As you read this, I’m probably already on an airplane to Los Angeles, with my final destination in Ojai, California and the School for The Work.
Two years ago when I went to the school to be on staff, I hadn’t been in 11 years and I was sooooo excited.
It was a magnificent adventure.
The rolling green grounds of the inn, with lemon and orange trees and white stucco mission-style buildings, the bright sage-smell in the air. Every day brought a new scene, a brand new person to do The Work with, a new encounter, old friends I got to know in a new way.
Moments in the big conference room for the all-school sessions, a short walk out on the grounds, a close conversation with an inquirer; listening, laughing, following, noticing.
And….well….fires.
Something I had never seen or thought about much before. Fires were burning in the near vicinity. The very first night, an evacuation plan was being formed. And quickly deemed unnecessary.
All I ever actually saw of an actual fire in October 2017 was a scorched blackened area off the highway with a little smoke wisping up to the sky, as I gazed out from the large shuttle bus window at the very end of the school.
Other than that, the only fire I ever saw was in my mind.
So this year, I decided to check the maps on the google.
Oh, look at that. Icons of orange and yellow flames on the map near Los Angeles, flames in the hills not far from Los Angeles, flames between Los Angeles and Ojai, and many flames in northern California.
I saw also that the whole area, including Ojai, is considered some kind of red high-watch hot zone.
Everything’s incredibly dry, the air quality is probably bad….
….and….they’re off!
I’m referring to the images. Thoughts. In my own head.
Like a horse galloping ahead, or a whole herd of them stampeding (kind of like I saw on one video about a fire somewhere in California, no idea where–there were horses running out of flames).
Then thoughts like “this will be a hassle”.
Or much worse “this is very dangerous”.
It’s fascinating to take in information and data, record it in the mind (which happens so quickly) and watch the image-i-nation.
Image-i-nation. A ‘nation’ of images rises up, with possibilities about the future, and reminders of the past.
I can barely start believing all the thoughts about fire danger.
But.
I’m imagining the dread or loss of people who live near these areas. I look at the pictures in my head which look remarkably just exactly like the few pictures I’ve seen on news reels of red fires burning near freeways and fire fighters spraying water on scorched earth. I’ve heard from a few clients who have been evacuated.
It’s not exactly like I’m thinking “oh good, I hope I get to see some of this action!”
I’d rather not see any fires.
Is it true, though, that while there is potential danger (self-inquiry is not about denial); I’m not safe, or I wasn’t safe in the past, or I won’t be safe in the future?
No.
It’s true this body will die at some point.
But is that to be considered proof of lack of safety? Do I need to be worried today, this moment now, because something terrible MIGHT happen?
No.
I notice when something dramatic has apparently happened in my life, I’ve responded. Often there’s an automatic response, and then the thoughts all pour in later, after the thing is already over.
The mind, although it seems very quick, is actually quite slow. Something happens, and THEN it starts thinking about it.
How do I react when I have a thought that something uncomfortable or terrible bad might happen in the future?
This doesn’t have to be about fires.
What do you notice happens when you anticipate something might occur that’s not safe?
I secretly hope it’s cancelled. I avoid the danger zone. I avoid that person. I think “the world is safe in the following areas (x, y, z) but not in these areas (a, b, c)” and I make sure to avoid (a, b, c).
I talk to myself internally; “Why’d you decide to go now? You should have known it would be fire season.”
I picture an alternative version of life, sitting on my couch drinking tea, enjoying my family when they have a day off on Veteran’s Day holiday (11/11) and we’re all at home rather than me being in California.
I list even more benefits quickly of staying at home, like earning income, so I start seeing advantages for not going besides not being burnt to death.
LOL.
Who would I be without this dreadful thought that something horrible involving fires could happen?
This is never about pretending I’m not scared, or that fire isn’t dangerous. It’s about taking in reality with awareness, openness, ready to respond clearly.
Without the thought, I carefully check the maps and messages. I allow the data to come in to my awareness, I gather information, and I trust the process. I see visions of climate change, witnessing, wondering about the world.
Without the thought, I’m doing laundry and gathering my little suitcase together and considering what I need to bring. Not much.
Without the thought, I’m wondering about all the sweet people coming to question their fearful minds at this event, and how amazing it is to do that. Feeling open and very relaxed. Thrilled to learn recently of more people I know who will be there.
Willing, calm, ready.
Feeling very lucky and grateful. Knowing there will be several hundred people with smart ideas and resources all ready to help each other out if something happens.
Without the belief in lack of safety, I’m aware of other mishaps or emergencies I’ve been a part of that I’ve survived. I’m even appreciating the existence of fear and how it serves a purpose.
Turning the story around: nothing dangerous will happen, whatever happens will be just right. Nothing terrible will happen. Something wonderful will happen. Only in my mind, terrible things will happen (have already happened). I am quite safe, whatever happens. Even death, for all I know–it certainly appears to be the Way of It that I’ll die.
Could these be just as true, or truer?
Who is this “I” who needs to be “safe” anyway?
If the way of it is life happens, then death happens, then life happens….I notice the privilege of even being able to think about this and be aware of it.
I notice dramatic loss, starting over again from scratch (which has happened in my own life), perspectives being burned….is not such a bad thing. It’s not easy or comfortable. And that’s OK.
What a marvel.
Speaking of fires….I recently got to speak with the delightful Margot Diskin, a facilitator of The Work who lives in France.
She shared one story about a fire she encountered herself, and to her surprise….no fear.
Much love,Grace
P.S. I’m gathering information again about your experience of eating IF you feel like it’s not peaceful. If you feel bad about your eating, your body or some foods….I’d love if you’d complete a survey for me.
There are ten questions and it should only take about ten minutes (but be as thorough as you like). This helps me continue to get better and better at working with people with compulsive or emotional eating concerns, or weight issues.
To fill out the survey (secure and anonymous) visit HERE.