There is a saying which goes “there may be a gift in the wound“.
This is helpful for looking at what we see as a wound, and finding something useful about it…anything, even the smallest tiniest thing. When we can do this, we have to admit that nothing is 100% tragedy.
I have spent some time today, in response to a wonderful inquirer who asked me to do this exercise with her, to find something genuine and authentically useful about our injuries.
My knee was hurt last fall, and operated on in March. What could be good about that?
- Several friends did internet research for me, I learned all about knee joints
- I got to experience a truly amazing high-tech operating room
- there were about 10 people, literally, present to help during my 20 minute procedure who all introduced themselves to me and shook my hand
- my soon-to-be husband was not worried in the least, available, and seemed to love being of service–driving me there and back, taking care of necessities
- it was very still and quiet in my house, lying flat on my back for a day or two
- I feel more tender, gentle and accepting of my legs—most of the time
- I realize how much fun I can have dancing without squatting or bending the knee far
Stephen and Ondrea Levine have studied and assisted people with dying for their entire careers, writing books on dying and meditation and mindfulness.
Stephen says, to paraphrase, that illness may be a shamanic apprenticeship….in other words, there may be a gift in illness. He is clear to say that he would not wish illness on anyone, but he would wish for people that any illness they get would be a teaching.
I had a cancer tumor on my leg. Cancer appears to run rampant in my family.
I do know one very profound gift that seems to pop into my mind about this situation. That is, my life is short and sort of doesn’t matter. I know that may sound weird. But it doesn’t matter in a good way.
“When you are ill or disabled, do not feel that you have failed in some way, do not feel guilty. Do not blame life for treating you unfairly, but do not blame yourself either. All that is resistance….Whenever any kind of disaster strikes, or something goes seriously “wrong” – illness, disability, loss of home or fortune or of a socially defined identity, breakup of a close relationship, death or suffering of a loved one, or your own impending death – know that there is another side to it, that you are just one step away from something incredible: a complete alchemical transmutation of the base metal of pain and suffering into gold. That one step is called surrender.”~Eckhart Tolle
Surrender does not mean, I might add, to lie down on the floor and do nothing. I used to think that’s what it meant a lot of the time. No.
It means I am here with this moment as it is, I do not fight against this situation, this experience. Here I am with an imperfect knee, a hurting hip, a history of cancer, skin that looks older and has wrinkles, hair going gray at the temples.
Here I am with a mind that thinks “I don’t have much time left” or “Well, that was fun (my life)” or “it’s all down hill from here” or “I did nothing of use to the planet”.
I have to chuckle…I can’t believe any of this anymore. If you inquire, you’ll find you can’t believe it either.
What I do see is that when some part of me is complaining…thinking about how something should be other than it is (like my knee) then I’m directing a lot of warring thoughts to the situation.
It’s like I’m shaking my fist at the Universe and shouting “What gives?! Explain!! I hate this! So annoying!”
But allowing everything to be the way it is, not fighting against it, brings peace into this present place, right now. Just a big question mark. Not worry, anger, despair.
“Where I live is ‘what do I know about what is best for me?’ If I have cancer, that’s fine with me and if I don’t have cancer, that’s fine with me”.~Byron Katie
I watched Katie do this work with a man a few years ago, who had cancer growing, and actually found reasons for why this was a good thing.
Amazing world, amazing universe. Thank you illness and injury for bringing it on.
Love, Grace
| Byron Katie: I want the cancer to stop growing. |