Have you ever noticed that even when you know a ton about yourself, you’ve been around for awhile, you might even admit that you’ve got a few words of wisdom and some great life experience, that you still dive right into a whole stream of critical thoughts about someone or some situation?
It’s like I see someone, and for some strange reason my mind zips to some petty criticism, like “she’s such a chatterbox” or “he’s a pompous twit”.
Really mature, right?
It seems like the mind is busy with little judgments and evaluations, busy busy busy like a little bee just buzzing away.
The difference I notice now after doing the Work for awhile is that I can FEEL the stress.. then often, the HUMOR, of making these sweeping evaluations and analyses.
The tricky part is if I don’t realize how funny my mind is being, if it’s a little too close to something important for me and I’m worried or nervous, or angry, or sad about the way that person is…..then I start saying things to myself like this:
- “Jeez, I thought you’d be over this kind of critical thinking by now!”
- “Gosh, you don’t sound very enlightened, you better get a grip!”
- “Hold yourself together! Other people will see how emotional you are, and how immature!”
- “I can’t believe you let yourself get angry at your 12 year old! Who is the grown up here?!”
Yes, I must confess I’ve gotten VERY mad at my teenage daughter. She’s been the subject of a few worksheets, since age five.
But when I start expecting myself to be someone different, better, calmer, non-critical, and a fabulous NVC communicator….oh boy. Then the picture I have of myself is even worse, and I get really sad and despairing about being this imperfect, unspiritual person who has a LONG WAY TO GO.
(In case you don’t know, NVC means Non-Violent Communication, the amazing method of conversing with others taught by Marshall Rosenberg).
Instead, the best way to deal with severe self-criticism is to start doing The Work. Give yourself some love. “I blew it, I should not have eaten all that food…I will never get over this…I’m a hopeless case”.
Write it all down and then start questioning it.
One of my most favorite spiritual teachers, Adyashanti, says this: “the only real block is in a Me that has blocks. The Me is always going to perceive itself as having blocks.”
Knowing this, I can say now, “oh hello critical mind…nice to see you today!
Want a cup of tea?!”
And we sit down together and investigate.
Love, Grace