny, money comes around more since I started being such a good friend to it, and to myself.

“I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what e-mails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. We’ll do some good, awesome work on Money and other concerns in Summer Camp for anyone who wants! June, July and August…come one, come all if you’d like to join with me and fellow inquiring travelers for 1, 2 or 3 months of fun, diving into all kinds of investigations on painful beliefs we carry. More on Summer Camp soon!

May 16, 2014

Hurting And Not Hurting Flow Together

Yesterday I had to lie flat on my bed all afternoon, taking ibuprofen (anti-inflammatory pain pills).

Remember the right hamstring story from six months ago?

Well, even if you don’t….this lower right back hamstring nerve area was hurting, the place I tore last year followed by surgery. I tweaked it dancing recently. Again.

Rats. There is nothing good about this! Fist shaking at the sky!

This is definitely a problem!!

Doing The Work on physical ailments can be really amazing. Let’s go for it!

Is it true that this is bad, I hate the pain, nothing good can come of it? Is it true that it hurts?

Yes. I can still feel it now, what are you talking about…is it true.Jeez.

But can you absolutely know that this is a bad situation, a situation to hate, a problem, a difficulty…that this really does hurt?

No.

I worked with clients, answered emails, even had an awesome session with a beautiful inquirer who always devotes two hours to her work, and my back and hamstring never crossed my mind during any of these activities or interactions.

How do I react when I don’t like the physical sensation I feel?

I clutch against it. I think about the future and how it will get worse. I think things like “I have to stop dancing, I can’t bike, I can’t run, I’m aging, this is getting worse, there is no way for this to go but downhill, I’ll be dealing with this forever until I’m dead.”

I get pictures of my mom and her own back issues and want to interview her about exactly every minutia of experience she’s had, what she did, how I can short cut the process to No Pain.

I react also by ignoring the pain. Pain, what pain? Who cares?

So who would you be without the thought that this is wrong, difficult, bad, that I’m against this sensation? Without the thought that I hurt?

“You put someone that understands the mind in a cell and lock the door and tell them that they’re never going to be released and that’s it for life……and if they love everything they think, then they really are experiencing gratitude. If they don’t love what they think, it’s a torture chamber.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought, I notice a very strong sensation, tingling, I want to either lie still or shift around. I notice I forget about it as the mind becomes interested in other things, the room gets fuller, then the attention towards this area becomes more acute again.

I feel pressure, like a rock with sharp edges, stuck in my lower right back. I think of calling the doctor, or calling the physical therapist….maybe I do.

Without the thought that this is a grave, serious, terrible, difficult or annoying situation (this could apply to any situation, right?) then I am simply here, living this experience.

“It’s amazing to see what we end up doing with our Will. We actually assert our will in opposition to the flow of life. If something happens that we don’t like, we resist it. But since what we’re resisting has already taken place, what good is it to resist?…It does not do anything to the reality of that situation.” ~ Michael Singer

Turning the thought around: this is a wonderful situation, it doesn’t hurt.

This is not denial, it’s actually playing with the awareness of all things, all sides….entering non-duality.

Yesterday, I lay in bed and did The Work with others for 7 hours. I had breaks, I wrote, I got up and ate a delicious orange and leftover pizza. I talked with my funny and beautiful daughter.

How spectacular to notice that even though it hurts, it also doesn’t hurt.

Much love, Grace

May 15, 2014

Find Your Invincible Summer

Many people have been writing to me about Summer Camp for The Mind 2014……A Space Odyssey.

Just kidding about the Space Odyssey part! (Sort of!)

Because actually….being with the mind is often like entering a huge infinite space.

There are so many thoughts, perceptions, and constant incoming data and sensations all day long. The mind is logging events, information, words, pictures, feelings, ideas, assumptions, conclusions, doubts.

Trouble is…..space feels sometimes frightening (sometimes absolutely terrifying) and sometimes joyfully and wildly expansive.

But I love that venturing into this crazy frontier only needs to happen one thought at a time.

Like a meditation practice, I can sit, inquire, ponder the silence and enter the place where maybe, just maybe, its OK to Not Know.

A most wonderful, simple, step-by-step way to enter the space of the mind, full of freedom and possibilities, and love….through inquiry.

That’s what we’ll do in Summer Camp.

Here’s how Summer Camp for The Mind will work in a nutshell:

There will be several live dial-in options to call and do The Work with a small group of inquirers. You can be in the working hot seat, share your own answers as the inquiry progresses, or choose to listen only.

All calls will be recorded so if you miss, you can listen later.

Everyone will have access to a totally private membership site to share their work, answers, questions, comments.

Some live telecalls will address very common underlying beliefs. Come with an open mind, ready for exploration. You may find unexpected lightness by the end of inquiry.

Flat fee of $97 per month for June, July and August, you can come and go as you please. Sign up or opt-out any time.

Telecall times are Tuesday mornings, Thursday later mornings, and Monday late afternoons all Pacific Time. Call when it’s best for you and enter the peace of inquiry.

I’m offering Summer Camp For The Mind for you if you’re ready to try group calls without long-term commitment, if you’re interested in Year Of Inquiry but want a “taste” first of how it feels, or if you’re ready to put self-inquiry into deeper practice in your life.

Because….I didn’t do The Work once and have fireworks go off and never need or want to do it again.

Not at all. Like meditation, this has been a glorious, ongoing, steady practice.

The more I’ve played in inquiry, the easier life has become. Or, was life already easy…and I just didn’t see it that way, yet?

“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” ~ Albert Camus

I would love for you to join me in exploring your own invincible summer. We start online on Sunday, June 1st, and the first telecall is Monday, June 2rd. We’ll camp all summer until the end of August.

Exact telecall dates are HERE. Seven Monday late afternoons, seven Tuesday mornings, seven Thursday later mornings, all Pacific Time.

“This work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself. Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down or hopeless you think you are…” ~ Byron Katie

If you’ve had trouble staying steady for a period of time in inquiry. Join a tribe of fascinating fellow-investigators.

Can’t wait to meet you.

Much love, Grace