Legitimate Reasons To Suffer

Recently my  days, including the Thursday Year of Inquiry group since that’s our topic for the month now, have been full of one after the other profound inquiries on some of the radical situations we go through in life: death, loss, whole communities suffering in civil unrest, poverty.

Sudden change occurs in life; someone gone unexpectedly, a whole country in revolution, a beloved pet killed, an apartment building burned to the ground, a family dying in a car wreck.

Upon reflecting on the amazing people who appear for inquiry in my life and their stories, I had the interesting thought:

It’s better if you know it’s going to happen, it’s better if you’re prepared.

Huh, I said to myself. That seems pretty true.

There are seminars on preparedness!

Like for wilderness survival, earthquakes, taking tests, interviews, retirement, giving birth, attending college.

The tricky part….and funny how the mind can FIND this to be tricky….is when you believe it’s better to be prepared for something you can’t actually prepare for.

Like “sudden” change, death, loss, social uprising, revolution, suffering, a diagnosis.

But I can feel the part of the mind that really believes in endless preparation. The one that thinks 3 degrees maybe aren’t quite enough, and more classes are needed, and if you just knew what to expect, it would be easier.

It’s kind stressy.

So who would you be without the belief that it’s better to be prepared for things that happen?

Without the belief that you could be MORE prepared than you are?

“But God can only smile because only God can know what is coming next.” ~ Desmond Tutu

Turning the thoughts around, I find most astonishing: It’s better to be right where I am, unprepared. It’s better not knowing when I don’t know.

Doesn’t that feel more exciting, more tender, more loving and kind?

So many things that I was spared from knowing, until later when I knew them.

So good I didn’t know, so good I still don’t know, right?

Some things are saved for later, for their perfect timing. Maybe the best is saved for last….death.

Maybe it isn’t “last”, just like everything else. And it’s obviously not necessary to know what’s next.

“You move totally away from reality when you believe there is a legitimate reason to suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

Truly incredible.

Much love, Grace

P.S. One camp spot open at Breitenbush in the beautiful glorious summer weather. We can squeeze you in if you can make it. June 25-29. Join us!

Knock Knock, Who’s There? Eternal Nagging

I’ve mentioned before that the guy who’s often called the father of modern psychology, William James, is quoted as saying:

“There is nothing so fatiguing as the eternal nagging of an uncompleted task.”

But WE know it’s really about the eternal nagging of an “un-inquired thought.”

By that I mean a thought that keeps knocking…and knocking… and knocking on the door of our awareness….

…politely trying to get our attention at first.

Maybe just having a little sour feeling about some upcoming tasks.

Then you remember that incident with your mother, quite a long time ago, and you feel disturbed.

Then you have a startling moment with your teenager and the thought, you realize, is more present.

Cranking it from a gentle knock and a whisper…to a thump and a loud cough…to a louder, “HEY!,”….

And then you experience a shattering betrayal, a frightening accident, a dreadful loss.

The eternal nagging has become a scream, and it’ll kick the door down if we continue to ignore it.

It’s like the Ever Ready Bunny that keeps going…and going…and going…

Of course, I think a wonderful and safe place to “open the door,” acknowledge the knocking, and inquire into the thought and the pain, is to sit yourself down and do The Work.

You can do this in Summer Camp this summer, or a teleclass (Eating Peace will begin in a month, stay tuned), or in a Year of Inquiry if you’re serious about the practice of investigating thoughts, starting in September.

Begin by writing down what nags at you, what disturbs you. Visit your worries, invite them in.

Before they turn into really rowdy, difficult guests.

But even if they are difficult, you can do it.

Be better than well.

Much love, Grace

 

Do You Think Someone Should Speak Up?

Yesterday morning a wonderful group of sincere inquirers called in to Summer Camp teleconference to question their stressful thinking.

The painful concept that appeared on someone’s worksheet was that someone they love should speak up.

I could relate immediately.

Have you ever had the thought that someone you care about should speak up? Say it? Stand up? Drop the quiet thing and ask for what they need?

Oh boy. I’ve had this moment with one of my kids, with a very good friend, with my dad…..and with myself.

I’ve even had people in my past say this to me, like….dang, you should give him a piece of your mind, you should tell her off, you should stand up for yourself!!!

But what every inquirer noticed in our group was that when you believe it to be true, and it’s not happening, you feel aggressive about it, frustrated, annoyed, pushy, anxious….

….and something about the whole desire for someone to speak up feels off.

You are against that person being as they are, all mute and quiet over there.

Some people feel that without the belief that speaking up should happen, then they would lose, be passive, be crushed, or be used.

It’s really helpful to ask yourself why speaking up needs to happen, from you or anyone. (And then you could ask yourself also why speaking up is frightening, if it is.)

But let’s look at that other person right now, who should speak up.

I once had a really great friend in college who was super crazy shy. Funny enough, he was also a performer, so he was on stage often. He rocked the house in theater.

But when stuff happened in his personal life, and he needed to make a request or state his point of view….he got really mumbling nervous and careful and hesitant.

He should speak up! Gawd! Spit it out!

Is it true?

Oh. Well. I’m not sure, truth be told. There could be good reasons why not talking is helpful, or waiting to speak is a calmer idea.

No, I guess it’s not true.

How do I react when I believe that thought?

Frustrated! Critical! I roll my eyes and don’t want to deal with him. I feel separate, and superior (yikes). Inside my head I’m noticing what a dorkish, weak, pathetic person he is. I think he’ll never get anywhere in life, even if he’s a good actor on stage.

Kind of intense!

But who would I be without the thought, in the presence of that person who should speak up?

A huge weight lifts off my chest, out of my heart. I feel lighter, relaxed. I notice the dearness of that person and how gentle they are, so willing to wait, be soft with words. Maybe they are confused, and yet they don’t fight or push.

I see someone doing their best, who has a different idea than me about what should be said.

I turn the thought around: he should not speak up, I should speak up to him, I should speak up to myself.

I sit with these turnarounds and look for examples.

What I wanted with this speaking up business was for him to be happy and content. Maybe he’s already happy and content, without speaking up.

Silence is pretty awesome, that’s for sure.

Oh, and perhaps since I’m the one taking notice of speaking up, I could open a conversation myself, kindly, about what I’m seeing….with my friend.

Ultimately, could I be yearning for some kind of speaking up to happen inside MOI?

Yes, I could stop speaking poorly about myself, I could stop chattering away at what I did or did not do well, I could notice how much I love that quiet non-speaking friend, child, or parent.

I could see how much happiness and contentment is present here, inside me, inside that other person, whether speaking happens or not.

Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.~ Miguel Angel Ruiz 

Today I notice how gentle I feel towards all those sweet people who didn’t speak up confidently, and how gentle I feel towards myself for not speaking up confidently when I thought I should.

“True words aren’t eloquent; eloquent words aren’t true. Wise men don’t need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren’t wise….The Tao nourishes by not forcing. By not dominating, the Master leads.” ~ Tao Te Ching #81

Much love, Grace

 

If You Knew You Wouldn’t Suffer In The Future

I love the magnificent group of people who have signed up for Summer Camp.

One person joined even though she can’t make the three live sessions per week, just to share on the forum and listen to our inquiries.

As one camper said….I’m so excited by the idea of Camp….

….because you just show up.

Sometimes, that’s a huge step and all you need to do, to begin a movement towards something in your life that you know feels important.

Even if from the outside, it looks like a baby step.

You go to a meeting, you ride your bike on a different route, you show up at someone’s party whose house you’ve never visited, you enter a different store, you enroll in a trial dance class, you park your car in a different place in your home town and take a walk.

Only once. We’re not talking for weeks or months or years.

What’s the worst that could happen?

You may think things like “I might be disappointed, it may be a waste of time, it may be a waste of money, I won’t feel better, I won’t like it, why bother.”

These thoughts are great for self-inquiry.

This past weekend I spent a good portion of Saturday afternoon working. At 8:30 pm, feeling complete, I could have started reading a book (one of my favorite things to do) but instead, wanting to show up, my husband and I went to a friend’s gathering….

….about four hours after the appointed start time. We went anyway.

We had a ball! Good conversation, happy welcome, lovely connection with friends and stayed up until 1 am.

If you have a pull towards something, it doesn’t mean that the thing you try will be the best thing you’ve ever done in your life…but how sweet to question your thinking that would prevent you from showing up.

Is it true that you MIGHT be disappointed? That it might not be fabulous? That you would waste something (time, money) potentially, by going?

Yes! Of course that’s true! Disappointing things have happened, and they may happen again!

But are you absolutely sure?

Interesting question.

It seems impossible to know whether you would love or hate something, before it happens….

….but I notice how the thought “I might not like it” is NOT hands-down absolutely without-a-doubt true. Not at all.

And what if it’s not even a risk?

Freedom to come and go, trust myself and any process that unfolds in front of me, be there or move away, no expectations….

….ahhhhh. Now that’s more relaxing.

How do you react when you believe that thought that you may have a bad time, later?

Very, very careful about trying anything new. Suspicious. Nervous. Anxious. Afraid. Isolated. Worried about being worried later on. Good lord!

And without the belief that I might experience trouble, later?

Suddenly I’m more present. I’m here now, looking around. Noticing how free I am in this moment.

Without the belief that I might be disappointed later on, so best not rock the boat….when I look at past disappointments I can look more deeply to see if they REALLY were as bad as I think.

“Egoic consciousness is always pretending to be the most important thing that is happening. And yet there’s this thread, this sense of something other than, deeper than, more real than, more essential than this scattered and divided noise that so many human beings live in, in their minds. And right in the midst of all that, there is a presence, there is an awareness, an unconditioned awareness, an unconditioned consciousness. Right in the middle of this conditioned mind, conditioned consciousness, is this shining, unconditioned essence.” ~ Adyashanti

Turning the thoughts around: I might have a fantastic time, I will enjoy myself, I’ll like it, it’s not possible to waste money or time, I’ll feel better, I’ll learn something.

All just as true, or truer. 

In this moment right here, now, I notice that as I consider the turnarounds I’m happy, content, safe, open, curious, aware, learning, growing.

I can notice this about even the tiniest thing, the smallest proof of peace, here in this moment right now. Even if two seconds before I was remembering disappointment, or worried about things not going well tomorrow.

“Who would you be without the thought that you’re going to suffer in the future? This moment is all there is, and I can promise you that it’s all there ever will be. You’re standing in your future….You’re living your future right now. How are you doing? This is the only moment there is, everything else is imagination.” ~ Byron Katie

So today, I show up, here. This moment. Looking around and noticing how beautiful my surroundings, how fascinating, how everything just keeps getting better and better the more I relax.

The best of all, you are showing up too. You’re here, right?

That’s enough.

Much love, Grace

P.S. You can still join Summer Camp. Great people to meet and connect with for doing your work. Write grace@workwithgrace.com if you want to come on board.

 

What If I Invite Them, And They Don’t Come?

Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat June 25-29 has a car camping spot, plus one camp site, for anyone to stay on the grounds who wants to attend our retreat, which is bursting full (can’t wait to be with everyone who is coming)!

We’ve been moved to a larger retreat space at Breitenbush because of all the fabulous people enrolled (it’s called the River Yurt).

If you thought you were too late to come to Breitenbush, and you’re happy camping in a gorgeous old-growth forest near natural hot springs….then you’re in luck.

But call today, these last few spaces will go speedy quick.

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There’s such an astonishing quantity of inner beliefs around inviting, gathering, bringing people together, raising the roof, creating a tribe, forming a posse.

Even if you’re imagining a birthday celebration for yourself, with other people, and you want those you love to come together in one place, on the same day (preferably, ha ha!)….

….that one idea of putting out the invite alone is slightly stressful for some people.

Whether you’re super crazy shy or just a little uncomfortable with loads of attention and asking people to join you, little thoughts can appear that aren’t exactly friendly.

You may be a manager at work who has to get all the staff to come to a meeting, you may want to create a meaningful moment before a big occasion, you may want moral support from your very besties, you may be wanting to fill up a workshop or an event because you’re a healer with something important to offer, you may want to ask someone on a date.

Such an exciting idea!!

But then…..here come the thoughts:

  • no one will be available
  • they won’t want to come
  • I need to make sure they have a stunning mind-blowing magnificent time, or else they’ll never want to see me again
  • they’ll think I am (fill in the blank; boring, stupid, unworthy, attention-seeking, selfish, childish, inexperienced, unpolished, silly, unimportant, meek)
  • if everyone says no, it will prove I’m unworthy (and alone)
If you feel these kinds of thoughts, without questioning them, you’ll probably have a few butterflies in your stomach as you get ready to create an event.
Or a terrible sinking feeling of nerves-on-ice.
If you have a dream, and then you notice some doubts about who will show up to join you in that dream….
….let’s do The Work on it today and see what happens.
(It will be good).
The first thing to do is to get a really good solid picture of the WORST thing that could happen.
Seriously.
You invite people to your graduation party, and one or two people show up. They stay for a polite amount of time and exit.
Or whatever your scenario.
You know it’s already crossed your mind! So just go ahead and go there.
As you think about that uncomfortable future possibility….
….see if it’s true that it would be a bad thing if no one showed up, if the cute man you’ve wanted to ask to tea said no, or if your wedding was attended by only half the number you expected?
Yes. It’s true.
That would suck.
Are you positive?
Kind of. Um. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it would be bad.
How do you react when you believe it would be HORRIBLE if no one showed? That it means there’s something wrong with you, you are not liked, you’re boring?
How do you react when you think other people think you’re a dork? Or unworthy?
Sinking, sinking down to the bottom of the lake. Very disappointed. Sad. I’m stupid.
I should never have asked.
Ow.
But who would you be without those beliefs?
If you couldn’t even have the thought that it’s bad if no one shows up, that you aren’t important, or that it’s hard to invite people to things?
Oh. That’s different.
Yes, it’s more…..fun. It’s easy. It’s not a big effort, it’s just a question. I’m expressing an idea into the universe and seeing if there are others who want to join.
It’s not personal.
I can even keep asking, if I continue to want company, without expectation, for the joy of asking!
Without any of these beliefs, that future horror movie moment when it’s a supposed disaster is not a disaster. It’s just quieter, or more intimate than I thought it would be.
Just me, and silence.
I like silence.
I turn the thoughts around:
  • everyone will be available
  • they will want to come
  • I do NOT need to make sure they have a stunning mind-blowing magnificent time, I could make sure I myself have a stunning mind-blowing magnificent time
  • they’ll think I am (exciting, brilliant, worthy, content, self-confident, playful, experienced, polished, deep, important, strong)….and they’ll think whatever they think
  • if everyone says no, it proves nothing, and being alone is wonderful

“Success is an internal experience that’s lived out with nothing to stop it. If you could get this, it’s the end of suffering, the end of shortages…..Show me any area when you cannot play big. And no one ever has to know, it can be a secret. Every step is for you, for you, for you. Everything becomes big when you’re in service. You can’t even claim the service. When you’re aware of your life and how amazing you are, you see how amazing everything is. Even the ground that supports your next step.” ~ Byron Katie

  Wow, oh wow. Invite everyone. Don’t invite anyone. All absolutely brilliantly wonderful. This moment, now, full of such joyful sensation that I notice…. …everything and everyone is coming.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Definitely room in Summer Camp June Session. Group calls are Monday afternoons, Tuesday mornings, Thursday mid-mornings Pacific time. Try it, you might like it. Inquiry freedom! I’m inviting you–hee hee!

 

Who Doesn’t Get The Work?

I don’t get it.

That’s what I heard the other day when someone was referred to me by a close friend.

We were talking about The Work, coaching, goals and why his friend might have referred him to me.

As I spoke to this man, who reported he was happy in his career, his life as a single dad, and the status of his relationship with his previous wife….

….he eventually shared with me that he felt unrest.

Like a general malaise, a thought “is this all there is?” about life in general.

He felt bored.

He asked me what The Work entailed, never having heard of it before, ever.

I said that it was about questioning your thoughts that bring about anxiety, confusion, rage, sadness, despair…

….and boredom.

Then I asked him if he’d like to do The Work on his idea that life is boring for him, just a short overview, to take a look.

When I asked him who he would be without the belief that life is dull, bland, boring, discouraging….

….he said “I don’t get it.”

I shared a little more….”You imagine who you might be if you couldn’t even be thinking that thought that you’re bored, looking around at life, your environment, your world.”

He said it didn’t really make sense. That it was nice to imagine, but that’s not reality.

He said he was very grateful for the call.

But later, after hanging up, I was like “Phew, he has a long way to go.” I wonder if I’ll ever talk to him again.

And then The Work bubbling up immediately.

Is that really true?

Think about someone you think has a long road ahead, a big gap to bridge, someone who is confused, someone who doesn’t get it who you kinda wished DID get it.

How do you react when you believe they need to get something, including The Work?

Whether slight concern or really frustrated, it’s stressful.

But who would you be without the belief that the person in mind should get it, or even needs to? Without the thought in your head that they should be different, or understand what you’re saying, or grasp ANYTHING more than they do?

“You see persons and things not as they are but as you are.” ~ Anthony De Mello

In that moment of thought as it passes, where I think someone should get something, who is the one who doesn’t get it?

Maybe, that would be me!

“Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others–with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.” ~ Adyashanti

Thank you, person who didn’t get The Work in that moment.

Thank you everyone who doesn’t get whatever they don’t get, giving me time to practice and feel the joy of being compassionate with others, no matter what.

And thank you to myself for not getting anything, until I did. I trust the universe to handle what I get, when I get it…

…its a lot lighter that way.

Much love, Grace

How To Practice The Work As Meditation

The first time I ever meditated, it partially drove me crazy and partially thrilled me.

I had to set the alarm to meditate 15 minutes from start to finish, because before using the alarm, I would keep peeking at the clock to see how much time had gone by.

I took a meditation class about 25 years ago. I only showed up once.

And yet, I was quite interested. Someone gave me a book about meditation and its wonders.

I wasn’t sure what the fuss was all about….but I was still curious.

I would decide “I’m going to meditate every morning!” and strangely, never do it. Or do it for a few days, then never again.

It seemed like it would pop right out of my mind, or get stuffed under the rug because other things were more important…like getting kids to school.

I knew I needed support. Just to DO it!

So I registered again for another meditation class, and this time, I went every single week. We meditated for about 30 minutes every time in silence. I always closed my eyes and sat with my classmates in the circle, holding quite still.

I rarely meditated in between classes, but oh, that time in silence during class was peaceful, sometimes full of thinking, curious and frustrating all at once.

After the class was over, can you guess how often I meditated?

Yah, you got it.

Never.

A friend of mine at a party said she was going on a silent meditation retreat. We had our young children, playing in the grass around our feet.

I felt envious.

Dang…I still want to meditate!

I signed up for a different class, and then a retreat with the same teacher where we meditated a whole lot, for two-hour silent sessions several times a day for five days.

After that, for quite some time I meditated an hour a day by myself at home, every morning.

I didn’t question it, or get distracted, or decide it wasn’t important. I never missed my morning sitting.

It’s funny how something interesting and desired can be “hard” to practice if it’s new.

Like a new habit, one day it becomes vital to you. Instead of just thinking about doing it, you do it.

Then you get to see how it really works for YOU. You’re not doing it because you should, or other people think you should, or it’s the right thing to do.

You’re doing it because you love doing it, it fits who you are.

This same thing happened to me with doing The Work of Byron Katie.

At the beginning, after reading Loving What Is….I got up and walked away from my couch after five minutes of trying to answer the questions in a notebook.

There was laundry to do! I don’t have time for this!

Then I went to one evening lecture by Byron Katie in my home town. Then I signed up for a weekend workshop with Katie.

Even though I loved reading Loving What Is and doing The Work in those sessions with Katie, I never seemed to sit down and do it on my own at home.

I finally went to The School for The Work…there wasn’t anyone else offering classes in The Work that I knew of in my city, or practice sessions in The Work (this was almost ten years ago).

The School lasts 9 days, and you do The Work every single day, all day long, with various exercises to help identify your thoughts and investigate your stressful beliefs.

Finally, by doing The Work, I really got the power of The Work.

And guess what happened after I went to The School?

I’d find myself upset, sad, frightened and remember to do The Work…..but not always take the full amount of time out to complete it.

The only way I kept going with it, steadily, was to find partners who would facilitate me and I would facilitate them.

We made appointments.

I had one wonderful partner for two years, every single Monday, and we did The Work for nearly two hours every time we traded facilitations.

The Work, just like meditation (it is actually a form of meditation on the mind and what its doing) is not so easy to begin to do as a practice, if you’re busy living a full life like so many people are.

You may need to get the hang of it before it sticks.

You may need to schedule it in as a top priority, right into your calendar, so you make the time to do it.

That’s what Summer Camp for The Mind is for.

It’s an easy way to begin putting The Work into your schedule, for a fraction of the cost of a full course or individual sessions.

It’s a way to pick a time, just two days per month are necessary (but more are available for no extra charge if you want them).

You call in at the appointed time, for 90 minutes, and the group does The Work.

I’ll facilitate you. You don’t have to do it “right” or know anything fancy.

Experienced people and beginners will all be there, everyone is welcome.

You’ll pick a situation you’ve found uncomfortable, or terrifying, and write a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on it (you’ll learn separately all about how to fill this out if you don’t know already) and then we’ll practice The Work.

Like meditation, all you need is willingness, an eagerness to understand yourself, and an open mind.

If I could do this, anyone can. You can too. You can question your mind and change your world.

June Summer Camp starts in two days.

You’ll join an online forum immediately (I’ll set you up in a googlegroup) and then live calls will begin on Monday.

You pick your favorite call-in group: (Monday 4 pm, Tuesday 8 am, or Thursday 9:30 am).

Each group is limited to 20 people maximum live participants. But you can listen to all the groups, all three days, at any time if you are enrolled in Summer Camp.

You only pay $97 for one whole month.

The savings to facilitated inquiry in this unique Summer Camp format is extensive. Normal classes are $395 for two months, and the equivalent fee for solo sessions would be far more.

If you’re ready to give The Work more time in your life in a light, easy way through the summer (like camp!) then Join Me.

Let’s do this together.

I can’t wait to meet you.

To sign up now for June, click here: undefined

To learn more about it, click HERE.

“Do The Work for breakfast” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

What If Illness Were Not An Enemy?

Oh boy, very bad head cold and fever.

The sensations are strange and intriguing in the body. Hot cheeks, hot forehead, when I get up from bed and return, the bed still feels strangely hot where I was laying before.

And the swollen glands in the throat, thick and aching. Then the completely stuffed up nose.

The funny thing is that although there are quite a few things I can’t really do today…or so I think…I don’t think about it every moment. I go in and out of being aware that I’m even sick.

Everyone does this!

Something difficult happens, a physical ailment, an accident, a tough situation….

….and even as that situation is happening your attention is sometimes elsewhere. You might go to sleep, or go to the bathroom, or get a glass of water.

For example, I thought at one point “I need to take some medicine for this fever and throat pain”.

And then I kept writing.

Forty-five minutes passed, then I did get up and get ibuprofen, so apparently medicine happened.

But it almost didn’t even matter. I was completely engrossed in my writing, then feeling it, then not feeling it again.

Where did the swollen glands, hurting throat, and sickness go in those moments?

What is this illness anyway? Is it really illness?

I am sick. Is it true?

Yes. This has happened every so often to me and to people I know since I was a kid. It’s called a bad cold. Or the flu maybe.

Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you’re sick?

Weird question, right?

But I find the answer is “no”.

I can’t absolutely know that what this is for, what it’s doing, what is meant by it. Maybe it’s a fact that I have a fever, but not necessarily a bad thing, or an alarming or disappointing or unhappy thing.

How do you react when you believe you’re sick?

Call the Fire Department! Emergency!

Cancel plans or worry about canceling plans.

Maybe you hold strong, reinforce with medicines, keep steady. Maybe you get anxious, read about your illness on the internet, research, get obsessive. Think about the future, and the past.

What you could do, what you should have done.

But who would you be without the thought that you are sick?

“Both pleasure and pain are projections, and it takes a clear mind to understand that. After inquiry, the experience of pain changes. The joy that was always beneath the surface of pain is primary now, and the pain is underneath it. People who do The Work stop fearing pain. They relax into it. They watch it come and go, and they see that it always comes and goes at the perfect moment.” ~ Byron Katie

Without the thought (and we’re not talking about denial here) I take vitamin C, I drink lots of water and tea, I lie in bed, I close my eyes, I sleep during the day.

And I feel deep peace. Like all is incredibly well. I guess there was no need to go to dance tonight. I breathe with my mouth open.

I turn the thought around: I am well.

This is what a body does. It responds.

I also notice this body is not who “I” am. It is doing its thing, and this “I” that is the silent center that’s always been here is entirely well.

It doesn’t really have a sick/well viewpoint, you know what I mean?

And, despite this condition called “sick” I had an initial interview for a presentation I’ll be a part of, I wrote Grace Notes, I taught my money class, I did some more planning for Summer Camp for The Mind, I applied for a cool program online, I helped my teenager figure out which bus to take.

Ha ha!

“There is no greater illusion than fear, no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself, no greater misfortune than having an enemy. Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.” ~ Tao Te Ching #46

Even if the enemy is sickness.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you’re wanting to do The Work on pain, sickness or physical trauma…although it sounds kind of goofy, join Summer Camp. We’ll have good, solid rounds of facilitated Work in all areas, 3 days per week, and Q and A online via email. It will be liberating!

 

Stop Your Nightmare With Understanding

A long time ago a beautiful inquirer began to work with me after she had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.

At that time, she was one of the first people I worked with on painful thoughts born out of her experience.

I had cancer before myself. Also a rare type, mine was a sarcoma of the interstitial skin on my thigh…with a really weird medical name that I’ve never been able to pronounce.

I remember that moment when I had the most fear.

In the doctor’s office, having the stitches removed, when the doctor said “I’ll just take these stitches out from the biopsy and then you can get dressed and then we’ll talk about the results.”

She’s waiting to talk to me about the results she received from my biopsy?

Adrenaline rush.

The core belief “I’m going to die” and that is really frightening.

Later, when I began to work with people who had cancer, or had previously had it, I thought they’d immediately want to talk about the fear of death, the terror of losing health, deteriorating, feeling physical pain.

But almost everyone who has ever come to talk with me after having cancer (even if they currently have it) has had the very same thoughts that all of us have when we’re healthy.

  • What will people think?
  • Will the people I encounter on this journey be kind?
  • Will my kids, employees, neighbors, friends, partner be OK with this?
  • Did I do something wrong?
  • What will it be like when I die?

The mind seems to be concerned with these questions, and concerned with forgetting about them too. Since there aren’t any clear, known answers….the problem-solving mind really doesn’t like that very much.

But when a diagnosis enters your life, you don’t forget quite as easily. It’s in your face, it has more import somehow.

You look.

It’s an incredible opportunity. You can do this inquiry today no matter what kind of health condition you’re in…since we’re all eventually dying.

So….is it true that people may think poorly of you, or avoid you in life? Is it true that you need people to be kind? Do you have to worry about the people close to you if you leave?

Is it possible you did something wrong? Do you need to know what it will be like when you die?

Apparently not.

If you answered yes to anything, notice this one, and ask yourself if it is absolutely true.

My client long ago had the thought that other people judge her poorly, maybe avoid her, say fake nice things to her. She felt very alone. So painful!

How do you react when you believe the thought that people may think thoughts about you that are frightening or unfavorable? What happens when you worry about those you love and what will happen to them if you go away, or have a problem?

And that gripping thought that you must have done something wrong, yikes!

Who would you be without these thoughts?

Sit very still and feel that question. You can still hear the chatter, but imagine who you’d be without believing it.

Without any thoughts about what will happen in the future, even in two hours, or what other people are thinking that’s mean or frightening…

…you may feel a rest and relaxation that is unlike anything you’ve ever known.

You may notice that for this instant, you are OK. You can handle what’s happening, and something else is ultimately handling it and it’s not really up to you.

“Understand your nightmare for what it is, and it will stop; then you will wake up to reality. Understand your false beliefs and they will drop; then you will know the taste of happiness.” ~ Anthony De Mello

Turning the thoughts around:

  • Whatever people think is absolutely fine
  • Every person I encounter will contribute to my enlightenment
  • My kids, friends, employees, neighbors and partner will be completely OK
  • Did I do something right?
  • What is it like as I live?

What if these were exciting, and just as true, or truer?

“God, as I use the word, is another name for what is. I always know God’s intention: It’s exactly what is in every moment.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’re struggling with inquiry in your life and allowing what is, and would like guidance in doing it…

…I am here for you.

I love facilitating people through their situations, their painful beliefs.

Every person who arrives to do inquiry is a gift on my own path.

This summer, I’m giving ample opportunity to people who would love regular call-in times, open 90 minute sessions for inquiry, at pre-set hours all summer.

I’m calling it Summer Camp because it’s a time to rest in inquiry, relax, let the process unfold as a dance for you, answering the questions, following the un-doing.

I never took the time to really inquire into my own thoughts about life and death until I began to lose things I believed were really scary to lose.

You can start inquiring when things are terrifying, or long before, it doesn’t matter.

Someone just wrote to ask if Summer Camp will be crowded.

It is limited to 20 people per live session, so the answer is “no”. You will get facilitated time, focused attention, and find awesome partners to trade facilitation sessions.

Join fellow inquirers on a journey inward and you may find yourself becoming lighter, lighter, and lighter.

Even about things like cancer or dying.

Much love, Grace

You’re Supposed To Have Fun On Saturday Night

This past weekend included a Monday holiday in the USA, so we had a long weekend.

I actually put down my computer, set aside skype, mostly put away my calendar, and did not work with clients for One Whole Day.

I must admit, I have a returning whirling dervish attitude towards getting stuff done sometimes.

Like a wave of a feeling, it comes on and shouts “Don’t dink around, accomplish stuff, go, go, go!”

(Do you remember the children’s book “Go Dog, Go?” Well, it’s like that, only not so many parties.)

Even though I didn’t put so many clients on my schedule, on the weekend afternoon I set aside what I thought would be two hours to do website updates, learn a new software program, and do accounting.

My husband and I had talked of going to a movie that night, a somewhat rare treat.

I rolled through the accounting, I devoted time to learning….two hours went by like that (snap).

Then I started working on some stuff for Year of Inquiry and Summer Camp and then next time I looked up it was 6:30 pm.

Getting kind of close to not being able to go to an earlier movie.

Husband knocked on the door and said in his incredibly kind way “are you free?” I said no, maybe in a little while.

The next time I looked up it was 9 pm. Then 10:15. Too late for any movies.

Then it was 11:30 pm, still working, and Saturday night, over.

I had accomplished a lot, but had a wave of disappointment. Wasn’t this evening supposed to be spent having time with my partner, enjoying the fantasy story of a movie?

When I was a teenager, we used to say we were “vegging out”. Like a vegetable.

Just….doing nothing. Hanging out. Playing, talking, lying around.

Oh those days, where have they gone? Where did my Saturday night just go?

Dang it.

I should have stopped and taken a break. That’s what life is for. Enjoying and having fun. Jeez. What’s wrong with me. I’m becoming a workaholic. Why can’t I just chill?

Is it true?

Yes. It’s almost midnight and I started this project at 3 in the afternoon!

Can I absolutely know that it’s true, that I should have stopped and interrupted that creative, intense flow?

No.

But I wanted to see Spiderman! I missed out. My very patient husband kinda wanted to spend time with me and I with him.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Frantic. A sinking feeling. Not enough time on this planet for it all. I can’t do it fast enough. Quick, quick, needa get it done.

Tired.

So who would you be without that belief that what you did prevented you from doing something else more fun? Or that what you chose eliminated something else, at all?

There’s the picture of a dinner out plus Spiderman night, and the actual reality of a torrent of creative energy and tasks unfolding.

I know very well that when I believe something else should have happened than what actually happened….

….it’s rather disturbing.

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie

Even if I think I am suffering because of ME and my own choices and my own propensity to over-do things, or because of my own mind being very one-tracked at times.

Thinking I did it wrong and that there’s someone to blame (me) creates trouble.

I turn the thoughts around: should NOT have stopped and taken any break. That’s what life is for. I was enjoying and having fun. Yay! Things are right with me. I’m becoming a joy-aholic. I have fun on Saturday nights doing anything! 

I didn’t miss out.

Wow. That’s actually all very true. It’s all truer.

“When you say, I enjoy doing this or that, it is really a misperception. It makes it appear that the joy comes from what you do, but that is not the case. Joy does not come from what you do, it flows into what you do and thus into this world from deep within you.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

I love catching even these tiny quick moments of fleeting disappointment and turning them around.

Hand-clapping wonderful!

And the next day….dance, meditation, talking with family, friends, vacuuming, music, singing, Spiderman.

Much love, Grace