He didn’t support me

This past weekend, I was traveling in a most dramatic area of the world. Twelve thousand feet above sea level. Wild blue skies and howling wind. Aspens tree flickering. Sun burning.

Dramatic.

But not only because of the space and environment.

Yes, most people think its a dramatic area because the temperature can change 20 degrees in an instant if the rain clouds descend, and the elevation is so high in some places there are no trees and only sparkling granite and tiny plants that hug the earth tightly.

The place is dramatic to me because I spent lots of time there.

With my first husband. Who was born in the same state.

He left me in 2005.

While on the trip, I watched the images rush through my mind of sad times, happy times, connection with his family, thinking I should have appreciated him more, feeling soooo nostalgic.

I even said some of his words and jokes out loud.

They popped in as associations from all those previous visits to his family, his stomping grounds, his past where I learned so much from him about his life….as we do when we’re dating and falling in love and marrying.

How odd to notice the entire arch of the relationship didn’t go anywhere near what I would have expected.

I suppose we never do expect divorce.

So is it true he didn’t support me? Is it true he left me (the never-ending repetitive story that isn’t actually 100% true)?

No.

Who would I be without this thought, even as I remember him like he was sitting right next to me?

Noticing the sameness of the town, the road, the red cliffs, the dry air.

Noticing the different place, the new large hotel room where I was staying, the current friends I met there, the loving husband I had at my side (my second husband).

Without any thought about what was “support” and what wasn’t “support” I was watching, entranced with the fascinating current updated story.

Turning the thought around: I didn’t support myself, I didn’t support him, he DID support me.

Wow, I can so find examples for all of these.

I didn’t support myself when I said I couldn’t handle him leaving, that I couldn’t make it on my own, that I couldn’t be successful, that I’d never love again.

I didn’t support him when I didn’t ask him how he really felt, but isolated and shut down, and went off on other weird and unusual adventures and retreats (they were all useful).

He DID support me by doing what he did. I came out stronger, more clear, more appreciative…and in fact I can now consider his departure which felt so difficult as one of the most key highlight important points of my entire life.

I learned to stand on my own two feet. I woke up to reality in so many ways.

I can’t thank that man enough, the one who divorced me. He supported me to do what I always wanted to do: calm down.

(If you’d like to view my facebook video on this work from yesterday…head to my page Work With Grace and watch. The link is right here.

“We say be with me! Be with me! That’s not unconditional love, that’s taking prisoners…..I invite you to wake yourself up.” ~ Byron Katie