It didn’t take long upon arrival home from The School for The Work to have a big thought hit me like a small truck load of bricks.
What we thought was a clog in the washing machine drain, with three different plumbers coming over to clean the blockage out, turned out to be a break in the sewer line.
The proposed bill to fix the sewer?
$13,090.
Now, I saw “we” but this is not technically my house. It’s my son and daughter’s house they inherited from their dad when he died a little over a year ago.
I cheered them on in keeping the house. What a wonderful idea!
My son moved into the basement apartment and with a whole lot of my help, we spruced up the upper floor like crazy with fresh paint and new fixtures and carpet….and rented it out.
Six months later this happens.
How do you react when you get an unexpected huge bill?
(If you want to watch me speak this inquiry on facebook live, you can see these on Mondays right here.)
In this case a pipe appears to be broken, but this can happen with medical situations, accidents, legal matters.
Something needs to be fixed, whether it’s a car, a broken bone, cancer, a dead refrigerator or toilet, a cracked sewer….and BAM.
You “have to” pay.
Is it true?
Find your honest answer. Notice the feeling of “no choice” in the matter.
Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Well, in my case it is not true at all. We haven’t accepted the bid proposal yet, there are already other options, and someone just said insurance might cover it if it’s tree branches (which is highly possible).
What happens we you think you have to pay, though?
Victim Thinking! This shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have to do this. I’m burdened, this is BAD, I don’t wanna.
Thoughts like “I should have done it differently in the past, and then this could have been avoided.”
Isn’t the mind bonkers? It loves to come up with alternate life stories based on changing a moment in the past that’s already over.
I notice also I feel threatened when I believe the thought that something shouldn’t cost that much, or I have to pay it, or it shouldn’t be happening.
I believe I won’t have enough, haven’t had enough, need to be careful about having enough, and won’t have enough later on in the future.
It’s almost paranoid.
(Drop the “almost”).
Who would I be without the belief “this shouldn’t be happening” and “I HAVE TO PAY”?
Certainly not a victim or a tiny small entity with no say or no clarity.
Without these beliefs I feel empowered and curious, actually. I feel aware, fascinated.
I also notice there’s nothing happening except numbers on a piece of paper called a Proposal. It’s no big deal.
I even remember this happening once before on my own second house I lived in as a young married woman with small children, when the whole entire septic system failed and it cost $20,000 to fix in the very first year of living in the house. I remember the torment and analysis of the funding, and the refinancing of the house to find the money to pay.
I also remember there was always enough food to eat, the house always worked to live in, there was safety, comfort, life went on.
Maybe I’m the one who is supposed to take care of sewage. Why not?
I can do it. I’m good at it.
I love The Work, for example. Taking care of the sewage of the mind. The muck and dirt the thought patterns flash as warning signs, as visitors from beyond.
Nothing terrible has happened. Turned around: all this shouldn’t have happened in my thinking. I don’t “have to” pay. I’m not burdened. I “get to” pay, if I do. We don’t even know yet what’s being paid, and to whom. LOL.
And it’s unlikely the amount will come to $13,090.
I get to contribute to the care of an old house and be the one to improve it and make it beautiful.
It’s a privilege, a joy.
Why not me?
I love the feeling of jumping in, helping something get fixed. I know that even when I haven’t had the money, step by step I’ve figured out where to get it–especially when my mind is free from all that negative thinking about not having enough.
I’m looking forward to the adventure ahead of fixing a sewer (again). Negotiation skills will be honed. Questions will be asked. People will be invited in who are experts.
That’s who I am without my story. It’s strangely exciting.
Even thrilling.
But even if you’re afraid and you have a big unexpected bill landing on you….notice how safe you are, how quiet.
Wow.
Who would you be without your story?
“There are two ways to sit here: suffering or not. And then if I reach out for the cup of tea and I pour it and I spill it: “Oh my God! Life is tough–I failed again.” But you know, how else can the tea spill? I’m needed for that. When the tea spills, that’s when I’m a success. When it doesn’t spill, that’s when I’m a success. I’m doing my job.” ~ Byron Katie in Who Would You Be Without Your Story?
Much love, Grace